In Paridisum

In Paridisum

Silent Dagger: SORRY! I couldn't upload anything over the entire summer, but here it is!!

Thank you so much for all the reviews! You guys seriously made this story keep going. I was about to put ff aside for a while but then I decided not to because of you readers! Thanks again for keeping me motivated!!

Chapter Twenty Five: Right Where It Belongs

He was going to die. He knew this already. The minute he had left that house, L kept a record of every forty seconds that passed. But he wasn't dying. This did not mean that he felt secure, no; on the contrary it actually made his heart beat just a bit faster. How would Kira pay him back for this? The idea of a heart attack seemed too mild for retribution. L knew he was probably going to have to look forward to a long, drawn out death. Or maybe Kira would actually show some mercy and kill him quickly. Either way, it was a thought that would not leave his head, and the more time that passed, the more his anxiety grew.

No, he could not let himself panic. L wasn't able to assess the situation clearly because of nerves. He had gone into this case with the chance of losing his life, he had known he'd been close to death a few times during the course of everything, so why should he care now? L was not morbid, he did not wish for death, but his entire life had been one risk after the other…perhaps it was finally going to catch up with him now.

He had gotten in contact with Matt, figuring the youth was still with Near and was slightly surprised to find that he was working solo. He gave L his current address and L made his way over there, all the time expecting his heart to just erupt within his chest, to seize up much as it had when he was separated from Light…He quickly chased that thought away. Light was Kira, there was no Light anymore.

He arrived at Matt's soon afterwards and the redhead let him into the small apartment with a gentle smile.

"You escaped?" he asked as soon as L had a chance to sit down.

"I would not call it that…I just left," L replied.

"It was probably for the best," Matt said carefully.

L studied the younger man's face. He looked tired and exhausted, his eyes were not filled with their usual vibrancy, and he looked as though he had lost a great part of himself. L knew exactly what was going on then, because it was a look he had known had crossed his face during his separation with Light. Matt was mourning over Mello. Not mourning over a friend, mourning over a lover. L had always suspected…but he had never given it much thought. How hard must it have been for Matt to come to terms that he would never see Mello again? Well, L supposed he would find out for himself. He did not expect to ever meet up with Light Yagami ever again either.

"Are you all right?" L asked.

"No," Matt answered truthfully, lighting up a cigarette. "But I will be in time, I guess…now then, why did you seek me out?"

"It's about Kira," L said.

Matt blinked. "Light Yagami is Kira, isn't he?"

L nodded.

"And you didn't say it before because…?" Matt asked.

"I love him," L replied.

"Well, I can understand that then," Matt sighed after a moment's pause. "I feel for you, but I will never support it. Kira killed Mello and so many others, he's evil."

L looked up at the ceiling. "Evil? I do not think Kira himself is evil, even if the acts he orchestrates are anything but good. It is for justice, his sense of it has just become twisted and warped because of the power he has," he explained.

"Call it whatever you want, doesn't change the fact that he's a killer," Matt said stubbornly.

L sighed, knowing that he would not change the youth's mind. They sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

"So…you want to get in contact with Near?" he asked.

"Yes that is correct," L said.

"Unfortunately it may take awhile. I sort of just walked out on him so I don't have his contact information. However, I'm sure I could hack my way into his computer system and deliver a message or something," Matt said.

"How long will it take?" L asked heavily.

"In a rush?" Matt asked wryly.

"He knows my name, Matt," L said.

Matt's face seemed to pale and his eyes widened, his jaw dropping slightly. L knew that repercussions would come soon. Matt was not as quick to show his emotions as Mello, but he was not as controlled as Near and L either. Soon enough, his eyes narrowed and he stood up in anger.

"Do you have a death wish?!" Matt shouted. "Why would you tell him your name?! I don't even know your name!"

Ah, so jealousy was part of it, L had figured that would be part of the case. For someone who had been trying to succeed him since the time he was a child, only knowing him as L only to learn that an outsider, and an enemy at that, knew it must have been infuriating.

