So here we are dear readers; the final chapter of LOANSGG.

I know, I know it took be forever and a day to finish, but hey I'm a college freshman and a massive overachiever who needs to have a life beyond my computer so cut me some slack.

Anyways it's been a good run, but I think it's best to end it here. Flame me if you want ask a million questions, but I probably won't make another chapter or a sequel.

I might however make a seperate story along the same character lines, but I think making a new story would be suited for a new type of cast and background story. I got started on Forbidden Princess, but I'm having a hard time with the storyline and how to get from point A to point B.

I'm rambling, sorry.

RxExR

Chapter 19: When It All Boils Over

At the brink of falling off the edge of the earth my life has divided into a very narrow list of good and bad at this point. The good being... well you have to be an optimist to count things like good health. I, on the other hand, am a realist so I'll just tell you that my life is very, very bleak. After Candice's photo revelation, I lost all feeling in my body and thoughts in my head. My world was spinning faster and faster around me and all I could do was stand there and try to make sense of the blurred images.

"Evil." Anna said for the third time.

Nonoko just had a hand on my shoulder and said nothing. Anna's hands were pressed to the sides of her face as she repeated the word 'evil' again to herself. 'Evil' didn't even begin to cover the pure malice that dripped from Candice's fangs. She wasn't a person; she was a snake. Slithering among us, waiting and watching the potential prey. She had sized up her prey and took a very guillotine approach to it. Clean, quick, silent and deadly.

My neck felt tight and my throat was dry.

The ringing of the next class period bell nearly sent me out of my skin. With two classes left in the day, I had to put one foot in front of the other and carry on. I felt my gut twist as I separated from Anna and Nonoko. The rest of the day was agonizingly slow as I tried to savor each moment. The girls who waved at me or said hello to me. The boys who stared at me and smiled at one another as I passed. Savoring that feeling of acceptance and belonging and the serene drone of the life I settled into after ending my loner boy phase. Much like when I punched Natsume at the beginning of the year, another life changing catalyst was around the corner.

I slowly climbed the stairs at my Aunt's house to get to my room. As I walked down the hall, I could hear a Britney Spears song coming from Sumire's room. I sighed deeply, stopping to stare at her closed door. I could make out my tiny reflection in the shiny knob and could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I knocked softly and heard the music dim. Twisting the knob, I opened the door. Sumire was sprawled out on the floor next to her iHome with a few magazines spread out in front of her. She wore a pair of denim shorts and a green t-shirt I've never seen her wear before.

"Hey Miki, what's up?" she said casually.

"Hey. Nothing much. Are you alright?"

"You mean Candice right?" she clarified rolling her eyes as she said the girl's name.

If she only knew. I recognized one of the magazines on the floor as the magazine were my death certificate will be printed in less than 24 hours.

"Yeah." was all I could say.

"She didn't say anything to me today. She seemed rather happy with herself." Sumire said, flipping another page.

"I bet." I muttered under my breath.

"What?" she said looking up.

"Oh. Um nothing." there was a pause and another page flip.

"Look Sumire, whatever happens just remember everything we've talked about and everything that's happened between us."

She gave me a puzzled look and I just gave her a small smile and closed the door.

You know those moments in life when the entire world goes quiet and minutes feel like hours. Sitting on my window seat with my head pressed against the glass, I was having one of those moments. I looked around my room and could see myself, Anna and Nonoko 'transforming' me and plotting Sumire's take down. A bitter smile tugged at my lips. How funny things change with the smallest of things; a punch, a kiss, a photograph. All so insignificant, but not. I took a breath, filling my lungs to capacity with air and letting it out through my nostrils. I've dealt with worse. I can handle this. I'm Mikan Sakura.

. . . . .

Worse pep talk ever.

My phone hummed next to me. I watched it move for a little bit, knowing I had to answer it or a pink haired girl will come barging into my room within ten minutes thinking I moved to Guam.

"Hello. Next on death row speaking." I droned into the phone.

"That's not funny." Anna said.

"Really? I find it knee slapping." I responded.

"Nonoko thought of a plan." Anna chirped.

