Super AU fun!

Five times Elizabeth found out she was pregnant.

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I. "Home"

The butterflies in her stomach had nothing to do with leaving Teyla in charge of Atlantis. Teyla was entirely worthy of her trust. She wasn't entirely sure how well Rodney would behave, but she had tremendous faith in Teyla. Her stomach jolted and complained as she fell out of the green wormhole and landed n the SGC.

John at her side was the one thing that kept her on her feet. Maybe it was the the distance of the wormhole and the fact that she didn't have the excitement she'd had going to Atlantis; either way, there was no good reason for her to feel like she was going to throw up as John clung to her arm. Elizabeth shuddered and grabbed his shoulder as she tried to keep herself on her feet.

"You okay?" John wondered shyly as he held her shoulders level.

Elizabeth started to nod, but that made her head spin, so she just covered her mouth with her hand and held still. Marines were starting up the ramp towards them and ushering them down. She wasn't ready to move and she counted on John to pass that to them. He said something she missed in the swimming feeling in her head.

John's arm wrapped tightly around her back and he started to lead her down the ramp towards the cement floor of the 'gate room.

"Good trip?" General Landry asked with a touch of sarcasm as John held her bodliy against him. "You two all right?"

Elizabeth forced herself to shake her head in the negative as she tightened her grip on John's sleeve. If she was going to throw up, she had no desire to do it in the middle of the 'gate room, in front of the general.

"We came from a strange planet," John covered for her protectively. "Maybe it was something in the mist?"

She was damned if she was going to let him carry her, so Elizabeth held herself upright. John's arm was like iron on her back and she couldn't help wondering what Simon would think if she arrived at his house with John at her side. General Landry and Sheppard were talking, but all she could do was hang on to the smell of John's cologne on his neck.

Elizabeth hadn't really thought about it but her mother's perfume used to be the first thing she smelled in the morning, and her father's toothpaste the last thing she smelled at night. John's cologne was comforting in the same way, familar and omnipresent, as her father had been. Of course, she'd only known him for nine weeks, which would have been hardly enough time to write him into her memory if she hadn't slept with him.

She'd been weak. She'd almost lost him to that horrible bug creature on his neck and when he'd come to her quarters she'd hadn't been thinking clearly. Elizabeth had seen him as a man who had nearly died for his city, not her second-in-command.

Her forehead was still buried in the gentle smell of his neck as he half-lifted her up onto the SGC's bed in the infirmary. General Landry was talking to John as the doctor made her way over in her white lab coat.

"John?" her voice drew his attention instantly. "I--"

Vomiting into the wastebasket was entirely undignified and the medics instantly started to swarm around her. The SGC's red-headed doctor was calling for a quarantine, just to be on the safe side.

John ran his hand over her head tentatively and his whispered voice in her ear was one of the few things Elizabeth could hang on to. "Maybe you just have a stomach flu," he offered as the plastic curtains went up around them. "Corporal Price had a nasty one."

"Even a stomach flu from the Pegasus galaxy could be the next plague on Earth," Elizabeth reminded him as she spat bitter remnants of her breakfast out of her mouth. She wiped her lips on the back of her hand and startled when he handed her his handkerchief.

"I suppose I should thank you for saving me from worrying about how I'll get the plague," John teased as he waved a medic over to the plastic. "Think we can get a glass of water?" Turning back to her, he kept his left hand on the back of her neck. "Feel better?"

"As in I'm not going to throw up again," she teased as he held the water up for her to take it out of his hands. "Or as in I'm over the fact that I'm back on Earth, but stuck in a plastic tent?"

"Well, Earth isn't usually worth losing your lunch," he teased back as he stared down at the hands he had on her knees. "Though that was a hell of a wormhole," John offered as he stripped off his jacket and let the medic in a hazmat suit take his blood sample. "Maybe you just didn't feel like getting debriefed?"

She groaned and held the plastic wastebasket closer as she vomited again. Elizabth could feel her stomach tightening, and was suddenly glad John had taken the cup of water back. He was still there, trapped like she was, but he was making sure the basket stayed in her hands. He was also keeping track of her curls and she wondered how much practice he'd had as a frat boy.

"I haven't thrown up in years," she complained as she held his handkerchief against her lips and felt him shift closer.

