Kana: Whoa, everyone seems to love Renfeild (cuddles him) isn't he cute?

Renfeild: (coughs up feathers)

Kana: O.o you ate the neighbors' cuckoo…didn't you?

Renfeild: …Master told me to.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing OR Dracula…an odd Japanese man and a deceased Irish bloke do. But dear GOD I wish I owned a chibi Maxwell…oh how I would LOVE that chibi Maxwell, in all his depressing cuteness. (swoon)

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Fortune

Chapter Nine: Happiness and Sentimentality

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Alucard loaded his gun with another magazine and aimed quickly, making Renfield's head snap back with violent force.

"Why doesn't he die!?" I squealed, running as another chair was hurled in my direction.

During a moment of calm from Renfield, Alucard gave me a dramatic shrug accompanied by a wide-eyed clueless look. Then he was back again, trying to embrace Alucard. But doing that was like trying to cuddle with…well, Dracula. He would be lucky if he didn't get his face ripped off.

When Alucard turned around, Renfield had vanished – until I felt a hand grab my left ankle and hike me upside-down and into the air. My hair fell to the ground limply as I swung, my head a couple of feet from the floor. I instantly felt all the blood rush to my head, turning my face red; I felt horribly sick. I worked to keep my long skirt from revealing my underwear and used a hand to keep my shirt from showing skin.

"What's this?" Renfield asked, looking at my face with the curious manner of a bird. "Can I eat it?"

Oh God, I tried to keep myself from vomiting upside-down, which would result in stomach acid going to my eyes. He's like a man-child who thinks his daddy got him a snack. "Let me go!" I thrashed about like a captured fish.

Alucard hesitated, since shooting Renfield off his feet would make me crash to the floor…on my head. And God knows I may have a thick skull, but it's not that thick. "Put her down…"

"Why?" Renfield sniffed my leg as if it was a piece of shank meat. I glared up, kicking him in the mouth weakly with my other foot. "She's feisty."

"Your mother wears spandex in hell!" I screeched, spitting like an angry cat. "Alucard, I order you to make the blood stop building up in my head!"

Tipping his head like a freaking gentleman, Alucard stepped forward calmly, using what he figured was a great advantage. "I demand that you release her straight away as slowly and gently as possible -."

"But she is human -."

"Now."

"You wavering bint!" I cried when my head hit the floor, nearly snapping my neck from the force. "He said gently!" I curled in on my self and clutched my head as pain throbbed through it; I felt the blood rush to my other limbs, and my heart beating was loud in my ears. I heard two cries of 'master!' One slightly amused/worried - the other squealing with joy. I'll let you guess which is which.

"Master, are you well?" Alucard picked me up by the back of my shirt ands looked at me.

To me the world was a mass of colors, blobs, and times. I didn't know whether I was coming or going. "Remember the time Harker hit you over the head with a shovel back when you were really old with white hair and a mustache? You were all 'agh' and he was all 'squeal' and then you sent wolves and your polygamist tendencies after him and you didn't like Hosts and you were all 'flee' and ate a boat named Lucy?"

Alucard looked at me like I had three heads and his old mustache. "Master…I fear for your sanity and overall health…"

"So does my family…" I said, still waiting for the ground to make up its mind on where to stop spinning. "They tried to send me to a counselor but I don't need people telling me what I think – you're already in my head, you tell me."

"Master?" Renfield seemed…torn. He was looking from me to Alucard to me again, as if unable to choose. "Master…Master? So many Masters…you look…odd…"

"Oh damn," Alucard sighed in defeat. "Must we bring up old memories?"

"Yes…" I was still a little ditzy from having my head meshed with the floor. "Can you tell us Alucard's baby stories? I'd love to know what an infant Nosferatu does -."

"Not those memories, you dolt."

"You're right," I nodded as Alucard glared at me, shaking me a little from his grip on my shirt. "You were probably a little hell-monkey growing up; but tell me this, did you practice saying 'I 'vant to suck your blood'? Or were those your first words?"

