A/N: I've been thinking a little while before even writing this down. I got the inspiration a few months back, while reading Stephen King's "Lisey's Story" and completely submerging into the world of obsession, lunacy and smut. Yes. Jackie and Hyde. To those who have read the book be advised that I have taken only parts of the story to make them my own because the rest... Didn't fit in. Period. It's my story and I do what I like :-p

Okay, so, Ill see where this is going and if people are interested, so leave reviews because that's what we live off. I always feel so dirty and low when I beg, but fact is... I don't feel motivated if I don't get any, which means I'm not writing. Post counts don't show if people liked this story or not.

The song featured int this is "In the Light" by... Led Zeppelin. No surprise there. Every chapter will be built on a song and I strongly recommend that you at least listen to the song afterwards, it helps a little. If you go to our friend Youtube and type in song and artist, you want to listen to the fifth from the top, that one's the best.

Disclaimer: I don't own squat. I'd love to have my own personal Hyde clone, but I don't even have THAT. And I don't want nothing to do with the show after what they did to it. If they didn't screw up so badly I wouldn't have to write this, damn it. See, this story will also contain language and, if you ask nicely, even some smut. So if you don't like the word fuck or see people doing it... Don't read. The gang's offspring is entirely mine and will be claimed when necessary. Amber is mine. See. So are Steven and Jimmy, for now only mentioned.

I dedicate this to the Zennies who showed me that I am not alone. And who'll hopefully never read this, hehe.

In the Light

November 2007, New Jersey

And if you feel that you can't go on. And your will's sinkin' low
Just believe and you can't go wrong.
In the light you will find the road. You will find the road

"D'OH!"

Sighing she turned off the TV. Not even watching The Simpsons could get her out of her blues anymore. It wasn't the same without him next to her, anyway. His laughter had always cracked her up, not matter what. But those times were definitely over.

Looking around their living room she felt like she saw it for the first time, even though she had been living here for twenty years. But she had been here alone for two months now. She even kept thinking about everything as "theirs". Just because she wasn't used to the concept of being alone. Not after all these years.

Before she could decide what to do next Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" blared through the brightly lit living room and she started to look for her cell phone. As much as she had hated these things, they were handy, after all. Especially in emergency situations. But she really needed someone to change that ringtone for her, whoever had changed it in the first place.

Close to giving up she finally located it in the folds of the huge cream colored couch. She automatically looked at the display and smiled for the first time in days.

"Who made you call me? This is the first time in what, months?"

"Yeah, I'm glad to talk to you, too, Jackie!"

Hearing the deep voice of her best friend from old days she leaned back and smiled. They hadn't talked since the funeral, and before that only once a year when the gang gathered for Kitty's birthdays. But ever since Red had died eight years ago those events had gotten a bitter note and usually half of them found excuses not to come. But not them-they had been there every year. After all, they were her daughters in law.

"So, how are you? And how..."

"Eric is fine. He is on a class trip to Washington this and next week, so I thought... I could come up and help you, if you want. In case you want to start going through things, you know."

"How do you know I haven't..."

"Jackie, you might have changed a lot in the past 30 years, but some things never change. So what do you think? The two of us, talking about the good old times?"

Jackie smiled again and looked out the window of her house. They had done so well considering what had happened to all of them. She couldn't help but feel proud of her friends. Looking back to the old days when they were all still in High School, it seemed like they would never grow apart, would always stay together but not amount to much. But the opposite had happened-most of them had impressive careers but they never really talked anymore, up until two months ago.

And now... Donna and Eric were married, of course. It had taken about ten years, but in the end they both summed up the courage to show up. After the first try and Eric running off, his stint in Africa, another attempt and Donna not showing up-to get even as she had put it... Eric had worked his way up to be an English Professor and head of the English department at the State University of New Jersey while Donna had broken off her studies when she had found out that she was pregnant in her second semester. Her first son Joshua wasn't an only child for long, when he was only six months old Donna was pregnant again. Everybody had made jokes about Eric's stamina and Kitty had been delirious. In the end, Donna was stuck at home with her five kids Joshua, Jennifer, Lucas, Timothy and Sara.

Jackie would never forget how she had felt the night Donna had called her, she had known that something major had happened because by then, they were barely speaking to each other. She also remembered feeling lonely. After all, she had just left Point Place, her home for all her life and the only place she had known. And her friends who didn't feel like friends anymore. She still felt tears welling up in her eyes when she thought about that night in front of the TV with two bottles of red wine and a bowl of chips. And the small brown bag, a habit she had picked up in the basement and still couldn't let go off.