"It was a mistake on my part," L replied coolly.

"Well I hope it was a mistake!" Matt snapped. "So if you drop dead I shouldn't be surprised, is that basically the gist of things?"

L narrowed his eyes and Matt sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair and sitting back down, his elbows resting on his knees as he buried his face in his hands to think and to compose himself again.

"Sorry, that was out of line," he finally muttered. "I'm going to go get to work on getting in touch with Near."

He rubbed his face as though he were tired and then stood once more, heading out of the room and into his bedroom. L had considered following him before that outburst, but he figured the youth needed time to himself now after hearing about L's predicament. L sat alone, nibbling at his thumb and just wondering what Light was playing at. He must have realized L's intentions when he left him like that. He must have known L was going to reveal him…so then, why? Why was he still alive?

Light was sitting at his desk, the Death Note open in front of him, his pen poised above the blank page. L Lawliet, L Lawliet, L Lawliet…the name echoed repeatedly through his mind, begging to be written, to be made immortal upon this page even while the person it belonged to died. L had left him, he was going to betray him first. The world that they had once had together had been shattered, left beyond repair. Why was he hesitating? One of them had to die. Light would face death for being Kira and L would face death for defying God. He lowered the pen, the tip brushing against the page.

Just write it…It's not like I'm ever going to see him again anyway. He doesn't want to see me again. I failed to show my feelings for him and he, as merciless as ever, just walked away.

Merciless? Could he really describe L in such terms? Light let out a pained sigh and rested the pen upon the desk; leaning back in his chair, head tilted back to study the ceiling. Who had made all the mistakes? It hadn't been L. L had worked with his mistakes, looking past his cruelty, seeing past his bias towards Kira to love him. Light had done well at first, he had shared his heart with the detective, had been honest with him, had tried to keep Kira out of their personal relationship as much as possible. But the world was not perfect yet, and things had happened that made Light do things he now regretted.

Forcing Misa to kill innocents, going against the very truths he so ardently followed. Killing Mello when he knew it would bring L pain, being foolish enough to believe that L would choose him despite what he had done. Light supposed that he thought he'd never drive L away. Had been…arrogant enough to think that no matter how bad he was, L would still be there for him, supporting him through it all. But no, L had never supported what he did. He had always been opposed to him.

Light's eyes flashed crimson. Those who opposed God would perish! He leaned back over his desk, grasping the pen firmly in his hand and bringing it once more to the paper. L Lawliet, L Lawliet, L Lawliet...write it, dammit, just write the name down. Give him a quick death and push him from your mind. Do it, Do it, DO IT!!

His mind screamed at him, urging his hand to move, to write the letters ingrained in his memory. But his hand was frozen, because thinking of the name made him think of the man, and thinking of the man reminded him of why L was even alive today. Light still loved him. He could find a way to make it work…or, if that was impossible he could at least make it how it was supposed to be. Him against L, and only L. He would remove Near from the fight, this was not his battle. Light dropped the pen. There were no more facades to hide behind, no more masks. L was L Lawliet and he was Kira. Now the race was almost finished, it was time to see who would make it across the finish line.

"L, I've finally got in touch with Near," Matt called from the other room.

L got up from his seat and walked over to where Matt was. It was like time was slowing down. Light was going to be found out. Light was going to lose, he was going to win, things were getting back to how they were when he first started on the case. Only back then he expected to feel relieved at catching Kira, now he was dreading each passing minute that passed.

He settled himself in front of Matt's computer. "Near," he said simply.

"L," Near replied.

"Light Yagami is Kira."

"Thank you, L, my respect for you has been restored," Near said. "This only confirms what the investigation team told me. I got in touch with Mr. Aizawa, he revealed that the team had no idea about this plan of yours…they all believed you to be dead."

"Yes, well I shall apologize to them later," L replied. "What are your plans?"

