For you, my readers, here is a very very very long awaited chapter. Please don't be mad at me, I finally just decided I'm gonna finish what I started, so I'm gonna try to keep going with this. Bear with me, I don't have a beta or anything.

Discalimer: I do not own anything related to the Harry Potter series, I'm just borrowing it.

Pansy was lying on her bed in silence, which was the worst thing she could be doing. In the silence she could only hear her own mind's ramblings, as if she wasn't mad enough to begin with. If she'd had her wand she could have music playing, blocking out her emotions; and if she had been born to another family, the idea of using the muggle device on her bedside table would have been acceptable. But in this life, in this body, in this room, she was entirely trapped inside her own head, and she couldn't handle it.

Her mother, Helena Pickle was a woman of few words. She had been hardened by growing up an orphan; she knew the cold reality of the world: that only the strong survive. It was for this reason that she had looked up to the dark lord. He offered her hope, and more importantly, he offered her power. After years of being at the mercy of cruel caretakers who had no mind to whether or not the children got enough to eat, power was very important to her.

She was sent to Hogwarts when she was eleven and this is where she first heard the name Tom Riddle. He had already garnered quite a following when she got there. He was no longer in school, however his fame was growing and she quickly realized that he could be her only path to the power she was seeking. Hadn't he grown up in just her same situation? Didn't he graduate top of his class and move on to even greater levels of academic prowess. Not only was he brilliant, but he was rapidly becoming the strongest wizard of the age, and she wanted to be on his good side when he ascended to that level.

So Helena worked hard in school. She made top marks in all of her subjects, but did especially well in her mastery of the Dark Arts. Afterwards, she made a bold move; she sought out Tom Riddle, now calling himself Lord Voldemort. She was not turned away. However, never having been approached in such a manner, Voldemort couldn't find any reason to trust her, so he gave her an ultimatum: she could accept the dark mark, marry the pureblood wizard of his choosing, and then devote their children's lives to him as well, or she could suffer a most painful death. She gladly chose the dark mark, as it was the first choice she'd ever been allowed to make for herself in her whole life.

The man that was chosen for her was named Nicolai Parkinson. He was not a kind man, or gentle by any means. But he provided her with a large comfortable home, house elves at her disposal to use for any fleeting whim she might have, and sparse beatings, only when the Dark Lord wanted to be certain that he could maintain a firm grip on his household. Nicolai gave Helena everything she could have dared to hope for, so in return, she gave him three sons… and a daughter.

The three oldest came one right after the other, Maxwell, Alexander, and Damien, all strong, healthy, and willing to do the master's bidding. Only Pansy came unexpectedly, and only Pansy failed time and time again to live up to the Parkinson standard.

First of all, according to Damien, a seventh year at the time, the Sorting had taken nearly a full minute to decide which house to put Pansy in, and only chose Slytherin because she begged it to. Furthermore, she was only making average grades, and getting involved with the feuds of other students rather than maintaining her focus. The reports he made back to their parents caused her to suffer during every school break when she was sent home.

Their home in many ways was just like Hogwarts. It was large, boasting with three flights of stairs. It was always filled with people, between the Parkinsons, the house elves, and the occasional death eater in hiding. And it was full of secrets and hidden chambers. One of these such chambers contained a massive library, because, as Helena would say, one's studies cannot be limited to what could be learned at school alone. During the summer after her first year, Pansy was confined here for 8 weeks without any company besides the house elf who was instructed to bring her only one meal daily with water, and not speak to her. Everyone else who used the library was bewitched so that they could not be seen or heard by Pansy. In this way, Helena and Nicolai could keep an eye on her and ensure that she was getting the education they paid for. And if she wasn't using all this time in confinement to learn all she could… well Pansy knew better than to try and find out what would happen.

The next few years at Hogwarts went a little bit better for Pansy because none of her brothers were left to rat her out for having friends or getting detention, and Pansy ensured that she made the highest possible grades in every class. But in every subject there was always one girl who made impossibly high grades, and trumped her in all subjects but one: Divination. That girl was Hermione Granger. And year after year, this girl was the cause for many floggings and sometimes more severe punishments.

