Disclaimer: Characters created by Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Fil Barlow. The Spengler Twins and Charlene Zeddemore are creations of Fritz Baugh; all other original characters were created by me.

Warnings: Rated M for mild sexual content, strong language, use of a class C drug (the last I checked) and some violence in part 3.

Extreme Ghostbusters: Desire

Part 1

"Ah, Dr. Spengler." The voice seeped like warm treacle up through the hole in the floor. "I was hoping to run into you. There's something I'd like to ask you."

"Your ears pricked up just then," said Charlene Zeddemore.

She was answered with a dignified silence.

"Do you really think print is dead? Or was that just something for the movie?"

"Well, I certainly think it's dying, yes," came the voice of Egon Spengler.

"Well in that case, Dr. Spengler - over twenty years later, curiously enough - I should like to lend you a book. Would that be acceptable to you?"

"He talks a lot, doesn't he?" said Conchita Rivera. Until that point she and her younger sister Rose had both been more or less silent as they sat on the floor surrounded by crayons, blocking in the sections of adjacent pages in a colouring book.

"You're right, Chita, he does," said Charlene. "Did he talk that much when he walked you home from the bus stop yesterday, Jess?"

"I don't know, I wasn't listening," Jessica Venkman said tartly. Then, "What do you want now?" as the owner of the treacly voice sauntered into the room with a heavy looking bag slung over one shoulder.

"Good afternoon, ladies," Oz Ignacio said smoothly. "Jessica, aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?"

"No."

"I'm Charlene Zeddemore," said Charlene, trying to hide her surprise at the arrival of such an unexpectedly handsome young man. "And that's Conchita and Rose Rivera."

"Hola," Conchita said pleasantly.

"Mucho gusto encantado, señorita," said Oz.

"Oh God," muttered Jessica.

"Rose…" said Oz, looking suddenly pensive. "I don't suppose you girls are familiar with the writings of Louisa May Alcott, by any chance?"

"Little Women," Conchita said at once.

"You've read it?"

"Bits of it, in the summer. Our aunt Beth read most of it to us."

"And did you like it?" asked Oz.

"Yes," said Conchita.

"You would," said Jessica.

Oz looked at Jessica with a cocked eyebrow. "Not an Alcott fan?"

"Hell no."

"No, I didn't think you would be. Well." He began to approach the two little girls in the corner, rummaging in his bag as he walked. "Perhaps you'd be interested in this."

He pulled from the bag a paperback which immediately made Conchita smile, and even Rose seemed interested when she saw the detailed and beautifully crafted (if a little mawkish) illustration on the cover. The book looked brand new, with not a crease on the sky-blue spine. Conchita took it, looked at the picture of the little blond girl ice-skating on the front, and then turned it over in her hands.

"Her name's Rose," she noticed, her smile widening.

"I think you'll like it," said Oz. "Keep it as long as you want."

"I… thank you."

"What book did you give to Egon?" Charlene asked suddenly.

Oz turned to face her and Jessica, still wearing the amicable smile he had been directing at Conchita and Rose, and said, "Matilda."

Jessica raised her eyebrows. "You gave Roald Dahl to Egon?"

"Dahl is one of the greatest writers ever to have lived. So." Oz helped himself to a seat on the sofa, just inches away from Jessica. "You run the day-care centre here."

"I seem to, don't I?" Jessica said dryly, looking down at the magazine in her hands and deliberately avoiding his eye. "Poor kids. I used to get dumped on people when I was little - it's very unsettling."

"Then whose responsibility do you think children are?" asked Oz.

"Their mothers'."

"Really?"

"Yes. Janine's off with her brats today, and frankly I approve."

"Don't you believe that women shouldn't have to sacrifice themselves to the biological accident of being the ones to bear children?"

"Well of course I do," said Jessica. "They shouldn't have to, but they do - it's an impossible situation. If I ever have a kid, it won't be until after I make a million dollars."

"How will you make a million dollars?"

"Well I probably won't."

"Jessica," said Oz. "May I give you a book?"

Jessica looked up sharply. "You've got to be kidding."

"No, really," and Oz began rummaging around in his bag again. "It's a contemporary utopian novel by Marge Piercy called Woman on the Edge of the Time. It's heavy going, but I think you'd find it really interesting. If I give it to you, will you read it?"

"Why do you carry all of these books around with you?" asked Jessica, as Oz produced yet another immaculate, brand new paperback from his bag.

"I like books," he said simply.

"Yeah, well, I like Ben and Jerry's ice cream but I don't carry tubs of it around in a bag."

"I came here, Jessica, because I wanted to make you a present of a good book. Obviously I misfired with those flowers I gave you, but this time I flatter myself that I've got it right. I had a sort of feeling I should bring the Alcott," he added, glancing over to where Rose and Conchita were examining the handsome book together, "but I didn't really think you'd want it. So." He handed the thick paperback to Jessica. "Please accept this."

"Oh, all right, if you insist," said Jessica, who was fond of presents. She took the book and turned it over in her hands, beginning to skim-read the summary on the back.

"Everyone approaches a new book just the same, don't they?" said Oz. "You look at the cover illustration, read the title, then turn it over and read the back. And suddenly you're full of preconceptions, which may or may not be correct. They're adorable, aren't they?"

"What?" said Jessica, looking at him, and he nodded towards Conchita and Rose. "Oh, yeah, sure, if you like that sort of thing."

"They've got such huge eyes!"

"You'll see where they get them from in a moment," said Jessica, as she caught the sound of the Ecto-1 pulling into the foyer downstairs. "You might want to have another look in that bag and see what books you can lend three Ghostbusters."

"Only three?" asked Oz.

"Eduardo's not here," said Jessica. Then she lowered her voice to add, "No one's mentioned him and I don't like to ask where he is."

"Well," said Oz, "his daughters seem happy, so nothing that bad can have happened."

"I never said they were his daughters."

"Yes, well, if you remember the last time I was here, I met an Eduardo who looks a little bit like Conchita and a lot like Rose and he told me he had two daughters aged six and three. I should have been a detective, shouldn't I? Conchita; Rose?" He suddenly took his attention away from Jessica, stood up and began to walk towards the young sisters. "I'd love it if you let me read some of that to you."

"See what I mean?" Jessica hissed at Charlene, as Oz settled himself on the floor with Conchita and Rose. "He's weird!"

"He's cute, though," murmured Charlene.

"He's gorgeous - and doesn't he know it."

"Well… not so you'd notice."

Oz hadn't read very many pages of Eight Cousins by the time the three Ghostbusters appeared. As Kylie Griffin, Roland Jackson and Garrett Miller entered the room, he was proclaiming, " ' "I'm afraid of horses, and boats make me ill, and I hate boys!" And poor Rose wrung her hands at the awful prospect before her.' Oh, hello." He stopped, and smiled pleasantly when he saw a woman who had to be these girls' mother looking down at him in bewilderment. "We haven't met. I'm Oz. You must be Kylie."

Kylie's only reply was, "You don't have to do that."

"Oh, it's my pleasure," Oz smiled beatifically.

"Is that yours?" asked Kylie, nodding towards the book.

"Yes, it is, but I'm happy to lend it."

"It looks brand new."

"It is, but I really don't mind lending it - I've another at home."

Kylie blinked. "Oh."

