Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Following chapters will not have serious disclaimers.

I now bring, in all my dramatic flair, a romance, drama, and comedy, all stuck into one. Oh, and the story will have some horror from time to time. I enjoy writing torture scenes.

A/N: Well, I've finally got some free time, and I felt like writing Naruto. For my fans out there (if I do have fans anymore), don't worry, I'm writing on my other fics, I've just been stuck on Naruto. This might have a slightly familiar ring, but I've noticed that the two longest NarutoXTemari stories are both involving Naruto leaving Konoha. I've always wanted to make a "Naruto leaves Konoha" type of story, and I recently fell in love with NaruTemari. So bear with me. I'll shut up now, and get on with the story.

By the way, in this fic, Naruto is sixteen, and a few things differ from Shipuuden's more recent story arcs. Flow with me, you'll catch the relevant parts as they are mentioned. Also, Temari's age has been changed to only one year older than Naruto and Gaara. So she's seventeen.

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Festivals are supposed to be nice. Everyone has fun at them, with all manner of games, music, food, and drink. Uzumaki Naruto is no exception, except he has a different kind of fun. No one notices a few drunks going missing in a village of several thousand.

He would be compared to a certain sannin, one who left the village long ago. No one knew his more devious side, the scrolls of kinjutsu he had stolen from the hokage's archives, while supposedly "researching the Uchiha Clan". He happened to find, among others, some of Orochimaru's old notes, ripe and ready to use.

"Mild taste, slightly bitter, but a good vintage. And I needed type AB. You'll do." Naruto looked upon the panicking victim. A Hyuuga branch member by the name of Temashi, he lay on a stone table, bound by chakra strings. The Hyuuga made countless threats and vows of vengeance, but it was all in vain.

He couldn't move, and Naruto had soundproofed the room. After a few minutes of general fun, such as removing the fingernails with splinters and severing nerve endings with well placed needles, Naruto decided it was time to finish his final project. Without anesthesia or anything to dull the pain, the blond ninja used chakra scalpels to cleanly cut out the Hyuuga's eyes. Since the now eyeless ninja was not dead yet, Naruto was able to keep the once drunken ninja's chakra flowing to the bloody orbs, keeping the caged bird seal from sealing off their doujutsu.

Taking a small amount of the optic nerves and tissue, he set them in an already prepared seal he had on the floor. The seal would keep the doujutsu preserved even after the death of the ninja, so Naruto turned to finish his fun.

Placing chakra-charged hands on the chest of the ninja, what looked to be glowing blood oozed into the Hyuuga's chest. A new level of pain gripped the Hyuuga, and screams echoed through the room. Suddenly, everything was quiet, as chakra lifted up out of the body. As Naruto watched, a grin came across the ninja's face. Was it a new one? Would it serve two purposes?

He was broken from his questioning reverie as the chakra formed itself into what looked like a river. Smirking, the boy sucked the chakra in with the same red-charged hand he had used to extract it. Laughing and flexing, the number one unpredictable ninja turned away as the body liquefied. Orochimaru was a fool, he had decided.

The snake sannin had originally started research on these jutsus, only to stop research when he became obsessed with the Fushi Tensei, wanting immortality. Dropping to his knees, he made a series of seals and slammed both hands into the floor, at the edge of the large purple seal containing the eyes.

As the seal began to glow, he triumphantly shouted "Anigan no Jutsu!". With what could only be described as a flash of black, of nothingness, the seal disappeared, along with the eye tissue in it. Looking into a nearby mirror, Naruto smiled upon seeing his eyes, no longer the innocent blue they used to be, but, again, a deep purple.

He now had a great part of what Konoha could offer him. It wouldn't be much longer before he could do what he'd always wanted. Well, one more of the things that he'd always wanted. Cleaning up the mess, Naruto walked out of the room, disguising his eyes as blue once more.

As he locked the door to one of Orochimaru's old research rooms, he took a breath, satisfied with his progress. He had now absorbed two sets of doujutsu and the chakra capabilities of a few dozen people, a good number of them ninja, which included elemental affinities.