"Chinese food I should've tossed," John ventured pathetically. "Two weeks is too long in a fridge that only sort of works."

"Fish eye soup," Elizabeth replied with a wan smile. "I was okay until I bit one."

John shuddered and asked with his eyes if he could drop the basket to the floor. "You okay?"

Elizabeth let the medics take off her jacket and smiled slightly when John started to help her get it off of her shoulders. "Give me a moment," she asked as she took a deep breath. Over the rank stench of her vomit, John still smelled like home and she held tight to that. "Stay with me?"

He turned up a corner of his mouth and slid onto the bed next to her. "I though that was the idea of quarantine," John offered patiently as he watched the medics move around them. "Not really the party I expected."

"They might be having fun," Elizabeth teased weakly as he handed over the plastic cup of water. She rinsed her teeth and spat it into the bucket in her hands. "Don't see any cake."

"The music's lousy," John reminded her as he pointed at the array of beeping machines on the wall. "Doctor's aren't the best DJs."

"I'll remember that," she sighed and closed her eyes. John's arm went around her shoulders slowly, like he was a kid at a movie. Elizabeth patted his hand and held it close on her shoulder. "Thanks."

He held her a little closer and tried to hid the fact that he was a little flushed. "Sometimes I just like to get you alone," he paused with his lips just over her temple. "You're kinda fun that way."

With his jacket gone, the only smell on him was John and for some reason it settled her stomach. "Think you could find something more romantic than clear plastic?"

One of the medics, the lead physician approached the plastic and walked right through. "Well, I'm removing both of you from quarantine, however, I'm going to need you to stick around for a few extra tests."

"I didn't touch anything!" John protested playfully as he smiled at the doctor.

"Actually, I'm more concerned with who Doctor Weir's been touching," the doctor replied as she passed over a printout. "About six weeks ago?"

The paper protested as her fingers tightened uncontrollably. Elizabeth could smell new ink as he leaned over her shoulder.

"Shit--"

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II. "Letters to Pegasus"

She hadn't seen him, John realized as he stopped in the doorway to Elizabeth's office. Elizabeth was starting the camera again and he watched her cross to the desk and sit down. She looked down for a moment and he wondered who's family she was saying goodbye to this time.

When she started to speak he forgot to move. This was her message.

"Simon," Elizabeth lowered her head before she forced herself to smile at the camera. "I can start with I'm happy. I can't tell you were I am but this adventure has been so much more than I ever thought it would be.

"It's been hard sometimes, and at first I thought about you every night. I do want you to know that I wish only the best. I hope that you're happy and taking care of yourself.

"The people I'm with are amazing, talented, brilliant and so dedicated you'd be proud of them. You'd fit in well here. Sometimes I see you around the corner and it's almost like I'm home again. But, I can't let myself think that way.--"

Her voice caught in her throat and he could hear her struggling with a million things to say. Elizabeth was tongue tied and he'd never heard her that way. He didn't know about Simon, but he'd never mentioned Nancy to her. They still hadn't had the conversation, the one that came after sleeping together, where they talked about the past.

He supposed he'd have to mention her at some point, but he and Elizabeth were still orbiting each other in a mysterious dance where neither of them wanted to say what they were. John listened to her sigh and look back up at the camera.

"I don't know if I'll ever see you again, but I want this to be honest," Elizabeth sighed and John heard her hands rustle on the desk. "Simon, things here are different. It's life and death all the time and I don't want you to wait for me. I want you to live your life and be happy.

"It's been a surprise to me, but not an entirely unwelcome one. I didn't think it would be this way, and I want you to know I didn't intend..."

She was going to tell him, John realized suddenly. Elizabeth was so nervous because she was breaking something off. She was breaking up with Simon because of him. He almost missed the next thing she said because he was trying to figure out what it meant to be the guy who had a shot at the girl. The amazing, incredibly intelligent, well-spoken girl who happened to be his boss.

"Something's happened to me, and I need to follow it through. Believe me that I never meant to hurt you. I don't know if I can say how I feel, but I need to follow this through. I have to try this. You know me. I can't leave things unturned. This one kind of came and got me.

