Author's Notes: Egad, I made everyone wait so long for a new chapter! This is just a little silly thing I'm submitting to tide everyone over until I can get more work done on the rest of the story. Hope I don't get shot! (gets shot anyway) Owie.
An Inn at Last!
(Hey! Who ordered the fanservice!)
"Waugh!" Lina exclaimed as she finally stumbled out of the cover of the trees and out onto a wide road. "If I never see that forest again, it'll be too soon."
"You're the one who said it was a shortcut." Zelgadis replied, absently plucking leaves out of his wiry hair.
"And so it is, Mr. Zelgadis," Xelloss interjected smoothly. "The King's High North Road meanders past a few towns to the east of us on its way north to Seyruun. Passing through this forest shaved approximately three days off our journey."
Zelgadis frowned at the use of 'our' in Xelloss' statement, not liking the reminder that the Mazoku priest was a part of their group now. He turned away, easily catching up to Lina because she had paused in the middle of the road to peer intently off into the distance. Zelgadis' eyes followed her gaze. "Hmm, looks like an inn."
Lina's eyes began to gleam in a manner which made him nervous. "You don't say?"
"If I am not mistaken, I believe that must be the Beef and Barrel Inn up ahead." Zelgadis started in surprise. He hadn't heard or, for that matter, felt Xelloss sidle up next to them.
"'Beef and… Barrel'?" He repeated the name curiously. "It sounds absolutely ridiculous," Zelgadis added. Lina, he noticed, had other ideas.
"Sounds like my kinda place, guys! Let's get going!"
Zelgadis watched Lina speed off towards the inn and sighed. "At least it's a sign of civilization, for whatever that's worth." He raised his hood and mask in place and hurried after his friend.
When he walked through the doors, he found himself just in time to watch Lina work her haggling magic on the elderly proprietor. Lina howled in outrage, "What you charge for these rooms would be considered robbery anywhere else! I should just continue to take my chances with the forest!"
The man blustered a moment at Lina's accusations but went on to quaver nervously, "Oh no Miss, you don't want to do that! Why, you're sure to run afoul of the Troll Bridge Bandit Gang! In fact, if you've been in the forest, it's a sheer miracle you haven't already! You shouldn't go pressing your luck like that!"
"What do you mean, 'pressing my luck'?" She turned to see Zelgadis standing behind her and Xelloss in the doorway. "Hey guys, do you suppose that's the name of the band we wasted yesterday?"
Zelgadis stared down at her indifferently and would have commented on how Lina hadn't exactly given the band time to posture and talk themselves up, thereby giving them a clue as to which gang of bandits they actually were, but Xelloss chose that moment to pipe up.
"You know, I do believe that's who they were!"
"Ah. So…" Lina turned back to the gaping innkeeper. "You say they were terrorizing everyone around here?" When the innkeeper nodded, dumbfounded at the news, Lina chuckled, "Well, they're not going to be doing that anymore."
Xelloss smiled and chirped, "Unless some innocent traveler happens upon their corpses in the forest! That would be the only way they could terrify anyone now!"
Zelgadis edged away from Lina as she joined in Xelloss' laughter. No wonder they get along so well, he thought morosely. Sometimes Lina seems like a Mazoku herself. He covered his eyes and shook his head despairingly. Did she really have to scare the hell out of people wherever she went? Thanks to her, the elderly innkeeper looked as though he might faint and now was probably too scared to rent rooms to them. He probably thought they were demons or something. Soon enough, someone was going to whip out charmed amulets and pass out the pitchforks. Yes, it would all end badly, he was certain. It would all end with Lina standing atop the smoking ruins of the inn. He tensed up in preparation for the trouble that was sure to come.
Lina however, had other ideas about what was going to happen. "Hey Pops? Since we performed such a valuable service, what do you say to a discount on the rooms?"
Zelgadis had to give the old guy some credit; he recovered from the one shock to protest his new outrage at Lina's idea. Nevertheless, it was settled quickly after that. When Lina began to loom threateningly over the counter as she grated out, "Discount them!" the old man shrank back and thrust the appropriate paperwork over the counter at her in a panic.
Once everyone had signed their papers, the old man collected them tearfully, sniffling as he said, "It's almost like dealing with the bandits again…"
"Ah, quit your crying, Pops. Soon enough, you'll have plenty of travelers passing through that you can bilk with your prices. C'mon guys, let's eat!"