"When is Daddy coming back?" Rose asked suddenly.

"I don't know, baby, but I don't think he can be much longer," said Kylie.

"It's amazing how a good book makes the time fly," said Oz. "Are you enjoying it?"

"Yes," said Rose.

"Me too," said Conchita. "Please keep reading."

Oz obediently took up the narrative once again, and Kylie slunk across the room towards Jessica, who was engaged in quiet conversation with Garrett and Roland.

"There's nothing I can do," Jessica was saying. "He's just shown up with this sudden obsession with lending people books."

"He said he's got another copy of that one at home," Kylie jumped in. "I don't think he intends to take that one back. Why did he even bring it, anyway?"

"He said he had a feeling he ought to," said Jessica.

"The guy's insane," Garrett decided. "You should get a restraining order or something."

"I don't like accepting gifts from him," added Kylie.

"It's Alcott in paperback," said Jessica. "It would have only cost him about ten dollars."

"But why spend money on my children at all? Oh." She had seemed all set to have a conversation, but then suddenly moved off as Eduardo appeared in the doorway, and she started dragging him towards the stairs to the top floor.

"Hm," Jessica said succinctly. "She's keen."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"How did it go?" asked Kylie.

"Um…"

"Oh, you absolute fuck wit!" Suddenly all the concern was gone from her voice. "You chickened out, didn't you!"

"It's embarrassing, Kylie," Eduardo said desperately. "What if it was you?"

"What?" squeaked Kylie. "How can you say that to me? You know I've had smear tests, and you were there both times I gave bir- "

"Yeah, well, you've always been braver than me," Eduardo said irritably.

Kylie pursed her lips shut, took some deep breaths through her nose, and then said, "I know you're hoping it'll just go away by itself - but you have to believe me, honey, that it won't. You need to get it checked out or it's just going to get worse."

He didn't say anything.

"I still think Egon would - "

"No!"

"Well then you're going to have to go back to Dr. Legg. I know it's embarrassing, but you'll just have to put up with it for a few minutes, and then he'll prescribe something and… well, then it'll start to get better."

"I don't need a doctor," said Eduardo. "It's not that bad."

"I wish you'd at least let me see it," said Kylie.

Eduardo sighed heavily. "What good would it do?"

"What harm would it do? Eduardo, as I really don't believe that you'd make it up as an excuse for not wanting to have sex anymore, I can think of only one reason why you'd refuse to let me see it. I think you're understating the problem, and you know that if I see how bad it really is I'll force you to realise that you're going to make yourself extremely ill if you don't do something about it!"

Eduardo scowled at her. "That's ridiculous."

"Yeah?" Kylie folded her arms across her chest, cocked her head to one side and gave him a challenging look. "Prove it."

"What, here?"

"Yes."

"I'm going back downstairs now."

"But - "

He completely ignored the very fact that she wanted to speak, and knocked her slightly as he passed her - whether deliberately or not, she couldn't tell. Kylie turned and followed him downstairs, where she saw him being met by Conchita and Rose, the former asking, "Are you ok?"

"'Course, honey, I'm fine," said Eduardo.

"Eduardo," Kylie said sternly.

He turned to face her, and she beckoned him across the room with an expression on her face that she had only perfected since becoming a mother. She took him right into the far corner, pulled him as close to her as she could and murmured through her teeth in a conscious effort not to move her lips too much, "Do not lie to them."

"I'm not lying."

"You're misleading them. You are clearly not fine, and if you die of some sort of horrible skin disease I'm going to be the one who has to explain to two distraught little girls why their extremely sick father let them think he was fine!"

"What do you want me to say to them?" hissed Eduardo.

"Just tell them you need to go to the doctor at least one more time. I'm going to make you another appointment."

"You've got no right to do that. You are not my mother."

"Now there's an idea. She'd soon knock some sense into you - I'll call her instead."

"Oh, now you're just being childish."

"Am I? If Carlota coming round with her bottle of skin ointment is what it'll take to make you see a doctor…"

He turned and walked away from her again, this time almost tripping over Rose as she popped up to ask, "What are you fighting about?"

"Just the doctor," Eduardo said wearily. "Don't worry about it, Rosie."

"We need you to read this," Rose suddenly changed the subject, holding Oz's copy of Eight Cousins up to her father. "Oz is going."

"Oh." Eduardo took the book from his daughter's hands and looked blankly at the cover. "Right, ok."

Oz, meanwhile, was leaning over the back of the sofa and saying to Jessica, "May I make a suggestion?"

"What if I said no?" she said, not looking up from the thick paperback that she had already begun to read.

"Indulge me," said Oz. "Please."

"Go on then."

"If you decide you want to discuss that book with me, may we do it over dinner?"

"Ah," said Jessica. "That sounds like the beginning of a deal. All right, we can - on condition that if I don't want to discuss the book, you quit pestering me."

Oz gave her a soft-as-feathers smile as he said, "You really want me to?"

"I do."

"Very well then, Miss Venkman, I agree to your terms."

"I thought you were leaving."

"I am. Do enjoy your reading, Jessica. Charlene, Ghostbusters - goodbye to you all. Conchita and Rose - adios. Do let me know how you enjoy the rest of the book."

Once he had left, Conchita went and tugged on Jessica's sleeve to get her attention and said, "Why don't you want to go out with him? He's really nice."

"Honestly, Conchita," said Jessica. "One classic novel and you're anyone's. Come back to me in five or six years and I'll teach you a thing or two about boys."

"Let me save you the trouble," Charlene said dryly. "Listen to this, Conchita. Vampires and demons: good. Nice attractive boys with a passion for literature: bad."

"Shut up, Charlene," said Jessica, who was already back in the book.

"You're enjoying that book, though."

She snapped the novel shut. "No I'm not." But she was reading it again in five minutes.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"You're a Neanderthal." Celine leaned back against the pillows, watching her lover as she pored over a thick hardback at the desk in the far corner. "What is it again that you don't like about men? No, wait, I remember - it's their baseness, lack of depth and the fact that their entire focus centres around the penis."

"It's a start," Wanda said.

"Right," Celine said dryly. "So what's the next step?"

"I'm working on that."

"Y'know, if I'd suggested that you would have probably refused to do it because it was sinking to his level or something."

"Well it's done now," said Wanda, "so there's no point going on about it. And anyway, it was a good idea. We want to hurt him, and you know what men are like."

"Do I?" said Celine. "Well, by your standards I probably do. Wanda, when was the last time you actually had a conversation with a man?"

"This morning."

"What, with Oz?"

"Ah-ha."

"I meant a normal man."

A knock came at the door. Wanda looked up, and said, "Come in."

"Hello, ladies," said Oz, as he let himself into the room, carrying in his left hand a worn old Barbie-sized doll with brown hair and the look of a tough life about her. "Wanda, may I ask you a question about this doll?"

"I told you everything I know about it," said Wanda. "Jessica's half-brother's English stepmother gave it to her."

"And what about between then and now?" said Oz. "Did it, by any chance, pass into the hands of a new owner? Or even two?"

"What makes you ask that?" Wanda said levelly.

"Only that I was getting some conflicting information from it. It seemed to have belonged to at least two girls who seem the very antitheses of one another - and then I go to the firehouse and discover that it is in fact the little Riveras who enjoy sentimental Victorian children's stories. They're really sweet girls, you know. Both very pretty."