"But you're right," Elizabeth managed the tiniest of smile and John could heard her strength in her voice. "I might like being a mother, someday. Someday might be a little closer than I thought but--"

"Mother--" John repeated soundlessly as he stopped listening to her. His blood was rushing through his ears. That was it. One stupid moment together, listening to the rain on the windows in her quarters and being unable to believe he'd nearly lost her. He'd worried he was pushing her too hard, and now she was taking them both to a new place.

He waited until she was quiet and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He didn't know what he was going to say, how he was going to admit he'd been listening to her, but he was going to give it a shot. John shuffled into her office and listened to the silence as the video camera waited.

Looking up, he heard her chair creak against the floor as she stood up too. "Hey," John started pathetically trying to decide how to being. "I was out there, I was going to say something but I, uh, didn't."

"John--"

"I heard," he ventured as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You okay?"

"In what sense?" Elizabeth smirked and pulled herself up on the corner of her desk. "I've discovered I would rather let go of the man I've been with for years and try to figure something out with a man I barely know, who just keeps saving my life. Is that something to be afraid of?"

"I try not to be afraid," John lied as he listened to her foot hit her desk slowly. "Every now and then, I feel like I need to run like hell in the other direction."

"You're not running?" she asked as she toyed with the necklace around her neck. Elizabeth reached for the clasp and removed it. It clattered softly as she left it in a pile.

"Looks like I'm standing," John offered as her foot stopped moving.

Elizabeth slipped from the desk and removed her jacket from her shoulders. Silk rustled as she set the jacket aside. "Want to try dinner?"

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III. "Grace Under Pressure"

"Bagged another one?" Ronon teased as he helped John and Radek lead Rodney out of the jumper. "I think I would have tossed him back."

Elizabeth crossed her arms over her chest and tried not think about how terrible it would have been to lose Rodney to the dark ocean. Her red shirt was still damp with nervous sweat and she wondered if she should have changed it. The skin of her arm was clammy and this time it was more than concern for her team. John wouldn't know unless he touched her. Which he would as soon as they started walking.

She had to look like hell when he was looking at her. She'd admitted the trouble she was having sleeping, and the reciprocal trouble she was having staying awake when she was supposed to lead meetings. John had been the one to catch her asleep on her desk that morning. Rodney and the others hadn't noticed at the morning briefing that that her red shirt she was wearing was the same one as the day before.

With Rodney's jumper down, she still hadn't had a chance to change and the fabric was sticking to her unwashed skin. Carson had suggested she take the day off to get used to her situation. He'd patted her shoulder and promised to be at her disposal if she changed her mind. Then he'd hugged her and the warmth of his arms had slipped into her body. She hadn't even realized she was cold until she flattened against Carson's chest, feeling the coarse fabric of his lab coat against her arms.

John touched her wrist to get her attention and her pulse echoed in her neck. There was still something in his touch that electrified her. Maybe that was the problem, too much time spent in contact with his naked skin; too little spent with her hands on her desk and her mind in reality.

His fingers closed around her hand and she could feel the slickness of his wet skin against hers. "Should've seen that thing," John teased as he watched Carson fuss over Rodney. "Either it was trying to eat the jumper or just waiting to get a chance at eating McKay."

"Should've gotten in line," Radek quipped as he carried equipment out of the jumper.

"Right, make fun of the nearly drowned man," Rodney snapped as he shook himself free of Carson long enough to glare at the men who had saved him. "See if I save your ass next time you're in danger."

"Elizabeth will make you," John teased confidently as he flopped on the ramp of the jumper at her feet. "She likes me."

"I'm glad you're back safely, Rodney," Elizabeth brushed her hand through his wet hair and smiled down at him. "We do need you."

"Of course you do," Rodney retorted petulantly as he dragged himself to his feet to walk with Carson. "Thanks," he offered sincerely to John as the colonel lay back on the ramp and sighed towards the ceiling.

"We'll be along in a moment," Elizabeth called after them.

When they were alone in the jumper bay he tapped the ramp next to him and suggested she try lying down. The metal was cold through her thin red shirt, but the rubber wasn't too bad. "Were you worried about us?" John wondered as he looked at the tight lines around her mouth.

"I always worry, you know that," she reminded him softly as he reached across to take her hand. His hand was dry and his skin was warm against hers.

