Journal Entries 1:
Dear
Journal:
08/24/1995
My father let me buy you today. I plan on writing in you everyday until I run out of pages. Maybe I'll make it a yearly run to the store to buy a journal. I love to write down my feelings & thoughts. I guess he let me buy you because he was tired of me being on the computer all the time. Oh well, I'm just glad he let me buy it. I made a promise, though; my parents are never to learn what I write in this journal or any other ones I have.
My father is a paramedic for the Las Vegas Fire Department. My mother is a secretary for some law firm. I'm pretty much alone most of the time & in that time, I can do anything I want to. I set my garbage on fire then put some water in it to snuff it out. I throw the garbage in the big can outside & wheel it to the curb. The rest of the garbage is already in the can. I walk back to the garage & grab the Recycling bin & wheel it next to the garbage can.
My mother arrives a couple minutes after the garbage situation. She makes dinner & we eat when my father comes home. My father asks how my school day was & I tell him it was the same as every other day. I get a slap across the face for that answer. There's something you have to know about my parents, they hate & I emphasize on the word hate it when I act sarcastic around them. Every now & then I'll get slapped, but they haven't done anything big in a while.
Well I've got to go for now. I'll write again soon.
-Devenia Smith, aged 10
Dear Journal:
08/25/1995
We used to live in Dallas, Texas. Then my father started coming home from work drunk, drunker then a skunk. My mother would stay at work as late as possible, so my father only had me in the house. He loved it when we were alone. I'd be in my room & he'd just barge right in. I would look up at him and he would grab my arm & drag me out of my room and into his room. He would grab his belt & hit me until I could barely walk. Then he would take me back to my room and leave me alone.
When my mother would come home, she'd make dinner & the three of us would eat together. They never asked how school was back then. They never thought they'd have to move because of some teacher. My teacher called the cops on my parents for abuse. But by then, all signs of abuse had faded from my body. And when Social Services got to the house, I would tell them that the only time I got hit was when I had done something wrong. Then I would get a spanking and the matter would be done. Or I \would be grounded after I got a spanking. When they asked if I'd ever been hit until I could barely stand, I lied and told them no.
Well I've got to go for now. I'll write later.
-Devenia Smith, aged 10
Dear Journal:
10/31/1995
I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, I've been pretty busy with my Halloween costume. I expect to win the Costume Contest at my friend Aleesha's Costume party. I've never felt more alive. Father and mother haven't hit me in two months. I feel so alive. I'm dressed up as a Celtic Queen. My long red hair is braided and I leave it hanging down my back. My hair goes all the way past my hips. I have a crown on & a long silk gown that I made myself. My mother is Irish & I have learned some of the Gaelic Language, the dead Language of Old Ireland.
Later:
I won the Costume Contest at Aleesha's party. It was so much fun. We got so much candy. Father only knows of the small bag of candy I got. Aleesha promised to bring the rest to school so I can take it home & hide it under the loose floorboard under my bed.
I got to go for now. I'll write later.
-Devenia Smith, aged 10
Dear Journal:
02/02/1996
I turned eleven yesterday. And I got the best birthday present ever. Including the horse & lessons last month, I now get to go into Las Vegas on the bus whenever I want. Father has gotten me an unlimited bus pass for the next couple months. I started horse riding lessons a month ago. It's so much fun. And father has bought me my own horse, a black Thoroughbred. She's so beautiful. Father says that I can ride as long as I want to. He even says that he'll pay for the lessons as long as I want them. Aleesha & I are in the same riding class. It's so much more fun with her in my riding class. But if father knew about her being in the same class, he'd go bizerk.
I got to go for now. I'll write later.
-Devenia Smith, aged 11
Dear Journal:
04/05/1996
Sorry I haven't written in a while. Been busy riding Levi, my horse. Aleesha moved away from Las Vegas last month. Her grandmother was killed in a car accident & her parents thought it was best that they go live with her grandfather. Now I must make new friends.
Must go.