"How could you let a mudblood surpass you! No child of mine would ever bring such shame to this family!"

And so the Parkinsons began to treat Pansy as a common maid. She was still of pure blood, and so still worth enough to them to continue to sponsor her education, but as long as she continued to come in second to Hermione, she was no longer to be cared for like family.

Pansy had all the reason in the world to hate Hermione. And she didn't let any opportunity to humiliate her go by. However, her heart wasn't in it. In everything she did to appease her family and hurt Hermione, Pansy still felt that she was on the wrong side, she would never be one of them; she could never learn to enjoy brutality like them.

She finally admitted to herself that she would never be good enough in the summer after sixth year. Her parents took her to a meeting that was meant to be the most important of her life. They told her beforehand that if she did well, she was their daughter again, and she allowed herself to hope that she could finally win their love. But when she came face to face with the dark lord she knew this was not the path for her.

He asked her if she would take the dark mark, if she would risk her life for his cause… if she would kill for him. She gave him all the answers he wanted to hear. She stood there under his scrutiny and forced herself not to flinch away from his foul breath as spoke close to her face. She stared into his beady dark eyes and found nothing within them. He was a soulless individual, and she would be too if she followed his command.

That night her parents welcomed her back home with a great hurrah. She was their prodigal daughter finally returning to their arms, and she basked in the warmth she had so deeply desired from them for so long. And then she was gone.

She didn't bother to leave a note, they would know what had happened. She simply packed a bag of clothing, took some of the jewelry –only that which had been given to her –and she pawned it for money to stay at the Leaky Cauldron. She didn't bother to hide. She figured that they wouldn't bother to come after her, since she didn't have any information on them that might be used as blackmail. But if they did come after her, so be it. She wasn't going to kill for them, and certainly not for him.

When she began to run out of supplies, she got a job sweeping up at Olivander's. When her Hogwarts letter came she couldn't believe her luck, that she was being offered a scholarship so that she could afford to buy her books and come back to school. But it seemed like the moment things started looking up for her, they just went right back down. Soon the school was shut down and all the students sent home. Except Pansy had no home to go to.

She made the mistake of trying to go back to her parents, and she found that although Voldemort didn't have the time or patience to go hunting down one insignificant speck of insolence, he did have the fury to get his revenge one way or another. That way turned out to be by killing her oldest brother, Maxwell. Her mother met her at the door and instantly had a wand aimed at her head.

"Crucio!" she shouted, without waiting for an explanation, and Pansy crumpled to the ground right outside of the doorway. "how dare you show your face back here?"

"P-please. Mom!" Pansy tried to cough out a response.

"Crucio!" Helena cried once again and Pansy began rithing on the ground. "You will NOT set foot back in this house."

Unable to speak or even see clearly, Pansy just wheezed and reached a pitiful, limp hand out to grasp her mother's ankle.

"Don't you touch me!" Helena screamed and began kicking Pansy repeatedly in the ribs, "You don't know what I've been through! Nicolai blames me for your abandonment, he blames me for Maxwell's death, he blames me for everything, and it's all YOUR FAULT! Crucio, crucio CRUCIO!" The last three words were each punctuated by a flick of the wrist and Pansy screamed out in pain.

Helena took a moment to catch her breath and then spoke again, "I loved you. You were my little girl and I saved you from so much punishment." She paused and looked down at the sweaty lump of Pansy on the ground with disdain, "be glad Nicolai isn't home. He would have killed you".

Helena stalked back toward the door and slammed it behind her.

End Flashback

Just when Pansy thought she might do anything at all to end the surge of emotion violently clawing at her mind, there was a tapping at her door. Endlessly thankful for the distraction, whether positive or no, Pansy sprang off her bed. Then, remembering herself, she reset the scowl on her face before opening the door.

Hermione stood in the doorway, trying to look bored so Pansy wouldn't realize how much she enjoyed spending time with her.

"Are you ready for kitchen duty?"