"You've been to the firehouse?" asked Celine. "Did you see Eduardo?"

"Briefly."

"How did he seem?"

"I refuse to act as spy for you," said Oz. Then he held up the doll and looked mournfully down at it. "Oh dear, little dolly, it looks like I'm going to have to return you to your rightful owners."

"They had hundreds of the things," said Wanda. "They won't miss one."

"I don't entirely approve of stealing from children," said Oz. "She has been useful, though - I'm grateful to you, Wanda. How are you guys finding Eduardo's earring?"

"Useful, I think," said Wanda. "But it would help if you told us how he was."

"I have not changed my position on that," said Oz. "In associating with the Ghostbusters and their offspring, I am only trying to make a new friend."

"I thought you were trying to get into bed with a teenage girl," said Wanda.

"She's too young, I think," said Oz. "And besides, I don't tend to desire people."

"What?" said Celine. "Come on, Oz, that's ridiculous - everybody desires people."

"No," said Oz, "not everybody. I do get a lot of sexual energy from this doll, though. Either those two little girls are disturbingly precocious, or Jessica's growing up fast."

"Mightn't it be the stepmother?" asked Celine.

"Well," said Oz, "it might. Anyway, I'll leave you to your, um… plotting."

He left, shutting the door behind him, and Celine hissed, "Wanda, I'm not so sure I feel comfortable living with him. He's really weird."

"He's liveable with," Wanda returned shortly. "And besides, where else are we gonna find a landlord who lets us use our room to wreak magical revenge on somebody?"

"Doesn't it occur to you to wonder how an eighteen year old with no job and apparently no parents came to have a two-bedroom house in the first place? There's something sinister about it, if you ask me."

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic. They probably just died of something and left him the house. Now listen, I think I know what I'd like to do next. Come and have a look."

"Does it hurt his family too?" asked Celine. "I'm not so sure that's fair, you know."

"Celine, we are trying to deprive him of his family. It's bound to hurt them a little bit at first - how many more times do we have to have this conversation?"

"Why did you stop him being able to make love to Kylie?"

"Don't be stupid, Celine - it's a punishment."

"It doesn't just punish him, though, does it?"

"Of course it does," said Wanda. "Kylie doesn't need to go anywhere near a penis in order to be sexually fulfilled."

"Ah-ha," said Celine. "And you're just trying to make sure she knows that, right?"

Wanda sighed heavily. "What are you talking about?"

"I know there's another way. I don't like concentrating all of our efforts on the marriage - I think we should just focus on him."

"We are!"

"We're not!"

"Do you want them to stay together?" Wanda asked hotly.

"I don't want to deliberately split them up," said Celine.

"You're going to have to stop arguing with me," said Wanda. "If you and I aren't cooperating, this isn't going to work."

"Then maybe you should start listening to some of my ideas," Celine retorted.

"I want him in physical and emotional pain," said Wanda. "So do you."

"And you want Kylie free of him."

"Well… yes."

"Because you're jealous."

"What?"

"You've stopped them from having sex because you wish you were in his place."

"Oh don't be ridiculous," said Wanda. "Celine, haven't we had this conversation?"

"So it's ridiculous, is it?" said Celine. "Fine. Prove it. Don't do anything else to their marriage just yet. Let me find something that'll hurt him as much. Or more."

Wanda scowled. "I shouldn't have to prove anything to you!"

"You know what I didn't like about being in relationships with men?" Celine went on hotly. "They were always so domineering - they wanted to be the one in charge."

"Oh, right - and I'm the same, am I?"

"Yeah, you are."

"All right, fine," said Wanda. "Find some other way to hurt him. Then tonight we'll look at it and my idea together, and decide which one to go with."

"You mean you'll decide."

"Hadn't you better get started?"

"Yeah." Celine scrambled off the bed and headed for the door. "I better had."

She slammed the door behind her, made her way downstairs and was about to leave the house, when Oz's voice called from the living room, "Is that you, Celine?"

"Yeah." Celine went resignedly to stand in the living room doorway, and saw Oz lying back on the sofa with a paperback in his hands.

"Have you ever read anything by Pat Barker?" he asked.

"Oz, please don't lend me any more books - I've hardly made a dent in the pile you've already given me."

"All right, I won't," Oz said affably. "I only wondered. She's a writer from the north of England, and one of those girls really admires her work - and, since I've just read an extremely graphic scene depicting the rape of an underage girl, I'll hope it's Jessica."

"You can tell that just from an old doll, huh?" Celine said dully.

"Are you all right, Celine?" said Oz. "You seem a little down."

"I'll be fine. Oz, when you went to the firehouse, was Roland there?"

"Perhaps. Which one is he?"

Celine felt faintly ashamed that the only way she could think of to describe Roland Jackson was, "Black guy."

"Oh, yes, he was there. Quiet, but there," and he returned his attention to his book.

Celine was about to leave, but then hung back and said timidly, "Oz?"

Oz looked up. "Yes, Miss Beck?"

"Do you really not feel desire for people?"

"I really don't," said Oz.

"How?"

"I don't know. Perhaps I have some kind of abnormality."

"So what is it about this girl, if you don't… desire her?"

"Well," said Oz, "she's a fascinating conversationalist."

"Oh," said Celine.

"Desire is a dangerous thing, Celine. Haven't you ever read Romeo and Juliet?"

"I've seen the Leo DiCaprio movie."

Oz winced as though in physical pain. "Eugh."

"But… don't you ever just want to be held and, and made to feel special?"

"Not often."

"Right," said Celine. "Well, I'm going out now."

"Always a good idea for one feeling down in the dumps," said Oz. "Have a nice time."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Roland was looking after reception when the phone rang. Glad of something to do other than paperwork, he picked up the receiver and said the conventional, "Ghostbusters."

"Roland, is that you?" an anxious female voice buzzed back at him.

"Er, yeah."

"Oh, I'm so glad you answered! It's Celine."

"Oh, hi," Roland said pleasantly. "How are you?"

"Terrible."

"Oh."

"I need to see you."

"Right," said Roland. "Well, I can get away in a couple of - "

"Now."

"Now? But I'm working."

"Please," Celine said desperately. "I'm at Bess's grave again and I'm going out of my mind - please come and see me. There's murder in me, Roland."

Roland was silent for a few moments. Then he said, "I'll be right there."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"All right."

Celine turned round when she heard his voice.

"So were you exaggerating or not?"

She sighed heavily. "A little."

"Who do you want to murder?"

"Oh, just… someone. I'm jealous, Roland. It's just eating away inside of me - it's horrible. I've been seeing someone, but there's this other woman that I know this person wants more than me, and that's not her fault but I can't stand it and I just keep thinking these horrible, evil things about her!"

"Ok," Roland said evenly. "Well, you're going to have to stop that."

"I don't know how," said Celine.

"You should talk to your boyfriend - clear things up with him."

For some reason Celine didn't bother to correct him. She just said, "Is that it? You want me to talk about my feelings?"

"Yes."

"Does that help you when you have a problem?"

"Yes."

"I'd rather talk to you about them," said Celine.

Roland blinked. "What?"

"You remember the conversation you and I had the last time we were here?"

"Um… yes."