-Devenia Smith, aged 11
Dear Journal:
09/26/1996
I've gotten bored with my father & mother. They have started hitting me again. I go riding as much as I can. I even ride into town every now 7 then. And to be honest, I like it much better now that I have Levi. She's my only companion on these rides 7 I have time to think about my life. I have met the most nicest guy ever. He said his name was Greg Sanders and that he works for the LVPD Police, that he was a Forensic Scientist. I hope to see him again. I've noticed that him & some other scientists hang around the Diner a lot. I've gone in a couple times to get some water for Levi. The owner always has a large bowl of water waiting for me. He says I'm the only customer that needs a lot of water.
I've managed to get the water for free and have asked if I could do anything to help. The owner says that I can have a small job cleaning up in the back room & that he'll pay me for it. I told him I wouldn't take his money, but that if he'd slip in a meal & Levi's water, we could call it even. He agreed.
Must go.
-Devenia Smith, aged 11
Dear Journal:
02/01/1997
Sorry I haven't written in a while. I'm balancing school, Levi, my job & homework. I get most of my homework done after work while I'm eating my meal & Levi's drinking her water. The CSI's are coming in a lot this year. I guess it's a hang out. They say hi to me every time & have managed to slip Levi a carrot, apple & some sugar cubes. They love Levi as much as I do. My father found out about my having a job at the Diner from driving by & seeing Levi in the parking lot. He came in asking about the horse and the owner called me out. He saw my face and left. I told the owner I had to go. He understood. That night, my father, mother and I discussed my job at the Diner. They understood why I was doing it. They just asked that next time I tell them about it. I told them I would. They also offered to drive me instead of me riding Levi in. I had to tell them that Levi was not just standing around.
I told them that not only was I working in the back room, but also parents would come to me asking if there kids could ride around the parking lot on her. I would get tips from the parents when I said yes. My parents understood.
Must go for now.
P.S. Forgot to say something. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!HeHeHeHeHeHee!
-Devenia Smith, aged 12
Dear Journal:
05/06/1998
Been busy with work, school, Levi and other stuff. My father has started hitting me again. It's because of my grades. I've asked James if I can cut my hours at work back to a couple days a week instead of all week. He's agreed. I told him it was my grades & he understood.
-Devenia Smith, aged 13
Dear Journal:
07/27/1999
Been busy. Father's been hitting like crazy. I think it has something to do with his job. I really don't want to move again.
Must go.
-Devenia Smith, aged 14
Dear Journal:
01/22/2000
I cannot wait until I turn sixteen. Then I can drive. I'll still be riding Levi to school, work and everywhere. The whole town practically knows us. Sam Braun, a big time Casino Owner came out yesterday to talk to me. I guess he was wondering why I was riding Levi everywhere & not taking the bus, especially in such hot weather. So I told him why. Levi needs the exercise & I need to go places. Besides, we stop by the Diner on my days off and get water. I was promoted to dishwasher.
Must go.
-Devenia Smith, aged 15
Dear Journal:
07/04/2001
IT'S THE FOURTH OF JULY!!!! Yea!Yea!Yea!Yea! The Diner hasn't shut down for the day so we have a big crowd today. I was promoted to Waitress over four months ago. But Levi is the main reason for big business today. A bunch of folks and their kids are coming out to see her. They are paying great money to ride her.
Must go.
-Devenia Smith, aged 16
Dear Journal:
09/11/2001
I have heard about what happened at the twin Towers, the Pentagon and the Pennsylvania field. I am sad because Aleesha lives in Pennsylvania, near where the plane crashed. I hope she is all right. I have started talking to her more & more via e-mail. She misses me just like I miss her. At the Diner, everyone is in shock. James' mother worked in the Twin Towers before she retired. He plans on leaving me in charge while he, a retired Firefighter, drives to New York to help out. He trusts me and knows me enough to know that I will no cheat him. He will be gone as long as he is needed. I wish him luck. I also send with him a CD of mixes I have made, me & Aleesha singing them of course.
Must go.
-Devenia Smith, aged 16
Dear Journal:
09/25/2002
My father has gotten more drunk and more violent by the day. Ever since I was given soul responsibility of the Diner while James was in New York, he has resented ever letting me have a job. James keeps asking me where I am getting the bruises, and I've had to lie about them every time. But now even the CSI's have noticed the bruises. Maybe I can lie to James about them, but I cannot lie to the CSI's about them.
I've got to go, someone's at the door and nobody's home. I'll write later. This time I promise!
-Devenia Smith, aged 17