Spoilers: Anything up to and including Sunday. It's set a month after Sunday, but before First Strike.

Characters: Sheppard, McKay, Teyla, Ronon, Charin, Weir

Category: Gen, team fic, action/adventure, suspense, angst, h/c

Rating: T-for violence and language

Summary: Teyla is struggling in the aftermath of Carson Beckett's death and other events. A simple trip to Athos for her to gain some perspective turns into a life and death battle for Sheppard and the team. As usual, everybody gets some type of whumping GG

Feedback: It is very appreciated.

Many thanks to Teprac S for prodding my muse on a regular basis! And to AnnieB for taking a look at this for me. Any mistakes you find are all mine, though. And to Gini for editing a story in a fandom not her own.

Also thanks to LoveConquers for her music vid of Teyla's Song. Teyla and Charin's voices and the stirring music and images really touched me and I must have watched that vid a gazillion times. For those who haven't seen it, here's the addy: There is no profit from this story. All rights belong to the creators Stargate Atlantis, but the original characters, ideas, and story belongs to me.

Word count for Ch 1 to 13: 50,615

A/N: This is a story I started back in Feb 07 that seemed to be one of those stories where the spark simply died out, but I kept it in my 'to be finished' folder in hopes of one day completing it. I picked it up and played with it a few times since then, but never really advancing it too much. Then my father passed away at the end of October and the emotions I was feeling needed to be channeled into something constructive. Thanks for reading!

"Healing Ways"

by ValleyA

Chapter One

Eight year-old Teyla Emmagan looked up from her drawing board and smiled at the older woman. "Charin, look, I drew a picture like the ones in the caves of the old city. Here are the great ships and these are the Wraith capturing our people with their culling beams."

Charin bent down to examine her work more carefully, her long flowing hair falling down to brush against Teyla's cheek. It smelled of fruits, spices, and wood. It was a scent Teyla loved. "Yes, child, your artistry is very good, but do you not want to draw something beautiful? Perhaps, some pretty pictures of flowers or your family?"

Little Teyla shook her head and said with a solemn air, "One day I will lead our people. I need to remember the Wraith and what they have done to us. I must keep our people safe."

Charin wrapped her arms around Teyla and squeezed, then kissed the top of her head. "Yes, you will lead one day, but until then you will be my little Teyla to love. Do not grow up before your time."

Teyla slipped out of Charin's hold and jutted out her chin in defiance. "I will be nine next week. When I am nine, I cannot play so much."

Charin frowned, putting her hands on her hips. "Do you mean you will be too old to help me make tuttle root soup or sweet nakura bread? Or work with the other women in the village making the special ceremonial clothes for the fall harvest? It saddens me to think you will miss such wonderful things just because you are nine."

Teyla squirmed in her seat, looked away and sighed. "Perhaps that will happen when I am ten instead of nine."

Charin smiled then leaned closer, lifting Teyla's chin. "Perhaps, but since you are still eight years old today, can you give this old woman a hug and a kiss?"

Teyla smiled, stood and embraced her, her small arms wrapping around Charin's waist. She gave her a kiss before pulling back. Charin put a hand to her face. "Ah, your love makes my heart young again. I am very glad you have not grown too old for that, for when one forgets how to love, one begins to die inside."

Teyla put a hand over Charin's hand still resting on her cheek. "I will never be too old for you, Charin. Never ever, not as long as I live."

Charin pulled her into another hug. "Time changes many things, but not our love."

She kissed Teyla, and then took a few steps away from her. "Come, we will play later. Now, it is time to work. I must show some of our young people how to find the herbs and roots we use for different healing treatments. Do you think you could help me with that?"

Teyla beamed at Charin and scrambled to follow the woman, perfectly content with her place in life. She knew where she was going and why.

oOoOoOoOo

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sheppard asked Teyla as he set his backpack beside hers on the bench seat in the rear compartment of Puddle Jumper Three.

Teyla sensed the concern in his question and glanced at him. He was fiddling with an open zipper on his pack. His question seemed nonchalant, but Teyla had known him long enough to know better. Something was bothering him. John continued as he placed the pack in an overhead compartment, "You've been on the quiet side lately."