"To convict Light Yagami and have him arrested," Near replied.

"I request one thing," L said.

"Yes?"

"I will be the one to do it," L replied. "We will meet back at the warehouse, have the investigation team there as well, it is time to end this."

There was a long pause. "As you wish, L," Near replied.

Light went to the investigation room. It was early, very early so none of the others had arrived yet. He sighed heavily. He could not stay in his apartment, not with the Death Note right there. His burning desire to write L's name was constantly wrestled with his inability to touch the pen to paper. He thought that being here might help, maybe push his mind to make some sort of decision so that he was not stuck as a pendulum, swinging back and forth between executioner and savior.

He sat down heavily, his chocolate brown eyes unfocused, his face stoic as he was deep in thought. So what now? He had to make some sort of decision. The team, he would have to continue using the team to his advantage. He had to discredit Near because surely L had told him by now. Light frowned. He'd made it this far, he was sure he could convince them of this easily. He was just thinking about what he would say to them, when the nearby computer monitor flashed into life and the large letter N appeared on the screen.

"Kira," Near said, not even bothering to hide things any longer. "I request your presence at the warehouse again; meet me there in an hour."

Near did not wait for a response and the monitor darkened as quickly as it had lit up. Light narrowed his eyes. Who did Near think he was? He was not L, he was not his rival. He had half a mind to just ignore the 'request' but he knew he couldn't. This was his chance to kill Near and he probably would not get another one. That dark smile slowly began to lift his lips. He would destroy Near, he was sure of it. He might be late though, since Near knew and they already were aware of the Death Note, well there was no reason not to bring his.

L stood in the warehouse, Near was seated beside him, playing with some toys and the investigation team stood behind them. When Near had first contacted Soichiro to tell him that L was still alive the elder Yagami had hardly dared to believe him. Near told him to get in touch with the rest of the investigation except for Light and to assemble here. When they had arrived, Soichiro had looked gaunt, knowing what implications this whole situation held for his son, Aizawa looked resigned, Ide had a cold expression upon his face while Mogi looked sympathetic towards the chief. Matsuda had nearly jumped to give L a hug but was off put by the look L shot him and instead just expressed how glad he was that L was all right.

L had briefly explained what had happened, leaving out the part about their relationship, giving them the truth that they both longed and dreaded to hear. Light Yagami was Kira. Soichiro's complexion had paled further and his hands had begun to shake, but he only nodded in understanding, his unwavering sense of justice remaining strong even in the face of such an awful truth.

They stood in silence now and soon enough the doors to the warehouse opened and there he stood. Light Yagami, Kira…the hopeful 'God' of a new world. His eyes widened briefly when he saw the entire team there and he stopped a good ten feet away from them, his eyes traveling over the familiar faces and coming to rest at L's. L stared right back at him. Why? Why didn't Light write his name down? Why was he letting it get this far? Unless of course he was going to write it down here, and show his power to the others. Yes, he would not be surprised if that was the case.

Near glanced at L quickly and L realized that he could not just stand here and stare at Light. He stood a step closer.

"Light Yagami," he whispered. "It is over."

Light frowned and looked at L with a hurt expression flashing in his eyes. L blinked. Had his misread him completely? Could it be that Light hadn't been able to write his name down because of what had happened? But no, he must have realized this would happen if L left. It was the reason he had kept him captive in the first place. He must have known he would tell Near that he was Kira. Of course Light would have killed him to keep his secret. Right?

"Light," Soichiro said, unable to keep silent. "Why? Where is your sense of justice? Where has it gone?"

Light did not answer for a while. He was piecing together this entire scene. L told Near, who must have contacted the investigation team and now he was alone against them as he had let Misa go from this particular life. He tore his eyes off L's face and looked at his father coldly.

"I AM justice!" he exclaimed. "This world is rotten, I am cleaning it, I am making it pure for the innocent people! I am giving them the life they deserve! Some people deserve to die! They believe that it is them in power, but not for long! I will stop them, I will create a new world!"