"I haven't had a conversation like that for years. Maybe even ever! You actually listened to me, and then you tried to make me feel better. You'd be amazed how many people won't do that. Like Wanda, for example. She has to turn everything into a competition - so, like, if you have a headache then she knows somebody with a worse headache."

"That must be very disheartening," said Roland.

"Right," said Celine. "When you and I were talking about Bess, most people would have just gone: well, I know this many people who died and I had to go to bereavement counselling for seven months - and shit like that."

"But Celine, talking to me isn't going to do you any good," said Roland. "I've given you my advice - I can't help you any more."

"You could."

Roland opened his mouth, probably to ask her to elaborate, but he didn't need to ask. Suddenly her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him. She did it completely on impulse, and with absolutely no idea how he would react. But then seconds later, she was still kissing him. He wasn't resisting. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying it.

But then suddenly they weren't kissing anymore. Roland pulled back, looking faintly alarmed, and said, "You're seeing someone."

"Maybe," said Celine.

"And… and I'm seeing one."

"Ah." Celine stepped back from him and dropped her arms to her sides. "Who?"

"No one you know. Well… probably."

"What's her name?"

"Grace. Grace Temple."

At this, Celine burst out laughing. "Grace Temple. Oh God, of course you're going out with a Grace Temple. Prayer at mealtimes, house of God."

"She's not religious."

"So what's she like?" asked Celine. "Beautiful? Brilliant? Spirited? Morally adept?"

"I think so, yes," said Roland.

"Maybe I'd have been a better person with a name like Grace Temple."

"If you want to be a better person, Celine, you can be."

"Maybe," said Celine. "What if I was?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you and Grace aren't married, are you? How long have you been seeing her?"

"About five months," said Roland.

"Not much longer than I've been seeing mine."

"Long enough. Let's not have the what-if-you'd-met-me-first conversation."

"You did meet me first."

"Well… yes, but not this time around."

"You enjoyed that kiss," said Celine. "Your heart was going a mile a minute." She wanted to ask him if Grace satisfied him, but decided against it.

"Please," said Roland. "Can we just drop it?"

"Of course," said Celine. "Only you know what you felt, and if you liked it… you know where I am."

It seemed a good note to end on, so she started to walk away. But then Roland's voice hit her from behind again: "No I don't."

"Oh yeah." Celine turned round and made her way back to him. "Will you let me give you my cell phone number?"

"Well…"

"You wouldn't be doing anything wrong. It's early days with Grace - no one else in your position would feel any qualms about keeping their options open."

"What about you?" asked Roland. "Are you going back to this boyfriend of yours now?"

"Not right away," said Celine, "but I will. I'll tell you this, though: I'm pretty sure I'd rather be with you."

"All because of this other woman?" asked Roland. "I'm sure if you talked about it…"

"We have talked about it," said Celine. "It's not just her, but she doesn't help. When we're… you know… together, I always feel like a consolation prize." She glanced down at the grave as a thought struck her, and added, "I suppose Bess must have felt that way with Eduardo. She was always second best to Kylie, wasn't she?"

"I guess she was," said Roland. "But…"

"But what?"

"I don't know. Eduardo's my friend - I feel I should defend him."

"Don't bother - I really do have to go now," said Celine. "I'm giving you my number," and she dug a scrap of paper and a pen out of her pocket that she had brought along just in case. "It's up to you what you do with it."

"Celine, listen," said Roland. "I don't feel like I've stopped you thinking that way about this other woman. Please can you… not? You said yourself, it's not her fault."

She smiled sadly, and said, "Maybe I should start feeling it towards Grace instead."

"I'd rather you didn't."

"It's better that way. At least she's only imaginary to me. Bye, Roland."

Though she felt that she shouldn't, Celine craned her neck slightly to kiss him on the cheek, and then turned to leave without watching his reaction. As she walked away, making a conscious effort not to look back, she tried to console herself. Ok, so it hadn't gone quite as she would have liked, but at least she knew that he found her attractive, and that was reassuring. Even Wanda didn't make her feel truly desirable.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Roland got back to the firehouse, Garrett was manning the reception desk and there was absolutely no sound coming from anywhere in the building.

"Where is everyone?" asked Roland.

"Oh, right," said Garrett, adopting a look of concentration. "Dana came and took Jess because Peter and Oscar were about to land at JFK; Charlene took the titches out for ice cream because there was some concern about the 'atmosphere', and then after they left Ky and Eddie had this huge bust-up about something so now she's in the basement and he's on the roof or somewhere. Is that everyone?"

"Egon and Slimer?"

"Um. Lab, and… kitchen?"

"Yeah, probably," Roland said wearily.

"You've been doing something interesting too, haven't you?" said Garrett. "I'm starting to feel really boring here - the rest of you all have something going on."

"Yeah, well, enjoy it while you can," Roland said with feeling. "I went years without anything going on. I miss those days now."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo and Kylie had both calmed down considerably by the time they saw their daughters again, and by dinnertime they were interacting as they usually did. It seemed that they had silently agreed to make up, though they didn't get a chance to talk things through until the late evening when Conchita and Rose were both asleep.

"So did you make me another doctor's appointment?" asked Eduardo.

"Yes," said Kylie.

He was on the sofa with their cat Pagan, browsing through the TV guide, and she had just come from tucking Conchita into bed.

"Thank you," he said.

Kylie blinked in surprise. "Oh."

"You're right," said Eduardo. "I need to see a doctor. If I was on my own I'd just keep hoping it would go away, and all the time it would be getting worse until something horrible happened. So, y'know, thanks for nagging me."

"I wouldn't have pushed so hard if it wasn't something that was going to damage you physically," said Kylie.

"Yeah, I know." He let out a long sigh. "I hate doctors."

"I know you do, babe." She was smiling sympathetically as she said it, but then suddenly the smile gave up altogether.

"Are you ok?" asked Eduardo.

"Well," said Kylie, "yes and no. I just… I'm really worried about you. It might be something terrible. I know you're playing it down when you describe it to me."

"How do you know?"

"Because I've known you for ten years."

"Yeah, well… when's this doctor's appointment?"

"Tomorrow morning. I made it sound really urgent."

"Then we'll know more by tomorrow lunchtime," said Eduardo.

"Yeah," Kylie said dully.

Through all of this she had remained standing, but now she went and sat down beside Eduardo and put her hand on his shoulder. As she did so, he felt a slight irritation on the skin beneath his t-shirt, just where she had put her hand. He shifted slightly, and said, "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine."

"Are you ok?"

"Well…"

"Apart from that. You're wriggling."

"Sorry," said Eduardo.

"It's going to be impossible not to worry," said Kylie. "I can't help it, so just let me."

They had definitely made up now, so all that remained was the kiss. Kylie reached up to touch Eduardo's face, and as she put her hand on his skin he felt a sharp sensation as though he was being stung. Reflexively he jerked his head away, and Kylie stared at him.

"Um, sorry," he said again. "It's just…"

Kylie winced. "Oh, God - it's probably the same thing."

"Er… yeah."

"Thank God you've agreed to go to the doctor."

She got up onto her knees, which would make it easier for her to kiss him, and leaned in towards him. Suddenly, her lips were like molten lava on his. He jerked his head back, staring at her in disbelief, the pain still lingering on his mouth after he broke contact.