"You're bleeding…" Alucard lifted me higher with ease, running his hand along the back of my head. His glove came away stained and damp with blood. He sucked the blood from the cloth eagerly for a moment. "Not to worry though, 'tis but a small wound – no fracturing."

Suddenly, everything just froze with Renfield's next few words.

"Oh dear," His eyes went wide as his teeth sharpened considerably, coming over his grinning lips. "She smells wonderful."

"Oh smack…" I squeaked as Alucard jumped a full ten feet high – nearly hitting the ceiling of the library and shattering another unsuspecting skylight. Renfield had been the cause of this daring jump as he barreled for the place where we had just been standing, meeting only air. Alucard had to throw me into a bridal position to keep me from falling and becoming a Fae-colored splat on the floor. "I must have missed something when you explained vampires and their childe to me – but doesn't he have to drink your blood to be able to do this?"

"I didn't turn him," Alucard grunted, hopping from shelf to shelf as he tried to get me away from Renfield without actually stepping low enough for the vampire to get to us. "He must have met with another low class mutt."

"And he still calls you master because -?"

"Because he's a few grapes short of a full cornucopia."

"Aha," I winced as another one of his massive jumps made me bite my tongue quite roughly. "He woves his Dracula."

"Oh shut up." Alucard landed on the other side of the library with Renfield not too far behind. "It would be best not to underestimate him – he probably is just older than a century. That isn't something to sneeze at."

Just to show that I did not care either way – I sneezed…at it. "Well, unless he's been modified like you, then my plan will work…"

"What plan?" Alucard set me down on the floor next to the library's exit and waited for the last few hysterical stragglers to stumble out before closing the doors – but not before firing inside again blindly (he still hit Renfield). Then he twisted the handle and made it impossible for anything that had never been experimented on to escape.

"I just need a tub of gasoline, my backpack, and the ability to get on the roof." I grinned like someone that was about to have fun.

"Oh…you're eviler than I thought…" Alucard patted me on the head approvingly, giving me his psychotic impression of a twisted smirk. It was far from a smile – truth be told, I doubted he could even form his mouth into anything but a smirk, insane grin, or angry scowl.

Behind the door, Renfield yowled in frustration and rattled it, his face showing clearly through the small glass panel at the top when he jumped up. Alucard shot him in the face when he tried to do so again, making him fall back, squealing in happiness again as the window shattered. I believe the term sadist was appropriate for him.

Alucard scowled at this show of power – although Renfield did not care for strength, he was certainly not just a class-D vampire; he was way up there, but nothing compared to Alucard, the Nosferatu. Damn that's fun to say (say it with me: Nosferatu, Nosferatu, Nosferatu…NOSFERATU…there…the urge has passed).

But he was old enough to have tested and practiced his powers…and that meant…

"Holy shit…" I looked up just in time to see an angry looking black bird make a dive for my head, only to be blown into a mass of falling feathers by Alucard's gigantic handgun with a loud bang! It gave a loud death squawk and perished. "He has familiars!"

"Most vampires do!" Alucard grabbed me unceremoniously as an entire wave of insects, birds, and massive felines began to come through that small window. He just barely got out of the way for a black jaguar before it snapped its jaws where his left leg had been. "But they just don't have the strength or guts to summon them. Its quite awkward having to see someone whose life you have taken for yourself." He snapped at a mass of flies buzzing near us as he ran, and caught a few. He spat them out quickly.

I frowned as he jumped from a railing and down from the second to the third floor, landing in the main hallway. An ambulance had already pulled up, and as most public schools, our high school practically had its own police department right on the grounds.

"I can run on my own you know," I grumbled when he finally stopped, setting me down. A rush of shadows came from underneath his feet and kept the monstrous familiars at bay by creating a giant dome, separating them from us and the other evacuees.

"Yes, but you cannot run fast enough." Alucard turned towards the familiars. "Shall I go now, to fend him off? Pray, tell me quickly."

"Yes…" I looked as a mass of flies banged against the dome, buzzing angrily. A smallish spider was close to working its way under a crack in the shadows, but Alucard stepped on it harshly. "Use as much power as you see fit to keep him from getting to any other humans."