Soichiro's dark eyes widened and took a step back. "L-Light…"

Light pointed at them now. "You think stopping Kira is justice, it is a crime! I want to help these people! Why do you feel the need to stop me and make them live in such a rotten world?"

"Light-kun."

That gentle voice, spoken in the same way he was used to, almost drove Light to the breaking point. Crimson eyes settled on L again. L stepped forward again, despite Near's warning glance.

"Light-kun must see the horrors of what he is doing. You have killed innocent people…" L reminded him.

"That was for YOU!!" Light shouted, making the entire investigation team stare at him in shock and even L blinked at the unexpected outburst. "I KNOW YOUR NAME, L!! I COULD KILL YOU IF I WANTED TO, BUT I CAN'T SO DON'T YOU FUCK WITH ME!"

Near's eyes widened from that exclamation. "Is this true, L? He knows your name?" he asked quietly.

L only nodded, his black eyes fixed upon Light.

"Light-kun?" Matsuda asked, sounding completely confused.

Light glared at him. "No, no…I won't let anyone get in the way of my vision, this world will be changed!" he shouted, taking hold of his Death Note.

Matsuda's confused expression was slowly changing into one of disbelieving anger as tears started to fill his eyes. He had respected Light, looked up to him, and all this time he'd been pulling them in circles while countless people had been killed. It couldn't be real, but there he stood, Death Note in hand.

"Are you going to kill me now, Light?" L asked.

"Didn't you hear me?" Light practically spat. "I can't kill you!"

L knew in that instant that it wasn't an act. Light really couldn't bring himself to kill him. The coldness that L had let settle over him after he had left Light was slowly shattering. He had figured Light had still loved him before, but he had also thought that Light had crossed the point where his success surpassed everything. He had thought Light had become a monster. But this, this was proving him wrong. This…was proving Light's love more than physical contact ever would.

"Light! Just stop, it's over!" Soichiro shouted.

"It will never be over!" Light exclaimed.

And it was clear to all that in this moment, Kira, cornered and outnumbered, snapped as he ripped open his Death Note and began to write his own father's name onto the page. Mogi shouted, Ide jumped forward, Aizawa pulled out his gun while Soichiro stood in frozen disbelief as the pen touched the page. However, two loud gun shots rang throughout the warehouse and Light let out a pained cry and fell backwards. Near looked up from his toys staring at Matsuda's smoking gun.

"Everything you stood for, everything your father stood for! You were lying the entire time!" Matsuda sobbed, storming over to Light.

Light grit his teeth together, forcing himself to his feet. One bullet had struck his hand, the other his shoulder, leaving his right arm dangling uselessly at his side and he placed his left hand against his wounded shoulder, blood flowing over it. His eyes were the color of his blood as he glared at Matsuda.

"You will never understand," he hissed.

"Don't you realize you just tried to kill your own father?!" Matsuda shouted shrilly.

"You…are all obstructions in my path," Light growled.

Matsuda let out a scream and raised his gun. Soichiro ordered him to stand down but Matsuda seemed beyond the ability to listen right now as his shaky fingers pulled the trigger, the gun aimed right between Light's burning eyes. Light knew in that instant that now it was over. The bullet would pass through his brain, he would probably live for a few minutes, possible, depending on where exactly it hit, but he wouldn't function anyway. He would pass on and his world wouldn't be completed.

But the brief pain he had expected to feel before nerves went completely numb never came. He opened his eyes and saw white. Perhaps he just hadn't felt it? No, there was a patch of red in the white and it was spreading and he could hear the sound of a gun clattering against the floor as it was dropped.

A body suddenly fell on him and Light caught it reflexively and studied the face. He was cradling L in his arms. L's hands were pressed firmly against his stomach where the bullet intended for him lay buried within him as blood poured from the wound. Matsuda was sitting on the floor shaking, Near had actually stood up and for the first time Light saw emotion upon his face.