"Fingers are cold," John teased as he rolled his head to smile at her.

"I missed you," admitting it made Elizabeth smile slightly back at him. "You remember that conversation we've been thinking about having with the SGC?"

John laughed and squeezed her hand tightly. "The one where you get fired and I get court-martialed back into the stone age? Can I vote we put it off a little longer? Illegitimacy is a hell of an aphrodisiac--" He rolled onto his side and slid closer to her ear. "Besides, I'm still waiting to see Rodney's face when I kiss you in public."

Feeling the warm of his breath on her neck, she tilted her head towards him. "Want to tell him I'm pregnant?"

His hand dropped hers and he stopped laughing; colliding with the wall of realization that she was serious. John threw his leg over hers and sat up over her body, holding his hands just over her belly.

"You serious?"

"I mentioned to Carson I was a little light-headed--"

John rolled his eyes and dropped his hands to her stomach. He ran them down to her hips and something in his eyes broke. "You nearly passed out while Rodney was briefing you--"

"I guess we were a little irresponsible," Elizabeth interrupted as she felt one of his fingers slip beneath her t-shirt. "That first time."

"The first time?" John echoed and stared at her stomach. "I was still under the influence of Carson's wonder-debugging-drug," he complained as he tried to come to terms with his fate.

"I know," she murmured. He still didn't know everything about that night and she wondered how long she'd have before she told him. "Don't feel like you have to--"

The electricity was between them seemed to be concentrated in his lips and she felt the shock run through to the back of her head.

"Can I tell Woolsey?" John teased as he rested on his heels. "I wanna watch him stutter."

"You can tell anyone you want," Elizabeth sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'll even let you tell my mother."

Breaking her kiss, he licked his lips nervously and stared at her. "Will she hurt me?"

Laughing as she dropped her head to his chest, Elizabeth held him a little tighter and sighed happily. "She'll give you a medal," she warned him lightly.

"I like those," John replied as he decided it was safe to finish kissing her.

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IV. "The Return"

Elizabeth set her carton of Chinese takeout aside and put the fork away. Like her lunch and what she'd tried to eat the day before it tasted gray. Maybe it was all part of the same sinking depression. Even eating lunch with John hadn't changed it. Her lips were dry when she ran her tongue across them and she reached for her glass of water.

It was empty and she sighed as she left her computer and headed for the faucet. The metallic taste was still in the back of her throat and even the cold water wasn't chasing it away. As she headed back to her laptop, Elizabeth looked at the calendar and stopped short. Seemingly without her notice, most of October had passed her by.

Something about that nagged her, and she tried to put her finger on it; instead all she could think about was the strange grey taste in her mouth. Was it that she hadn't called her mother? Had she forgotten something? On a whim, Elizabeth went to the bathroom and opened her cabinet on the wall. She'd purchased what she'd thought she'd need. Painkillers, bandages, peroxide and a box of tampons she hadn't even opened.

She'd been home more than a month and she hadn't touched them. She hadn't been that stressed out, maybe a little down, but Elizabeth had never heard of anyone not getting their period because they were a little depressed. She wasn't sick. Her stomach didn't hurt and nothing was waving any red flags in the back of her mind.

Dazed, Elizabeth walked slowly back towards her computer. Maybe she'd lost weight and that had put her over the edge but that didn't seem right either. She'd always been stubbornly healthy. Could she be that far off without something being wrong? Her phone rang and she didn't answer it. She swished the water around in her mouth and tried to place the strange taste that clung to everything.

Her machine beeped and John started to speak.

John.

Elizabeth nearly dropped her glass and had to wipe water from her chin with her hand. She'd slept with John. It was late and he'd been too wired from his experiences to sleep. She'd just wanted to check on him, make sure he was all right, but one of them had started a kiss. Her memory still knew exactly how his lips tasted as she'd tried to avoid the stubble on his chin.

It was late and she hadn't been thinking wasn't an excuse. She hadn't planned on having sex in the Pegasus Galaxy. Elizabeth knew John was off limits. She knew better but he'd been so alive. So full of the Wraith's gift that he'd been able to share that with her.

They'd slipped back after that, got comfortable in being comfortable and forgotten what it was like to wake up wrapped in each other.

