Through the Gate

She couldn't breathe.

Her lungs felt heavy, her body too weak and exhausted to move the last few steps to the park bench that sat empty. The soft April wind whipped against her face, sending her short brunette locks flaring out and causing the leaves of the pine trees surrounding her to rustle. Pulling the zipper of her leather jacket up to shield her body against the wind, she forced her legs to move. Reaching the wooden bench, Elizabeth collapsed. Every muscle in her body eased at the long waited welcome of peace.

Inhaling painfully, she let the tears fall. The tears of shock, sorrow, pain, and confusion. Her mind was a fog of bewilderment of the path her life was traveling down at a dangerously speed, as of late. Nothing made sense. The happiness she had thought would exist in her life once he came back was now a dream that would never come true. There were the moments that she felt content, but the sadness still lingered in the back of her mind. All the moments of joy that she found were tainted in the end by his actions. His words. His anger.

A sob slipped her pale pink lips as her heart ached. The love was no longer there. He was no longer the man she had fallen in love with. He was no longer the man that had cared and accepted who she was after her rape. His eyes were no longer the gentle blue that had taken her breath away; they were now simply full of anger and hatred. His touch was harsh. His words cutting and cruel.

She had tried. She had tried to love him. To bring back the man they had all known, but there was nothing she could do if he didn't care and was dead set on being cold and ruthless. Family, friendship, love. None of it mattered to him anymore. Not even her.

There permanent lock was a token of the past they had shared, but no longer had any precedent in her life. Lucky Spencer no longer was the Lucky she knew. He was Helena Cassadines's Lucky Spencer that felt nothing. After tonight, her heart had finally accepted what she had denied all along, her Lucky had died in the fire and the one that was in Port Charles was a counterfeit that would never be able to take the place that laid empty in her heart.

Fresh tears filled her eyes as the memories of what should have been a special night filtered through her mind.

A spark of joy had ignited in Elizabeth during the day. It was unexpected, but she had welcomed it and hoped it would be something that brought back the warmth and love in Lucky's eyes. Finding her way to Kelly's, her hopes and dreams were shattered with one look. His face was full of fury. His body rigid. His demeanor menacing.

How could you?

His voice had been low and threatening.

After everything we've been through together, how could you?

She hadn't understood what he was speaking of.

I loved you. I gave you my heart and trusted you. How could you betray me like this?

With every word that had slipped from his lips, he had stepped one step closer to her. Closing the distance and intensifying the fear in her.

What happened to our permanent lock?

There had been no escape. She had locked the door behind her when she had entered with a bright smile on her face and a slice of warm chocolate cake for them to share.

You said that I could trust you. You said that there was nothing between us. No lies. No one.

It had hit her like a ton of bricks as the words had slipped from his lips. She instantly knew what had triggered Lucky's temper and his reaction.

You said he meant nothing.

Her sketchpad. The one that she kept hidden beneath a floorboard in her studio sat open on his desk. The image that she had sketched stared back at her and her heart had clenched at the sight of her forbidden moments.

You said he was nothing to you.

The sketchpad held images she would never be able to let go of. Images she held dear to her heart. It lay disregarded, open to the last sketch she had done, and it was done in secret. She saw no harm in having the sketchpad, but just in case she had kept it out of sight.

Do you know how it felt to see this?

In one shift harsh gesture, the sketchpad that she loved laid dumped on the floor along with all the other contents on the wooden table. The look in his eyes was deadly. His fists were clenched and she could do nothing, but cower in the corner, hoping that he would listen to what she said.

You've been lying to me this whole time.

A flash of irritation had passed through his eyes. The distance she had tried to keep between them slowly disappeared as he cornered her.

You said you wouldn't see him again.

A yelp had escaped her lips at his brutal hold on her wrist. His grip was painful and unrelenting.

He attacked me. I told you he was bad news for you. That he didn't care about you. Why wouldn't you listen to me?

His hand had cut into the soft flesh of her wrist.

Is this how it'll be? You'll go running to him whenever you want?

Her struggles had been worthless and demands to be released had gone on deaf ears.

I can't have that.

The tears had come flooding to her eyes as the pain had speared up her arm. The fear in her had gripped her heart and suffocated her.