"Damn it Xelloff!" Lina complained around a mouthful of food, "Order your own!"
"But how would I know if I liked them or not? Just one?"
"No means no, damn you!"
"Please?"
Zelgadis rolled his eyes as he watched Lina tear her way through another order of beef skewers while fending off the winsomely smiling Mazoku. Zelgadis, having eaten his normally modest dinner, was now sipping tea and watching, annoyed, as Xelloss persisted in teasing her about wanting her food. He knew it was simply so the Mazoku could enjoy the disgust and repugnance of the other diners at the inn as Lina would eat more voraciously in retaliation to his overtures. The jerk, Zelgadis groused to himself. He had been hoping for a quiet evening after the trek through the forest and especially after yesterday, but Xelloss couldn't leave well enough alone, damn him. Whatever. He didn't have to sit here and watch. "I'm going to my room. Lina, I hope we can get an early start tomorrow."
"Sure, whatever you say buddy. Early start, no problem." Lina tossed back her ale.
As Zelgadis walked away, he heard Xelloss say to Lina, "Oh my, I wonder why he's so grouchy?"
"No idea," Lina concluded as she went to finish off her tenth plate of beef skewers. "I SAID HANDS OFF, DAMN YOU!"
"Ouch! Lina, you're mean!"
Zelgadis twitched and stomped his way upstairs.
After dinner, Lina decided a bath was exactly what she needed. Zelgadis had said something about an early start, but he was a typical kind of guy… if you ignore the Chimera thing, Lina amended. Guys had no idea what a girl had to go through to stay beautiful. Guys called rinsing off the sweat in a cold stream good enough, but a girl had to invest time and care into her skin. Besides, she'd have to be an idiot to pass up on having this huge bath all to herself. She hadn't seen any other women travelers in the inn, so it truly was hers.
As she rested her head back on the rim of the enormous tub, Lina's eyes drifted shut. What a hell of a week… she frowned slightly trying to remember. What had that gang called themselves? The Troll Bridge Goblins? Does it matter? They're all dead now. The world's better off without that kind of scum. Her mind drifted back to the events of the previous day. The stash had been worthwhile and she was glad they had been able to stow away most of it. They would have been able to get all of it if Xelloss hadn't disappeared like he did.
While searching for Xelloss' worthless ass, they'd stumbled upon the makeshift grave. Lina had been first to see it, spurred ahead by a sinking suspicion as she heard the greedy buzzing of flies. She'd looked into the midden and although it was something she'd kind of expected she'd still had to steel herself and keep the contents of her stomach in place. Those people had been horribly mutilated and thrown carelessly atop a garbage pit. The two bodies were dead not even a day and judging from the expressions frozen on their faces, they'd died in pain. They'd been thrown in like so much rubbish and that alone sickened her more than the smell of the garbage. Lina wished herself capable of bringing the villains responsible back to life, just so she could punish them again. Anger pushed her nausea aside and when Zelgadis had complained about the way the bandits had been treated, she had motioned him over. She was surprised he'd come so readily to look. Maybe he'd dealt with bandits before, but he might never have seen what the truly depraved ones were capable of. She was fairly certain of this after having seen his violent reaction. She hadn't expected Zel to turn around and lose his breakfast.
Then Xelloss had shown up and the dark smile on his face hinted to her what he'd been up to. Lina shuddered thinking, I might be glad I wasn't around to see it, but I hope he had fun with whichever one of those bastards he'd caught. In light of their discovery in the glade, Lina had decided they couldn't stick around any longer. She forgot about using Xelloss as a pack mule, he had other uses. She'd told him to take care of it and left with Zelgadis, sure the Mazoku had known her meaning. When the wind brought the nauseating scent of burning flesh to her, she was assured she'd been right. Despite her long association with him and no matter how well they worked together, Xelloss sometimes still managed to give Lina the chills. The strange look on his face recalled to mind the self-satisfied cat returning from its hunt with a dead mouse in its mouth. Thank everything holy and unholy, he'd had his fun far from me. The less I know… Xelloss was always an enigma to her. I'll never figure him out, she thought. He can bend over backwards to be decent to me, then in a flash will turn around to torture someone to death. She was certain that's what the Mazoku had been up to while he'd been away. Despite his protestations to the contrary, the raid had seemed an excuse to get something he'd wanted. She had to be honest with herself though. I got what I wanted from it too, didn't I? Sometimes I wonder if I'm worse than Xelloss. He's following his nature at least but I'm killing bandits for fun and profit.