He was still talking. Berating her for not picking up when he knew she was there and teasing her that he'd stop by on his way home just to make sure she was still alive.

Being nervous was a new taste, salty and dry as she licked her lips. If she hurried she could know by the time he arrived. Elizabeth picked up the phone and tried to speak through the dryness in her mouth. "John? I actually need, would really appreciate it, I mean, if you came by."

He recovered from his shock by teasing her and the rest of the conversation was short. Elizabeth hung up her phone and picked up her purse. If she drove instead of walking, she could be home and done in a few minutes. Well, she realized it would take however long the damn things took and she had no idea. She'd been gotten so complacent with Simon. He'd had a vasectomy when he realized he was in no place for children and he'd never brought it up with her.

Did drugstores still sell them? Did she need her identification? Would it cost more than the eleven dollars she had left after picking up Chinese? Elizabeth nearly ran down the stairs to the garage and tried to slow her mind. It would have been so simple to go to Carson and ask for a blood test on Atlantis. She could have just walked down there and had him wait with her.

Maybe she should wait for John? Elizabeth wondered as the clerk at the drugstore, who couldn't have possibly been older than sixteen, gave her a sympathetic look as she accepted Elizabeth's credit card from her shaking hand. How many of these did she sell to out of work international negotiators in the middle of the night?

Trying to concentrate on the drive home, Elizabeth realized it could just be negative and all her worry would be for nothing. She forgot to lock her car and wandered shell-shocked up the stairs. She left her purse and the bag on the table and ripped it open as she walked to the bathroom. For a long moment she stood in her bathroom and felt rather foolish with the innocuous white stick in her hands.

Finishing another glass of water, she read the direction as she faced the toilet. It didn't seem that complicated and after the moment where she thought she might just be too nervous to pee, it was over. The little white thing was sitting on the edge of her sink and she was staring at the clock on her microwave. Elizabeth couldn't find her watch, and rubbing her empty wrist really wasn't helping her anxiety.

Turning on the stove and the kettle for tea took nearly thirty seconds. Trying to find a box of tea, any box that didn't have caffeine in it took another minute and a half because she'd just collected black and green tea. The microwave ticked off another minute as she found a cup in the sink and rinsed it out. The blinking digital clock was ready to change the next green digit when John let himself in.

"Hey, your door's open," John called as she poured hot water over her tea bag and tried not to taste the fear in her mouth. "You in the bedroom?" he asked as he walked through.

"Kitchen," Elizabeth called back as she hurried to intercept him. Tucking the damn pregnancy test that still needed a minute into her pocket, she tried to look innocent.

Unfortunately, John didn't need her behavior to tell him what was going on. He had a piece of the torn box in his hand and a blankly terrified look on his face. His hands covered hers and he set her tea down for her on the coffee table. "Elizabeth?" He steered her towards the couch. "Yes or no?"

She startled when she sat on it and his hands were on hers as they freed it from her jeans. Her tea was too hot to taste like anything, but she needed to swallow something. Elizabeth breathed in quickly over her nearly scalded tongue and let him look. "I left the directions in the bathroom," she offered softly.

"Two means yes," John explained as he turned it towards her so she could see. "One of them only gets activated if you, well, you know," he explained pathetically.

"I didn't actually," she contradicted as she reached for it. One of his hands was in her hair and he looked strange. She'd never seen his eyes so bright. "I've never done this."

"I'm sorry," he began to apologize as she stared at the two blue lines in front of her. "This is all my fault." He stood and turned away from her and the hand that had been in her hair went to his face. "This is probably the last thing you want, and I want you to know I'm not the kind of guy that, well, I guess I'm trying to say I won't tell you what to do."

"John," her voice sounded stronger than she'd imagined she could be. Circling the coffee table, she found herself staring into wet, hazel eyes. Kissing his cheek brought the taste of tears to her lips and Elizabeth felt her own eyes start to sting. "This is going to be okay. Somehow, insanely, this is going to work. I needed something to do anyway. I've just been sitting around here, working on my memoirs." Her attempt at levity only garnered a tiny smile.

"Guess you'll have to change the last chapter," he whispered as he wiped a tear of his off of her face.

"Maybe I'll rewrite the book," she teased and set the stick down next to her tea. "Might need to change a couple things."

