"Hermione, how long do we have to keep working?" Ron moaned as they sat in the library pouring over dusty books.

"Because, Ronald, we have a huge potions exam next week." Hermione growled through clenched teeth. As much as she loved her boyfriend, he really was pushing her limit for stupidity.

Rolling her eyes at him her gaze fell instead on Harry and Ginny who had just emerged from between the shelves looking very ruffled and Ginny looked downright pissed.

"What happened?" Ron said, welcoming the distraction.

"Nothing!" Harry demanded.

"Everything!" Ginny protested simultaneously.

"You two are on the rocks again, huh?" Hermione said not looking up from her book.

"How could you tell?" Harry grumbled.

"Herm, help me find a book will you?" Ginny said, shooting daggers with her eyes at her heroic boyfriend who tried and failed to take them manfully.

Sighing Hermione got up and they wandered to a distant part of the library.

"So, what happened?" Hermione asked with some trepidation.

"Everything was going great. We were making out like we always do, then guess what, he calls me Cho!"

"Oh no. He's such an idiot."

At that moment Luna stormed over to them looking even angrier than Ginny.

"Now what's happened?" Hermione asked sympathetically.

"Neville forgot my birthday! He's done this two years running now, despite all my reminders."

"Maybe he's planning to surprise you?" Hermione tried not to roll her eyes. Luna's boyfriend Neville was very forgetful and it wasn't the first time he had forgotten something important; he constantly forgot their anniversaries. "Did you tell him it was your birthday?"

"Not today. But I mentioned it yesterday."

"Lune, you know he's not perceptive. How heavy were these hints?"

"I didn't drop hints, I dropped anvils."

"Ah. One day I will invent a rememberall for him that also tells him exactly what he's forgotten. Do you want me to remind him when we get back to the common room? Or would you enjoy that pleasure?"

Luna laughed. "Thanks Hermione. I'll have a word with him tomorrow. Several in fact. What's wrong with Ginny then?" Luna had noticed Ginny pacing angrily like a caged bear.

"Harry called her Cho again."

"Why does he do that?"

"I don't know. Boys are idiots. Ron made me explain how to make a Calming Drought about five thousand times today."

"Looks like it's a bad day, girlfriend wise. Make that a very bad day." She added as Parvati stormed towards them. "What did Seamus do this time?" Luna asked wearily.

"He's cheating on me."

"With who?" Hermione looked very puzzled.

"My own sister!" The other girls gasped in shock.

"Maybe he got confused. Perhaps he thought she was you." Hermione said placatingly.

"She wears Ravenclaw robes! Blue and brown look nothing like red and gold. He's cheating on me with my own twin."

"I heard about that. Apparently she's innocent. She doesn't know he's dating you. Apparently he told her that you had broken up." Ginny ceased her pacing and came back to join them.

"That slimeball." Luna enthused. "But I thought she was dating Dean Thomas?"

"No, he dumped her and is now dating Cho Chang."

"But she's going out with Cedric Diggory."

"Not since he broke up with her, because he realised what sexual preference he has." Ginny snorted.

"Really? Didn't see that coming." Hermione looked confused.

"Neither did she, it seems. According to my source, she walked in on him and some bloke."

"Who?"

"I heard it was Justin Finch-Fletchly." Ginny giggled as her friends laughed.

Madam Pince now chivvied them out of the library because they were making too much noise.

In the entrance hall they ran into Pansy Parkinson who was fuming.

"What's up Pans?" Hermione asked. Surprisingly they were friends. They actually had a lot in common, and could gossip away for hours.

"Draco wants me to have sex with him when I'm on the rag."

"Urgh! He's an even bigger pig than I thought."

"I hate you!" a girl shouted from nearby. Turning they saw Hannah Abbot rush down the stairs a floor above them.

"Hannah!" They saw Ernie McMillan going after her. "Don't be like that. Look, I'm really sorry."

"I should hope you are!"

"I thought we were broken up."

"Ernie, we were on a break, we were not broken up. There's a difference."

"Well not to me."

"I can't believe you slept with her." Hannah was on the point of crying. "Just leave me alone!" Hannah now came down to where the other girls were. She sank onto the steps and sobbed whilst Hermione and Parvati comforted her.

"You jerk!"

"Cho? Now what's happening?"

Cho burst out of the great hall with Dean Thomas in tow.

"Cho, please, it's not like that." Dean protested.

"So what? He just tripped and fell into your arms?" Cho screeched. "Why are all my boyfriends gay?"

Dean scowled at her and then past her to the girls she had not noticed before running off to a secret passageway that led up to Gryffindor tower. Cho turned and saw them.

"All my boyfriends turn out to be gay. Is it me?"

"No, it's not you. Besides, Harry didn't turn out to be gay."

"They did it again!" two girls shouted together from the top of the staircase. Turning they saw Alicia Spinnet and Katie Bell looking murderous.

"What did the twins do this time?" Hermione groaned. This was going to be a long night.

"They tested us again. They swapped places to see if we knew who we were dating. Again." Katie snarled. Apparently this happened a lot.

"Is today a cursed day for couples or something?" Hermione said, which produced a small humourless laugh.

"I'm telling you I didn't tell him!"

"Blaise?" Pansy said, looking towards the door that led down to the dungeons.

"Then tell me how he found out."

"Is that Lavender?" Parvati said.

"I wouldn't ever tell him."

"Go back to your hole." Lavender stomped out of the door and saw the group at the foot of the stairs.

"Did Draco find out?" Pansy asked.

"Yeah, and he went nuts. I thought you were supposed to be keeping him away tonight?"

"Painters and decorators. And we all know what he's like once he gets going."

"At least you know you're not pregnant now." Lavender shrugged.

"We've all be wronged by boys today." Hermione mused.

"So?" Pansy said.

"On the same day? It's a bit of a coincidence, isn't it?"

"It's a conspiracy." Luna said dreamily.

"Oh please!" Ginny scoffed.

"I think she's right." Hermione said, surprising everyone. "Think about it. The worst things boyfriends could do, they do today. It's far too much of a coincidence."

"But Ron didn't do anything too bad to you."

"All week he's been treating me like a fifties housewife. Making out that he's the smart one, and that he's the one that'll have a career whilst I sit home and have babies. And whenever I try to teach him anything he either claims that he knows it already, or that he doesn't need to know it, or, even worse, he acts even denser than usual so I have to go over and over it until I'm blue in the face. Sorry, rant over."

"Get it out of your system." Parvati gripped her shoulder briefly.

"What are the boys up to though? They're all acting like jerks. Hang on. Isn't it Valentines Day soon?" Hermione suddenly gasped. "Pre-emptive strike! They're getting us to break up with them so they won't have to spend money on valentines or deal with us on Valentines Day."

"The dogs!" Pansy's voice cracked as she squealed.

"Then they'll get back together with us after the day, when it's all over."

"Ron did this last year too. And Neville forgot your birthday and Valentines Day last year. Harry got all broody last year so we wouldn't go near him. I'm not sure about the other boys, but I think ours must have told them. Parvati, get Padma. Girls we are going on the offensive. I think it's time to kick those boys where the sun don't shine, don't you?" Hermione grinned at her friends, who smirked back.