A/N This guide was a joint venture between wyldcat and myself and was written in the style of Theresa Green's Owner Guides. Unfortunately we have been unable to contact her for permission to use her format as she had apparently quit fanfiction so if anyone is able to tell us how to contact her, we'll be glad to ask for the proper permission.

Warnings - Brief mentions of slash embedded within but nothing graphic.

Disclaimer - Doctor Who is the property of the BBC. Basically, neither wyldcat or I claim ownership over this brilliant series.

Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual to the TENTH DOCTOR

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of your very own TENTH DOCTOR unit. To make sure you receive the full benefits from your big haired broom-in-a-suit, it is suggested that you read the following information thoroughly.

Technical Specifications

Name: The Doctor

Sex: Male

Age: 900+ (Exact age unknown)

Height: 6' 1"

Weight: 149 lb

Length: 10"

Place of Manufacture: Gallifrey and Friends Propriety Limited

Your TENTH DOCTOR unit comes with the following accessories

1 x Brown Coat

1 x Blue Suit Jacket and Pants Combination

1 x Brown Suit Jacket and Pants Combination

3 x Converse Trainers: White, Maroon, Black

10 x Ties

5 x Tubs of Hair Gel

2 x Sonic Screwdrivers

1 x Pair of Geek Chic Glasses

Depending on what sort of atrocities you have committed upon purchasing, you may notice your TENTH DOCTOR unit scowling angrily. The unit is not damaged. It is entirely your fault.

Getting Started

Remove your new TENTH DOCTOR unit from its box and place on a flat surface. Depending on how this unit was packaged (This will be told to you on a slip of paper attached to this guide), you may be required to purchase other units. For example, if your TENTH DOCTOR unit was exposed to any CARRIONITES units before packaging, it would probably be best to purchase a MARTHA JONES unit to perform CPR on your TENTH DOCTOR unit.

It is suggested that you keep any and all ROBOT SANTA CLAUS units away when your TENTH DOCTOR unit is being activated.

Programming

Your new TENTH DOCTOR unit comes with a number of functions and is exceedingly useful around the house depending on his mood. We suggest you keep him in a good one.

Happy-Go-Lucky Freelancer (Default): The easiest mode to maintain, it is suggested you keep your TENTH DOCTOR unit in this mode when idle. This mode will morph however, if over-exposed to 'The Loss of Rose' sequence and become Slightly Suicidal Freelancer (Default) mode until internal emotion balances can be restored. Contrary to popular belief a MARTHA JONES unit will not help in this regard.

Time Traveller: When in the vicinity of a TARDIS unit, your TENTH DOCTOR unit will automatically travel to far off distant planets and bring back various ANGRY ALIEN units who will chase your TENTH DOCTOR unit around the house, breaking down walls and generally making a huge mess which he will then leave you to clean up by disappearing in the TARDIS unit. Occasionally, he will bring back new units, usually female, as Companions for your pleasure and their own.

Geek a.k.a. Know-It-All: When activated, your TENTH DOCTOR unit will begin using big scientific words and speaking at a pace that will leave you dazed and confused. Do not be alarmed as this is a legitimate mode and your unit is not malfunctioning… yet. If this mode is prolonged, your TENTH DOCTOR unit will be increasingly socially isolated by his insane chatter. For help, see FAQ.

Fanboy: Your TENTH DOCTOR unit will unexpectedly break out into Fanboy mode when presented with new and exciting things he has never or rarely come across before. For best results, please purchase a SATAN'S PIT MONSTER unit, a CLOCKWORK DROID unit, a SARAH JANE unit, a K9 ROBOT DOG unit, a PROFESSOR YANA unit equipped with the accessory UTOPIA SPACE SHIP or a FIFTH DOCTOR (New Age) unit.

Romance: There are very few units your TENTH DOCTOR unit will actively switch to the Romance mode for and they include a ROSE TYLER unit and a MADAME DE POMPADOUR unit. Try to avoid activating this mode as it will generally end in heartbreak and a lot of tears, although the TENTH DOCTOR unit has never been seen to cry. However, moping will be imminent and is suggested that you introduce him to something new to interrupt it before the moping starts to get out of hand.