"What's wrong?" she asked anxiously, and made the unfortunate gesture of touching his arm. This time, it was worse than when she had touched his cheek. It was as though she was wearing a white-hot iron glove.

"Eduardo!" she said, beginning to sound angry and hurt rather than confused, as he leapt to his feet.

"I…"

"What?"

He just stared at her. How could he explain? And how could she believe it? All right, so she was a Ghostbuster, but there was just no reason for this. She had touched him every day, in one way or another, for almost nine-and-a-half years. Eduardo racked his brains, trying to find the right words, but he just couldn't bring himself to tell her this when he didn't have any kind of reassuring idea as to why it might be happening.

"Tell me!"

But on the other hand, he was going to have to tell her something, and it really did have to be the truth. He opened his mouth, but he still didn't have the words. Where should he start? How could he possibly make it not sound as though he simply didn't want to touch her? In the end, the best he could do was, "I don't understand!"

"Neither do I," Kylie said desperately.

"It… it can't just be some skin disease."

"You're not making any sense."

"Ky… when you touched me just now…"

There was a very long silence, which Kylie finally broke with, "What?"

Eduardo looked down at his arm, half expecting to see the imprint of her hand as though it had been branded into his skin. But there wasn't so much as a blemish.

"I'm going to bed," Kylie said at last.

"Ky…"

He got no further than that. She went to bed, and he didn't join her. He took pillows and a blanket to the couch, and lay there imagining her in bed, wondering why he wasn't getting in there with her and giving her a satisfactory explanation for his odd behaviour. But if he did that, she'd want to touch him; he would lose the power of speech, and the whole thing would happen all over again. He needed time to think this one through.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It was late when Celine got home. Oz had cocooned himself in his bedroom - a source of much curiosity, never before seen by either of his tenants. Wanda was still awake, and reading by lamplight. Celine glanced at the cover of the book, and saw that it was a novel called The Ice People by Maggie Gee: one of Oz's recommendations.

"How's the book?" Celine asked dully.

"Crap." Wanda closed the book and put it down. "It's all about how women are going to become the dominant sex and that's somehow a bad thing. And then everybody's going to die anyway because there's another ice age. You found something, then?" and she nodded towards the book that Celine was carrying.

"Yes," said Celine. "But I'm too late, aren't I?"

"We can use it tomorrow," said Wanda, and Celine was struck by the tenderness in her tone. "I don't need to see it now - I know it'll be good, if you chose it for him."

"Is that an apology?"

"Well… yes. You were right, Celine, I should listen to you. We're in this together."

"Well thank you," said Celine. "So what happened while I was away? Did you go ahead and do it anyway?"

"Why would you think that?" asked Wanda.

"You sort of look like you've been performing magic."

"Yeah, well, so what if I did? The more horrible things we do to him, the better. We'll do yours tomorrow, like I said. Now, are you coming to bed?"

"Sure. Just let me go to the bathroom."

They had only been sleeping together for two months, and already Celine was beginning to feel uncomfortable with it. She would happily have been a lesbian for the rest of her life, if only she believed that Wanda was really with her when they made love. The idea that Kylie was always in bed with them was becoming an obsession.

Over the past few weeks, listening to the way Wanda talked about Eduardo's relationship with his lover, Celine had fabricated a fantasy about Kylie and convinced herself that her own lover was living it every night. It simply involved Kylie, sexually frustrated after Eduardo's castration, falling into Wanda's arms and learning the joys of being with another woman. A big part of Celine knew that it might not be true at all, but the very fact that Wanda clearly lusted after Kylie was enough to make her ache with jealousy.

That night, as she went through her pre-sleep ritual, Celine decided that she would take a little private revenge against Wanda by bringing yet another person into their lovemaking. That kiss with Roland had left her feeling itchy, to the say the least. There was no denying that she wanted him.

But when she got into bed, she found that it wasn't so easy to pretend. Celine's body was very different from Kylie's, but they at least had gender in common, which was more than could be said for Roland and Wanda. It was good, though. Once she had abandoned her fantasy of being with a man - a sweet, kind, understanding and considerate man - Celine only had to remind herself that Wanda, whom she claimed to love, was trying to mend a rift in their relationship. She even forgot about Kylie… until afterwards, when Wanda suddenly said, "Y'know what? That's put me in the mood for a little bit more revenge."

Celine stared at her through the darkness. "Why?"

"Because I'm on a high. Aren't you?"

"I didn't know revenge worked in that way for you." She didn't say so, but it only confirmed her suspicion that Wanda was thinking of Kylie whenever she was planning or executing her revenge.

"Come on, Celine, don't be difficult," said Wanda. "Show me your idea."

"All right," Celine relented, and she climbed out of bed, groping around the floor for some clothes. "It's probably best to do it while he's sleeping anyway."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After a fitful night's sleep on the couch, Eduardo couldn't believe that being touched by Kylie had really caused him as much pain as his reaction seemed to suggest. He tried but, for whatever reason, he couldn't remember the pain. He only remembered tearing himself from her touch as though she was charged with electricity.

When he heard her entering the room, Eduardo rolled over onto his back and opened his eyes. He couldn't see. Gripped with panic, he sat bolt upright and began to blink rapidly. Very soon he began to see the basic shapes in the familiar living room, and a blur that was Kylie moving around, but he saw none of it with any clarity at all.

"Sleep well?" asked Kylie.

"Um." Eduardo closed his eyes, shook his head and then didn't dare look. "Not really."

"Neither did I. Why didn't you come to bed?"

"I'm sorry."

"That doesn't answer my question. Hey… are you ok?"

He opened his eyes and saw her walking towards him perfectly clearly. He knew very well that he should have told her, and he knew that being temporarily blind was serious; but with the problem gone for the moment, all he did was convince himself that he didn't need to do anything about it.

He managed a weak smile as Kylie crouched down in front of him. He flinched instinctively when she reached her hand out to him, and again she looked hurt, but this time the heat from her hand was bearable for a good five seconds. He let her touch his cheek until it became too much; then he gently took her hand away, his palm burning as he held her wrist, and said, "What time is my appointment?"

"Ten."

He dropped her wrist. "Right."

"Are you feeling worse?"

"A little."

"You'd better stay here while I take the girls to school," said Kylie. "Then I'll come back and take you to the doctor."

"You have to go to work."

"You can't go by yourself - you don't look well enough."

"I'm fine," and he tried to stand up as he said it, which turned out to be a bad idea. He was suddenly confronted with huge black spots flashing in front of his eyes, and he sat down again abruptly.

"Beth would go with you," said Kylie. "Let me call her."

Eduardo nodded, which action conspired with his wonky vision to give him a splitting headache, and said, "Yeah, ok. Thanks, Ky."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Oz had been awake reading for a good hour and a half when he heard Celine and Wanda leaving for work. He had no idea what either of them did, but whatever it was it paid the rent, so he didn't much care.

"Goodbye!" he called, when he heard the front door click open. "Have a nice day!"

Neither of them answered. Shaking his head at their rudeness, Oz brought his legs and feet up onto the couch and finished the final eighteen chapters of Oliver Twist. By the time he reached the end of the book it was pretty much lunchtime, so he put together a light sandwich and began contemplating the doll that used to belong to Jessica.