You belong to me.

A cold chill had passed down her spine as he leaned in, placing his lips right next to her ear.

No one else.

A revolting bile had risen in the back of her throat at the brush of his lips against her exposed neck.

Not to that brain damaged thug.

Her bottom lip had begun to bleed then as she clamped down on it to muffle her sobs.

You belong to me. Only me.

She had pursued her lips together then and nodded her head. The anger in his blue eyes was untamed. She knew that look. One wrong word or move and he would have snap. She had opted to simply comply with a nod of her head and made a promise that was only a lie. Finally he let her go, she pulled her wrist free and forced a fake smile. His demeanor had quickly changed and a snarl that was supposed to pass as a smile spread across his lips.

Elizabeth was still lost as to how she did it, but she had some how talked her way out of his room and wandered to the park. Her mind swirled as a wave of dizziness passed over. Placing her head between her legs, she took in deep breaths; a wave of nausea followed her wooziness. The stall taste of the egg salad from her lunch invaded her senses as she fought to gain control of her body. Her insides twisted and the grass beneath her feet appeared blotchy.

Gentle hands appeared out of nowhere, running warm, comforting strokes from the base of her spine to the base of skull. "Elizabeth," she heard his deep, husky voice through the haze that had fallen over her mind. "Breathe."

Following his command, she heaved in a sharp, painful breath that burned her lungs.

"Come on, breathe for me," she heard him say as he held her hair away from her face and continued to rub her back in a slow circular motion.

Her chest rose and fell as she struggled to fight off the dizziness and her unsettled stomach.

"In and out."

She followed his soft words.

"Just breathe," he whispered, continuing his deep strokes up and down her leather covered back. His hand moved away from her back and he hair fell back as his hands traveled to her waist and eased her back into a sitting position with great care.

The cool April gushed through her as Elizabeth inhaled deeply. She felt his hands brush against her cheeks as he moved her hair aside and wiped away the tears that continued to fall. Struggling to still take in one gulp of air after another, Elizabeth focused her eyes on the man sitting next to her and the hot tears only came harder.

His beautiful cerulean eyes were the same stunning shade of blue they were the day their eyes had locked. They were full of the patience and understanding that were never out of place. They were the same blue that made her heart beat faster every time she looked into them. She could always get lost in them. Looking into them now, they only brought more tears to her own eyes as her heart shattered even more.

They were full of compassion and tenderness that she didn't deserve. There were the moments when she saw the pain reflected in them when she knowingly hurt him for Lucky's sake. Hurt him to protect a relationship that wasn't meant to be. After everything, the Caribbean blue eyes that stared back at her were unguarded and concerned.

Ever so softly, his hand raised and brushed a fallen lock away. His touch was light and comforting. He peered down at her, searching her face for the reason that she was hurting and the guilt rushed through her without a vengeance. Dressed in his signature black t-shirt, jeans, leather jacket with his sandy brown hair spiked, he waited with all the patience in the world for her to speak.

Looking away, Elizabeth pursed her lips to muffle a wail of anguish and clenched her fists to control the tremors that passed through her body. She felt him move and didn't resist, as he cupped her chin and had her face him again. Once again she found herself gazing into the penetrating blue eyes that only belonged to Jason Morgan.

Tucking the short tresses that always fell over her eye, his hand fell to his lap, but his eyes remained on her face, still searching. "Are you feeling better?"

Drawing in another deep breath, Elizabeth simply nodded her head.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently, his hand resuming its circular motion on her back. "You can tell me, if you want to that is," he amended quickly.

Despite the tears that blurred her vision, one corner of her lips rose. "Thank you," she murmured, leaning her head lightly against his shoulder.

Pausing his ministrations on her tense back muscles, he starred down at her with quizzical eyes. "For what?"

Elizabeth sighed, nestling in his arms and feeling safe for the first time in a long time. "For being you."

Reflexively his arms wrapped around her petite form, enveloping her in his warmth. Stroking her hair, he held her without a single word, comforting her in his own way. Cheek against his hard chest right above his steady heart beat, her mind began to run everything over and over. Jason had been her rock when she had thought all was lost and he still was. Even when she pushed him away for his own good and her own to only hurt him more than her. She treasured his friendship more than anything and the feelings she kept at bay never remained concealed especially in moments like this where he simply accepted her as her, as he always did.

