All of these following stories were written while I was playing the game. This one was written just after I got Gau with Sabin and Cyan, thus why some stuff might be off. It was fun to write , though.
It was a bright, sunny day. Birds were singing merrily in the trees, and everybody was happy.
Well, almost everybody.
Kefka was in a very bad mood. "Dammit!" he exclaimed, kicking a stray cat who had been lying in his way. "Look out there! Just look! Isn't that the most pitiful, horrid thing you've ever seen in your life?!"
General Leo walked over. "Er...I don't see anything." he said, after thouroughly examining the area.
"Are you blind?!" Kefka cried, kicking the poor cat again. It hissed and scurried off. "Look up there in the sky, you moron!"
The sky was completely clear of clouds,giant birds of prey,meteorites,and UFOs. The only thing that could be spotted was-
"The sun? That's what you're so ticked off about?" Leo asked.
"Of course, you nimrod! What else do you see?!"
"What's so bad about the sun?"
"It makes people happy!" Kefka exclaimed angrily. "It makes people all happy and joyful about absolutely nothing! So the sun's out! Big deal! Who cares?!"
"Without the sun, the planet would be nothing more than a barren sphere of ice," Leo pointed out.
"Exactly!" Kefka cried.
Leo rolled his eyes. Just then, 2 soldiers marched over. "Hello, Sir!" one of them said cheerily. "It's such a pleasant day out, isn't it? Doesn't it feel good to have the sun out after so long?"
"ARGH!" Kefka cried, and ran into his tent screaming.
"What's up with him?" the second soldier asked, staring at the place where Kefka had been standing less than a minute ago.
"Who knows?" Leo replied. "Phyciatrists have been trying to figure that out for years. Anyway,what do you have to report?"
"Look what we found!" the first soldier said, and they showed their captive to the General.
"You let me go, or me tell Mr. Thou!" the prisoner screeched, trying to bite their kneecaps off.
Kefka re-emerged from the tent and looked at the soldiers' captive thoughtfully. "He'll come in handy, alright!" he exclaimed, and ran off, laughing his evil laugh with barely supressed glee.
"I don't want to know what he's going to do," Soldier 1 said to Soldier 2. "Do you?"
"Whatever it is, it's not going to be suitable for people under the age of 18 to watch," Soldier 2 said.
"I wonder if it involves the piranahs and the leeches he came back with yesterday," General Leo said with a thoughtful shudder.
"At least he's happy again," Soldier 1 said, desprately trying to find something positive in the situation.
"And that's not a good thing, either!" Soldier 2 said. Then they all wandered back to their posts, trying to keep the unpleasant thought out of their minds as they went about their jobs. The suspense was killing them.
Finally, General Leo went to confront Kefka about his newest evil plan. "What the heck are you planning to do?!" he demanded, ducking his head and entering the tent that they shared. It was no picnic, having to live with someone as evil and bad-tempered as Kefka.
"I'm not telling you!" Kefka exclaimed, stirring a big pot of stewed leeches and crushed bones.
The captive was caged in the corner. "Let me go right now, or Mr. Thou's gonna come,kick your
@$$!" he cried, rattling the bars. "Then you be sorry!"
"And you'll be dead!" Kefka said. "Down at the bottom of a posion river with a bunch of rocks tied to your feet!"
General Leo stared at Kefka in horror. "You can't do that to a child!" he cried.
"Why not?" Kefka said reasonably, and then stalked back outside. Leo could hear him screaming at the unfortunate soldiers who had been stationed outside the doorway.
"You, there! Yes you, the oaf with the huge zit on his nose! Go make some more of that great poison we used to kill those idiot Domanians! You! The stupid one! Go with him!"
Meanwhile, about 15 miles away in the middle of nowhere, it was unusually quiet.
"Hast thou seen Gau lately?" Cyan asked Sabin.
"No, thank goodness," Sabin said. "That's the last thing I need right now, a hyperactive 5 year-old!"
"He hasn't been seen in about 5 days,"Cyan reminded him.
"The longer the better," Sabin snapped. "I actually had a good day yesterday, without that little creep hanging onto my ankles every step I took!"
"Do you really mind him that much?"
"I sure do!"
"Do not."
"Do too."
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do NOT!"