Her eyes opened and she stared up into the clear night sky. Stars twinkled overhead and she studied them intently, her mind on things other than their chill beauty. Her concerns were of a more worldly nature right now. It bothered her that yesterday's events bothered her. After all, she'd seen far worse in her time! What am I doing, going soft? Lina shook her head and sank deeper into the water until it touched her chin. The hell with self-doubt, punishing bandits is in my nature. If I stopped doing that, I'd be going against my natural instincts. That's an evil of a sort isn't it? Never mind that, she decided. She sank into the water to her chin and closed her eyes. I'm going to soak until I look all pruny. I'm going to sleep in late, no matter what Zel says, I'll have a big breakfast and when we set out we'll take it easy.
Maybe when they got to Seyruun, they'd drop in to see Amelia. Lina snorted suddenly as she remembered Amelia's past reactions to her sometimes sudden appearances. If Amelia tries to act like she doesn't recognize me again, she's in deep trouble. Surely she wouldn't mind putting me and Zel up for the night? We won't be staying long in any case because Buldein's awfully close now. Who knows? Maybe Amelia would join them if she didn't have those annoying 'pressing matters of state.' She could be there and back before her father missed her.
Lina heard a splash and felt a ripple of water wash over her chin as someone got into the bath with her, interrupting her train of thought. Maybe a waitress has just finished her shift? Lina wondered as she opened her eyes and prepared to welcome the girl.
For a moment she stared in shock at her bath partner, uncomprehending horror freezing her in place. Then the unwelcome presence spoke. "My goodness, this certainly does relax one after such a long day!" Xelloss sat four feet away from her in the water.
He grinned at her and before his gaze might drop to what the water wasn't hiding well, Lina ripped off the rag holding her hair in place. As her hair tumbled down around her shoulders, she covered her breasts self-consciously, blushing furiously. Once she was sure she was semi-adequately covered, Lina's anger started to take control. Her right eyebrow started to twitch as she gritted her teeth and glared accusingly at the grinning Mazoku sharing her bath with her.
"Xelloss," she dragged his name out and continued threateningly, "What do you think you're doing in the women's' baths? Don't you think the other side of the wall is where you belong, you pervert?" She pointed at the divider separating the men's baths from where they currently were.
"Oh no… I fit right in here, don't you think?" He sat up straighter and Lina felt the blood draining out of her face as she saw... Breasts? What the… He… she… whatever cracked an eye open to study her. "Lina? You don't look your usual healthy self all of a sudden! Your color's gone way off… Is your dinner not agreeing with you?"
Lina wasn't fooled into thinking Xelloss was concerned. There was a little too much glee still in his voice for her to ever be misled. Unfortunately much to Lina's disgust, the purple-haired vision of horror started moving across the bath towards her. Her mind locked on the words, 'Xelloss' and 'breasts'. She felt like she might faint but Lina felt panic begin to rise and she squeaked, "Xelloss! Not another step, damn it! You stay over on that side!" She raised a dripping, quivering hand to point at the other side of the tub. The formerly male-seeming Mazoku complied, sinking back down into the water, although not far down enough to hide a certain area of flesh which absolutely didn't belong. Once Xelloss had sat back down, Lina felt her reason and sanity returning to her. Annoyed, Lina glared at his (her?) chest suddenly. "W-where in the hell did you get those?" Mentally she added ...and where do I sign up to get a pair that size?
Xelloss looked down, "But Lina, aren't these required for being in the women's baths?" His questioning look was immediately replaced by a grin which seemed even more annoying than usual as he drawled, "And hasn't anyone ever told you it's rude to stare?"
"Geh," she grunted as she tore her eyes away. What the hell is going on? Even his voice sounds different! "Aside from that, change back to your normal form!"
"Well Lina, I hardly think my 'normal' form is one you want to see! And if I change back to what you're used to, then I'd have to go over to the other side!" She rolled her eyes as he pouted at her, "And I don't wanna go! The women's baths are much cozier than the men's." Xelloss gestured down at himself. "Switching gender was a smart way for me to follow the rules, wouldn't you agree?"
