This is my take on the ending to Miller's Crossing, while Rodney is dealing with the effects of the entire misadventure. I do not own the song, which is "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie, nor do I own the characters of Stargate Atlantis. I hope that the entire story flows well with the lyrics, and I hope you enjoy.

What Sarah Said

--------------------

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

I know that if most people knew, they'd think less of him. "He didn't deserve to die; he was just trying to save his daughter! How could Colonel Sheppard do such a thing? What a sick person, to force another human being into doing such a thing. Thank God he'll be forced to live with the guilt of his decision for the rest of his life."

The protests would be long and loud, filled with hatred and disapproval.

I know better.

I'll be you that not a single damn person has been in that situation. Sure, they'll care for the family member or friend who is dying, and say they'd do anything for the life of another. But they wouldn't. Not many would. Those circumstances…I don't think there was any other choice that could be made.

And hell yeah, I'm thankful.

What have I learned?

Ronon, Sam, Teyla, Radek, Katie, Lorne, Carson, Elizabeth…they'd do anything for me. I'd do anything for them. I've known for a long time I'd do anything for them. Hell, I have done just about everything I can for them.

What I didn't expect was how far they would go for me. I knew they loved me, trusted me. Yet what a difference between knowing that in your head and seeing it, believing it in your heart.

Jeannie will do anything for me. I will do anything for Jeannie.

John will do anything for me. I will do anything for John.

We are family.

So that's why I went to thank John. Because he's human, and you can be positive he was wracked with undeserved guilt. I'll be bitter over that Wallace a long time. He handled Sharon's leukemia badly, stupidly even. It would have been better to try something that wouldn't have risked her life. But instead-

I think a monkey could tell I'm bitter right now.

So when I walked in and saw John's face, I was angry. Angry at Wallace for being a moron, angry at myself for putting John in that situation, angry at Steve for practically keeling over at that moment.

This whole situation has been a mess at best. I don't know if I'll ever be okay with it. But then again, I'm not okay with a lot of stuff that's happened in this universe.

That is happening in this universe.

And I've been reminded once again to thank God I have people like Jeannie and John for family.

But there's no comfort in the waiting room

Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news

And as the nurse comes 'round, everybody lifts their head

But I'm thinking of what Sarah said:

Love is watching someone die

So who's gonna watch you die?

--------------------

The End