He sat her on the top of the television set, and let her stare at him as he ate his sandwich. He was wondering whether he should just leave her somewhere at the firehouse where he knew she would be found, or hand her directly to Conchita. He didn't contemplate giving the doll to Rose. He liked what he knew of the younger sister well enough, but there was something about Conchita that just invited giving. The doll herself, Oz had been forced to conclude, was no longer of any use to him anyway. She had told him everything she knew about her previous owner.

After much deliberation, Oz decided that he would go to the firehouse at after-school time and give the doll to Conchita if she was there, which after all she might not be, in which case he would just put the doll down somewhere. This plan meant that he had a couple of hours to kill, so he went to his book bag and began to consider what he wanted to read next. He owned damn near every book in existence, but had no space to store them, which was why he had made himself that handy bottomless bag. He quickly made up his mind that he would like something fairly light this time, and as he pulled a Roald Dahl out of his bag it occurred to him to wonder how Egon was getting on with Matilda.

He read The Witches from cover to cover, and then wondered if Conchita and Rose would like to borrow it as he made his way to the firehouse in a taxi. On his last visit he hadn't been able to reacquaint himself with Janine Spengler, with her being absent, but this time she was at the reception desk with a pen in her hand and the resident ghost Slimer hovering around her, seemingly trying to be helpful.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Melnitz Spengler," Oz smiled pleasantly.

"Oh, it's you," said Janine, clearly surprised.

"And how are you this afternoon?"

"All right. Why did you lend Egon Matilda?"

"I thought he might find it interesting," said Oz. "Is he enjoying it?"

"Well, he's at home reading it to our children as we speak," said Janine. "They seem to be enjoying it, anyway."

"I'm glad," said Oz. "Janine, are either of the Misses Rivera here?"

"Upstairs," said Janine.

"Thank you."

Roland's Mustang was parked in the foyer, so he must have been around somewhere; and, Oz knew, so must one or two other Ghostbusters. But the only one in the rec room was Peter Venkman, whom Oz had seen only once, very briefly. He was sitting with a laptop, with an e-mail window open on the screen, while a dark-haired young man sat on the sofa reading aloud from Eight Cousins with Conchita and Rose on either side of him.

Whoever he was, this man had an uncommonly beautiful face and a voice to match. It was soft, calm and soothing; he read aloud with all the skill of an actor. However his tone began to waver slightly when he got to, " 'Well, now, there is one very excellent, necessary, and womanly accomplishment that no girl should be without, for it is a help to rich and poor, and the comfort of families depends upon it. This fine talent is neglected nowadays, and considered old-fashioned, which is a sad mistake, and one that I don't mean to make in bringing up my girl. It should be a part of every girl's education' - oh God, I'm sorry, I can't go on. I'll get into trouble with your mother."

"Why?" asked Conchita.

"Well he's talking about housekeeping."

"So what? Keep reading. Oh, hi!" Suddenly, Conchita spotted Oz. "Look, we've read almost all of this book now. This is Oscar," she added.

"Who are you?" asked Peter, looking up.

"We've met, Dr. Venkman," said Oz. "I alerted you to some zombies in a graveyard a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh yeah," said Peter. "Oz, wasn't it?"

"That's right. A pleasure to meet you, Oscar. Now then, Conchita," and he began addressing Conchita in rapid Spanish that made Rose narrow her eyes suspiciously.

Whatever he said made Conchita follow him into the kitchen. Oscar and Peter stared after them, and then the former turned to Rose and asked, "What did he say?"

"He wants to talk to her," said Rose.

"What's he doing here?" asked Peter.

As he said this Jessica wandered in, having just missed Oz's arrival in order to go to the bathroom.

"What's who doing here?" she asked.

"Oz," Peter, Rose and Oscar all said in unison.

"Oz is here?" asked Jessica, just as the man himself reappeared from the adjacent room. He was followed by Conchita, who was looking perplexed and carrying the old doll in her right hand. "Oh, Oz, hi. Listen, I read - "

She was cut off as Oz cleared the distance between them in two steps and clamped his hand over her mouth. Peter and Oscar both stared in utter amazement, not least because Jessica wasn't objecting. She was simply too taken aback.

"Remember your promise to me, Jessica," he said. "How's Friday night for you?"

Jessica said something inaudible. Oz took his hand away, and looked invitingly at her.

"I might not want to talk about it."

"But you do."

"Yeah, well…"

While they talked, Rose spotted the doll in her sister's hand and snatched it away from her, staring at the object in utter disbelief.

"How far have you got with it?" asked Oz.

"About halfway," said Jessica.

"Already? I'm impressed. You will have finished it by Friday, then?"

"Probably."

"We can go anywhere you want. I'll pick you up in a cab."

"What the hell is this?" demanded Peter.

"Dad, please, not now," said Jessica. "Look, Oz, just let me finish the book and then I'll let you know, ok?"

"Ah, my poor hopes. All right then. Are you enjoying it, Jessica? Yes or no will do."

"Yes."

"I'm so glad," said Oz. "Well, I'd better be leaving. But before I do, may I use the bathroom?"

"I'll show you where it is," said Oscar, getting to his feet, and he escorted Oz from the room.

"Chita," said Peter. "What did he want with you in the kitchen?"

"He found our doll," Conchita said numbly.

"Is that one of the ones I gave you?" asked Jessica, as she looked at the object in Rose's tight little fist.

"I recognise her - it was a present from Kate," said Peter.

"Where did he find her?" demanded Rose. "Beth had it!"

"You must have brought her here, Ro," said Jessica.

"We didn't," the little girl said adamantly, and Jessica fell silent. Rose Rivera in a bad mood was too much even for the girl who would willingly take on Janine.

"Where did Oz say he found her?" asked Peter.

"He didn't say," said Conchita.

"Didn't you ask?"

"Yes. He said he'd rather not say."

"Why does it matter?" asked Jessica. "It's just some stupid doll."

After a minute or so, Oscar returned with a look of utter incredulity on his face, asking, "When is Cameron coming back?" He was referring to his sister's ex-boyfriend.

"I don't know," said Jessica.

"Jess, listen, you do not wanna go out with that guy."

"What? Look, I know he's a little weird, but - "

"He has no soul."

Jessica, Peter, Conchita and Rose all stared blankly at him. Jessica knew she should have said something cutting, but just for once she couldn't think of anything.

"He doesn't like music," Oscar elaborated.

"What do you mean?" asked Jessica.

"I mean he doesn't like music. I asked him what kind of music he was into, and do you know what he said? Do you know?"

"Astonishingly, no," Jessica said dryly.

"He said, 'I'm not really into music.' I said that was ridiculous, everybody likes some kind of music, and I went through absolutely everything. 'Classical?' 'No.' 'Jazz?' 'No.' 'R and B?' 'No.' 'Country and western?' 'No.'" He was making bizarre hand gestures as he talked, his right hand apparently representing himself and his left Oz. "Rock and roll, hip hop, punk, I mean, God, I went through everything. I even asked him if he liked that horrible electronic pseudo-music travesty, but there is absolutely nothing! He doesn't even not like music - it leaves him completely cold."

"I think you're overreacting," said Jessica.

"I am not. He's abnormal. Jessica, let me tell you something."

"Oh God."

"There is only one thing in this world that absolutely every human being likes, and that's music in one form or another. Everybody enjoys at least some kind of music. Except him. Not one single song. Not even a four-beat bar."