It was very obvious to Lina how much the Mazoku was enjoying her disgust and discomfiture, if his wide grin was any indication. Angrily she snapped, "'Follow the rules'? Ha! I think you've broken them irreparably!"
Just then, they heard a splash from over the partition and Zelgadis' voice floated over the wall. His embarrassment at addressing a naked girl despite the partition separating them was clearly evident in his soft voice. He mumbled slightly louder this time, "Lina? Is everything alright over there?"
Even as Lina was wondering how to phrase her peculiar predicament, Xelloss piped up, "Now there's a reason to go over to the men's side!"
Lina gasped in alarm, "Change back," then as she realized she was speaking to empty air she finished lamely, "…first."
She sighed and shook her head, suddenly feeling her plans for a long soak were entirely ruined. Maybe he won't end up blowing up the bath house. Zelgadis is tough; he can handle Xelloss… I hope. At the very least she could finally get out of the water now.
Zelgadis was still waiting for a reply from Lina when he suddenly realized he was not alone in the men's baths. He froze in place, standing perfectly still in the middle of the steaming pool of water. His senses shouted 'ENEMY!' at him but as his gaze darted around the bath chamber, there was nothing he could see. All he could hear was water sloshing and dripping. There also were the sounds of Lina getting out of the bath in the next room, the thought of which alone made him blush deeply. Even so, Zelgadis was perplexed because he could have sworn he'd heard more than just Lina's voice raised in annoyance. Still suspicious, he turned around and found himself nose to nose with a familiar smiling face.
"Oh, hi Mr. Zelgadis!"
Rather than replying, Zelgadis glared balefully at the smiling face and began backing away slowly. Damned Mazoku, he thought. I may have to travel with him, but I am not sharing a bath with him. He paused in suspicion. There was something even more disturbing than normal about Xelloss. His usual sick-headed grin seemed a bit wider, which never boded well for anyone.
"What the," Zelgadis growled as he made the mistake of looking down. Uncomprehending terror filled him and after one frozen second he burst into action. Water exploded in all directions as Zelgadis found the quickest possible route to the other side of the bath. Much to his further displeasure, the first thing out of his mouth wasn't a cool insult or a declaration of intent to kill. It'd sounded more like a squeak of terror.
He turned, still choking on the water he'd inhaled as he tried to scream and swim at the same time. His eyes watered as he pounded his chest and Xelloss' form swam in his vision. I will not pass out, Zelgadis told himself sternly. Looking back at Xelloss, Zelgadis reminded himself that it wasn't really a girl he was looking at ...so why the hell am I blushing! He scrubbed at his face, trying to hide his reaction from the demented Mazoku. It wasn't working, he noted as Xelloss just smiled all the wider. He wanted to pound the bastard's face in… only the thought of touching the Mazoku at this point made him shudder with disgust, so that left spells. Unfortunately there was only spell Zelgadis could bring to mind. Even though he knew it was a useless gesture against the Mazoku horror invading his bath, Zelgadis raised two shivering wet arms and choked a quiet "Fireball." His aim was off, because how could he aim without actually looking at his target? Despite that, the fireball flew towards his enemy but sizzled, making a 'poof' sound as it was absorbed by Xelloss' shield. Zelgadis' hopes plummeted as if they, too, were made of stone.
Lina paused and cocked her head to listen suspiciously when all noises coming through the partition ceased. Aside from the huge splash she'd heard a moment ago, there had been nothing since. That alone made her very nervous. She should hear Zel shouting and leaving, not… a whisper? She strained her ears harder. What the… that whisper sounded like Zel, but what in the world is going on over there? Lina turned around and stared directly at the wall separating the two halves of the bath house. Curious and somewhat concerned, Lina crept over to the partition and placed her ear against it to listen carefully. Just as she did that, she heard a funny-sounding 'poof' noise.
Xelloss' laughter bubbled over the partition, high-pitched and effeminate. "Oh my, aren't you the energetic one! That actually tickled though!"
Incredulous, Lina's eyes shot wide open. Alarm warred with a serious case of the giggles as Lina tried pressing closer to the partition to better hear what came next. Again, she heard Zelgadis murmuring and the splash of water and the next thing she knew, the barrier safely separating her from the men's baths had crashed down. What was worse, the tightly woven reeds of the partition had snagged on her towel, tearing that off as well.