I practically launched out of my seat, "Really?"

"Yeah," then her energy was gone, "but unfortunately we called Imai and she shot it down."

"What happened?"

"Well we thought that maybe Imai could use her connections to make sure the magazine didn't print."

"And she said no?"

"Well it turns out that she owns a percentage of the magazines profits and said that that issue could bring in very good profits."

"So she picked money over me? Figures."

"She said no amount of money would make that Sasha chick not print that issue."

I let out another sigh, "So by this time tomorrow I'll be public enemy number one and Sumire will hate me forever. Again."

"Looks that way."

"This is such bullshit!" I spat.

"I know."

"It's all a lie. We're not even like that. It was just a kiss. I felt something and he didn't. And now I'm getting punished?"

"You don't know for sure that it meant nothing to him."

I clenched my bangs, "It doesn't matter. They'll all hate me again. You guys should stay away from me for a while."

"Mikan Sakura! How dare you! We're your best friends. We would never leave you."

"But-"

"But nothing! Did we stay away when we concocted this scheme? Did we stay away when Sumire did all those nasty things to you? Did we stay away when you got chicken pox?"

I smiled at the memory.

"As I recall we did not listen to our mother and spent that entire two weeks sitting on our couch covered in calamine lotion, trying not to scratch ourselves."

I laughed out loud remembering staring at my 8 year old best friends covered in lotion, little red dots sprinkling their skin. We tried so hard not to scratch ourselves that I thought we were going to go mad. Not to mention 'call me Naomi' kept using prehistoric remedies that she got from only the lord knows where. Tomato juice baths, drinking pickle juice and other random horrible things that I'm pretty sure she did for the hell of it. That was a long two weeks.

"Exactly. So don't tell us to stay away or avoid us, okay? We're practically sisters."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be, you upset me." she said with a 'humph' in her voice.

"I'm not exactly capable of thinking straight right now."

She sighed and I could tell she blew her hair out of her face as she did so, "I know. Everything will work out in the end."

"Bye." I said flipping the phone shut.

I pushed myself off the window seat and went to my closet to change. I knocked over my school bag which sent some of its contents spilling out. One of them being my sketchbook. I picked up the book and sat on the floor in my closet as I flipped through the pages. Pencil and charcoal sketches outlines each page. My name and the date of completion at the bottom. Pictures of scenery and people etched into the no longer blank sheets. There was a sketch of Anna from a few months ago. She was making a soufflé for her cooking class and the way she smiled and looked so serious with her work inspired me to draw her. My friends never know when I draw them, mostly because I never plan to. I simply put my hand, armed with the present tool of choice, and put it to the paper and just let it happen.

Something slipped for the bottom of my sketchbook. The photograph. The one of my mom. I picked it up and looked at it. I practically had every detail etched into my memory. The way her hair shone in the sun light, the way her smile seemed to glow, the way her cheek was pressed against my head, the way she hugged my tiny body close to hers. She always smelled like vanilla and the beach. Beautiful and natural. She always believed life should be lived to the fullest.

'The brave may not live forever, but the timid do not live at all.'

She had that quote written on everything she owned. The theme for the majority of her paintings was about her life practice of living to the fullest. My mother could have been a cushy heiress, sitting on my grandfather's millions, but my grandparents encouraged my mother to live the life she lived until she died, which was to live. Just live. Laugh loud, dance on tables, run fast, and love as if you don't know pain. My grandparents lived in France and after my dad died, we lost touch. My mother always quoted my grandma and as a result my dad always quoted my mom who quoted my grandma. I regret not knowing her because as I lay here on the floor of my closet staring into my mother's smiling face, I recall that I come from a great woman who came from another great woman.

I'll be brave.

"Morning." Sumire said grabbing a slice of toast of the tray.

"Morning." I replied along with my aunt and uncle.

Kairi and Ayumi just said nothing after a minute they dismissed themselves and left. I rolled my eyes as I heard their footsteps grow fainter. I wonder if they knew what Candice is doing or did. I have no idea what the state of things are right now, but what I do know is that after I step outside the front door, the missiles will be launched. My juice tasted bitter, my eggs were dry and the toast was hard.