"Feel like ice cream?" John changed the subject as he pointed to a bag he'd brought to her table. "I suppose it's kind of early now, ice cream's supposed to come later."

"Will you stay?"

John stopped with his hands on the plastic bag. "For ice cream? 'course, I will."

"Longer than ice cream?" Elizabeth moved a stack of useless papers out of the way and turned back to him.

He left the table and reached for the tiny bit of plastic on the coffee table. Staring at it thoughtfully, he tucked it into the pocket of his shirt. "As long as you'll have me."

"If you brought chocolate, that could be awhile."

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V. "The Game"

Her eyes flashed when she was angry. Her hair bounced around her shoulders and ruined her image, but her eyes always reminded him she was angry. Elizabeth's cheek were pink and her hands slammed emphatically into her desk. This time she was past angry. This time she was all the way to pissed off, and by the way Rodney was cowering, neither of them were getting out of it any time soon.

He distracted himself by watching the tirade. Rodney was nearly pouting, and John imagined he didn't look much better. There was something beautiful about Elizabeth unleashed that he was deeply fond of. Maybe it was the way her shoulders tightened, or the way she moved her hands; he loved it. Her lips were glistening and she seemed barely contained in her small body.

Rodney was let off the hook first. Elizabeth stared him down for his stammered apology and let him slink off to his lab with his tail between his legs. John watched him go almost enviously as he watched Elizabeth sink into her chair and turn her attention to him. He wouldn't get away with just an apology. He, even more than Rodney should know better, and Elizabeth liked Rodney.

Sometimes more than she liked him.

John waited for his turn, but she had her attention only on the monitor in front of her. "Where would you like me to start?" he asked after it became apparent she wasn't going to start.

"John," she bit her lip and shut her computer. "I need you to know where to start. I need you to step up and be my second. I need you to make all the hard decisions when I can't make them and support me when I do."

"I--"

She shut him down. "It's not that I don't want you to play games with Rodney," Elizabeth's eyes narrowed and John couldn't help being aroused by the pursing of her lips. "Play Tetris, play chess, play those terribly violent games Ronon was teaching the Marines. I just need to know you'll back me up, and if I wasn't here."

"Why wouldn't you be here?" John interrupted as he stood and moved to her side.

"If the IOA tries to send me home, you'll have to run Atlantis," Elizabeth explained as she opened her computer again. "And I need to know that you'll run it. Put yourself above Rodney and be able to handle things."

He touched her shoulder and watched the muscles in her neck tense as she turned towards him. "Have you done something that the IOA is going to get their panties in a knot for? Are you trading secrets with the Genii? Or making secret plans to market that game on Ebay?"

Her hair tumbled around her head as she laughed weakly. "Sleeping with my military commander might get me sent back, don't you think?" she offered more seriously as Elizabeth turned her eyes from the computer screen towards him.

"No one needs to know about that," John insisted as he leaned closer. "I don't even think anyone here suspects anything."

"They will," Elizabeth mused through tight lips. "We can't hide forever."

"We can until we come up with a better plan," John insisted as he insinuated himself onto the corner of her desk. "Then we'll make a case for how necessary we both are and the IOA's just going to have to live with it."

"No, John," Elizabeth started as she stood and cupped his face in her hands. "We- I made a mistake and the IOA sending me home is a real possibility."

"You don't make mistakes," John teased as he kissed her hand and watched her flush.

"I'm pregnant," she offered bluntly. "I thought we were being careful. I thought I was ready to try," she smiled sadly down at their interlocked hands, "This with you."

"Why didn't you?" he stuttered as he stared down at her stomach and then back at her softening expression.

"Carson caught me today, on my way to my briefing on your game," she explained as an emotion John didn't recognize floated across her face. "I was going to tell you."

"When you got done making me feel like a child?" he teased as he waited for her to smile.

"Something like that."

He shrugged and found himself incapable of not grinning like an idiot. "At least we know you've already got the mom voice down," he teased as he squeezed her hand all the tighter. "You scared me, you can scare Woolsey."

Her eyes narrowed, twinkling as she met his eyes. "You think so?"

"Oh I know," John shuddered and reached for a curl of her hair. "Trust me."