Their friendship came at a price, one that he paid more than her. The constant warnings from countless friends and family that were looking out for her, but really harming her by attacking Jason for doing nothing, but being a good friend. Despite the whole world against him, he still took the risk to reach out to her when she needed him most and he never turned her down when she arrived at his doorstep with tears in her eyes after telling him to stay away. Jason was no one, but Jason with her and for once in her life she was able to be herself around someone and that person was only Jason. Listening to his even breathing, Elizabeth finally accepted the emotions running through her instead of leaving them nameless and in the dark.

"Jason?"

"Hmm," he replied, shifting her closer to him.

"You know what you mean to me, right?" Elizabeth asked, in a hushed tone. She felt his head snap down to stare at her. Mustering up all the courage she had, Elizabeth raised her eyes and finally met his questioning ones. "You know, don't you?" she repeated. "That I treasure the friendship we share?"

He frowned, but nodded his head. "It means everything to me too," he replied sincerely.

Her eyes misted as realization passed through her. Her mind made a decision and it was going to be harder than she thought to see to it. Straightening up, Elizabeth cautiously grasped his hand that rested against her flat stomach. Twining their fingers, she brought them to eye level. "There's so much you've done for me," she murmured. His callous hand was rough against her small soft ones. Their skin tones contrasted, but they fit together perfectly like two pieces of a puzzling. Forcing herself to breathe, she continued. "And I'm grateful for it all."

Her eyes burned as she peered down at their linked hands. "When I was lost with no one within reach to help me, you found me. You taught me to live life to the fullest for myself and no one else." A lump began to form in her throat, making it difficult to speak the words she needed to. "You let me be and told me the truth when everyone else thought lying would make me feel the same again."

"Elizabeth—" he tried to get in a word otherwise, but she wouldn't let him.

"Please Jason," she whispered, not meeting his eyes. "I need to say this. You made me feel alive again and somewhat normal." The sting in her eyes increased. She shut her eyelids for a moment, resting her cheek against the back of his hand. "And all I've done since you came back is hurt you." A tear fell from behind her closed eyelids. "I became the person that I loathed the most. The person that pleased everyone else, but herself. I pushed you away and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I hurt you." Opening her eyelids, she pleaded with her eyes for his forgiveness. "Please say you'll forgive me. Please."

Elizabeth saw the confusion as he stared back at her with wide-open blue eyes. He was lost by her words and it pained her even more for what she had done to him. "There's nothing for me to forgive," he murmured.

"Everything," she muttered on a sob. "Everything," she repeated.

"Elizabeth," he argued, cupping her face.

"Everything," she pleaded.

"Elizabeth, please let me help." His eyes searched hers again for answers, but she held them back from him. "What's wrong?"

"That doesn't matter," she got past the lump in her throat. "Just please forgive me."

"If that's what you want—"

"No," she cut interjected. "Please forgive me because it's what you want. Not for me, but for you."

Cupping her face in his large, but gentle hands, he stared into her eyes, prodding, but finding nothing. "Please let me help you. There has to be something I can do."

"No one can help me not even you," she whispered, looking away from his piercing eyes. "I just want your forgiveness. That's all I ask of you."

His resolve began to weaken, she could see it in the way his shoulders fell and the way he bowed his head. "I forgive you," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers. "There's nothing to forgive, but I forgive you."

Her eyes fluttered close at the peace she felt fall over her at his soft words. "Thank you."

"Elizabeth, please," he urged. "Tell me what's going on. Did something happen?"

She shook her head. She needed to deal with the situation for once without falling back on Jason and letting him take care of things. "Don't worry about it," she muttered with her eyes close, still resting her forehead against Jason's. "I'll take care of it. Don't worry everything will be fine."

Taking in his rugged scent of leather and the outdoors, Elizabeth opened her eyes and pulled away to rise onto unsteady legs. Regaining her balance, she turned back around and held her hand out to Jason. He stared at her outstretched hand for a moment before engulfing it in his. Using the grasp he had on her hand, he pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her tight as her own arms circled his waist. Burying her face in his neck, Elizabeth reveled in the moment, enjoying the feel of being in his arms one last time.

