True Affections

Chapter 1: Better Off

Disclaimer: I wish I may, I wish I might but so far that's doing me no good. They're still not mine.

A/N: Okay, EK baby or no EK baby, Elliot and Olivia hugged! So I'm in a good mood. It wasn't the kiss we'd been promised but at least this episode didn't leave me feeling dead inside like so many others this season.

So here's a post ep story I decided to write. I hope you all like it. It's going to be EO of course but hopefully there will be a little EK friendship eventually because I find it hard to hate someone when they've almost died. Enjoy!

Kathy looked down at the tiny baby in her arms. She had loved him from the second he had first kicked inside her and she was eternally grateful to Olivia for saving him. She had been so afraid. She thought that neither she nor the baby would make it. If it hadn't been for Olivia, staying by her side, reassuring her, she knew she wouldn't have made it.

She turned to Elliot who sat beside her. She thought about the discussions the two of them had had over the past few days and in fact, during the entire time she had been pregnant. She looked down at the baby in her arms. Was it really fair to have this child grow up in a household where mommy and daddy fought every other second, that was, when daddy was home of course.

She leaned back against the pillows of the hospital bed as Elliot Stabler Jr. rooted around for her nipple. She almost laughed, thinking of how touchy feely the original Elliot had been on their first date.

She sighed and let her eyes drift closed "Elliot," she said in a tired voice.

"Yeah?" he asked eagerly from the chair beside the bed "Do you need anything?"

"Nah," she replied "Just… can you tell me something?"

"What?" he asked and she rolled her head to the side to look at him.

"If I hadn't been pregnant," she began, knowing that their current situation was pretty much her fault for being the one to beg him to come home in the first place when she had found out. "Would you have still come home?"

"Of course," he answered without missing a beat but his tone was lacking something and after a moment, Kathy realized what it was. His tone lacked sincerity.

"The truth Elliot," she said, keeping her voice even; she didn't have the strength to speak any other way "Before we spent that night together, there was something holding you back," she stated plainly "You said you wanted to move back in but… your heart wasn't in it."

Elliot sat there in silence. Listening to what his wife said. He had to admit that some of what she was saying struck a cord. There had been things that had come with his life without Kathy that he hadn't been ready to relinquish. And now that circumstances had forced them back together, he found himself missing those things far too often for his own comfort.

"I remember when you asked to come home," she continued as their son fell asleep in her arms, completely oblivious to what was going on "You said you loved your family. Only recently did you start saying that you love me again."

"Kathy…" Elliot began but his words drifted off into silence.

"We say things Elliot," she told him "But we don't mean half of them anymore. Things are different," she shifted the baby in her arms "I don't want either of us to regret this little miracle because in the end he's the only reason we're together."

"That's not true," Elliot objected "I do love you."

"I know you do," Kathy smiled sadly "And I love you too. But it's not the same. It's not the way it should be. I love you because you're familiar. You're the man who gave me five beautiful, healthy children. That's how I love you. But we don't work well together."

"What are you saying?" Elliot asked "You want to file for divorce again?"

"I'm sorry Elliot," she said softly "But I think it's better in the long run for all of us," she looked down again at the sleeping baby in her arms. She didn't want him to know the hostile environment that existed when she and Elliot collided over some thing or another. If the separation went well, if she could make him understand, maybe she and Elliot could be friends.

Elliot sighed and stood up "Whatever you think is best," he said in an emotionless voice as he turned to leave.

"You're leaving?" Kathy asked, a little bit surprised.

"I thought you made it perfectly clear," he said without turning around "You're kicking me out."

"Out of my bed, out of the marriage but not out of my life or the lives of our children," Kathy clarified, hoping that he would understand; she didn't want him to leave angry.

Elliot's shoulders slumped "I'll be back in a minute," he said in resignation "I'm just gonna go take a walk, clear my head."

"Please don't be mad at me," she called after him in a tiny voice. She had only been trying to do the right thing but it hadn't worked out that way at all.

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Her head swam. She was beginning to regret not being checked out at the hospital. Olivia stood up and stumbled to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. She popped a couple Tylenol and washed them down with a glass of water. It was just a really bad headache. The important thing was that Kathy and the baby were alright.

She stumbled back to the couch and collapsed on it. She was exhausted. It had been a long and stressful day. After a little while, she felt her headache begin to dissipate. She smiled to herself, Tylenol worked wonders sometimes.

She rolled onto her side and reached for the TV remote. She flipped through the channels until she found something worth watching and settled herself further into the cushions.