After she drank the two bottles, silently toasting to her pregnant but unmarried friend, she also remembered spending the rest of the night sweating and shaking on the bathroom floor. Certain things shouldn't be mixed. Like pot and alcohol. Or lonelyness and jealousy.

Trying to shake off the more than unpleasant memory Jackie got off the couch and walked towards the kitchen, she should prepare something for dinner. But when she opened the fridge the only things she saw was some wilting romaine salad and a box of baking soda. And in the very back of the fridge she saw something that made her heart sink. It was just a plastic container, but seeing it now, knowing what was probably in there... It was his damn lunch she had made for him. The lunch he could never eat. Like a flash it hit her, brought it back, the night he passed away, the night he had made love to her one last time, held her until she fell asleep...

It was too much for her and she fell to her knees, right in front of the open fridge door. She had bottled up her feelings for two months, ever since she had found him. Had gone through the preparations for the funeral, had called all of her old friends in person. And they had all admired her for her strength, had admired the person she had become. But the truth was, it had all been because of him. Jackie Burkhart had made the mistake to build her life around the men she loved, but changing her last name hadn't changed her.

As much as she wanted to, she couldn't cry. A few times she had felt like somebody kicked away her legs under her, knocked her down, a few times she had even fainted-but she had never cried. And she felt so bad about it, because he deserved to be mourned. He had hurt her more than anybody else in her entire life, but he had also given her the best things she had. The trust in love he had worked so very hard to give back to her. The priceless knowledge that she had been loved unconditionally. And three beautiful children, all of them far from being burnouts like he had once professed they would be, with him as a father.

The phone rang, but this time it wasn't her cell. She struggeled to get up, but finally succeeded, with the help of the refrigerator door. Of course the cordless phone was not on it's station and she had to look for it-definitely a huge disadvantage of modern life, she thought. Following the obnoxiously loud ring tone she reached the steps to the basement and stopped. It was definitely downstairs, but she couldn't remember going down there in the past few days, not to mention with the phone. Shrugging it off she raced down the stairs, finally finding the phone on the dryer in a small room to her right. Of course, she always took it down with her when she was doing the laundry.

"Hello?" for once she hadn't looked at the display in fear that her caller would hang up, considering how long it had taken her to even find the phone.

"Hi, mom... I was just checking in... How are you?"

A bright smile appeared on herstill youthful face when she heard her daughter's voice, being janked out of one emotional state and thrown into the opposite direction was something she had gotten so used to in her life that she didn't even stop to think about it.

"How are you, honey? How's College?"

"The usual, mom. Jimmy called me yesterday, he still insists being called Jim now. He's very embarassed that he was named after some guy from some band."

Jackie couldn't help but laugh about her son's insistence on distancing himself from everything his parents stood for. He even refused to take on his part in his father's business. She couldn't help but think how proud his dad would be-but he had always been, no matter what.

"Now, it wasn't just some guy from some band. We're talking about Jimmy Paige from led Zeppelin here. And your father thought it was one of-if not THE-greatest band ever."

She heard her daughter sigh on the other end and smiled again, leaning back against the dryer. Children.

"If I had had my say when you guys were born, you wold be Donnie, Peter and Tenille. Or possibly Agnetha, Bjorn and Benni."

Jackie giggled and knocked down a bottle of laundry detergent on her way out. She could pick that up later, she enjoyed talking to her only daughter way too much to bother about anything else. Like dinner. It would probably be the pizza delivery service for her again.

"We're way better off with Jimmy, Steven and... "

"Amber, be glad your father didn't get his wish to name you after Janis Joplin."

"Actually, that would've been pretty cool."

Fate had wanted her only daughter to be her father's daughter and not the little princess she had always dreamed of dressing in beautiful clothes. She had inherited her mothers looks but not the personality. The eighteen year old girl had ruined her beautiful hair with dreadlocks, listened to metal and got her first tattoo when she was fifteen. And her father had just smiled at her and grounded her for a week, which lasted exactly until that evening when he took the kids out for a movie.

He had never been one of the consequent parents.

"Actually, what I'm calling about..."

"I knew you wouldn't call your mom just to say 'Hi'."