With the chakra production of the absorbed ninja, Naruto had doubled his standard chakra supply, plus he now had affinity to all five of the common elements. Finally crawling out of the hidden tunnel he had discovered, a thoroughly normal looking Naruto walked to his favorite ramen stand.

Ordering several bowls, he gobbled down the cheap noodles, paid for them, and left with a quick thanks. The old man and his daughter were quite confused, but then guessed he was going to meet friends. That wasn't quite right. He dropped off some of his supplies, and then headed to the rookie 9 meeting, held at a bar on the back streets of Konoha, dressed in a pair of baggy black pants and a purple shirt with a black jacket. Entering the bar, he was instantly assailed by Kiba and Sakura.

"Finally, you're here! We can't drink until every member is seated." Kiba was quite obviously thinking of a bottle of sake with his name on it.

"Guess what, Naruto? Tsunade-sama managed to fix the part of Sasuke-kun's eye you injured bringing him back!" Sakura was obviously fretting over the teme, who was seated at the table.

Naruto had successfully brought back Sasuke, even without the help of the useless pinkette in front of him. Thinking of his other set of eye abilities, he smirked at the usefulness a small piece of eye could do.

"Are you sure we should be drinking?" An always nervous Hinata asked an eager Kiba. Naruto thought they made a cute couple.

"Hey, if we're old enough to kill, we're old enough to drink!" Kiba cried gleefully before gulping down his first bottle of sake. Coughing slightly, as he wasn't often able to drink the booze he loved so much.

This, of course, started the night off for the rookie nine. Eventually, Sakura and Ino had passed out during a drinking contest, Sasuke was being even more angsty than usual, and Hinata had dragged Kiba off to somewhere 'more private'.

Walking past a dancing Shikamaru and a singing Shino, Naruto headed back to his apartment. He was satisfied; none of the others would get in his way, now. After grabbing all of the supplies he had gathered, he set off for the main gate. Right in front of it, he encountered the usual issue he had with festivals. Drunks.

"Hey, Demon Brat, what are you doin', havin' yerself some fun? Don't you know, Demons don't deserve fun?" A group of about two dozen drunken civilians barred his way, red in the face from overindulging in sake. Most of them were armed with gardening tools or old swords.

"Oh, Demons love to have fun, and when we want something, we'll take it!" Naruto laughed in the faces of the angry drunks. He knew this unusual response would provoke them. It was just as he planned it.

"Is that right? Well, we want something. Your life! Die, you demon brat!" When the horde charged him, Naruto allowed them to score a few, non-lethal blows. Then he drew the black chakra blade he loved to use. It was a full katana, unlike Asuma's trench knives.

After killing every last one of them, he picked one body up, one with wounds that wouldn't bleed too much. He needed his own blood for this. Opening the gates and walking straight past the drunken, passed-out guards, he carried the body, leaving a trail of his own blood, to a lake a half a mile away.

The lake had been his pick because of the crocodiles in it. Dressing the body in his old clothes, he tossed it to the crocs, who were only to happy to tear it apart and devour it. Leaving a crumpled note, stained with drops of his blood, he finally let the kyuubi chakra heal his wounds and walked away.

The note contained a well-planned sob story, detailing how he had given up on life after all the attempts on to take it. They would take the now-unrecognizable body to be Naruto, leaving him to do as he wished. Laughing at his triumph, the boy disappeared into the deep forest.

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Jutsu List

Anigan no Jutsu: Darkness Eye Jutsu

Fushi Tensei: Living Corpse Reincarnation Jutsu (Orochimaru's immortality jutsu)

A/N: I hope everyone liked chapter one. Please review; it helps me know if people like my story, and helps me to improve my writing style. Constructive criticism and flames are welcome, along with credit card numbers. Seriously though, I'm not going to whine and say I won't do another chapter until I get (insert number) reviews, but it does help inspire me to work harder on my fanfics. Also, could anyone suggest a good site to translate English to Japanese? I want my jutsu names to be in Japanese, but I don't know much.

Next Chapter: Naruto changes his look, Sasuke becomes angstier, and Kakashi buys the new Icha Icha Paradise movie.