AHHHH!!! i'm shocked. . . some people actually like my story. . . and . . . i think you're all lying . . . yes every last one. . . even jesus. . . . who probably doesn't like my story . . .
. . . i really don't have anything else to say . . . other than today was my sis' birthday and it was thanksgiving. . . so we put candles on the turkey. . .
I LOVE MY FAMILY!
disclaimer: go to the last chapter and read that disclaimer. . . otherwise don't read, don't sue, don't rape (unless you're hjott, and yes i did just say hjott because it is definetly hjotter than hott)
. . . oh and before anyone yells at me i might not believe in turkey on thanksgiving. . . but i do believe in random setting changes. so we suddenly go from school to bedroom. . .
"WHY DO I WRITE CRAP LIKE THIS???"
Sasuke was sitting on his bed at home looking through his diary which was full of random fantasies which he would write down. Currently, he was reading just about the most embarrassing one of all. So embarrassing, in fact, that Sasuke was actually blushing, and no, Sasuke really didn't have the ability and/or capacity to blush. So, it looked more like someone covered his cheeks in a thin layer of pink chapstick.
He really really couldn't help but to read on, as painful as it was.
Put frankly, and truthfully, it involved Mr. Rogers.
In a fit of disgust Sasuke flung open his window and tried to hit the birds living in the wall of his room with it. They in turn decided to leave a white trail all over his hand.
Involuntarily Sasuke felt an eyebrow twitch as he nearly hit the bird with the result of his sexual frustration as it flew away onto the branch of the maple tree that grew not 4 feet from his window. It almost looked like it was smirking at him, that bastard.
Sasuke was pretty pissed to say the least as he dragged his feet into his bathroom with the cold floor pricking at his feet as he washed the horrendous white fluid from his arm, numerous obscenities flying from his mouth like the spit from the football coach/history teacher at his school. He cringed even more as he thought of the horrid creature that went by the name of Mr. McCrackin (rightfully named).
Mr. McCrackin was probably the most horrid, insecure man-child-whore to have fallen from the bowels of his mother, who Sasuke was fairly certain, was a combination of chicken, turkey, tree, brown paper bag, lampshade, mashed potato, and finally, a tub of lard. On the first day of school he announced to the class that they were all children and they were all crazy. To which Sasuke (immediately and unintentionally) voiced his thoughts on McCrackin, saying such memorable phrases as "middle aged previously divorced husband because he was more attracted to his own son than his wife, Michael Jackson look-alike from hell and/or creepy white guy who likes little boys under the age of 13" or more simply put "pedophile."
Mr. McCrakin (at the time) was probably not amused, not that you could tell. All his facial expressions looked the same. Sasuke honestly thought it was a disability.
blink
For a fraction of a second the entire room flashed white. Sasuke blinked. Then he turned his head to the side to see Ten-ten, one of his three adopted older sisters, holding a camera and smiling coyly.
Sasuke was very, very not happy, and partly confused. He opened his mouth to say something but Ten-ten quickly interrupted.
"Sooooo. . . tell me. . . is that um. . . yours?" She was pointing at his arm.
This was followed by a very awkward silence in which Sasuke became very, very confused. So, he raised an eyebrow, questioningly.
"Um. . . you know. . . that um . . . white stuff. . . on your arm. . . "
Sasuke's eyebrow reached its peak as the other one began to raise slowly.
"Because I didn't know you were old enough to-"
"WHAT???" He was flabbergasted.
"I was just saying that. . . um. . . well put basically that" still pointing at his arm "looks VERY, suggestive"
Sasuke starred at his arm in slight shock, then dispair, and then even more shock, his mouth forming the shape of an "o." His gazed followed back into his sister's questioning eyes.
"It really isn't what it looks like."
Ten-ten gave him a weird look.
"No really it isn't, I swear to God, or at Him depending."
"Well then what is that??" exclaimed she, pointing to his arm again.
"It's bird crap."
She gave him an even weirder look.
"Promise, it is"
Her arm fell to her side as she continued to give him the questioning look. Tilting her head to a slight angle she proclaimed, "Well then how in the hell did you get bird poop on your arm. . . in a house. . . in the bathroom. . . with the window closed??"
Sasuke gave her a look that said "how in the hell do you think i got bird poop on my arm? obviously it came from a bird you dumb." This was followed by a silence until broken by Ten-ten.