He wants to talk, Teyla thought with a sigh. Now, he wants to talk.

It was a strange role reversal, especially after the weeks she'd spent trying to get him to talk about Carson Beckett's death. Him, along with Rodney and Ronon. All three were stubborn and stoic to the end. Then there was Andonda. Now, talking was the last thing Teyla wanted to do. She took a slow breath, ignoring the ache of her side as she moved to sit in the copilot's seat, hoping to speed their departure.

He followed her forward, but didn't sit. Scratching his neck, he said, "This past month has been very hard for you...for all of us."

He hesitated, as if there was something more he wanted to say, but he just couldn't find the right words. Sheppard often meant well, but heart-to-heart conversations weren't his strong suit.

Teyla smiled politely, though she knew the smile wouldn't reach her eyes. Her gaze couldn't reflect what she didn't feel. If anything, it would reveal the grief that held her victim, a grief that was the reason behind her desire to return to Athos.

Something Charin once said crossed her thoughts and she welcomed the memory. "This land can restore a troubled spirit if you let it."

She sighed. The elderly woman's love and wisdom had often carried her through dark times. I pray you are right, Charin, for I would dearly welcome the peace that has eluded me of late.

"Teyla?"

Teyla blinked and turned to see Sheppard crouched at her side, eyeing her closely.

"Yes?" she asked, at a complete loss for Sheppard's proximity.

John's expression tightened with worry, and he asked, "You didn't hear anything I just said, did you?"

Chagrined, Teyla shook her head. Had she been focusing so hard on the past that she was ignoring the present? She straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath as she caught Sheppard's troubled gaze. "My apologies. My mind was somewhere else for a moment. What was it?"

John swallowed and said, "Listen, I know Keller cleared you for this trip, but maybe we should reschedule it for another time. You don't look like you're quite back on top of your game yet."

She shook her head, dismissing his suggestion. "This is something I must do, but you need not stay overnight with me. I will be quite safe. You could return for me in the morning – "

"I'm going with you and that's it," Sheppard said, then frowned as if he realized he'd said the words with a little too much force.

He stuck out his chin and added quietly, "Weir's orders. We don't know if the Wraith have been back there or who else has wandered in since our last visit. We'd feel better knowing there was someone watching your back."

Teyla felt her face flush with anger. "I have often camped for weeks at a time by myself – "

John's eyes reflected understanding as he put up a hand and interrupted her, "And you could do it again this time, I know. Just bear with us. We almost lost you twice recently between the explosion on Atlantis and that attack on Andonda."

Her gaze held his for a moment before darting to the console in front of them. Guilt replaced anger and she shook her head slightly. Her voice was low as she said, "Yet, I live."

Sheppard sighed with obvious frustration. "Well, don't sound so enthused about it."

Then his voice softened as he stood. "After everything that's happened, I thought you might need someone to talk to, someone to hang out with – maybe blow off a little steam. You know, that's what team members do for one another."

She didn't say anything; she simply stared out the front of the jumper as she tried to rein in her volatile emotions.

That's what team members do for one another. It was almost word for word what she had said to him after he came back from Carson's funeral on Earth, trying to break through the wall of grief John had erected around himself.

Thinking of Carson again stole her breath a little. She understood why John had put up those walls – they had all done it to a certain extent. Carson had been the heart of Atlantis and without him, it was difficult to hear the pulse of the city. The man had been more than their medical doctor; he'd been their friend, confidant, and conscience.

Carson. Charin. And so many others now gone...all of those losses had chipped away at her soul, leaving her feeling less a person than she'd once been. Then again, whom would she have become if her life hadn't been enriched by their love and trust, their encouragement and applause, their steady day in, day out presence in her life?

Teyla felt a hand on her shoulder, drawing her gaze back to him. "Teyla, I hate to repeat myself, but are you okay?" John asked quietly.

She looked up into his concerned gaze, searching those expressive hazel eyes of his for answers she knew he couldn't give her. His eyebrows knitted together as he moved closer, asking, "What? What is it?"