He grinned one last time and disappeared into the shadows, murmuring something along the lines of Cromwell's Approval. Crap…what did I just let him do?

I put on a determined face and was about to begin my decent into hell – or go onto the other side of the protective dome so I could get to my locker, but a shrill cry stopped me. Ugh, my sister.

"You can't go out there!" She shrieked, one of the few people still in the building. I knew my father was coming, as he was one of the only people still trained to be a vampire hunter. He didn't carry garlic and silver for just paranoid reasons; he did so because he knew how to use them in the most productive way possible.

She was right. If I did I would be bitten and stung and devoured to death by the cats, insects and birds (plus the occasional beaten down human). But that wasn't going to stop me.

Rushing for her, I stole her backpack as a wild frenzy broke out. I unzipped the front pocket, where a plastic bag of holy wafers met me. My father always made us put them in here, and I was glad she hadn't gotten rid of them (and lets just say it, they make good snacks if the occasion arises). "There, now I can go."

Taking a few in my hand, I made for the main hall. As soon as I broke through the dome I was instantly swarmed by dark beasts. But the Hosts repelled them with amazing ferocity as I ran, and soon they did not even have the courage to come within ten feet of me, instead becoming a swarming mass around me.

I reached my locker, but couldn't figure out a way to keep the wafers on me and roll in my code at the same time. So I used an old Helsing trick; crushing two wafers in my palm, I created a circle around my kneeling form with the holy powder. I wasn't religious, but I was grateful for these powerful weapons.

I took out my own book bag and riffled through the papers until I made sure the cigar box inherited from my cousin was there, along with the assortment of silver bullet casings and my tiny flask of quicksilver that was always carried (not because I had the foresight to predict this sort of incident, but because it's damn cool to look at).

After I had struggled the supply door open and gotten a good-sized jug of gasoline (used for something even I didn't want to know about) I rushed back to the main entrance. There was mass chaos, ambulance sirens, and bloody people. Nothing new there. Except for…

A massive black hound was barking at me, very unlike Alucard's wolfish form. It had many eyes doting its body instead of just a few sets, and it wailed like it was wounded, giving me a sort of yowling bay. It made movements to run off, but stopped and started when I didn't follow.

I had the sudden urge to ask it if Timmy was trapped in a well. "What?" I had forgotten of the hysteria outside just to pay attention to this giant canine.

It continued to let out a wail-bark, coming for me and tugging at my skirt with its teeth, accidentally tearing the hem but keeping far from the deadly things in my hands. "Alright…alright…did Alucard send you?" I knew this familiar – Baskerville? Ugh, whoever named it obviously needed to stop reading Sherlock Holmes.

The dog yowled again, becoming impatient and barreling at me, turning behind me and nosing its way between my legs until I was on its back, gripping a handful of its fur frantically as it ran outside and into the dim sunlight – straight into the sight of practically the entire town.

"Alucard!" I shrieked, trying to keep a hold on everything as Baskerville bounded up the school's walls to the roof. The entire building practically vibrated with the howling, buzzing and roaring of Renfield's familiars, but the gunshots and vampiric hisses were prominent through all of that. I had to help him. I couldn't just stand by and let myself be protected…

I didn't understand it; how could one creature take so much exertion, so much pain, and so much death and still think its fun? He must have gone insane.

Damn I'm foolish.

"Stop! Stop! STOP!" I smacked Baskerville and it halted right before the broken library skylight. I let the breath I'd been holding out at last and tumbled off the dog, collapsing onto the roof weakly, trying to regain my composure. Then I crawled on hands and knees to the shattered window on the roof, and looked down.

Alucard hadn't summoned his familiars, but he was holding his own none-the-less. This fact proved that he was stronger than Renfield, since the latter was a little freaked out at the Nosferatu's current form of a giant mass of black…stuff, complete with hellhounds with guns firing from their mouths. And people say poetry is dead…then they haven't met the vampiric equivalent of Picasso.

