AN: Set during R breakup.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The More You Know

by Silver Miko

"Mamoru-san, I just don't understand this, any of this."

The black haired man looked over questioningly at the girl walking next to him with long black hair and flashing violet eyes. After the grocery store incident, Rei had insisited Usagi go on ahead with Chibi-Usa. There were words needed to be said, and Rei was never much for holding back on words.

"What?" he asked, already worrying where the conversation was going. Though he and Rei had been friends and hung out together many times in the past (which she considered dates even though he never did), nowadays it wasn't the same and for her to want to talk to him about anything could only mean one topic- the one he didn't want to talk about at all.

"You and Usagi-chan. I just can't understand why you're doing this to her."

He sighed, feeling the weight of the world once again on his shoulder. He couldn't tell her about the dreams, none of them could know. Usagi couldn't know.

"I don't want to be with her anymore."

"But she's the princess you were looking for. How can she, who was once everything to you, the girl you risked your life for and was stabbed by Zoisite and killed by Beryl for now no longer who you want?"

"It's... complicated."

"Complicated.."

She looked ahead as they walked through down the sidewalk, it getting dark and the sky was turning shades of red waning into lavender. She had debated on this conversation for some time now, the other senshi all wanted to say something to him but didn't want to intrude in his and Usagi's business, but it was becoming too much. Seeing Usagi like that, so much like another time...

"You know, Mamoru-san, you probably don't remember this at all. When the Dark Kingdom had kidnapped you and brainwashed you, one of the traps they set to obtain Sailor Moon and the ginzuishou was a Moon Princess Ski Competition. Usagi-chan being Usagi-chan entered even though she can't ski for the life of her. I entered to because I'm a better skiier and well, needling at her was fun. And I suppose I wanted to win."

He stopped walking, and she could tell from his confused expression he didn't remember.

"A youma trapped in a trench of snow, me and Usagi-chan, and you'd have thought she would be wailing and crying like usual but she was actually calm. I was the one who panicked. She told me when you broke up, you had commented to her you don't like weak girls. If that's true, then you're a complete idiot."

Now Mamoru was taken aback, because Rei had never spoken to him like that. He knew she was well capable of yelling and cutting a person down, but he'd never had it turned on him before.

She took a breath and continued.

"Let me tell you something about Usagi-chan, when we were trapped she started playing that locket you gave her because she said when she felt depressed or lonely it made her feel better. Could you imagine that? Someone like Usagi-chan, who was always laughing and smiling and had people all around depressed and lonely? When she found out she was the princess, and you were taken, she lost it and didn't want to fight anymore. She didn't want us to end up like you. So I slapped her and called her a coward because you had risked your life for her and she was acting like that? I was so mad, at everything, but moreso I was hurting too."

"You..slapped Usako?"

She nodded painfully.

"I was hurt and angry at everything else but her, but I took it out on her. When we hung out, and I thought..it was dating...I liked you because you seemed so cool and I liked having someone to tease Usagi-chan with..and when we were stuck there in the snow and she was explaining why she was listening to it, she then suddenly apologized to me saying she didn't want me to think she was showing off. Could you believe her? There she was, having her world completely shattered, her life completely altered, having lost you...and she was more concerned at that moment about my feelings for you. But that's the type of girl she is again, and some might say it was a stupid thing of her to say. I thought it was stupid in reflection, how at that point could she worry when she was the one going through all that?"

"Why...Rei-chan, why are you telling me this?" he asked. He didn't want her to break him down with this, and confess the dreams. He didn't want to answer why. Couldn't anyone just let it be? It was for Usagi's best. They couldn't understand.

"I told her something along the lines that I was over the you and me thing, because you risked your life for her and got hurt protecting her...I could never compete with that. It was more than that, before, when we hung out, there was something always missing with you. A distance, as if I could never completely get your attention, but when it came to Usagi-chan even when you were fighting she always had your attention. Tuxedo Kamen was connected to Sailor Moon. You dreamed of the princess, she was your past lover. How could I compete with that? Why would I anyway? It wasn't just all that, you know, to be honest I wasn't being myself around you. I was acting like someone else and that wasn't right. It just took a while to realize that, and even though I wanted to think I was so hurt over you being gone, I knew it was worse for her. Those days, seeing her try to be so cheerful was painful for all of us. When she said that, "please don't think I'm showing off!", that was the day I knew many things but more importantly this- before that I would risk my life for her as a fellow senshi, maybe out of duty to my princess, but after that...I knew. I would lay my life on the line for Tsukino Usagi, and I did. I died for her not because she was my princess..." Rei paused, tears bright in her eyes at the emotion that filled her, "Usagi-chan is my best friend. She is lazy, a cry-baby, and can be an idiot and not always be brave but...that girl...went to Hell and back all alone for us, all of us, that girl died for us. The only reason we're standing here is because even though she was dying, all she wanted was a normal life, for all of us because that's her character. I don't think...any of us could have done what she did and went through all that. So to see her going through this again but worse, can't you understand at all what you're doing?!"