"L," Light whispered, shaking the detective.

L drew in a shuddering breath and opened his eyes slightly, a pained grimace crossing his features as he looked up at Light. "You…couldn't kill me…and I couldn't…watch you die," he whispered.

"Kira," Near finally spoke, his voice bitter. "When will it be enough? How many have you killed? How much pain have you caused for those close to you? End your foolish 'quest' for a better world; it will never happen through murder."

Light barely heard him, his eyes were focused on the man in his arms, who was paling and breathing in pained gasps. He started shaking his head slowly as images from recent memories filled his head. Days with L, nights with L, spending that time with L. Loving him, loving every touch…the person he loved was in pain, could very well be dying and they were ignoring that fact!

"I don't care," Light growled. "I don't care! I don't CARE! Save him!!"

Near blinked, the finger that had been coiling a lock of white hair slipped away from his head to come to rest at his side. Light didn't care what he thought. Why weren't they doing anything to save L?!

"Mr. Aizawa, contact the closest hospital," Near said.

Aizawa nodded and left the building to go make the call. Near turned to Mogi and Ide. "Detain Kira," he ordered. "Mr. Yagami, please keep L supported."

The three men nodded and moved forward but Light hugged L to him. "No, don't touch me, just leave me be!" he shouted.

Mogi and Ide stopped, glancing at Near who stared back stoically so they moved a bit closer until L coughed and glanced at them.

"Stay where you are, Light-kun is aware that once I am taken to the hospital he will….be arrested," he said.

Light looked down at him and nodded. L smiled faintly before glancing at Near and the others. "Please…I need a moment…to speak with Light-kun privately…"

Near looked as though he was about to protest, but Soichiro, who had been looking back and forth between them sighed heavily and nodded in affirmation. "We shall be…close by, Ryuuzaki," he assured the detective.

He and his team moved away, leaving Near to stand there. He looked upon the two of them coldly for a moment before he turned and walked away with the team as well. Once they were far enough away not to be able to hear him, L turned his attention back to Light.

"I am sorry…Light-kun…I assumed…that you had been completely…lost," L said slowly.

Light almost wanted to yell at him, berate him for betraying him when he had been so convinced that it would be Light to do the betraying. But he couldn't, it was as impossible for him to yell at L right now as it was for him to kill him.

"What made you realize that I was still here?" he asked softly.

L's dark eyes shifted to the Death Note momentarily before focusing back on the face above him. "You…could have killed me. You knew what I would do when I left…and yet you…didn't kill me."

"I couldn't," Light reminded him. "I tried…but I couldn't."

L smiled softly. "I know…and that…more than anything…proved to me…that you really do…love me."

Light leaned in, not caring if any one was paying them attention, and pressed his lips against L's gently. "I always have, L," he replied.

"I…know," L whispered. "And I you…"

He winced as his felt a harsh stab of pain and his eyes clenched shut as his breathing quickened.

"Don't you dare even think about giving up," Light growled. "I can…live with whatever happens to me, but I never intended for this world to be without either of us. Kira or L, whoever won was the right…for the world anyway. I still believe that my justice is true justice, but I lost…"

L's breathing had become shallower and Light did not like the look of his eyes when he opened them again. They seemed somewhat distant, but the detective nodded slowly. Light knew he had to keep him talking; he couldn't let him slip away.

"Hey, you remember the carnival trip?" he asked, rocking back and forth slowly as if cradling a child to sleep.

"Hmm….yes," L replied, smiling at the memory.

"And I wanted to go on that roller coaster but you absolutely refused? It would have been fun," Light said with a soft grin.

"L-Light should know…that I would never go near…such a thing," L whispered.

Light was getting worried. Where the hell was that ambulance? "I suppose…but we had a lot of fun that day, didn't we?" he began to slowly stroke L's hair.

L shivered slightly and Light held him more firmly as the detective nodded. Sweat was beading on L's brow and now tremors were running through his body. Light refused to let it end like this. L would not die.

