It was like hell on earth, only it wasn't earth. Sam didn't remember much except taking up her post behind a large dressed stone block, and firing as fast as she could, the dust and smoke making it hard to see. The smell and taste of sulphur in the air. She remembered seeing Jack get up to go- where? The blast hit him so hard, the momentum threw his head forward and the P-90 went out of his hand. Smoke rising from his vest. She'd lifted him up under his arms and pulled him back behind the stone blocks, not knowing if she was hauling a dead man. Her calls for a medic- Daniel's calls for a medic- where was Janet?
Somehow they all got through the gate, three of them casualties.
Sam brushed by the annoying little documentary filmmaker they'd been working with and went into the women's locker room. The only other woman who would have been in there to talk to her lay dead a few rooms away. Sam sat, alone in the locker room, her head in her hands. Please, Jack, don't die on me. Janet's not here to save you.
Janet. Couldn't you have sent a medic? You are- were our lead physician. You didn't need to go- why this time? Oh, no- Cassie.
Sam lay down on the bench, gripping the sides, staring at the ceiling. She was afraid to move, afraid to open the door and hear the news. She'd rather not know. Right now, Jack's alive. He'll be alive as long as I stay in here. Like Schrödinger's kitten- just don't open the box. In a few minutes, she was fast asleep, dried tear tracks in the dirt on her face.
Some time later, a Lieutenant opened the door. "Major Carter, ma'am." Sam didn't stir. The young woman hesitated then touched her shoulder. "Major Carter."
Carter opened her eyes. Oh, my God. They opened the box.
"Yes, Lieutenant." Her blood ran cold as she sat stiffly on the side of the bench, not breathing.
"Colonel O'Neill would like a word with you."
Carter looked at her, the words ringing through her mind like church bells, setting her heart free.
"Ma'am?"
"Thank you, Lieutenant. Dismissed."
She slowly put her head in her hands and stared at the floor until she could breathe again. Then she got up, splashed some water on her face, and went down to the infirmary.
"Carter." O'Neill looked at her. She was still in her fatigues. Blood was on her pants. His blood. "Thanks for saving my life." She looked back at him. The intensity of the relief and love on her face caused him to look away.
"I didn't. Dr. Brown did." Carter said, biting her lip. She had her hands clasped tightly behind her back.
"Dr. Brown? Where's Frasier?" Jack was puzzled. Only she knew how incredibly patched up he was, inside and out. No one else was brave enough to try to take care of him.
"Jack, Janet's dead." Sam shut her eyes, tightly, willing the tears away.
"Oh, God. Sam." He looked her. He couldn't even hold her hand. Jack stared at the ceiling. A few minutes passed. "How?"
'She was hit taking care of Wells. They had cover, but the Jaffa came out of nowhere. It happened right after you were hit. I heard Daniel on the radio."
After he was hit. Jack took a deep breath, and turned his head to look at her. "Were you her cover, too, Sam?"
Sam put her hands on the bed rail and gripped it tight. They were shaking. "What are you saying, sir?"
"Did you leave your post because of me?" Jack said gently.
"You mean, did I allow Dr. Frasier to be shot, sir?" Sam's eyes flashed.
Jack said nothing. He waited.
"No, Colonel, I was no where near Wells, Frasier and Jackson. They were in the trees out of my field of vision, sir. I was holding a defensive position which you asked me to hold." Sam's voice was barely controlled. Her breath was coming deep and fast.
"I don't remember very much, Sam. I'm sorry." Jack regretted what he had done. Kick her while she's down, O'Neill. Good job. It could have waited.
He went back to the beginning. "You pulled me out of the line of fire and had the bleeding stopped before the medics got there, Sam. They told me." His kind brown eyes tried to melt through her anger.
"Good." Sam said. "I saved you so you could doubt me another day." She turned around and walked out, wiping her eyes.
Jack was ready to go home in two days. He hadn't seen Sam at all during that time. Daniel was right; he was a real bastard at times. Without a doubt, she spent the day of the fight waiting to see if he was dead or alive, knowing Janet was dead, and then being blamed for that. He couldn't be her commanding officer and her lover, the rules were there for a reason. Somehow, she was just able to handle the situation better, but he couldn't, and Jack was sure she would asked to be reassigned just to get away from him. He sat on the edge of the bed, his head down, alone in the solitude of his memories, of what he'd let slip through his fingers. He certainly deserved whatever he got. He rubbed his eyes.
After a long while, Jack sighed and reached for his shirt. As he did, the door opened, and she stepped in.
"Come on, Sam." Daniel gently insisted. He wondered if Teal'c and he were going to have to forcibly remove her to the area of the ice cave where the rings cold be let down.
Sam's head was down on her crossed arms as she sat on the ice by the stasis chamber. She rolled it back and forth with out looking up. "I can figure this out, Daniel. I just need some things and a little time."
"Major Carter, the only thing we can do now to help Colonel O'Neill is to find the Asgard." Teal'c said firmly.
