Summary: In which the Allspark is absorbed by more than one person (cough, Sam, cough) (Oneshot) Sure there are things about Allspark absorbance that are worthy of angst, but there are also lighter sides too. For example…did you know that the Allspark liked to blow things up? Neither did the Autobots, until Will made Wheeljack his new playmate…

Author note: Wanted to make this light, but I guess there's something about Allspark absorbance that demands angst. Hence the humour/angst category. Shrugs. Make of it what you will.

Also: What Sam absorbed was prompted by something over at LJ.

In Which the Allspark is Absorbed

They had thought that the single shard that Optimus had found had been the only thing left of the Allspark. They were very wrong. When the Allspark exploded, it sent microscopic bits of the Cube flying in all directions. The Cybertronians, covered in thick armour, felt no changes. It was different for the humans, however. For the humans, the microscopic bits had embedded themselves in their skin and started flowing with their blood. Most humans at the edges of the battle felt no more effect than being more energized. For the humans at the centre of the battle, it was a whole other story.

Now with microscopic pieces of the Allspark flowing in their bloodstream and integrating itself throughout their bodies, the humans closest to the scene of the Allspark's destruction seemed to gain some of the Allspark's powers. The other men on Lennox's team had gained abilities that would make the X-men either very proud or exceedingly jealous. They were under another jurisdiction, though, and not under Autobot care. But the Autobots had put their large feet down when it came to Mikaela, Sam, Will, and Epps.

Mikaela had absorbed the ability to give animation to the inanimate—not giving it a spark, merely being able to make something transform like a Cybertronian, and being able to channel herself through it, in effect making it a puppet. It was a nasty shock for both her and everyone else when a toaster leaped and transformed at her touch, awaiting her 'orders'.

Sam had absorbed the ability to heal. Shortly after the battle, he had put pieces of Jazz back together, and pulled Jazz's spark back from what he termed as 'the tunnel.' "If he went a little further," Sam had told Bumblebee, "I wouldn't have been able to catch him." But it was the fact that Sam had, on instinct, been able to catch Jazz at all that made the Autobots amazed.

Will had absorbed the ability to build. Small sparks leaped over his hands as he passed them over Ironhide's unassembled new toy. The pieces jumped together, and, with some difficulty, he presented the whole thing to his counterpart. "Here you go," he told Ironhide, who was already excited to begin target practice with the twins.

Epps had absorbed the Allspark's linguistic capabilities. "01, 1001 10 010," he said to a befuddled Ratchet, "00101110 0111 1100 10100 0011 001101 001 0 111 0001?" Translation: "Aw, come on man. Everyone else gets really cool powers and I get this?"

Now if only that had been the only thing absorbed by the humans, because in addition to those powers…

…Mikaela absorbed the Allspark's sense of humour…

Bumblebee came across Mikaela, lunging in the Autobot rec room with a very satisfied smile on her face. "Okay, Mikaela. What have you done?" Bumblebee asked.

"Nothing," she told him innocently, just as one of her puppets—her transformed cell phone—entered the room with a paintbrush in its hand. It trotted over to her and she picked it up. It reverted to its cell phone form. "Bye now!" she told Bumblebee hastily, picking up her things and leaving. Bumblebee had to wonder what the paintbrush was for, when—

"Mikaela!" an enraged voice echoed through the halls. The voice was echoed by another one. Bumblebee groaned. What had Mikaela done to the twins this time?

The twins entered the room angrily, and Bumblebee had to stifle a laugh. "Okay, Bumblebee. We know she was here. Where'd she go?" Sunstreaker said dangerously, though his menacing nature was kind of offset by the moustache and eyebrows painted on him, not to mention the little pastel butterflies that now adorned his armour. Sideswipe was likewise defiled.

"That-a-way," Bumblebee said, vaguely pointing in some direction before turning away. The twins left, and Bumblebee made his way over to another amused spectator.

"Enjoying the show, Sam?" he asked the human who was hiding behind one of the Autobot's immense lounges.

"Yup," he said, grinning unrepentantly. "You knew she was going to do it the day they insulted her workmanship on Jazz."

Bumblebee could only shake his head amusedly. "Now why did you—all of you—have to start using your powers for evil? And where did she get her twisted sense of humour anyway? It's suicidal, painting on the twins."

Sam shrugged. "The Allspark."

"Oh come on. You can't blame everything on the Allspark."

"But it makes sense, Bee! The Allspark freakin' changed a vending machine and an Xbox on us while we were trying to get it to safety. If that's not a suicidal sense of humour, I don't know what is."

…Sam absorbed the Allspark's motherly instincts…

Ravage had Sam cornered. Had Ravage known what concern looked like, he would have been a little confused as to why Sam, instead of being fearful, was casting a worried look at Ravage's hurt leg.

"Let me at you, squishy," hissed Ravage angrily, limping due to an Autobot attack. "I will tear out your—"

"Oh, kitty has a boo-boo."

"Kitty?! Boo-boo?! Why I'll—"

Ravage stopped short as he found Sam's arms wrapped around his neck. The little healing sparks that were jumping from the human into Ravage's armour was surprise enough to keep him from mauling Sam. "Oh, wow. That feels…pleasant," Ravage said in somewhat surprise. He didn't even register that his leg was stitching itself together, the little blue sparks jumping from wire to wire.

"Good kitty…"

"Yeah, yeah, just pet me."

Soundwave's logic processors froze for just a brief moment when he came across the scene of his Casette being petted by a human. The Cassette was even mimicking an earth-creature purr. "Ravage," he said, "what in Cybertron are you—"

Sam had ceased scratching Ravage behind the ear with Soundwave's approach, to which Ravage snapped at him. "Pet me or I'll snap your neck!" Eyes widening, Sam complied.