"Hey…look at me," Light urged.

L complied, locking his eyes with Light's once more. "W-Why are you…still protecting me…? I betrayed you…"

Light shook his head. "I won't say that didn't hurt," he admitted. "But how many times have I betrayed you? I've killed innocent people…I killed Mello…"

He couldn't bring himself to say he deserved it, Light would never say something like that, even if it was true. "And…I love you too much," he added, placing a soft kiss upon L's forehead.

"I love you, Light," L said, shifting slightly and grimacing as pain coursed through his body.

Light cupped L's chin. "Keep looking at me," he reminded him and L nodded, keeping his eyes locked on Light's.

"It's…too bad…we couldn't shut out the world…a little longer," L whispered.

"I wish we could forever," Light replied.

Aizawa entered the building again, glanced at Light with a look of disgust, but Light did not let it phase him. Aizawa had always hated Kira. He did pause to look down at L.

"Ryuuzaki…help is on the way," he said stiffly before walking over to the others.

Light waited until Aizawa had engaged in the current conversation of the team before turning to look back at L, smiling down at him. "You hear that? You'll be taken care of soon…you'll be ok."

"It's not me…I'm worried about," L replied and Light thought that he heard sadness in his voice. He looked steadily at the detective, and L stared right back. "I've found you…but I'm just going to lose you again…"

Light did not speak for a few moments. "I am sorry," he replied. "But I'm afraid…you have, I'm not going to try and pretty the situation up with words."

L turned his head slightly, burying his face in Light's arm. Light could not tell if the sudden gasp issued from the detective was caused by pain or a sob. Light leaned over and kissed the top of his head. His own arm felt numb and some of the blood from his wound had dripped onto L's white shirt, staining it further, but he didn't care.

"L…I'll think about you in my dreams…always," Light whispered.

L looked up at him then. "Likewise," he replied softly.

"They'll be here soon," Light said, finally tearing his eyes from the detective to look at the door. "I am sure Aizawa contacted the authorities as well."

"No," L replied. "The idea was, when Kira was captured, we would keep it a secret."

Light blinked and looked down at him again. "A secret?" he asked.

"Yes," L replied. "Many people support Kira, it would not do to endanger the lives of officers because of his execution. Therefore it would be kept a secret and his followers would eventually believe that he had simply ended his judgment."

"And so Kira would just fade from the minds of all," Light replied. "Become nothing but a distant memory."

"Memories tend to fade," L replied.

Light blinked. "So then that was your intention as well. Make Kira…make me, insignificant after time."

"Yes."

"Well, I suppose I can't hate you for that," Light replied. "I had no intentions of having you remembered back when I wanted to end your life."

A horrible tremor suddenly wracked L's body and Light focused more intently on him. The blood staining his shirt was now seeping into his jeans. There was so much. Light knew that Matsuda had hit a fatal area. Using some quick estimates, Light figured the detective had maybe an hour to live if he did not get help. He would survive, he had to.

"L, hold on for me," Light said urgently, taking L's hand within his own and holding it firmly.

"It would be so easy to just close my eyes and be lost in a dream forever," L said rather cryptically.

Light growled and shook L slightly, making those dark orbs shift so that they were trained upon his face.

"Don't you dare," he said. "It's not much of a victory for you if you die in the process."

L frowned heavily. "Do not speak like that," he said coldly. "Do you honestly think I am finding any joy in this? That I am sending you to your death? Once I may have, even when I first saw you, convinced that you were nothing but Kira, but now…now that I know you are not completely damned…the knowledge that I am going to be the cause of your death hurts far more than this wound ever could."

Light could hear the faint sounds of sirens now. So then, L would be taken from him soon and surely the task force would place him under arrest. He looked at L and noticed the detective was staring at the door, obviously listening to the imminent sound of their final separation.

"L," Light whispered.

L looked at him again.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Light."