"Do TOO!"
"Let us search for him, then."
"I don't think you understood me." Sabin said. "I like it this way. Besides, Gau can take care of himself. Didn't he do precisely that before he met us?"
"What if something happened to him?"
Sabin might have been tough, but he didn't have a heart made of cubic zarconium. "Fine, fine. You win. Let's go look for that little terror."
So they searched, and they searched, looking in bushes, holes in the ground, and in any other place big enough for someone Gau's age could possibly fit into.
"Maybe he's back at Creasent Mountain?" Sabin asked, and they trekked all the way back there. No such luck.
"Perhaps he fell into a river and was swept somewhere else," Cyan suggested. Sabin shook his head.
"Impossible. The brat's afraid of water, remember?"
"Do you have any idea?"
"No." Sabin said. "But if he did fall into a river, he could be anywhere on the entire continent by now!"
"Then let us search harder, Sir Sabin."
So they continued searching.
Someone else was searching for something important, too.
"Where are you?!"Shadow called, looking for his best friend and only companion- his dog, whose name was (as you would've guessed on your own in the next few paragraphs anyway) Interceptor.
"Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!" he stopped, and took a breath. "Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!" He took another breath. "Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!" He took yet another deep breath, and continued calling. "Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Dammit, where ARE you?!"
Of course, there was no answer.
"Maybe he's not in the living room, then." Shadow supposed to himself. So he went to the bedroom. "Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!..."
2 and a half days later, he realized that Interceptor must not be in the house, or else he would've come by now.
So he went outside to the backyard. "Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! InterceptorInterceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! InterceptorInterceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!"
The neighbors who were watching and/or listening to this sighed to themselves. Some people are hopeless.
After 5 days of endlessly searching for Gau, Sabin was struck very hard by a realization.
"We can search forever, and we're never going to find him!" he exclaimed.
"Why not, pray tell?" Cyan asked, looking under a rock.
"'Cause if he keeps moving around, chances are we're never going to be in the same place as he is!" Sabin explained impatiently. "Oh, and if he was really under that rock, he'd be crushed like a pancake. So save your energy and look somewhere else."
"And what do you decree, sir?"
"I say we go and get some help."
So they went off to enlist the help of Locke the thief...er...treasure hunter. (Put that axe down NOW, you thief- I mean, treasure hunter!Really! Owwww!)
Back at the imperial camp that night, General Leo was thinking of an idea. It was an evil, diabolical idea, much unlike him. But it was for the good of all living (and nonliving, for that matter) things.
He was going to kill Kefka!
Meanwhile, at Castle Figaro, King Edgar was bored. So he went to the grocery store to look at...produce. Yeah, that's it.Produce. Sure.
So he went to the cashier.
"That'll be $12.50,"the cashier said.
"$12.50?!" Edgar exlcaimed in outrage. "$12.50 for 2 oranges?! You must be insane!"
"Want me to call in the manager?" the cashier asked.
"Yes! In fact, I do want you to call the manager!" Edgar cried. People were now gathering to watch.
The manager showed up at the scene about 7 or 8 minutes later. She was a beautiful, full-bosomed lady, and we all know what that meant. The king dropped the bag of oranges on the floor, and they splattered.
"You heard the cashier," the manager said. "That'll be $12.50!"
Edgar handed her a $100 bill. "Here you go, you highly desirable object!" he said cheerfully, and was about to leave, when the manager karate-kicked him in the abdomen and screeched,
"What did you just call me, you...you...you pig?! You brute! You jerk! You beast! You dork! You buffoon!You- get back here!!!"
He quickly fled the store,crawling on hands and knees, and was never seen there again.
On their way to reach Locke the th-treasure hunter's house, Sabin and Cyan stopped beside the imperial camp.
"D'you think he's in there?" Sabin asked, pointing.
"He might be," Cyan said with a shrug.
"Well, what if he isn't?" Sabin wondered.
"Shhh! Do you hear that?" Cyan asked, clamping a hand over Sabin's mouth.
"Mmmf! Mmm mmnf!" Sabin replied, struggling to get Cyan's hand off him. "Yeah, it must be Gau! Who else can it be?" They ran off to get a closer look.