What was left of Alucard's head was staring up unnaturally as it lay on the floor. He saw me and his expression barely twitched, but he got the gist of my plan when I began pouring gasoline into the library from the skylight, puddling it at first before spreading it out more erratically. All at once he…gathered himself, but continued to shoot as Renfield caught my scent mingling with that of the gasoline.

When Renfield got too close to me I flung a bullet casing at him, making him wheel back onto the floor when the silver hit him, then poured the quicksilver onto his face, blinding him as his eyes seared. His unholy shrieking rang in my ears. When all was clear I dropped the small, empty bottle of holy mercury into the puddle of gasoline I had made twelve feet below. Then I opened the cigar box and took out the elderly lighter.

"Alucard," I whispered, flicking the lighter open and igniting it. "Run."

As if hearing me, Alucard burst through the skylight closest to the one I was 'working' at, shooting to keep both Renfield and his familiars at bay. Once he was out of the school I dropped the lighter and watched it fall into the pool of gasoline.

I'd once read somewhere that the only way to completely destroy a colony of flies in one's home was to set the house on fire. That is what I did, reliving the earlier incident as pitiful screams of master and begs for mercy floated up from the roaring flames that blossomed from the gasoline, hissing and popping as leftover mercury boiled in the heat.

"I know you could have killed him on your own," I said weakly, watching another building burn slowly for the second time in a very short time span. "But I…I wanted to help."

"Of course," Alucard saw the wafers still being clutched in my fists. "Ack!" He flew back, stumbled over a protruding air vent, and fell on his behind.

"Oh…" For a moment I considered chasing him around the rooftop with the Hosts, but thought against it. "Sorry," I flung what was left of the wafers into the fire, and let him loop his hands under my arms and lift me from the roof –

Right into the hysterical hands of my father.

"Dad! Mmmph!" I struggled weakly as my father ripped me from Alucard's grip and into his stronger one. I flailed about, trying to wriggle my way out.

"Are you mad!?" My father cried hoarsely, using one arm to flash his silver cross at Alucard, who was just watching it with a very small amount of mirth, as if this was all a big game to him. "It was just trying to destroy you!"

Destroy? I gagged again as his arm hook around me in a tighter grip. Alucard had been holding me in the gentlest way possible – if he had been any more conscientious about my safety he would have had to put me in a stroller. "Dad! Stop!" I whined, my voice cracking halfway through.

"Sir," Alucard stepped forward, his eyes flickering slightly when Dad waved the cross at him like it was a sword. "I must ask you to put my Master down. She is obviously uncomfortable with this arrangement." He followed the cross's movements lazily, much like a cat watching a butterfly move across a window pane.

"M – Master?'" My dad never squeaked, but today was a day of change. He let me go as if I was carrying the Plague and took a step back as Alucard came over, inspecting me.

"Are you well?" Alucard looked me over, using his thumb to check under the soot on my cheeks to see if I had any cuts. He flipped me over, holding me by my ankle like Renfield had and searching my legs.

"Alright, now you're just being a jackass." I grumbled, looking up and seeing him smirking like the insane bloodsucking pimp he was. He righted me and set me on the ground, seeming proud of himself.

Suddenly, he let out a short, bloodcurdling shriek that made everyone in the vicinity have chills. He slapped a hand to a growing wheal on the back of his neck and turned around, letting both of us see my father with his – now empty – flask of holy water. Did he have a priest in his pockets too?! Let's just pull out a ten foot cross from his ass and get it over with.

"Dad!" I had to catch Alucard as one of his few weaknesses made him swoon. I soon found out that he weighed a freaking ton. "Oh Jesus…holy shit…" My legs bent under his weight as he groaned, forcing me to use biblical names in vain (not like I cared; I swore on an hourly basis). It was like he was made of stone…yes, he was a five hundred year old boulder! No wonder he slept all the time – he was a rock!

"He's fogged your mind, Fae!" My father exclaimed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Didn't I teach you that a vampire's most useful weapon was that of hypnosis?"