For a moment the tableau remained frozen as she paused, still crouching although without her towel and mortified now as well. Zelgadis was locked in place, panic etched deeply on his beet-red face and his eyes darted around the room, trying to land anywhere aside from both Xelloss and Lina. He looked like his eyes might pop out of his skull at any moment. Xelloss stood in the middle of the bath, his grin threatening to split his face as he soaked in the horrified mortification of the two humans.
The sounds of Xelloss' barely stifled giggles finally shocked her into action and Lina ripped the towel off the reed wall at her feet, wrapping it tightly around her. She straightened up and glared at her two companions. Zelgadis hurriedly closed his eyes and turned away, still blushing fiercely. She shrieked angrily, "How dare you stare at me! I oughtta—"
Xelloss giggled and both humans blanched as portions of his anatomy jiggled. "Why Lina, how dare you spy on us! You should be ashamed! Mr. Zelgadis and I were having a 'moment'!"
Zelgadis whipped around to protest heatedly, "We were not! You—"
His words were cut off as Xelloss suddenly dematerialized and reappeared behind him, male once more as he wrapped his arms around the outraged Chimera and pressed close. "Don't try to deceive her, Mr. Zelgadis. You were blushing because of me! It's so cute!" One of Xelloss' fingers began to lazily trace circles around one of the pebbles dotting Zelgadis' chest. Lina's eyes bugged out and she instantly forgot all about her righteous anger. That's it, she decided, Xelloss must have gone insane. She watched Zelgadis for a reaction, because he seemed petrified by Xelloss' touch. She peered closer... he didn't even appear to be breathing. Just as Lina began having thoughts about interfering out of pity for her poor friend, he finally moved. Zelgadis' eyes rolled up into his head and he slipped down, disappearing beneath the water's surface.
Xelloss glanced curiously down at the ripples Zelgadis left in the water as he sank. "How disappointing," he sighed. "I was expecting a Rah Tilt at the very least."
Lina growled and shook her fist at the Mazoku, "Damn it Xelloss, there's only so much horror the human mind can handle! Now get him before he drowns!"
Xelloss looked slightly testy as he glanced up at her, Lina figured it was due to hearing her refer to him as a 'horror', but he ducked down and retrieved the unconscious Chimera anyway. Lina was so furious with Xelloss she could care less about how annoyed he might have been. When Zelgadis was draped safely over the side of the pool, Lina stormed over and pushed Xelloss out of the way with a snarl. She began pounding on Zelgadis' back, trying to get him to cough up any water he might have inhaled and was rewarded when he began sputtering after a few moments. He twisted his head up to see what was going on, as if he'd forgotten where he was. He stared dully up at her for a second, then his expression turned to one of overwhelming shock and he promptly fainted again.
Lina turned her glare on Xelloss and before she could accuse him of mentally scarring Zelgadis for life, she realized he was still unclothed as well. The new round of verbal abuse she'd prepared died in her throat. Xelloss stood a few feet away, his thick hair plastered to his skull and rivulets of water dripping down his shoulders, beading on his chest and… oh. Blushing beet red yet again, Lina whipped around and shrieked over her shoulder at him, "XELLOSS! Quit goofing off and put some clothes on! I need help getting Zel back to the inn! And bring some towels… this is more of Zel than I wanna see."
Xelloss appeared in front of her, clothed once more in his customary priest garb. Wordlessly, he tossed a stack of towels next to her and Lina threw them over Zelgadis before she dragged him further out of the water. Before Lina had time to send a fervent prayer of gratitude winging to whatever deity might hear, the sound of giggling made her turn to regard Xel again. He stood over her, his eyes cracked open and a broad smile spreading across his face. "My goodness," he brightly observed as he peered at her closely, "I had no idea a blush went so far below the neckline!" He added teasingly as he winked at her, "Oh Lina, did you notice your towel had slipped? I think Mr. Zelgadis did."
The only consolation Lina had was when his giggling was cut off sharply by her fist in his face.
AN: ...I blame Ranma. Also, the little bit of XZ was a tribute to a friend who'd beta read for me in the past. In any case, this is a serious (?)departure from my usual, so let me know what you think!