Shadow was looking over his yard for the 424th time, when he noticed a red string tied to his finger. Then he remembered- Interceptor was at the vet! So he ran off to pick him up. The neighbors took their hands off their ears and sighed in relief.
The General's tent was the scene of much chaos that morning, and the soldiers were hiding behind barrels and trees, trying to guess what the heck was going on.
What WAS going on, you ask? General Leo had decided to get his rather unpleasant chore over with as early as possible. However, what he didn't know was that Kefka was planning to kill him as well. So when he tried to stab him with the sword, he was surprised to find a blade at his own throat. Now the two of them were swordfighting, both trying to push their opponent into the river.
This was the exact time that Sabin and Cyan decided to storm the place, grab Gau, and leave, as well.It wasn't very hard.
"Mr. Thou!" Gau exclaimed gleefully. "Are you going to kick his (he point to Kefka) @$$?"
"How many times have I TOLD you, I'M NOT MR. THOU!" Sabin exclaimed. "He is!"
"No he's not, he's Cyan!" Gau said.
Sabin mentally counted to 568, and stormed off.
The soldiers had come out of hiding, and were all staring at the sight of their two Generals fighting, and there was an audible gasp from the crowd when Kefka gave Leo a hard shove from the river's edge.
However, the General grabbed Kefka's foot, and pulled him in with him.
The soldiers threw down a rope, and managed to save General Leo and get him an antidote for the poison, but Kefka's corpse drifted down the Lete river, until Ultros ate it. (He later said that it was the worst thing he had ever eaten in his life, and that he prefered bisquick fish.And if you ever had bisquick fish and are still alive to read this, you must have super powers or something like that.)
Later on, everybody went to Castle Figaro for a celebration. A moogle was looking over the buffet table when he said, "There's no oranges! We need oranges! Can somebody go and get some?"
"NOO!!!!" Edgar screamed. He jumped up from his place at the table,and locked himself in his room. "You're all trying to kill me! Augh! Well, I'M NOT GOING! You can't get rid of ME that easily!"
"Sometimes I worry about this place," Locke observed, pouring himself more beer.
About a week later, the manager of the south Figaro grocery store went to get the mail. After reading one of the letters, she remarked, "The king's cutting off his funding. I wonder why?"
It was a bright, sunny day. Birds were singing merrily in the trees, and everybody was happy.
Well, almost everybody.
Kefka was in a very bad mood. "Dammit!" he exclaimed, kicking a stray cat who had been lying in his way. "Look out there! Just look! Isn't that the most pitiful, horrid thing you've ever seen in your life?!"
General Leo walked over. "Er...I don't see anything." he said, after thouroughly examining the area.
"Are you blind?!" Kefka cried, kicking the poor cat again. It hissed and scurried off. "Look up there in the sky, you moron!"
The sky was completely clear of clouds,giant birds of prey,meteorites,and UFOs. The only thing that could be spotted was-
"The sun? That's what you're so ticked off about?" Leo asked.
"Of course, you nimrod! What else do you see?!"
"What's so bad about the sun?"
"It makes people happy!" Kefka exclaimed angrily. "It makes people all happy and joyful about absolutely nothing! So the sun's out! Big deal! Who cares?!"
"Without the sun, the planet would be nothing more than a barren sphere of ice," Leo pointed out.
"Exactly!" Kefka cried.
Leo rolled his eyes. Just then, 2 soldiers marched over. "Hello, Sir!" one of them said cheerily. "It's such a pleasant day out, isn't it? Doesn't it feel good to have the sun out after so long?"
"ARGH!" Kefka cried, and ran into his tent screaming.
"What's up with him?" the second soldier asked, staring at the place where Kefka had been standing less than a minute ago.
"Who knows?" Leo replied. "Phyciatrists have been trying to figure that out for years. Anyway,what do you have to report?"
"Look what we found!" the first soldier said, and they showed their captive to the General.
"You let me go, or me tell Mr. Thou!" the prisoner screeched, trying to bite their kneecaps off.
Kefka re-emerged from the tent and looked at the soldiers' captive thoughtfully. "He'll come in handy, alright!" he exclaimed, and ran off, laughing his evil laugh with barely supressed glee.
"I don't want to know what he's going to do," Soldier 1 said to Soldier 2. "Do you?"