"I thought you said it was their strength, which was after you proclaimed that it was their ability to see in the dark." I knelt on the ground, trying to see where the holy water had hit Alucard. It was quite plain by the bloody, burnt skin on across the right side of his neck and splattered on his shoulder. Like water. "How could you…" I'd always known my father for being overzealous about vampires, but he was insane. Perhaps the very prospect of defeating one made him too hasty.

"Ger'off!" Alucard grumbled, shoving me slightly and turning his head to lick the shiny, bloody flesh. The skin under his tongue's wake healed slowly but surely.

"Are you in pain, vampire?" my father hissed, reminding me way too much of Van Helsing. "I hope you are – for everything your kind has done to me! I hope you're in agony!"

Well shit. My dad has vampire issues; not like we didn't already know that, eh? Did I mention he was put in an insane asylum after watching people kill his parents? Yeah…not a real ice breaker with my family, talking of bad childhood memories. He just never said it was vampires that killed them though.

"How weak can someone get," Alucard fumed, his 'righteous and just' king personality coming through. He was like a darker version of a veteran grandfather. "Blaming all their troubles on an individual minority? I have done nothing to you or your extended family, and yet you claim to loathe me with enough passion to distress your daughter; my Master."

My father clenched his jaw with enough force to make molars crack. He was holding his usual cross along with…no…he brought his bag of tricks. In that bag of tricks he kept everything he owned related to vampire hunting – which was probably where he pulled the holy water from – including the stake.

It happened really fast, so fast that I still doubt that even Alucard could have planned my father's next move.

All I saw was his knuckles turn a deathly white as he pulled out that damn stake; and Alucard couldn't do anything about it as he began to thrust it forward – the seals didn't allow him to harm any other Hellsing, and he had to comply to every 'friendly' human's demands. If my father wished to stake him, then he was forced to let him.

"Stop!"

But the stake never hit Alucard. If it did, it would have struck him just below his dead heart, weakening him effectively and allowing my father to cut off his head, and then burn the remains; and I would have cried and screamed and protested until my vocal cords went raw. I would never know if he would be able to survive such torment, and now that I look back, I realize that my impulsive action had been stupid, foolish…a horrible mistake.

The stake hit me instead when I covered him, and since I was shorter Alucard, it popped my heart instantly – I never stood a chance. All I could think of was the way Dracula had died; floating aimlessly in his coffin, knowing death was near and knowing he couldn't escape it even if he had made it to his castle. No one had been able to protect him then, not wolves, not the massive blizzard, not even the gypsies he hired. Who would protect him? Humans were so much more powerful than vampires, even one as god-like as Alucard – they could go into the sun without feeling like they were within an inch of their life.

In the millisecond I had to live, the remaining vampire blood in my veins burst into action, allowing me another moment's thought; which I used to set him free by mentally ordering him to remove his gloves, which I figured were the nubs of the seals. And I felt a rush of emotions too strong and too numerous to be mine: hatred, fear, numbness, and betrayal. I heard the sound of metal on metal, and the feel of cold iron and filth. It took me too long to realize I was feeling his death as well as mine. His actual death.

I died soon after with my eyes open. Alucard closed them with gloveless hands and disappeared. He didn't return to America again for two centuries.

OOOOO

My funeral was held on January 25th, exactly one month after I found Alucard. My father did not attend – he was ashamed of me and himself, for he had lost everything because of vampires. I learned that his parents and youngest brother were killed before him at a young age by a pair of rogue vampires, and after that was sent to an insane asylum after he refused to stop drawing pictures of bloody crosses and babbling on about demons. He hung himself soon after.

My mother, sister, grandmother, and other family members came though, and they all shared stories of how I died. My grandmother was the only one to believe how I actually died, and not how people wanted to think (I did not get stabbed, I was staked). My tombstone was shaped in the traditional wedge, but it did not have anything like 'loving daughter, sister' blah, blah, blah. Instead my mother had it customized with a mosaic that portrayed a young girl with her arms outstretched, with a shadowy figure of a tall, slim man behind her, his hair long and black. It was the highlight of the cemetery – ironically.