After they had rescued Sam, Bumblebee turned to look at his shaken friend. "Well…at least Ravage's image is tainted. I don't think the other Cassettes will let him live it down any time soon."

Sam could only shake his head. "'Motherly instincts' are good and all, but I just wish from time to time they wouldn't override my survival instincts."

That was quickly forgotten, however, when Ironhide was brought into the medbay. There was a flurry of activity as the med team, plus Sam, tried placing body parts back together. After he was considered out of the danger area and well enough to walk again, he was treated to formal ranting from Ratchet and Sam, ending with Sam saying, "Now go to your quarters!"

Ratchet turned to look at Sam. "Your epithets are quite original."

"Thanks. So are yours." Sam shook his head in Ironhide's retreating direction. "They'll never learn, will they?"

"Nope. Makes me want to rebuild them into toasters sometimes."

"Those would be giant toasters. Now golf-carts…that could be plausible."

Meanwhile, Jazz had taken Bumblebee to the side. "I do believe that Mama Ratchet's found a kindred spirit."

"That…is just scary."

…Will absorbed the Allspark's love of ka-boom…

It had all started when Will offered to help Wheeljack with one of his experiments. "Anyone want to help me with a project?" Wheeljack asked one day. The other Autobots and Will, the only human visiting at the time, looked up, startled.

"Wheeljack," Sidewipe said solemnly. "Even if it had the potential to build another Allspark, I wouldn't participate."

"It won't blow up this time! Promise!"

"I'll help," offered Will. The other Autobots gave horrified gasps. As Will hopped onto Wheeljack's hand, Sideswipe started playing the death march.

"Very funny guys," Wheeljack said dryly. However, the Autobots' fears were well founded.

"Well, if we only attach this to—" BOOM

"Oops. Will? Will? Are you alright?"

"…"

"Will?"

"That was a blast! No pun intended. Let's do that again!"

"You sure that Will's tendency to make things explode is due to the Allspark?" Ironhide asked Sarah as she took him out to groceries one day.

"Positive. He was never so eager around mechanics before."

"Really?"

"'Hide, look at it this way. It must have been the Allspark. After all, it did make Wheeljack."

"…Your point is valid."

…and Epps absorbed the Allspark's vocabulary.

Prowl, after finishing his late-night patrol, entered the rec room of the Autobot base. He was greeted by the sight of Epps, perched atop the table and watching their gigantic television screen.

"Greetings," Prowl said in Cybertronian, since that was the language that Epps preferred to speak to the Autobots in. Epps looked at him.

"Why, salutations, my good mech. How fair's the day?"

Prowl looked at Epps. The last time he checked, Epps did not have that accent. He processed Epp's words.

"My day went well. And yours?" Epps proceeded to blurt out some words, to which Prowl could only stand there, confused.

"…Then we went to the bar for a baby giraffe. But of course Will can't take the drink and is staying home, banjaxed. Let's just hope that him and the bread knife don't have a barney…"

My logic processors, Prowl moaned inwardly, his hand coming up to rub where they were. I can feel them…freezing…"Jazz," he sent through a private frequency. "Get your aft here now, and decipher what this human is trying to say."

Jazz came in, heard five minutes of Epp's speaking, looked to Prowl, and said, "Dude, I have no clue."

"Where did he get this…vocabulary…anyway?"

"Seems to me that the Allspark downloaded Earth's lingo—looks like London slang, for now—and that… er… knowledge got passed on to Epps here."

"What do you mean, 'for now'?"

"Well, yesterday it was gangster rap…"

"…"

"The Allspark must have been bored."

"Must have."

But in the end…

None of the humans had gained the Allspark's true powers—the power to give new sparklings. Mikaela could only transform bodies, and Sam could only heal sparks that were already there. Though that was a disappointment to some of the other Autobots, it did not matter to Bumblebee. However, he was worried about the Allspark's effects.

The powers were trivial compared to the bits of Allspark personalities now engrained into the humans. Sometimes he caught Mikaela, in the middle of a prank, with an odd look on her face, as if she was wondering why she was doing what she was doing. Sometimes he caught Sam with a torn expression as they left to battle the Decepticons, his absorbed 'motherly instincts' extending to all Cybertronians. Sometimes he caught Will, high on an explosion, with a wondering look, wondering why he was having such a kick out of something so destructive. And often he caught Epps with frustration, wondering why he couldn't be understood.

"We did them a disservice, telling them to destroy the Allspark," Bumblebee had said to Jazz one day. Bumblebee said this after watching Sam with a pained expression on the battlefield, one part wanting to go to the Decepticons, one part wanting to go to the Autobots, the other part wondering why he was there at all.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I think we made them lose themselves."

…in the end…

"I'm sorry," Bumblebee said one day to Sam and Mikaela as they rode in his interior.

They looked confused. "Sorry? Sorry about what?" Sam asked.

"For what the Allspark did to you."

"But…but the Allspark didn't do anything to us!" Sam protested. Bee was silent as Mikaela gave Sam a stop-talking-like-an-idiot look on her face.

"Well, no," he amended quickly. "It did do something to us, but none of it was hurtful."

"It gave Mikaela a suicidal sense of humour, Will a fetish for explosions, Epps a cluttered vocabulary, and you instincts that would get you killed," Bee said hollowly.

"We're still us, Bee," Mikaela said firmly. "As for the Allspark's personalities…we've just made it part of ourselves, is all. And we won't let it take us over."

"So don't feel guilty about it," Sam finished.

And as the two young humans comforted him, Bee knew that, Allspark or not, they were his friends, and had always been.

…nothing much has really changed.