She stared at him for another moment, not wanting to give voice to her thoughts, yet the words tumbled from her lips. "Do you ever miss those that you have lost? Do they ever haunt your thoughts?"

The question seemed to take Sheppard aback a bit. He frowned as if she had just crossed a line between them, passing into areas much too private to enter without permission. He raised a hand to rub the back of his neck, as if stalling for time.

She used a quiet tone to stop him. "I am sorry, you do not need to answer. Come, let us get started."

He moved his hand from his neck to her arm. "Is that what this trip is about? You're missing someone? Is it Carson?"

Teyla closed her eyes, knowing she had revealed more than she was comfortable with. "It is not just – it is only – I hope to gain some much needed perspective by visiting familiar ground again."

John moved his hand away, but remained close to her. "Look, you had a scare. You were in a bad way by the time we found you on Andonda," he said, then his gaze bore into hers. "Personally, I think that old woman did something to you before she died."

Teyla stared him, unable to speak and unable to move away. Finally, she said, "No, she did not, at least not in the way you think."

Sheppard pressed on. "Well, if it's not that, if it's about Carson or someone else you're missing, wouldn't it be better to stay right here and visit Heightmeyer or some of the Athosians on the mainland? I mean, it's pretty on Athos, but the place would seem kind of lonely without your kinsmen around."

Teyla felt her expression tighten and then relax. "No, Athos is where I need to be, but thank you for your concern."

John combed a hand through his unruly hair. "Sometimes, I think our team has way too much stubbornness for our own good," he muttered, then he sighed. "I'm sorry. I think you'd do so much better with Heightmeyer than me in this situation."

She turned back to face him fully, confused and a little irritated, causing her to speak without thinking. "Because you do not miss those who have departed?"

A look of hurt crossed his expression before he tucked it away, but it lingered in his voice as he said softly, "I know what it's like to miss someone I've lost."

She leaned forward, regretting the question immediately as she placed a hand on his arm. What was wrong with her? She knew how private John was about his feelings. He was grieving Carson's absence just as much as she was, perhaps more. He'd just been trying to help her and all she'd done in repayment was cause him more pain. She whispered an Athosian curse under her breath and looked up at him.

"I know you do, John. I know this deep in my heart. I am sorry for my careless words, I did not mean for my question to come out that way – "

His gaze skimmed around the jumper without focusing on anything. "Don't apologize. Just...just promise me you'll talk to Heightmeyer if this – whatever it is – hangs on, okay?"

She nodded and Sheppard gave her an encouraging smile, then his voice took on a sheepish tone. "There is something I need to talk to you about – "

A noise behind them caused Teyla to glance back. What she saw at the rear of the jumper made her stand in confusion. "Ronon, Rodney? Why are you here?"

Her alarm grew when she noticed the two men were laden with backpacks ready for travel. John put up a hand in a calming motion as he followed her. "Now, Teyla, just listen for a moment – "

McKay set down his backpack beside Teyla's, huffing slightly. "Why are we here? You mean, he didn't tell you yet?"

"Tell me what?"

She looked at Sheppard for answers but John was too busy glaring at McKay with an exasperated intensity, one usually reserved for McKay's worst faux pas. "I told you two to give me a few minutes alone to talk to her first," he said through clenched teeth.

"It's been a few minutes," McKay threw back at him with equal irritation, "And it wasn't like you were asking her to sign over her firstborn. We are her friends, after all. Her very concerned friends, I might add."

He straightened as if just remembering Teyla's presence and winced, glancing over at her, looking a little guilty.

"Well, I was just bringing up the subject when you came barreling in here," Sheppard said, his aggravation sending oppressive waves inside the suddenly too small jumper.

McKay waved a hand to hurry Sheppard along. "Well, Zelenka's raring to shut down the gate for a couple of hours to do some maintenance work and would like us to leave as soon as possible. Besides, what's the big deal? We're just hitching a ride along with the two of you."

Ronon, who was standing behind McKay, rolled his eyes. "I told him we should wait a little longer."