Alucard vanished from the radar, though he was seen at my burial as only a quiet black stray in the background, which bayed only once while the coffin was being lowered. During the many…many years after his release, rumors of a vengeful spirit floated from country to country. A spirit that would visit a large town nightly and drain the blood of at least five grown humans – never a child, never an infant, always a human man. And on the first new moon of each year an entire cluster of people would be wiped out completely in the spirits mad rage. Every once in a while a townhouse was rented for the winter by an unknown nobleman, and any city nearby would suddenly have an increase in murderous attacks for the next few months until the man moved on, content. Germany and Rome were affected the most, while France, England, and various parts of southern Romania were left alone. It was prone to lingering near old ruins of a destroyed manor in Britain, in which it made its home.

The spirit was called nu viaţă rege, ne způsob života král, König der Untoten and vietata a vita re…

All in all, No-Life King in almost every possible language.

Inconspicuous, isn't he?

OOOOO

Fin

OOOOO

Kana: (shrug) I told you it would be tragic, now don't you feel bad about not listening to me? Edit: A big thank you to Lilith for the new German translation! (my translator BLOWS)

Anyone who can guess why the 'vengeful spirit' attacked some countries and avoided others gets a cookie and a hug.

Review Responses:

Lunatic Pandora1: Ah yes, ghouls are very much like stone teenagers, aren't they? Especially ALUCARD'S ghouls (though I had to go completely against my better judgment for the sake of the plot, since I believe that Alucard can no longer make ghouls…O.o)

KeidaHattori: 'Twas a skylight that broke when Renfield went all Green Goblin on their asses. And yes, he really did collect flies by using sugar cubes meant for his tea to attract them. Oh but we love him anyway!

SunilaMoon: Yes, I know about the Jackal's demise (DAMN the Nazi's! Damn Walter! Damn him and his smexyness! Damn Schro! Damn them ALL!) It's manga based, since I dislike the 13 episode anime (the OVA is MUCH better…since Freeman will one day rule the world with his ability to subdue a hoard of Alucard fan girls with just his voice)…SEX BEAM!

KageAmaya491: (is quiet because she doesn't want to ruin Dracula) Its…so…damn…GOOD (though it makes me cry like a big baby at the end – why Dracula! Why! (breaks down)) I was always afraid that if they did give him a kitten…he would…eat it….

OF COURSE its full of lies! Because Hellsing is so much more accurate (since Van Helsing never staked Dracula, Harker did…with a knife)) Why is everyone shunning Dracula in Hellsing fics? I'm addicted to writing big descriptions of Alucard as Dracula, including his…mustache (snicker…giggle…hysterical laughter) I can't help it! The mustache is worse than Girlycard!

Master of the Boot: (bows) thank you, thank you (I told you I would try to take a cliché plot and make it original). Fae was in a bathtub? No honey, she was on her bed, and Alucard used her as his own personal teddy bear (not really, but that would make good fan art only with Integra, no? (Goes off to find such fan art))…Alucard is what Tim Burton sees on acid trips? Well now I'm never going to be satisfied until I see a Sweeny Todd movie, only with Alucard as Todd. He's only better than Johnny Depp by a very, very, very, VERY, small amount, and I suspect he would enjoy eating the meat pies.

VampireEgyptian: With friends like this how can I trust the word 'hunt'? One of my friends can legally hunt, so I'm a bit skittish. (I wanna kitten! I've been trying to get one for AGES – and when I do, I'm debating on naming it 'Lestat', 'Marius', or 'Schrödinger') Hmm…who WOULD play Alucard? (I asked my friends this and someone said Tom Cruise, and then I died a horrible death full of pain and misery). Well then, LUV (buys a flight to Canada)

I send super love to everyone who reviewed who I can't reply to without feeling repetitive. SUPER LOVE (Spread love, not flames!)

End Responses

Kana: I feel very accomplished with the end of this story (and right before mid-years too! I'm so lucky) And now I must tend to some very neglected Yugioh plot bunnies.