I thought a last meal would be a lot more tasteful.

"Miki you want to drive together?" Sumire asked me taking a mouthful of toast.

"Um no thanks I have to grab something before school." I said.

"Okay see you." she said then kissed her parents and left.

I sat on the front steps of the house, waiting for Anna and Nonoko to pull up. Palms pressed against my cheeks, I watched some fallen leaves dance in the chill breeze. It's been warm for December and by warm I mean it's not completely ice age worthy. I rub my hand against my bare thigh to create a little warmth. Our year round school uniforms are ridiculous. Clearly the people who invented these skirts were male and cynical. When the black Miata pulled up, it looked more like a hearse.

Stop it.

I command myself to stop these hideous thoughts. Deep breaths and strong thoughts.

. . . .

I'm dead.

I suppressed a groan as I slid into the car. The pitying looks on both their faces was enough to make me want to lie in front of the car and have her run me over now. Anna handed me a cup of coffee, which I took and sipped. Caffeine would make everything better. Or at least make my ass warmer. We took a little detour on the way, stopping beside a magazine rack. I squeezed my eyes shut as Anna got out of the passenger seat to go buy a copy of my death warrant. I took a breath and held it, slowly releasing as Anna got back into the car. I popped one eye open, both she and Nonoko looked at me with identical expressions. They were grim.

"Front page."

I nearly leaped into the front seat, but sure enough in Anna's hands resided the instrument of the devil. The glossy cover page was a head shot of Natsume looking intensely into the camera and near the bottom right corner was the picture from yesterday.

'Juicy Kiss Photo Leaked! Details inside' was the headline. Anna thumbed through the celebrity trash pages and found the two page center spread of the 'juicy kiss'. A full page picture dotted with bullshit quotes and the second page an entire story made up of nothing.

"Listen to this trash." Nonoko said snatching the magazine for Anna.

"'Mikan Sakura, as the girl has been identified, has been quoted telling her classmates how she intended to get Natsume to kiss her and prove that our rumored playboy was easy to convert into a lovesick puppy. A few girls confirmed overhearing Sakura plotting this kiss various times in the girls' lavatory. Well Mikan Sakura we don't like your game of hearts especially with our gorgeous heirs. Take that back to France.' And that's just a short snippet of your 'elaborate game of hearts'. Candice really went all out with this background story. Your bitterness and jealousy towards Sumire, lusting after Natsume in secrecy and plotting to get back at him for rejecting you, by proving he could fall for you."

"You could fertilize an entire ranch with all that crap." Anna said taking a long sip from her coffee cup.

"She could use a little rebuttal." Nonoko said, and then proceeded to opening the window and chucking the magazine outside.

We shared a small laugh and it lifted my spirits a little, but as we pulled into the school parking lot my stomach jumped up into my esophagus and it was very hard to breathe. Unbuckling seat belts and stepping out into the chilly, sun-less morning air did nothing to ease my anxiety. We clutched our school bags to our chest and ascended the front stairs. Already the looks of curiosity, irritation and 'who does she think she is' came into our path, but we made it into the building unscathed. The looks somewhat intensified as we strolled by clusters of girls surrounding the glossy magazine pages, looking up to give me a snide look and whisper to one another.

As we turned the corner, someone called my name and it was not a happy camper. A group of girls with buttons with Natsume's face on it stood in our path with arms crossed. The main leader was a strawberry blonde with Matsuri magazine clenched in her hands and a scowl etched on her average features.

"Sakura!" she said again.

"Yes?" I answered.

"You have committed a crime punishable by death."

I resisted the urge to chuckle, "Oh really."

"Yes and I as president of the Natsume-Ruka fan club hereby banish you." she announced crossing her arms over her chest.

Anna, Nonoko and I exchanged glances that read 'are they serious?'

"Come now ladies. We can do better than that." Candice said, stepping through their ranks, flipping a dark brown curl over her shoulder.

She pulled off the top of her coffee cup and threw it towards me. Lukewarm coffee drenched the front of my uniform. Anna and Nonoko gasped from shock and I just stood there. Candice tossed her head back and laughed. I joined her which made her look at me as if I had gone mad.