"Teal'c's right. Sam- there's no writing here of any kind. And even if we do get Jack out, it'll kill him. The Ancient knowledge is still in his head."
"No, I know- I can- I can figure it out." Sam's speech was starting to slur.
"Sam!" Daniel said, taking her by her shoulders. "We've got to get you out of here." Damn, why didn't he think! She'd been down here for hours working, and the last hour, sitting directly on the ice. She was hypothermic.
"Help me, Teal'c." Daniel put one of her arms over his shoulder, while Teal'c took the other.
"No, Daniel. Please. I have to set his leg. He's got broken ribs. I… have to stay here or he'll freeze to death. Let me go!" Sam tore her arm from around Daniel's shoulder, pivoted and suddenly slipped on the ice. She hit her head against the narrow passageway wall as her body swung behind Teal'c's back.
Silently, Teal'c lifted her inert form and carried her toward the rings.
Aboard the cargo ship, Bra'tac hurried over to them as they appeared. "What is the matter, Teal'c?" Concern clouded his face.
"She would not leave, Master Bra'tac. She is very cold and struck her head."
"O'Neill?" Bra'tac took off his cape and tucked it around Carter.
"We could not find a way to free him." Teal'c's face was impassive, but his voice couldn't hide the distress he felt over O'Neill and Carter. He continued to hold her while Daniel went to work.
Daniel found as many jackets and blankets as he could. "Let's take her down to the center core, it'll be warmer with the engines and power crystals."
Teal'c finally laid Sam down in the nest of clothing Daniel scraped together. As they took off for Cheyenne Mountain, Sam woke up. Whether from the head injury or the hypothermia, she was still disoriented. "Jack," she whispered. "It's all right. We'll find a way home. I won't leave you."
Daniel sighed. This would be the third time Jack left Antarctica unconscious and near death- if they could get him out. He put both of his hands on Sam's cold face, and he wished she could just keep sleeping until they did.
Jack looked at Sam for a long while, soaking in those blue eyes and brilliant smile, while Teal'c helped her up. Jack was glad he had the replicator disintegrator in his two hands. Sam brushed the dust off of her pants. She was so relieved to see him alive that she had nothing to say.
Daniel sighed. Just kiss her, Jack. Your secret's safe with us. But he knew Jack wouldn't, so he just said, "Let's get out of here." The four of them literally disappeared in a flash.
"You gonna tell me what happened down there, or what, Carter?" Jack asked, sliding down against one of the walls in a corridor of the Daniel Jackson. He was always annoyed by the lack of chairs on Asgard ships but surmised they wouldn't fit him, anyway, what with their tiny little butts. Sam sat next to him.
"Fifth played with my mind," she said tiredly.
"Ouch." Jack's voice changed to one of concern. He looked at her.
"He created this virtual reality where you and I were living up at your house on the lake, sir." Sam put her legs out straight.
"Is that so bad?" Jack didn't understand, and then added, "You don't know what my cabin looks like, yet."
Sam appreciated the "yet". She smiled a little.
"He got it from somewhere. Anyway, he intended for me to stay there with him- you."
"Oh." Jack vowed never to say anything about her extraterrestrial boyfriends ever again. It wasn't all fun and games being a beautiful interplanetary explorer, he guessed.
"How'd you know it wasn't me?" Jack asked, gently.
"For starters, he didn't get this quite right." She unzipped a small pocket on the inside of her waistband, and took out the ring.
They didn't say anything for a long time. Then the ship jumped into hyperspace.
"You know, Carter, I really am getting tired of tracking you down on this planet or that ship." Jack elbowed her.
"Sorry, sir." She said, feeling a little better now.
"You do have a tendency to wander off."
"You have a tendency to leave us thinking you're dead." Sam looked up at him.
"Well, at least I'm not actually dead, like some people can be." Jack nodded in the general direction of Daniel, who was standing far away, at the bridge.
"Didn't Ba'al kill you a couple of times, sir?" Sam asked insouciantly.
"Maybe, but you didn't know about that, Sam. It doesn't count." Jack rested his hand on her leg. "And you've only been dead twice."
"Yes, but once it was you who killed me so I get bonus points for that."
Jack cocked his head, "Keeping score, are we?"
"We'll need something to fight about when we're old and grey."
Jack raised his eyebrows.
"Well, when we're old." Her eyes sparkled.
"That's better." He leaned over and kissed her.
"Jack…"
"I know, I know. I'm just so damned glad to see you, Sam." He squeezed her leg and put his head back against the wall, eyes closed. She put her head on his shoulder. In a few hours, they were home.
Daniel came around to wake them up before Thor unexpectedly transported them down just as they were- as Thor tended to do.
Sam was beaming as she came down the ramp. Teal'c, Daniel and the other members of the SGC clustered around her with their heartfelt congratulations. Lt. Colonel Carter. It had a nice ring to it. She'd completely lost all perspective regarding her work and her capabilities. She'd come to view the extraordinary as the ordinary, but the Air Force evidently disagreed. Still, Sam was completely taken by surprise.