"Yeah, ok, that's really weird," said Jessica. "But it doesn't mean he has no soul."

"How old is he?" asked Peter.

"I don't know."

"Does he know how old you are?"

"No."

Oscar winced. "That doesn't sound good. Oh, hi, there you are," as Kylie walked in.

"Oscar, hi, sorry, I forgot you were coming today," Kylie said distractedly.

"You are worried," Conchita said accusingly, seemingly picking up an earlier conversation where they had left it.

"Yeah, well, maybe a little," said Kylie, staring at the doll in Rose's hand. "Where did you get that?"

"Oz found it," said Conchita.

"What?"

"When is he coming back?" Conchita went on.

"What? Oh, you mean… Honey, I don't know."

"What did Beth say when you called?"

"Um…"

"What did she say?"

"Chita, baby, don't worry about it," said Kylie. "Listen, I thought I might… go out and have a look for him."

"So he's missing," said Conchita.

"Is Eduardo missing?" Oscar asked anxiously.

"He's sick!" wailed Conchita. "He might have died at the doctor's!"

"Oh honey, no he hasn't," Kylie said hastily.

"I'm going with you," Conchita pressed.

"Me too," said Rose.

"You don't have to," said Kylie. "Please just, just stay here. I'll find him."

"Let me drive you," said Oscar. "Um… Dad, can I borrow the car?"

"I'll drive you," said Peter.

"That'll only leave one Ghostbuster here," said Jessica, meaning Roland, who was at that moment making himself very cold by having a secret telephone conversation on the roof.

"Come on, Dad, I won't crash it," said Oscar.

"You better not," muttered Rose, looking anxiously at her mother.

"All right, fine, here," said Peter, rummaging in his pocket for his car keys.

"Thank you, Oscar," said Kylie, as they both began to make their way downstairs.

"What did Beth say when you called her?" Oscar asked quietly.

"She said she put him in a cab and thought he'd come here."

"Oh… And you called home?"

"Of course I did!"

"Yeah, right, of course you did, I'm sorry. All right, get in," for they had reached the car now. "And tell me all the places he might be."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

While she was away from New York, Celine had had a few jobs that she didn't think were half bad. She had a college education, after all, although she didn't need it for the types of jobs she aspired to do. She had been happiest of all selling CDs and DVDs for an independent retailer when she was staying in New Jersey.

But then the call had come from Wanda informing her of their friend's death. Celine had rushed back to New York, decided to stay when she and Wanda ended up in bed, quit her job and now had got back to waitressing again. It wasn't ideal. She wasn't even working at a particularly nice place - just a coffee shop not dissimilar to the one in which she, Wanda and Bess had worked their way through college. But at least the management were lenient about her leaving her cell phone on while she worked. She occasionally did it by accident, but this time she had done it deliberately. When it rang, she abandoned her customers and went out to the bins behind the kitchen.

"Hi, Celine, it's Roland," the caller said sheepishly.

"Roland, hi." Celine smiled for the first time that day. "I was hoping you'd call."

"Yeah, well… I was just wondering how you were. I feel bad about leaving you so upset yesterday - you seemed really down."

"Is that the only reason you called?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you," said Celine.

"Did you talk to your boyfriend?" asked Roland.

"Yeah, I did. We're ok, but… I really don't know how long it'll last. Roland, come on - I really want you to at least go out with me once. It could be really good. And I don't believe you would have called me if you weren't thinking about it."

There was silence.

"Roland, talk to me."

"All right, so I've thought about it. But I don't think we should. You're obviously in a bad place - I'd feel like I was taking advantage of you. And I can't cheat on Grace."

"I'm not asking you to cheat on her," Celine said irritably. "You've only been seeing her five months. Have you even slept with her yet?"

"That's none of your business," Roland said awkwardly.

"She's holding out on you, isn't she? I wouldn't do that."

"Celine…"

"You're such a sweet guy, Roland. I'll bet you're a considerate lover, aren't you?"

"Stop."

"I'm sorry, I can't help wanting you - you're just what I need," Celine sighed wistfully. "You're the whole package, aren't you? You're smart and kind and considerate, and when we kissed yesterday… But you're right, though, I don't deserve you."

"What? No!" Roland said hastily. "I never said that."

"No?" Celine said, aware that she had to be careful not to overplay this particular hand, though it was working well for the moment. "You really think I'm good enough?"

"Of course you are."

"Well then why not - "

"Celine!" It was Wanda's voice. Celine turned round, and there she was.

"Shit, sorry, I gotta go," and she hung up.

"Who was that?"

"No - "

"I've just seen him," said Wanda.

"Who?" asked Celine.

"Fuck face."

"Eduardo?"

"Yes."

"And…?"

"He was coming out of an independent bookstore," said Wanda. "And he wasn't blind."

"Oh, are you sure?" Celine asked disappointedly. "Not even a little bit?"

"He looked like he was in pain, but he could see perfectly fine."

"Oh."

"Babe, don't worry about it," said Wanda, putting her hands on Celine's elbows. "We'll just have to try something else. Any ideas what it should be next?"

"I'll have to think about that while I'm working," said Celine, passing Wanda and making her way back into the coffee house kitchen. "Why aren't you working, anyway?"

"I'm on a coffee break." She followed Celine through the kitchen and into the main body of the café.

"Oh. Would you like some coffee?"

"Nah - I've just got time to run to the occult bookstore. I'll see you later."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"I knew he wasn't here," Kylie said agitatedly, as she returned from her own bedroom.

"Well it was worth looking." Oscar was crouching near to the floor by the front doorway, stroking Pagan's ears as the cat pushed his face affectionately against his knees. "Maybe you should call Beth again before we try anywhere - oh, there you are."

Quite suddenly, Eduardo walked in carrying two brown paper bags. He looked down at Oscar in mild surprise, and then said, "What are you doing here, Ky?"

"Looking for you," she snapped.

"What? Why?"

"Where have you been?"

"Jesus, Kylie, you're not my mother," said Eduardo.

"Your daughters are worried sick about you," said Kylie. "You should have called. Tell me what you've been doing - you've been gone all day."

"I went to pick up a prescription," Eduardo said irritably. "Then I had coffee with Beth, and then I went for a walk in the park because I thought it might help my headache."

"What headache?"

"Well I've… it's just, it's nothing."

"Did you tell the doctor about that?"

"No. He couldn't have done anything - it was easier just to go and buy some weed."

"What?"

He waved one of his paper bags at her. "You want some?"

"How can you afford that?" demanded Kylie.

Eduardo turned round and said, "What about you, Oscar? You want some drugs?"

"Actually I think I'll wait outside," said Oscar, backing out of the doorway.

"What did you bring him for anyway?" asked Eduardo.

"He drove me," said Kylie. "Do you smoke a lot of marijuana?"

"You know I don't." He was already rolling a joint. "It's purely medicinal. My grandmother used to smoke this for her back."

"Oh she did not!"

"She did, I swear to you. I bought it for her and we used to smoke it together in my room. Carlos caught us once - it wasn't pretty."

"Tell me about this headache," said Kylie.

"It's no big deal," said Eduardo, who was doing his best to ignore the throbbing pain behind his eyes.

"What did the doctor prescribe?"