I cleared my throat and just smiled at her, "Is that all you can do Candice?"

She raised a well-trimmed eyebrow at me and her expression was blank. I titled my head to the side and pouted.

"Do you really think throwing coffee on my uniform is going to faze me? What are you twelve? I'm already infamous in this school for going where no girl ever dared before. You'll have to do a little better than that."

I walked passed her sending my shoulder into hers, none too gently with Anna and Nonoko on my heels. Candice wants me to break and cry or run away, but I'm not going to run away. I made my bed and I'm going to lay in it. It was stupid of me to think that this war would ever be over. Where ever there was a girl who didn't appreciate what she had, there was bound to be conflict with another girl. Sumire and Candice both thought I had something they didn't, but the only thing they lacked was the potential to be a decent human being.

"Mikan that was so brave." Anna said as I spun the dial on my locker.

"No brave would have been me kicking her teeth in." I said, thrusting open the door and unbuttoning my blazer.

"Yeah, but this way was much more dignified and lady like. I'm very impressed." Anna said.

"Agreed." came another voice.

Hotaru was tapping away on her PDA, leaning against a locker next to mine. Her hair was pulled into a bun at the back of her head with stray curls, framing her face.

"Morning Hotaru. How are profits this morning?" I asked tossing my damp blazer into my locker.

"Better than average, as expected with your photo debut." she answered.

"Your concern is touching." I commented rolling my eyes.

She sighed, "Mikan you didn't need my help. You need to realize people are only as powerful as you make them. She put your picture in a magazine under false pretenses and the only thing that accomplishes is putting you in the public eye. Famous or infamous, it doesn't matter because your foes put you on a pedestal waiting for you yourself to fall from it. They can't touch you."

"You're wrong Hotaru and I know that's not something you're accustom to hearing, but this isn't just about me. It's about how hurt and betrayed Sumire's gonna feel when she sees that article. Not mention your brother."

"People believe what they want to believe, which is why the majority of them are idiots. If your cousin wants to believe that you're the girl they made you out to be in that article, then she hasn't really changed then has she."

I slammed my locker shut and the four of us went off to class. No sign of Sumire or Natsume, but it seemed like every female in the school had it in for me. Countless attempts to trip me and throw things at me, not to mention the lovely ladylike nicknames I have acquired.

Still no sign of Sumire and it's time for fifth hour gym. My day was surprisingly not as bad as suspected. I've proven to be stronger than my enemies and without Natsume or Sumire here to intensify any awkward or negative feelings, I'm in pretty good shape. It was still the lacrosse section of our P.E. class so Anna and Nonoko were out on the field already. I decided not to be as late as I was last time, but as I closed my locker and picked up my lacrosse stick, someone cleared their throat behind me. I turned and it turned out to be more than one person. Five girls all looking mischievous looked at me and waved their lacrosse sticks menacingly.

"You didn't think you got off that easily, did you?" the same strawberry blonde from this morning said to me.

I looked at all of their faces and just shook my head at them, "Is this really what you've come to? You're going to beat me up for retribution? You're all pathetic."

The blonde shook her short curls in fury, "Shut your mouth Sakura!"

I put the lacrosse stick on my shoulder and gave them the most intimidating look I could muster, "Well? Come at me then! What are you waiting for? You think doing anything to me will make your pathetic lives any better? You think I'm going to back down? I've faced much worse than a bunch of petty fans carrying lacrosse sticks, so come on! Do something! Either way I'm better than all of you put together. I'm my own person. I worship no one and defend myself. I'll never back down."

I slammed my stick into the lockers making them jump, "Come on!"

They exchanged glances with one another and ran out of the locker room. The strawberry blonde kept her glaring eyes on me as she slowly walked out of the locker room. I fell against the lockers and slid to the floor. My knees were shaking and I felt like crying. If they hadn't backed down I would've ended up in the hospital again. I pressed both my hands to my chest, willing my heart to slow it's quickened pace. I took several deep breaths and tried to collect myself. Every part of me was trembling like when you barely miss getting into a car accident or almost fall off a ledge.