They both shared a laugh at that because the kids took turns calling her and made sure somebody checked in with her every day, and they each came over for visits at least once a month, so she had had only one weekend to herself in those past two months-this weekend. But now Donna would be there and she didn,t have to be alone.

"I was thinking... Maybe I could have my birthday party at home. You know, just a few girlfriends, sleepover..."

"Are you kidding me? I thought you would have a huge kegger with your friends, getting all drunk, with kids throwing up everywhere..."

"Mom, nobody says kegger anymore."

"I know, but I do, because I'm your old mom."

"Stop pretending, it's not funny. I would really like to come home for my birthday. Besides, you know how my friends can't get enough of your stories."

"I'm not going to tell anything about me and your dad, honey. You know that."

"Remember wher you left off last time? Right on New years 1980? They are dying to hear about what comes next because they know what, but they want to hear everything from you. You made television history, mom!"

Jackie couldn't help but feel flattered by the interest her daughters girlfriends showed in her. Partly because of the amazing lovestory she had shared with her husband. Partly because she had been one of the first five Vjs on MTV.

She sighed and rubbed her forehead with one free hand before sitting down on a chair in the kitchen.

"You know what? Why not. I don,t have anything to do, anyway, why not organize a little slumberparty and get my daughter and her friends a little tipsy. Now, I know what you guys are usually doing, but since I am the responsible adult, you can all have a glass of wine or something. No Margaritas and Bloody Marys under my roof."

"That's fine. Okay, I gotta go. We are having a video night, I have to watch all the old Star Wars movies..."

"Uh no, I remember having to go with the gang... Actually, it wasn't that bad. What was bad though was Eric afterwards..."

Trailing off in her thoughts she managed to say goodbye to her daughter and hang up. Staring at the kitchen tiles she was taken back to the movie, her boyfriend at that time, Michael... And the feelings she had had for another guy in the group, from the moment she had seen him for the first time.

The boy that had turned into the man she had loved passionately and unconditionally until the end, through hurt, pain and betrayal, in sickness and in health. The man that had finally given in to the demons that had tortured his mind until his body started to deteriorate before her very own eyes. The man that had taken his life one night in September, after making love to her and holding her until she fell asleep, leaving her with a fortune, three kids and more than any woman could want and still with nothing, because he had been everything she had ever wanted.

In fact, he had left her a note and a song. A song she listened to every day, because it had been the last one he had heard. But she had stopped reading his last letter to her, she just couldn't stand looking at it anymore. He had tried so hard to express his feelings, to tell her everything she needed to know, but in between his demons had taken over, had left some weird gibberish. And on the second sheet were the lyrics, one line underlined so often the paper had ripped.

In the light you will find the road.

It had reminded her of their early years, or what she thought of as their early years, after they had gotten together, after his marriage. He would sometimes leave her little notes, underlining the clue to the next one, until she would find the final price, which had usually something to do with sex.

With a thin smile she got up and walked over to the living room and to the stereo system, the one luxury he had always wanted, the latest model for the best quality-just to listen to his old music. She turned it on, and the album "physical Graffitti" by Led Zeppelin was still in the player.

Curling up on the couch she skipped until she reached the song, her song, and dropped the remote control on the floor.

"Steven..." she whispered as the first spheric sounds waved through the empty living room. She could have been scared, but she wasn't. Even out here, in the middle of nowhere, she wasn't. When she listened to this song she felt him right beside her, wrapping his strong arms around her. Sometimes she could even smell him, feel his warm breath on her cheek.

In those moments she would sell her soul just to feel him one more time...

And if you feel that you can't go on. And your will's sinkin' low
Just believe and you can't go wrong.
In the light you will find the road. You will find the road

Oh, did you ever believe that I could leave you, standing out in the cold
I know how it feels 'cause I have slipped through to the very depths of my soul.
I just wanna show what I'd give you it is from every bend in the road
Now listen to me
Oh, whoa-whoa, as I was and really would be for you, too, honey
As you would for me, oh, I would share your load.
Let me share your load. Ooh, let me share, share your load

And if you feel that you can't go on
In the light you will find the road

Though the winds of change may blow around you, but that will always be so
When love is pain it can devour you, if you are never alone
I would share your load. I would share your load
Baby, let me, oh, let me

In the light
Everybody needs the light.
In the light, in the light, in the light

Light, light, light, in the light
Light, light, light, in the light, ooh, yeah
Light, light, light, in the light