"Please stop, Rei-chan, this...won't change anything."

He couldn't stand seeing Rei crying, but mostly he couldn't stand how much her words made him want to cry. She was right, and he never felt more of a liar than now. He had told Usagi he didn't like weak girls, and that was such a cruel lie, almost worse than telling her he didn't love her anymore.

Rei didn't need to make this argument, he more than anyone knew that Tsukino Usagi was the bravest girl who had withstood so many things and survived.

"Whatever your reasons, I know you're a liar when you say you don't love her anymore. The look in your eyes when she's in danger, you still rush to her side and don't say it's just out of duty, you even still call her 'Usako'! And don't deny it to me of all people, because I am not like most people and can sense these things."

He bit back words of denial, why did Rei have to be so damn right today? Why couldn't she, like the other senshi, mind her own business?

"I told her that day, 'you better find happiness with Mamoru-san or I'll punish you!'. It was the only way then I could give her my blessing. I don't know why you're doing this to her, but after everything she went through, and then having to deal with you not even remember any of it during that whole Ail and Ann business, just when you two finally got together...are your reasons good enough to be crushing her like this?!"

"Her life would be...better without me."

Rei's hand itched to slap him, but she held back. She was more sure now, there was something...some reason Mamoru had ended things with Usagi, and it wasn't a falling out of love. She had thought maybe it was a fluke, sensing the emotions between the two, but she was sure now. Mamoru still loved her friend. Whatever was going on though, he would never tell her. And even if she promised not to tell Usagi, he wouldn't tell Rei either. Because he knew her loyalty was not to him. It was to Usagi. Always Usagi.

"This is where I'd say something cliche, like 'you don't deserve her!' or 'she deserves better!' but the truth is there's no other man in the world for her, she'll never love anyone else. No matter how much you hurt her, she'll always love you most in the world. That's...just the silly kind of girl she is. I want you think long and hard about this Mamoru-san, and ask yourself if this is really for the best, because I don't think there's any reason in the world for any of this. You can say her life will be better...but her life can't seem to go forward without you, which is something I can understand because...I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. It would be a lonliness I don't think I could bear."

"You're a good friend, Rei-chan, she's lucky to have you...all of you."

Rei snorted, a not quite smile on her lips.

"As true as that is, no matter what we do...we can't fill your spot in her heart. No one can, you're...the most precious person to her. You could say her heart is that big, that she has room for all of us but...you are the one she'll defy everything for, even death. And she has. So I'll leave you on that note. Goodbye, Mamoru-san."

She turned and walked ahead of him, turning the corner that would lead to Hikawa Jinja, and he was still rooted in his spot as her words sank in.

Rei wiped her face one last time, watching the sun melt in the horizon and closed her eyes making a prayer on it.

Please, let my words have helped some. Usagi-chan should never have that lonliness in her eyes ever again.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

A note: Initially, I was never a fan of Rei. I thought she was a little bitchy, but seeing the original Japanese version and no longer being a twelve year old, I came to appreciate her and was able to see her subtle devotion to Usagi. Sure they fight, but in truth, Rei is so utterly loyal to Usagi that she would be willing to and HAS died for her.

And given her history with Mamoru, and having recently seen the first season ski episode, I always sort of wish Rei and Mamoru had a conversation like this in R.

It wasn't so much I wanted to give some closure to Rei and Mamoru, but moreso Rei's devotion to Usagi regarding of all people, a man Rei used to have a huge thing for.

I'm sure Rei really did have feelings for Mamoru, but she never seemed to really act like herself around him, and I think it was really honestly a superficial crush that over time she'd realize wasn't meant to be.

So of ALL the senshi, I felt if anything were to question Mamoru's motives, it'd be her.