Jack stood at the podium and gathered up a few loose papers. He was proud of and happy for her. Not so happy for himself. He'd sworn to stay with her out in the field- not that that always happened, as the last few months had clearly demonstrated. Now it would virtually never happen. He knew she was capable, more than capable to lead SG-1. It wasn't a question of that. He knew he couldn't bring up the idea of giving up the gate with her, because that's exactly what she'd think he believed- that she didn't have it in her. He didn't think she'd ever forgotten what he asked her about Janet's death even though he'd been wrong; and she never quit trying to prove herself.
The crowd was filtering out to go to the mess for a little congratulations ceremony. Jack went upstairs to his office, alone. Well, he'd made it to be a General, which mostly comforting because it meant he hadn't been killed along the way. Then it struck him how selfish he'd always been about it, ever since he was young. Now the tables were turned and he'd be the one worrying. Payback's a bitch, O'Neill.
They could have a week left- or thirty years. Moping about it wasn't going to help. Might as well make the best of it. Jack sat down and absentmindedly straightened out some papers on his desk. He looked at his phone for a minute, then picked it up and dialed.
"Yes, this is General O'Neill. I'd like to talk with General Hammond." Jack waited. "General, yes, nice to hear from you, too, sir. Yes, I know, sorry. George."
Jack swiveled in his chair and looked down. "I'd like to thank you for holding off on Carter's promotion ceremony for me. Uh huh. Yes, it went well, thanks. I also have a question for you. A favor. Do you have a minute?" Jack got up and shut the door.
"You asked to see me, sir?" Carter stood in the doorway.
"Congratulations, Carter." Jack smiled.
"Thanks for putting in a word for me, sir." She was radiant.
"You know the paperwork takes forever. I didn't do anything except pin the doodads on." He put his hands behind his head and smiled at her. She looked great in her dress uniform. Too bad he didn't get to see it more often.
"Sir?" She broke his reverie.
"Yes, Carter." He sat up. "How would you like to lead SG-1?"
She took a sharp breath in. "I would. Very much, if you think so."
"Oh, come on, Carter, you already have on a couple of occasions. That is, when you haven't taken off on your own." Jack smiled at her modesty.
"I'll try to cut back on that, sir." She was beaming, and that smile shattered his heart into a hundred little pieces. He could not possibly ask her to stop going through the gate. Not until she wanted to. Now he was absolutely sure of that.
But Hammond had told him what he could do, if he were brave enough.
"Have a seat, Carter." Jack gestured to the chair. Sam sat down. His whole tone had changed. His smile was gone. Her heart began to pound.
Jack got up. Sam watched him come around the desk to sit next to her. He was so handsome, it hurt to look at him, but it was the sadness in his eyes that was killing her.
"Sam, where's that ring?" he asked, quietly.
No, she thought, don't do this, Jack. We'll work it out. Hands shaking, she removed it from her pocket. She didn't give it to him. She remembered what he said about them both going through the gate. We both go, or we both don't go. Yet, she was going and he was not.
He opened her hand and took it. Jack toyed with it for a moment, then looked at her. His eyes so dark, hers like the ocean.
Then he picked up her left hand and slipped it on her finger. "There's another one where that came from, if you want it."
She was stunned. She blinked rapidly, holding back the tears.
"I don't want you to go out in the field. We've been damn lucky and some day that luck might run out. But I've never stopped you from doing what was right because it was dangerous, and the SGC needs you out there." He sighed. "You're our most experienced field officer." Jack looked up at her. "Hammond said he'd back us up on this."
Sam's heart was breaking. Now she understood his sadness. She ought to let him go, not put him through this. Then her mind drifted back to the few days they'd had together all those months ago, and knew that would never work. It wouldn't matter where they were or what they did. It had always been this way and always would be. Magnets. She smiled.
"All right, Jack."
Jack sat back with a sigh and wiped his palms on his pants legs.
"Okay, come on." He stood up and held out his hand.
"What?" Sam was completely confused.
"We're all dressed up with somewhere to go." Jack grinned.
"Don't we need tests or something?" Sam stuttered.
"Not in Colorado, we don't." He stopped. "But there is something we do need." He lifted up his phone. "Hi. Page Dr. Jackson, and Teal'c to my office, please." He put down the phone.
"We couldn't have made it without them." Sam smiled, her eyes tearing up with gratitude that her words couldn't express. "And it was Janet who literally gave me a shove in the right direction."
Jack tipped Sam's head back and brushed the hair away from her face, gently kissing away her tears. "No, we couldn't have, and we're not doing this without them, either."
Then there was a welcomed knock on the door. "What's wrong, guys?" Daniel asked with concern, Teal'c standing behind him. They'd been wondering why O'Neill and Carter had left their own party.
Jack smiled at Sam. "For once, not one damn thing."