Closing her eyes, Elizabeth drew in one last deep breathe of his aroma, memorizing it. "Promise to be happy," she said against his neck.

"What do you mean?" he asked, the uncertainty apparent in his voice.

"Promise to find happiness. To stop putting everyone else before you and living your life to the fullest like you taught me." The tears began to form behind her closed eyelids as she said the words. "Promise to never change."

Jason pulled away. His eyes were open wide and the light blue shade—under the lampposts of the park—looked silver. "Elizabeth why are you talking like this?" There was concern reflected in his stunning eyes.

"Do you remember when I found you the snow?" she asked unexpectedly, begging with her eyes for him to understand.

He nodded his head. "I can never forget that day."

"Neither can I." Her heart had literally stopped beating at the sight of him lying on the ground, staining the white snow red with his blood. Their friendship had grown strong with the time they had spent together that Christmas as he struggled to recover. It was also the start of feelings that she had gone so long denying and with no path to follow, but she now knew what she had to do. "When I found you in the snow, I was scared. I was scared I was going to lose you. I hated that someone hurt you and in the end I only ended up hurting you myself. If I could I would change everything, but I don't have the power to do that."

He frowned. "Elizabeth—"

"I just need you to know," she took a step back, closed some distance between them by clasping their hands together. "That I wasn't supposed to fall. I wasn't supposed to feel anything other than usual feelings." She paused, glancing down at their linked hands for a second. "There are no words for what I feel for you." Her watery eyes looked up to lock with his.

He said nothing. He did nothing. Just stared down at her, his breathing unsteady. His eyes appeared darker and his head dipped.

Her palms became clammy as she stared back at him under his smoldering gaze. Her own breathing became heavy, as the warmth that always spread through her from being near Jason began to blaze. Tension filled the cool April air. Letting his hands fall from her grasp, she closed the distance between them never breaking eye contact. Leaning in she placed one hand over his heart and another on his shoulder and paused. She watched him as he's gaze flickered to her hand on his chest and then back to her. She searched his eyes for anything. What she saw was anticipation, patience, want as well as hesitation. Drawing in a sharp breath of air, Elizabeth closed her eyes and touched his lips timidly. His lips were soft and firm. She felt his breathe hitch as she brushed her lips against his more firmly.

Dragging her lips over his over and over, her hands slipped around his neck and she pressed herself fully against his hard body. She felt his hands grip her hip tightly before pulling her flush against him. A groan slipped past his lips as he finally opened his mouth. Their tongues might and tangled to dance to a sensual rhythm.

He plundered her mouth, exploring the dark recesses. He was sweet and tender. He held her close, touched her with nurturing hands. She felt valued and beautiful in his arms. His kisses made her weak at the knees as she held on. Fiddling with the short blonde hair on the nape of his neck, Elizabeth savored the feel and taste of his mouth before pulling away reluctantly, fully out of breathe.

Jason rested his forehead against hers again, both there breathing labored. His hot breathe brushed explicitly against her smooth cheek. The feelings ran through her and she didn't deny them nor did she voice them. Slowly her hands fell away from around his neck and traveled down his wide chest before falling to her sides. His tangled hands in her hair loosened and fell away as well.

Reaching up on her teepee toes, she grazed her lips against his one last time before pulling away. "I'll see you later, Jason," she whispered quietly, her breathing still erotic. His glazed, surprised blue eyes stared back at her under hooded eyelids as he struggled to regain control of his harsh breathing.

Tearing her gaze away from the man that held her heart, Elizabeth stepped away and forced her legs to move away from him. Step by step, tear after tear slide down her face, but she didn't wipe them away or look back. She had made her choice; she had to go through with it. There was no time for changing her mind and reconsidering anything. It was time for her to let go, even if her heart wasn't ready to. It was time to walk away from the safe haven she had with Jason and time to deal with the chaos that was her life.

Her heart shattered with each step she took. A weight pressed down on her chest, making it even more difficult to breathe. The tears fell relentlessly; the lump in her throat grew thicker. But she kept going down, the path that would decide her fate. Placing one foot in front of the other she continued down the paved path of the park.

And through the gate.