McKay looked insulted by the comment. Ignoring him, Ronon set his pack on the seat and looked at Teyla before saying, "Sorry."

Teyla's mouth was gaped open, comprehension slowly dawning. "You want to go with us to Athos? For what purpose?"

Ronon stepped closer to her. "You need us around, whether you know it or not."

Sheppard nodded. "We'll give you lots of time alone to do what you need to do on Athos, but we want to come along for support."

Teyla wasn't sure what she was feeling, but it seemed overwhelming; anger, frustration, an invasion of privacy – a whole host of emotions roiling inside of her so intense it almost made her dizzy. To throw it off, she pushed her way through Ronon and Rodney to walk to the rear of the jumper, needing some distance from all of them.

Amidst everything else, a part of her was deeply touched by their concern, knowing it came from true friendship, but the positive emotions were quickly overshadowed by her need to be alone, to heal, to become whole again. She had to come to some sort of resolution with what she'd been feeling and it wouldn't come easily if she was constantly bumping into the three of them. Sheppard alone would have been difficult to tolerate, but with Rodney and Ronon added to the mix, self-reflection and meditation would be impossible.

Sheppard cleared his throat, trying to look casual, but it was obvious he thought the situation was awkward. "It's up to you, Teyla. Are we all going to Athos or not?"

"It has always been my intention to go to Athos," she said firmly and not too kindly.

John gave her an encouraging smile and spread his hands in front of him. "Then how about we go and help you set up camp? Then we can talk about who stays or not?"

She stared at her teammates in silence. Yes, and it will be twice as difficult to send them away once they are already there. John Sheppard, you are a wily man when it comes to getting what you want from your people.

A little voice deep inside of her said she should let her teammates accompany her to Athos – that perhaps she needed laughter more than silence, friends more than ghosts, and the present more than the past, but she wasn't sure if her needs would outweigh the compulsion she felt to be alone. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Zelenka's voice came over their radio headsets. "Rodney, what's the delay? If you are going, then leave already. I have teams waiting to get to work."

McKay hit his radio. "Don't get your underwear in a bunch, Radek. We are talking about it right now and – "

Teyla opened her eyes and met Rodney's gaze. Her tone was low when she said, "There is no need to wait. We can leave now."

McKay's eyes widened in surprise. "All of us? Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yes, but let us do it quickly before I change my mind."

Sheppard grinned and patted her on the shoulder. "I've just got to do a quick pre-flight check and we'll be on our way."

John finished by the time everyone was in their seats. "Okay, people, next stop, Athos."

Teyla didn't speak as the jumper dropped down into the gate room, feeling a certain level of tension leave her body now that they were actually on their way. She caught John watching her with a long sideways glance, then he busied himself with the radio. "Flight, Jumper Three ready to depart."

"May you find what you're looking for, Teyla," Dr. Elizabeth Weir offered. Her tone was serious, but then it shifted. "And if the rest of your team start driving you crazy, you have my permission to shoot them."

When Teyla smiled and gave John a questioning look, he sighed and said, "Yes, Elizabeth, you already have our word that we'll behave."

Teyla looked across the distance separating them. "Thank you."

"Safe travels."

Sheppard winked at Teyla and said, "It's my specialty."

"Please, John, don't tempt fate," Elizabeth replied, a smile echoing in her voice. "I'll see you all when you get back."

A moment later, they went through the stargate. The familiar landmarks of Athos appeared as they emerged from the gate, making Teyla's heart swell with happiness. But there was also a bittersweet sadness that came with that joy, a sadness that had been with her ever since Carson had died, a sadness made more poignant after Andonda, and one that hadn't given her a moment's peace since then.

Teyla studied the terrain below and straightened in her seat. Obviously, heavy storms had deluged the area for an extended length of time. Storms were common in the spring, but she saw evidence of unusual landslides, varying in size from small to large. She knew landslides only came after the most severe rains.

"Athos has weathered some major storms in our absence," she said.

Sheppard whistled as he took note of the damage. "I guess so."