"Some kind of ointment. I'm not sure I should use it, though - he said he couldn't be sure exactly what it was."

"I wish you'd tell Egon about all of this."

"Ah, Kylie - Egon again? Why Egon?"

"Because he's about seven types of doctor. There's something really weird happening to you, and he'll save you having to go to hundreds of different specialists to find out what."

Eduardo didn't say anything. He just lit up his joint and took a very long drag on it. The relief it brought him was obvious in the way that he relaxed his face and body.

"I'm going back to work for an hour," said Kylie. Then, with an edge of challenge in her voice, "I'll tell him."

Eduardo stiffened. "Don't you dare!"

"What's the big deal?"

"It's nothing to do with Egon!"

"That's not what I asked. If it's really 'nothing', then why all this fuss about telling him? You're doing what you did before with me - you refuse to tell him because you know he's going to tell you it's something serious, and you'll have to stop pretending!"

They were gradually raising their voices as they argued, and by the time Kylie stormed out of the apartment Oscar had moved a good hundred yards down the hall in an effort not to overhear. When Kylie joined him, he smiled and said bracingly, "Ready to go?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next day was Tuesday, meaning that Roland had had a late night after his regular Monday date with Grace. He always made it to work on time, though, and on this particular morning he found that only Garrett had arrived before him.

"Oh, hi, you're here," said Roland.

"Mmm - I don't seem to have been around much, do I?" said Garrett.

"Well you do have two jobs."

"Yeah, I know. I worked so hard at my physio training, sometimes I think I should give up Ghostbusting altogether. And then I think, nah, that's stupid."

"But it's so stressful," Roland said with feeling, as he collapsed into an armchair.

"Clearly," said Garrett. "I think I missed some stuff yesterday, didn't I? Come on, Ro, you can tell me - what's going on with you?"

Roland considered for a moment, and then decided that he would like to get some of his problems off his chest, so he said, "If I tell you, will you treat what I say as confidential?"

"Roland, of course I will," said Garrett, looking suddenly very eager. "What is it?"

"Well, you remember Celine?"

"'Course. We only saw her a couple of weeks ago."

"Yeah, I know. I think that was when she decided that she… sort of… liked me."

"What do you mean?" asked Garrett. "Are you saying Celine likes you likes you?"

"Yes," Roland said numbly.

"Wow. So Bess went out with Eddie and now Celine has the hots for you - I wonder if Wanda has a crush on me. But anyway - why is that a problem, as such? You don't like her like her back, do you?"

"Well…"

"Oh, Roland!" exclaimed Garrett, with suppressed laughter in his voice. "That's hysterical. What about Grace? You went out with her last night, didn't you?"

"Yes," said Roland.

"How was it?"

"It was great."

"You always say that," said Garrett. "You're really into Grace, Ro, I can tell. I don't believe that you'd rather be with Celine."

"Well, I might," said Roland, not sounding convinced. "I know Grace so well now, but I don't really know Celine."

"But you'd like to get to know her?"

"Well… maybe."

"Why?" asked Garrett. "No, come on, don't look like that - I'm trying to help you here. You've told me why you like Grace. It's because she's smart and compassionate and fun and you have so much in common. But why on earth would you like Celine?"

"Don't sound like that," said Roland. "She's ok."

"Ok as in, you like her body? I mean, I don't see it myself, but - "

"It's not just that."

"Well I wonder," said Garrett. "Don't get mad, but just think about this. You've been seeing Grace, and you like her a lot - maybe even love her - but she's not ready for a physical relationship yet. Basically, my friend, you want sex and you're not getting any. And then suddenly there's Celine, bulging out of that tight little tank top of hers and saying she wants to be your girl."

"No, that's not it," said Roland. "I'm… I'm worried about her. She's really unhappy."

"Yeah, well, her friend died."

"She's been having relationship trouble on top of that. She says I'm better than this other guy and I'm what she needs to be happy."

"Well then it's a combination of the two," said Garrett. "You want her body, and you feel guilty that you have the capacity to stop another human being from being miserable and you're not doing it. Maybe. I mean, I don't know, only you know how you feel."

"I feel like I'm cheating on Grace," said Roland, just as Kylie walked in looking more tired and miserable than he had ever seen her. "Kylie, are you ok?"

"Don't worry about it," she replied wearily.

"Where's Eddie?" asked Garrett. "I was expecting to see him today."

"He's sick," Kylie said shortly.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Beth was ironing her son's jeans when the knock came at the door. Glad of the distraction, she went to answer it.

"Hi," she said, surprised to see Eduardo again so soon. Then she noticed the holdall on his shoulder, and just stared at it.

"If it's a problem I'll go to my mom's," he said dully.

"Wha- no, of course it's not, come in," said Beth, stepping aside to let him pass.

"Thank you," said Eduardo. "I don't really want to go to her - she's so far away."

"Well… yes, exactly."

"And she'd only ask questions."

Beth raised her eyebrows. "You mean like I'm about to?"

"It's just temporary," said Eduardo.

"Until…?"

"I don't know."

"I don't think Kylie would kick you out when you're sick."

"It's not like that," said Eduardo. "It's just… well, Ky decided she wanted to sleep on the couch last night, and the night before I decided to sleep on the couch, so obviously things aren't really that great at the moment and we both think we could do with some… you know… time apart. I mean, living together and working together and everything…"

"Well you've been doing that for seven years," said Beth. "I know there's more to it, but I won't push. Conchita and Rose know about this, do they?"

Eduardo nodded. "They don't like it."

"Well of course not."

"I'm missing them already," and he looked like he might be about to cry.

"You'll still see them," Beth said quickly. "I've got them after school today, haven't I?"

"Yeah. But then Kylie's gonna come and take them away."

"You could go with them."

Eduardo only shook his head.

"Eduardo," said Beth. "Do you smell of marijuana?"

"Probably."

"Is it really that bad?"

"I'm not doing it because of that."

"Then why? Is it for this, this whatever it is you've got?"

He nodded. "It helps."

"Yeah, well, if you're taking it for physical pain that actually doesn't seem as bad as taking it for emotional pain - not as it's something your grandmother used to do. But listen, if Carl finds out about it I was totally ignorant, all right?"

"Of course," said Eduardo. "He's not gonna want me staying here."

"Why not?"

"Because he doesn't like me. He never liked having me here before."

"He let you stay, though," said Beth.

"I had nowhere else to go - I lived here. I didn't have an apartment with a whole family in it. I'm not asking you to do anything about it, Beth, I'm just saying he won't like it."

"You're being much more negative than usual - it's like when you were a teenager. Will you stay in your old room?"

"'Course," said Eduardo. "I'll be less in the way. Can I go and dump my stuff up there?"

"Of course you can," said Beth. "And then are you going to come back down and have another coffee and talk to me?"

Eduardo shook his head. "Sorry, Beth, I'm kinda tired - I'd rather just sleep."

Beth cocked an eyebrow. "And smoke some pot?"

"I don't know. When is Carlos getting home?"

"Not until this evening."

"Then I'll have some when I wake up."

"Yes, well, I'd rather not know too much about that," said Beth. "Come back at lunchtime and I'll give you some beef casserole."

"I won't be hungry."

"Well you might - "

"I really appreciate you letting me stay."

He gave her a weak smile, then turned and headed back to the front door.

To be continued…