"Whatever it is, it's not going to be suitable for people under the age of 18 to watch," Soldier 2 said.
"I wonder if it involves the piranahs and the leeches he came back with yesterday," General Leo said with a thoughtful shudder.
"At least he's happy again," Soldier 1 said, desprately trying to find something positive in the situation.
"And that's not a good thing, either!" Soldier 2 said. Then they all wandered back to their posts, trying to keep the unpleasant thought out of their minds as they went about their jobs. The suspense was killing them.
Finally, General Leo went to confront Kefka about his newest evil plan. "What the heck are you planning to do?!" he demanded, ducking his head and entering the tent that they shared. It was no picnic, having to live with someone as evil and bad-tempered as Kefka.
"I'm not telling you!" Kefka exclaimed, stirring a big pot of stewed leeches and crushed bones.
The captive was caged in the corner. "Let me go right now, or Mr. Thou's gonna come,kick your
@$$!" he cried, rattling the bars. "Then you be sorry!"
"And you'll be dead!" Kefka said. "Down at the bottom of a posion river with a bunch of rocks tied to your feet!"
General Leo stared at Kefka in horror. "You can't do that to a child!" he cried.
"Why not?" Kefka said reasonably, and then stalked back outside. Leo could hear him screaming at the unfortunate soldiers who had been stationed outside the doorway.
"You, there! Yes you, the oaf with the huge zit on his nose! Go make some more of that great poison we used to kill those idiot Domanians! You! The stupid one! Go with him!"
Meanwhile, about 15 miles away in the middle of nowhere, it was unusually quiet.
"Hast thou seen Gau lately?" Cyan asked Sabin.
"No, thank goodness," Sabin said. "That's the last thing I need right now, a hyperactive 5 year-old!"
"He hasn't been seen in about 5 days,"Cyan reminded him.
"The longer the better," Sabin snapped. "I actually had a good day yesterday, without that little creep hanging onto my ankles every step I took!"
"Do you really mind him that much?"
"I sure do!"
"Do not."
"Do too."
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do NOT!"
"Do TOO!"
"Let us search for him, then."
"I don't think you understood me." Sabin said. "I like it this way. Besides, Gau can take care of himself. Didn't he do precisely that before he met us?"
"What if something happened to him?"
Sabin might have been tough, but he didn't have a heart made of cubic zarconium. "Fine, fine. You win. Let's go look for that little terror."
So they searched, and they searched, looking in bushes, holes in the ground, and in any other place big enough for someone Gau's age could possibly fit into.
"Maybe he's back at Creasent Mountain?" Sabin asked, and they trekked all the way back there. No such luck.
"Perhaps he fell into a river and was swept somewhere else," Cyan suggested. Sabin shook his head.
"Impossible. The brat's afraid of water, remember?"
"Do you have any idea?"
"No." Sabin said. "But if he did fall into a river, he could be anywhere on the entire continent by now!"
"Then let us search harder, Sir Sabin."
So they continued searching.
Someone else was searching for something important, too.
"Where are you?!"Shadow called, looking for his best friend and only companion- his dog, whose name was (as you would've guessed on your own in the next few paragraphs anyway) Interceptor.
"Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!" he stopped, and took a breath. "Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!" He took another breath. "Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!" He took yet another deep breath, and continued calling. "Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Dammit, where ARE you?!"
Of course, there was no answer.
"Maybe he's not in the living room, then." Shadow supposed to himself. So he went to the bedroom. "Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!..."
2 and a half days later, he realized that Interceptor must not be in the house, or else he would've come by now.
So he went outside to the backyard. "Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! InterceptorInterceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! InterceptorInterceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor Interceptor!Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor! Interceptor!"
The neighbors who were watching and/or listening to this sighed to themselves. Some people are hopeless.
After 5 days of endlessly searching for Gau, Sabin was struck very hard by a realization.
"We can search forever, and we're never going to find him!" he exclaimed.
"Why not, pray tell?" Cyan asked, looking under a rock.
"'Cause if he keeps moving around, chances are we're never going to be in the same place as he is!" Sabin explained impatiently. "Oh, and if he was really under that rock, he'd be crushed like a pancake. So save your energy and look somewhere else."
"And what do you decree, sir?"
"I say we go and get some help."