Human (Locked): This can only be activated if you purchase a TARDIS unit equipped with the accessory CHAMELEON ARCH which will induce intense pain in your TENTH DOCTOR unit. This mode will also cause memory loss and overall uselessness in dire situations involving aliens but will also improve dancing, chivalry and cricket skills.

Warning: Use only when the unit is being chased by obnoxious aliens from THE FAMILY OF BLOOD Collectors Edition. However, you are more than likely never to see THE FAMILY OF BLOOD units again.

Jesus (Locked): To unlock the Jesus mode, your TENTH DOCTOR unit must be aged dramatically by THE MASTER (SIMM) unit and put in a bird cage. What also must exist is an ARCHANGEL NETWORK accessory, a whole lot of RANDOM HUMAN units engaging the overly-contrived Empowered mode of chanting "Doctor" over and over after a year of being terrorised by TOCLAFANE units as well as a MARTHA JONES unit which has engaged the Defender of the Earth mode to empower them.

Warning: It must be noted that the Jesus mode is extremely difficult to unlock, however, it is entirely worth it if you wish THE MASTER (SIMM) unit to enter its Meek and Defeated mode and if you wish to be blinded by shiny lights.

Slash (Locked): See FAQ.

Regeneration (Locked): See FAQ.

Relations With Other Units

ROSE TYLER: Your TENTH DOCTOR unit possesses a deep love for ROSE TYLER units. However you may find that your TENTH DOCTOR is unable to initiate this affection beyond hugging and the extensive hand-holding. In the event that you wish to advance things, a CASSANDRA unit with a limited edition Psychograft accessory is recommended.

Warning: Psychografts can induce personality disorders and fainting in your units. Please use with caution.

MARTHA JONES: While this unit has an intense romantic interest with your TENTH DOCTOR unit, your TENTH DOCTOR unit will automatically avoid activating its Romance mode by being deliberately thick on account of being desperately hung up over the ROSE TYLER unit. However, if your TENTH DOCTOR unit accidentally gets stuck in the 1960s, a MARTHA JONES unit is essential to ensure your TENTH DOCTOR does not starve to death or suffer from exposure to the elements. If you think your TENTH DOCTOR unit would enjoy the company of a MARTHA JONES unit, it would be wise not to let it near any TOM MILLIGAN units or activate her Defender of the Earth mode, as she would undoubtedly leave your TENTH DOCTOR unit to pursue her own happiness.

CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS: These units are fairly compatible with TENTH DOCTOR units when all potential flirting opportunities are removed from view and Satellite Five and other related topics are not mentioned. For full compatibility, please unlock the Slash mode (see FAQ).

THE MASTER (SIMM): It is recommended that your TENTH DOCTOR unit should be kept away from all THE MASTER (SIMM) units as these units are psychopaths, are prone to sing and dance to rock music and enjoy suggesting sexual innuendo and humiliating your TENTH DOCTOR unit. This may cause your TENTH DOCTOR unit default mode to malfunction. In the event of overexposure to THE MASTER (SIMM) units, your TENTH DOCTOR unit's Slash and other related sub-modes may be unlocked and will be difficult to lock again.

JACKIE TYLER: It is advised that you keep your TENTH DOCTOR unit away from JACKIE TYLER units due to their incredible arm strength and frequent mood swings. However, short periods of exposure to JACKIE TYLER units may prove useful due to their tea-brewing skills and instinctual motherly traits such as feeding, since TENTH DOCTOR units occasionally need it.

MICKEY SMITH: These units will often cause your TENTH DOCTOR unit to behave in a tactless way which MICKEY SMITH units find highly demeaning. MICKEY SMITH units' low self-esteem may lead to recklessness and further stupidity, especially when introduced to the K9 ROBOT DOG unit. To avoid this, it is recommended that you purchase a ROSE TYLER unit to diffuse any situation your TENTH DOCTOR and MICKEY SMITH unit will have.