He craned his head to view as much of the open sky as possible through the windshield. "There aren't many clouds out now."

The HUD appeared in front of them, displaying various atmospheric readings. McKay stared at them, then said, "Well, it doesn't look like more rain is in the immediate forecast, but that doesn't mean another storm couldn't come in overnight. I tend to catch my death of cold when I get wet. Do you, uh, still want to do this, Teyla?"

Teyla nodded, knowing her teammates had no idea how important the timing of this trip was to her. "Yes, I do."

McKay made a face and Ronon noticed. "Don't worry, McKay, you can't die from a little rain."

McKay's expression took on a dramatic edge. "No, maybe not at first thought, but when you factor in hypothermia, pneumonia, drowning...well, the list can get pretty damned scary."

"Just drop it for the moment, will you?" Sheppard sounded more like an exasperated parent than a military commander and asked, "Okay, Teyla, where do you want us to set down?"

She pointed. "There, near the old city. That is where I will find the macca root. We can make camp on the far side of the ruins. There is a place that will shelter us from the elements of the night and water will be close by."

Sheppard turned the jumper in that direction. Ronon asked, "What's this macca root used for?"

Teyla searched the landscape for the area where she knew the macca root grew. "We burn it when we meditate, and also during the memorial tea ceremony to bring us closer to those we have lost."

She stopped speaking as Sheppard slowed the jumper preparing to land and it sunk in that she was finally home again. She almost sighed with relief until another realization hit her hard. Over the past few years, she had grown to think of Atlantis as home. Just now, flying over such familiar territory, she realized how deeply she had missed Athos, as if seeing it now made the loss she'd been feeling all the more real, blurring the borders of what she once called home and where she now lived.

John landed in a clearing. Teyla was on her feet before he'd finished shutting down the engines. She donned her backpack, and opened the jumper's rear hatch. Good manners made her wait for the others to join her before she exited. The scents of Athos drifted in on a light breeze, and she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes with the memories that came unbidden.

She was home again, albeit the home of a much younger Teyla Emmagen, one who hadn't known the wonders of Atlantis, or its dangers; a Teyla who was to be the next leader of her people; a Teyla who still had Charin to help guide her. She squeezed her eyes shut; how she missed that dear lady.

McKay cleared his throat and motioned with his hand for her to go ahead of him. She stepped out onto the soft earth, the past and the present again merged as she looked out across the clearing, remembering times from earlier springs. She could almost see Charin walking on the path alongside her father, deep in discussion, as they'd often done.

Her reaction was more than emotional, and she felt its weight in her body as well. She knew her father and Charin were gone, but knowing in it her head and feeling it in her heart were two separate things. It didn't matter if they'd been gone for days or years, the grief was still there waiting to well up at a moment's notice, making the ache in her heart far worse than any physical pain she might have suffered with recent injuries. It only grew when she thought of Carson. So many gone...

She almost jumped when Sheppard came up beside her and said, "You wanted to go to Athos and here you are. What's next?"

She drew herself together and met his gaze as she pointed ahead with one hand. "The old city."

Sheppard nodded, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders while Ronon closed the rear hatch. Teyla barely glanced back as she took off, heading for the city, knowing Sheppard and the others were right behind her. They'd walked for nearly a minute when she heard John stop and turn back to Ronon and ask, "What is that?"

By the time she spun around to look, both men appeared apprehensive, then she heard it, too. It was a low rumbling sound that came from behind them, making the ground beneath their feet shake. The rumbling grew louder and they had just enough time to share an alarmed gaze before the area just beyond the jumper crumpled away into a hole, a huge sinkhole. In the span of a single breath, the jumper disappeared as well.

Teyla stared in disbelief as the rift in the ground moved toward them. Sheppard waved her and McKay on as he shouted, "Run!"

They took off with Ronon catching up to them quickly, but they weren't fast enough to escape the scope of the widening sinkhole. The ground under Teyla's feet disappeared. There was an awful moment when she was free-falling, then she toppled down, along with the shifting dirt, foliage, rocks and her teammates to an unknown fate.

oOoOoOoOo