How long can I fake this bravery?

Answer: I really don't know.

If I go out there I'll be an easy target. Looks like ditching gym is my only option. I placed my lacrosse stick on the bench and left the locker room. I went towards the forest where, as a loner boy, I had grown accustom to ditching classes. I put my palm to the Sakura tree and walked around it letting my fingers trail over the bark. My fingers tingled with that familiar urge to draw, but I left my backpack in my locker and wouldn't go back for it, in case the coach sent someone to look for me. I sat down at the base of the tree hugging my knees to my chest. My track pants were thin against the chilly breeze. I pulled the ends of my sleeves over my hands for warmth and hugged myself tighter. It was almost Christmas with finals around the corner and a little break from school. Aunt Yumi was talking about taking the family to America for the break. A place called Aspen I think.

I leaned my head against the tree and looked through its mostly bare branches. That's when I caught sight of a foot, attached to a leg wearing track pants. I jumped up expecting to see a body discarded in a tree, but of course that is something left for bad dreams and sci-fi movies.

"This is where you've been?" I shouted up to the figure.

Natsume leaned off of the tree and looked down at me with those ruby red eyes. Without so much as a blink he launched himself out of the tree and landed beside me.

"Am I supposed to be somewhere else?" he asked me, still not blinking.

"I suppose not. Did you see-" I began to ask him about the article but couldn't finish.

"I don't read pathetic dribble from pathetic people."

I nodded and my heart felt lighter. I leaned against the tree to steady myself, "So I don't have to tell you it's a load of crap."

"All magazines are loads of crap."

I laughed a bit, "Yeah. I mean to exploit a stupid kiss like that. It's so silly."

"Silly?"

"Yeah I mean as if you and I would ever be anything to one another. A kiss is just a kiss after all. I mean I'm half French so it's not like I'm-"

And then he kissed me again. It was less intense and sweeter. Mouths firmly pressed together, one hand on my waist, the other on my cheek, my hands at my sides, afraid to move. He pulled away from me slowly and buried his face in my neck.

"Baka." he said.

"I-"

"Shut up. You wouldn't have anything smart to say anyway."

Rude.

"Being with you is going to be the death of me."

My heart skipped a beat, "Being with me?"

"I told you, you won't have anything smart to say." he said lifting his head off my shoulder.

"Freeze. Stop. Rewind. What?" I said looking into his ruby eyes that were mocking me.

"You heard me." he said pulling my hand.

I snatched my hand away and placed them on my hips, "Are you kidding me?"

He just stared at me.

"Just like that and we're okay? Everything's okay?" I said blinking at him.

"I'm not interested in any stupid girl war. I'm not interested in your failure to coexist with the real world. I'm not interested in any Sumire/Candice nonsense. It's the main reason I broke up with Sumire. What I am interested in is you being interested in me."

I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow at him, "So to summarize, you're a cocky bastard who couldn't care less."

He just smirked in response.

I rolled my eyes and pushed passed him, but I couldn't help but smile because Natsume Hyuuga had some insight behind his cocky bastardness. It really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if Sumire likes me or not, it didn't matter whether or not Candice would ruin my life. All that mattered were the people that were important to me like Anna, Nonoko and Hotaru. Going down this road of girly-ness has taken me through so many obstacles and emotions and somehow has gotten me to this path where Natsume Hyuuga and I are walking together, me completely smitten and speechless and him, well he's Natsume.

Getting caught up in girl-world was smothering. You lose yourself find the person you want to be because you're so concerned with your frenemies and enemies and just the fake people who surround you. Then one fall from grace or one sudden uprising has you looking around trying to find those people you called your 'real' friends only to find no one because they're all clamoring for the crown. No one wants to be second in command, every girl has to be the It girl or the Queen Bee. Anna and Nonoko never once left my side. Loner boy or glam girl it didn't matter to them because I was still me. I guess that's what Natsume's really trying to tell me. He may be a cocky bastard, but at least he's consistent. So I guess I'll be consistent too.