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Elliot found himself walking further and further from the hospital. He didn't really have much of an intention to go back, at least not tonight. Kathy had just dropped an enormous bombshell and he didn't think she understood just how big it was.

He had gotten used to living at home with his family. Sure the occasional squabbles with Kathy were unpleasant but he knew he would miss even those fights. Even the thought that he could get back the things he'd lost when he moved back home was no comfort.

Olivia was her own woman, he couldn't expect her to wait for him while he made up his flighty mind. She had been ever loyal to him during his separation; he didn't remember her having a date in almost two years. She had been always there, a constant in his turbulent life, always ready to lend a sympathetic ear.

But he'd never offered her so much as a word to suggest that their relationship was anything beyond what it always had been. He hadn't been fair to her. As he thought about it, he hadn't been fair to any of the women in his life.

He had to think long and hard about this. But in the meantime, he decided, it wasn't fair to leave Kathy alone at the hospital with a newborn, considering that she had almost died that day. She was probably still terrified and no matter what his marital status, he should still be there to support her, after all, she was the mother of his children and he would always care deeply for her, no matter what the future held.

He turned around and started walking back in the direction of the hospital when he heard something behind him. He spun around, reaching for his gun, only to remember that he had made a trip to the precinct and deposited it in his locker before heading back to the hospital that night.

"Hand over your wallet," some run of the mill street punk demanded.

Elliot held his hands up in the air "Okay," he said evenly, as the nerves looking kid pointed a gun at him. Though the kid looked nerves, the gun seemed to be steady, all except fot the kid's trigger finger "Just take it easy," Elliot decided that the contents of his wallet were a small price to pay for not getting shot. "I'm just gonna read into my pocket and get it, okay?" he watched as the kid nodded.

He pulled out his wallet and handed it to the kid. The kid took the wallet and lowered the gun "Get out of here," he said in a shaky voice.

Elliot turned and proceeded to make a hasty retreat but not before the kid had opened the wallet to survey his ill gotten gains. His eyes fell upon Elliot's ID "You're a cop," his voice was full of anger and fear.

Elliot didn't bother turning around. He saw a row of trashcans and dove behind it just as the kid fired. Unfortunately, he didn't move fast enough.

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Olivia hadn't realized that she had dozed off but when her phone rang, jerking her awake, and she found herself staring at a still turned on television, she realized that that was what had happened. She reached for the phone with one hand as with the other, she rubbed her eyes "Benson."

"Olivia," it was Kathy.

Olivia sat up "Hey," she began "How are you and the baby?" she hadn't expected to hear from Kathy that night or really… ever.

"We're both fine," Kathy said a bit cheerfully "Thanks to you." There was a long, awkward pause before Kathy spoke again "Is Elliot with you?"

"What?" Olivia was confused "No, I thought he was with you at the hospital. Why would he be here?"

There was another long awkward pause during which Olivia thought she heard Kathy sniffling. "I…" Kathy began "We had a talk and…" Kathy's voice was full of shame "I'd just got to thinking about why we're together," she blurted "And I… my timing was so horrible," Olivia could hear the tears in Kathy's voice "He went for a walk to clear his head over two hours ago."

"I'm sure he's fine," Olivia assured her "He probably just went home."

"I've called there," Kathy said "He's not there. I called the precinct and no one there's seen him since this afternoon. Maureen hasn't seen him. I'm just afraid something's happened to him."

Olivia could hear the panic in the other woman's voice and the more Kathy told her about no one whom Elliot would usually contact hadn't heard from him, the more panicked she became herself.

She pulled herself off of the couch and grabbed her coat "Did he say where he was going?" she asked as she grabbed her gun, badge and keys.

"No," Kathy whimpered pitifully "And you haven't heard from him?" she asked in a last ditch attempt to cling to some sort of hope.

"No," Olivia said as a hard, tight knot formed in the pit of her stomach "I'm on my way over there," she told Kathy in a hurry. "I'll have a talk with the security guards and see if they can tell me anything."

"Thank you," Kathy sniffled, sounding a little more at ease. If anyone could find Elliot, it was Olivia.

Olivia hung up and practically jogged down the stairs of her building. The knot in her stomach was growing tighter by the moment. She could feel an icy wind ripping through her very soul. Wherever Elliot was, he wasn't all right.

A/N: Uh-oh, what's going to happen? Review and find out. And yes I know this is another new story but I've explained this to you guys before, good episodes make me write things LOL.