". . . so it isn't your bab-"
"EW! THE HELL? YOU PERVERT DO YOU THINK THAT EVERYTIME I GET RANDOM WHITE LIQUIDS ON ME ITS. . . you know. . . "
"Semen?"
"YEAH I MEAN WHAT THE HELL? ITS NOT LIKE I'M. . . you know. . . "
". . . straight?"
"YEAH STRA-" Sasuke paused and stiffened and then glared at his sister who was giggling to herself. "Not funny."
Through her laughs she managed to squeel out, "Oh dear, widdle wasuke wikes men now. . . what would your mother say??" Ten-ten who found this horrendously funny continued laughing.
Sasuke was hypothetically burning holes into his sisters stomach who was rolling around in the middle of the hallway.
"Whats so funny?" Sasuke and Ten-ten turned their heads to see Itachi standing at the top of the stairs.
"SASUKE IS G-"
splat
Itachi couldn't help but laugh a little of the horrified look on Ten-ten's face, and the relatively smug on on Sasuke's face as Ten-ten put her fingers to the droplets of white on her face just to rub it off and stare at it. Her horrified gaze turned to Sasuke and then back to the bizarre liquid on her fingertips.
All the birds in a quarter mile radius flew out of their nests as the horrified screech flew from her lips.
Sasuke was no longer pissed off.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!!!!!" Ten-ten ran off to the other bathroom to clean off her face and fingers and probably to take a shower as well. Sasuke was dying, arms clutching his sides in laughing agony.
Itachi frowned.
"That was a little harsh don't you think? I mean. . . what she did. . . couldn't possibly be worth smearing your semen on her for . . . "
All the birds in a half mile radius flew out of their nests as the shout, only capable of being produced by a boy who's voice was still changing, flew from his lips.
Sasuke was getting a little pissed off as he glared at Itachi from the bathroom door-frame.
"Sorry, death glare doesn't work on me when I'm wearing my sunglasses." Itachi walked past him down the hallway.
". . . Was not my semen . . ."
Sasuke was a little sad (in spite of the careful smile playing off his lips) as he washed the rest of the bird crap off his arm and dragged his feet back into his room.
". . . I wonder how they'd react. . . if i told them . . .". His head filling in with pictures involving removal from family or death or beatings.
". . . well more specifically i wonder how Mom and Dad would react. . ."
As entered his room he decided it would probably be better to tell them than visiting for Christmas when he was thirty and having his entire family say something like "WHERE'S YOU'RE CHILDREN??" or "WHY AREN'T YOU MARRIED??" or "HAVE YOU EVEN FIGURED OUT SEX YET??" or "SON I THINK WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK" or "I TOTALLY KNEW IT! HE IS GAY!!!"
Sasuke found the ball of paper he had thrown at that stupid bird on his windowsill with the bird still smirking at him from his tree branch. Sasuke yelled at him and he flew away to be with the rest of his family.
The leaves were falling off the tree, drifting slowly to the ground like snowflakes but only slightly less graceful, and surely not as pure.
"I'm kinda like on of those aren't I?"
He was silent for a while, and everything seemed dead quiet until his stereo turned on, Everything In Its Right Place vibrating through the air. He turned back to his notebook and flipped through it. A smile formed at his lips when he found a fantasy in his notebook involving a certain brown-haired god by the name of jason, dated the december from the last year, christmas day. Picking up the notebook he went back to his bed and feeling tired lay down. It was only four o'clock in the afternoon, but he was tired for some reason.Laying his head on a pillow, he closed his eyes, only to dream eventually about something interesting.
everything, in its right place
widdle wasuke wikes men now. . . .
yeah anyways, in case anyone hasn't figured it out there will be random changes in setting and stuff from chapter to chapter because thats the way that my mind works. . . which is kinda sad because it's gonna be hard for me to actually write a story on a centralized plot . . . oh well . . . i like it this way more than an actual story . . . its less formal . . . and formality is djumb. with a capital D (feel free to hate me for it or take me off your fav authors lists because of it. . .)
(yes djumb, b/c its cjooler than djumb)
oh and another thing, all the chapters on here are subject to constant change due to people telling me i spelled things wrong or me eventually re-reading it just so i can feel more ashamed of my egglish skills (with a z so its really skillz)
hahaha!!! egglish! it sounds like a tasty treat. . . i totally want an egglish right now . . . how bout you? (i need sleep don't i ?)