Cleaning

Your TENTH DOCTOR unit is self-cleaning, except when encountering a MASTER (SIMM) unit and his Laser Screwdriver. A LATISHA JONES, FRANCINE JONES or CLIVE JONES unit is recommended to clean up the mess.

Feeding

A wide variety of foods such as marmalade, bananas, banana daiquiris and more bananas should be offered to keep your TENTH DOCTOR unit sugar-high and interesting. In the event that your TENTH DOCTOR unit requires something other than monosaccharides, such as fructose, it is recommended that you purchase a TARDIS unit and let it do the work for you.

Rest

TENTH DOCTOR units require very little rest, but it is recommended that you advise your unit not to take regular naps under the console of a TARDIS unit.

Disposal

Disposal can be tricky for a beginner as TENTH DOCTOR units are known to be able to enter the Regeneration mode automatically and upgrade to a ELEVENTH DOCTOR unit. Many of your other units will also loudly oppose this action and will cause general havoc amongst each other.

However, if you insist on disposal, one method would be to repeatedly remind him of his annihilation of the PLANET GALLIFREY Collectors Edition and removing all traces of the TARDIS unit. By far the easiest method would be to repeatedly shoot him as each regeneration appears, allowing for the fifteen hour window period known as 'regeneration cycle' between regenerations until the Regeneration mode has exhausted itself. Please note that it is not sure when and how long it will take the Regeneration mode to cease working upon a TENTH DOCTOR unit's body due to the combined efforts of the annihilation of PLANET GALLIFREY Collectors Edition, the BARB audience figures for the show and the fanboys that currently run it.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

How do I unlock my TENTH DOCTOR unit's Slash mode?

Please purchase a CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS or THE MASTER (SIMM) unit for best results. A FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH, SIXTH, SEVENTH, EIGHTH or NINTH DOCTOR unit may prove more difficult for you to unlock the TENTH DOCTOR unit's Slash mode, although good results have been obtained with the FIFTH DOCTOR and the EIGHTH DOCTOR units.

Well I've unlocked my TENTH DOCTOR unit's Slash mode using THE MASTER (SIMM) unit. How do I lock up that mode again?

Although difficult, it is achievable. To lock, remove THE MASTER (SIMM) unit from the vicinity of your TENTH DOCTOR unit but be prepared to suffer months of your unit moping around the house and not listening to you. Alternatively, you can obtain a LUCY SAXON unit equipped with Jack's Gun accessory which will activate 'The Master Dying' sequence. This limits your TENTH DOCTOR unit's moping period to mere weeks. A TARDIS unit in Paradox Machine mode would also help in this regard.

My unit has entered Geek a.k.a. Know-it-all mode and will not stop. What do I do now?

To exit this mode and bring about a more understandable explanation, bring your TENTH DOCTOR unit in the vicinity of a ROSE TYLER or MARTHA JONES unit. To bypass the understandable explanation, a DONNA NOBLE unit would be best as this unit has a tendency to 'slap some sense' into TENTH DOCTOR units. Please initiate interactions of this nature sparingly however, as bruises on your TENTH DOCTOR unit's cheek will void the unit's warranty. Alternatively, you can have another unit kiss your TENTH DOCTOR unit at an inappropriate time when he least expects it such as in the middle of a rant or in a very public area.

You said the TENTH DOCTOR unit has never been known to cry, but when I had my LUCY SAXON unit shoot my THE MASTER (SIMM) unit, he started sobbing uncontrollably. Is my TENTH DOCTOR unit broken?

While rare, it has been reported that this happens, especially if your TENTH DOCTOR unit is exposed to THE MASTER (SIMM) unit for lengthy periods of time. We have investigated this and have concluded that this is not a fault or a glitch, although your unit is now emotionally crippled. We recommend you purchase a CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS unit or a TITANIC Play Set to distract your TENTH DOCTOR unit from his troubles.

Help! My TENTH DOCTOR unit has just died! It glowed very brightly before dissipating and leaving a very odd man in its place! How do I restore my unit's original looks?

Well, you're screwed. You have just initiated Regeneration mode and your warranty is now void. There is nothing more you can do. Sorry. But congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of your very own ELEVENTH DOCTOR unit!