So they went off to enlist the help of Locke the thief...er...treasure hunter. (Put that axe down NOW, you thief- I mean, treasure hunter!Really! Owwww!)
Back at the imperial camp that night, General Leo was thinking of an idea. It was an evil, diabolical idea, much unlike him. But it was for the good of all living (and nonliving, for that matter) things.
He was going to kill Kefka!
Meanwhile, at Castle Figaro, King Edgar was bored. So he went to the grocery store to look at...produce. Yeah, that's it.Produce. Sure.
So he went to the cashier.
"That'll be $12.50,"the cashier said.
"$12.50?!" Edgar exlcaimed in outrage. "$12.50 for 2 oranges?! You must be insane!"
"Want me to call in the manager?" the cashier asked.
"Yes! In fact, I do want you to call the manager!" Edgar cried. People were now gathering to watch.
The manager showed up at the scene about 7 or 8 minutes later. She was a beautiful, full-bosomed lady, and we all know what that meant. The king dropped the bag of oranges on the floor, and they splattered.
"You heard the cashier," the manager said. "That'll be $12.50!"
Edgar handed her a $100 bill. "Here you go, you highly desirable object!" he said cheerfully, and was about to leave, when the manager karate-kicked him in the abdomen and screeched,
"What did you just call me, you...you...you pig?! You brute! You jerk! You beast! You dork! You buffoon!You- get back here!!!"
He quickly fled the store,crawling on hands and knees, and was never seen there again.
On their way to reach Locke the th-treasure hunter's house, Sabin and Cyan stopped beside the imperial camp.
"D'you think he's in there?" Sabin asked, pointing.
"He might be," Cyan said with a shrug.
"Well, what if he isn't?" Sabin wondered.
"Shhh! Do you hear that?" Cyan asked, clamping a hand over Sabin's mouth.
"Mmmf! Mmm mmnf!" Sabin replied, struggling to get Cyan's hand off him. "Yeah, it must be Gau! Who else can it be?" They ran off to get a closer look.
Shadow was looking over his yard for the 424th time, when he noticed a red string tied to his finger. Then he remembered- Interceptor was at the vet! So he ran off to pick him up. The neighbors took their hands off their ears and sighed in relief.
The General's tent was the scene of much chaos that morning, and the soldiers were hiding behind barrels and trees, trying to guess what the heck was going on.
What WAS going on, you ask? General Leo had decided to get his rather unpleasant chore over with as early as possible. However, what he didn't know was that Kefka was planning to kill him as well. So when he tried to stab him with the sword, he was surprised to find a blade at his own throat. Now the two of them were swordfighting, both trying to push their opponent into the river.
This was the exact time that Sabin and Cyan decided to storm the place, grab Gau, and leave, as well.It wasn't very hard.
"Mr. Thou!" Gau exclaimed gleefully. "Are you going to kick his (he point to Kefka) @$$?"
"How many times have I TOLD you, I'M NOT MR. THOU!" Sabin exclaimed. "He is!"
"No he's not, he's Cyan!" Gau said.
Sabin mentally counted to 568, and stormed off.
The soldiers had come out of hiding, and were all staring at the sight of their two Generals fighting, and there was an audible gasp from the crowd when Kefka gave Leo a hard shove from the river's edge.
However, the General grabbed Kefka's foot, and pulled him in with him.
The soldiers threw down a rope, and managed to save General Leo and get him an antidote for the poison, but Kefka's corpse drifted down the Lete river, until Ultros ate it. (He later said that it was the worst thing he had ever eaten in his life, and that he prefered bisquick fish.And if you ever had bisquick fish and are still alive to read this, you must have super powers or something like that.)
Later on, everybody went to Castle Figaro for a celebration. A moogle was looking over the buffet table when he said, "There's no oranges! We need oranges! Can somebody go and get some?"
"NOO!!!!" Edgar screamed. He jumped up from his place at the table,and locked himself in his room. "You're all trying to kill me! Augh! Well, I'M NOT GOING! You can't get rid of ME that easily!"
"Sometimes I worry about this place," Locke observed, pouring himself more beer.
About a week later, the manager of the south Figaro grocery store went to get the mail. After reading one of the letters, she remarked, "The king's cutting off his funding. I wonder why?"