"I have to go do something." I told him and I ran off to find Sumire.

I have no idea where she is, so I check the usual spots; girl's bathrooms, her locker, quad, track, and still couldn't find her. I know she came to school today, so where is she? On a last hope chance I went to the school roof. Normally you can't access the roof, but someone broke the lock on one of the doors and they never bothered to replace it or they just don't know about it. I pushed the door open with my hip and spotted a girl leaning against the fence that enclosed the roof. It was Sumire. She didn't look sad or angry, she just looked far away. She stared up at the sky with a blank expression. Her skin was pale and cheeks a little rosy; she must have been here all day.

I sat down next to her as casually as possible and racked my brain for words, but she beat me to the punch after several moments of silence.

"You know, I've been thinking a lot lately. Ever since the whole Candice thing and I realize that I don't do much thinking."

I bit back a smile.

"I mean I plot and scheme and 'ruin lives' but I don't actually think. About myself I mean. On a superficial level of course I do. Hair, make-up, nail, clothes, magazines etc., but what about me? Who am I? What do I want to be years from now? What will I have to look back on?"

A vicious rein as bitch queen of high school who got put out on her arse?

"Nothing really. My grades are average, I don't care about cheerleading and I have no other activities. I mean you can speak French and raw and you're smart and pretty, you'll probably go to some amazing art school in France and marry Natsume and have beautiful babies and live well off anywhere you want, but what about me?"

"Whoa first of all I am not having any Natsume babies, bad enough there's one of him and Sumire you are smart. Just because you don't have your life figured out right this second, doesn't mean it's not going to come together later." I jumped in.

"Maybe but I feel so... shallow. I have no depth." she said.

I smirked, "This whole identity crisis thing is pretty deep."

"You don't understand."

There was another pause as I searched for words.

"I saw the article." she said.

I froze.

"I read every word, etched the picture into my memory and I was furious. Then I simmered and stewed. And then I laughed. Like really laughed. I thought I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Don't you get it? Because I was mad!" she said.

I still wasn't following and my expression was even more perplexed.

She stood up and faced me, "I was mad for all kinds of reasons, but I knew the whole story was crap, but I was so mad. I wanted to kill him and you and Candice and bury your bodies where no one would find you." she was laughing again.

I felt the urge to run because she had clearly snapped.

"But then I thought, why? Why go through the trouble? Natsume doesn't want me, Candice only did it to spite me and you were just the pawn to get it under my skin. Reacting would just be the topping on Candice's cake. Then I asked myself why couldn't I rationalize like this before? I was so caught up in this stupid lifestyle that I believed anything and everything."

"I've always said that your brain was just an ornament inside your head. Purely for decorative purposes."

She was quiet.

Too soon for jokes I guess.

But then she smiled, "Yeah, I guess so, but I guess I can change now."

"Yes you can." I said smiling up at her.

She helped me stand and we looked over the railing at the quad. Our school was beautiful, despite the nasty things that happen here.

"I'm going to be a better person and if you don't like it you can kiss my ass!" she yelled into the afternoon air.

I smiled, "Yeah! Or have me kick it for you!" I yelled as well.

There was no one to hear us so we just laughed at our silliness and ran inside before a guard came.

Three weeks flew by and with everyone studying for exams and Christmas vacation, the whole magazine thing faded into the background. Natsume started walking me to class and sitting next to me whenever there was an opportunity. We're not dating or anything, he's just always around, it's nice and creepy at the same time, but mostly nice. Sumire is hanging out with me, Anna, Nonoko and Hotaru more, which was weird too at first, but now it's actually normal. Candice is still head cheerleader and glares at us every time she gets, but has been rendered harmless. I guess everyone finally realized there are much more important things. I still get nasty looks or snide remarks, but no one approaches me and petty things don't faze me so it's been nice. No battles, no more war and just a little peace for now I guess.

I'm still a sophomore, so maybe I shouldn't jinx it.

So there it is. Like it? Hate it? Let me know. Trying to expand my writing and can't do that with LO"ANSGG hanging over my head.

Anyway I hoped you like it.

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Lots of love

Chi-chan