Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, the characters, plots, or anything else. This is just for fun and no profit.
Note: This is one of the early chapters of a novel I was tinkering around with a few weeks ago. If you've reviewed my writing before and would like to comment again, I'd really appreciate it. (Yes, please, even the type-os!!) If you're new to my stuff, I'd love to hear from you, too! (And if you'd like to know how to start learning Japanese for free, write to my e-mail address and I'll give you a few pointers!)
Gomen Na ごめんな
Kaiba Seto had been thinking about it for awhile now. In fact, this was the longest that he'd ever been with anybody without actually being "with" the person. But things had been busy at work, school, and other issues had come to light. They were lucky if they could have lunch alone together. But, tonight, he was hoping to nudge Jounouchi in the direction that he was thinking of. Maybe, they would…tonight. Then again, he was really hoping that Jounouchi would make the first move. For some reason, he just felt better about it being that way.
This seemed the perfect time. Mokuba was going to be gone for three whole days on a class trip. And Seto had managed to delay all decisions at work—no working late. It all seemed good.
The doorbell chimed. Slightly curious, Seto walked to the door and opened it. It was Jounouchi.
"Did you forget your key?" Seto asked, looking slightly confused.
"Nope. I've got it," he said, smiling back shyly. "But, this is still your house."
Jounouchi stepped in with a bright red blush on his cheeks. "You know, I'm really tired tonight," he said walking wearily into the house, his green jacket slung over his shoulder. Seto took one look at him and sighed openly.
"What?" Jou asked, with an annoyed edge.
"I think you're sick," Seto grumbled back.
"Nah, I'm okay. And, besides, I won't stay long. I know you're probably busy. I just wanted to check in with ya— You know, see how you were doing." He gave Seto a thin smile with a hand in his pocket. His skin looked slightly pasty and dark circles were forming under his eyes.
"Mokuba?" Seto called behind him.
Mokuba appeared in a flash from the living room. "Nii-sama?"
"I need that ear thermometer 'thing' you bought and the aspirin."
"Yeah," the child said, "Jounouchi-nii looks kind of sick. I guess that ruins your plans for tonight, huh?"
"Tonight?" Jou said, feeling awkward. "Did I forget a birthday or holiday or something?" He started to fret a bit. Jou was great at remembering important dates, prided himself on it.
"It was just dinner. I wouldn't worry about it."
"Just dinner?" Jou echoed. He walked past Seto to the dining room. There was a glittering table set with food in sterling silver platters. The smell, which would ordinarily make him drool, made him clutch his stomach. Seto saw and sighed again.
Guilt was creeping up on Jounouchi. He'd been thinking all about getting off of work, and seeing Seto, and not about much else—like how he was feeling. The fever really came out of nowhere. He dropped his jacket on a dining room chair.
"I'm sorry," Jou said, looking back.
Seto's face softened a little. "It's a good thing you are a mutt and not a cat," he joked quietly and placed a cool hand against Jou's face. "Cats can't have aspirin." He placed his left hand against Jou's other cheek.
"Oh, you feel good," Jounouchi moaned, putting his hands on top of Seto's on his face---pushing the cool palms against him felt heavenly. He closed his hazel eyes.
Okay, the reaction I wanted, but just not the way I wanted it, Seto thought sourly.
"You are sick, Jounouchi-nii," Mokuba said, handing the thermometer and aspirin to his brother.
Seto pulled back Jou's blond hair away from his ear and put in the thermometer. "Click." Seto sighed to himself, looking at the display on the handle. "You have a high fever. Take two of these." Seto handed Jou the aspirin and Mokuba offered a bottle of water.
"A high fever? Let me feel," Mokuba said. Jounouchi leaned his face down and Mokuba put a hand to Jou's forehead. "Wow, that's too warm." Then, he glanced up at his big brother. "I really should be going now," Mokuba said, looking a little guilty. "But, you know, I can stay home, too, if you need help with him."
Seto shook his head. "Go on. Have a good time."
"No worries," Jou said. He opened his mouth, tossed in both aspirins, opened the bottle of water, and drank half of it in one gulp. Seto glared at him. Mokuba gave a quick nod and left the house with his backpack and bedroll.
Jou looked at the closed door for a second and turned his attention to Seto. "I'm sorry," Jounouchi said, ruffling his own hair. "You worked to have a nice dinner ready, too. I messed things up." Jounouchi leaned in and hugged Seto, which surprised him. "I guess I'll see you later."
"Where are you going?" Seto asked, his voice stern.
"Huh? I'm going back to the house." The blond reached into his pocket and pulled out a small key ring. He held it up by his father's key.
Seto noticed that Jounouchi didn't call the place "home." He never did.
"Is your father there? I don't remember you mentioning him coming back."
"No," Jou shifted his shoulders uneasily, "I haven't seen him in months. Sometimes, he'll leave a voicemail at the house. But, that's been awhile, too. No worries, though. I'm sorry about this." Jou's body felt stiff. He stretched a little on his way out the door. "Bye," he said without looking back… and found a hand holding his.
"I'm keeping you here," Seto said, frowning slightly.
"No, really… I'll be fine. I'll just go back and head to bed."
"You'll stay," Seto said, ending the conversation. "Can you eat something or do you want to watch television?"
"You're a little worried about me, aren't cha?" Jou smirked at the thought.
"I suppose it's television," Seto still had Jou by the hand and guided him to the sofa. He picked up the remote from the coffee table, clicked it, and sat next to Jounouchi. Usually, Seto sat down in his prideful, arrogant way--king of his castle. This time, he didn't. He sat down, distracted with an arm stretched out against the length of the couch. With Jounouchi next to him, Seto only had to move his arm down a little to have it wrapped around Jou's shoulders.
The evening news glowed in front of them. Jou's body felt warm--too warm. A little dizzy, Jounouchi found himself leaning his head on Seto's shoulder. Seto pushed back the blond hair and looked at him. The hazel eyes were glassy.
"I hate it that I'm sick," he apologized again.
"I know. So, will you quit saying 'sorry'? It's annoying."
"Right," he sighed. Jounouchi pulled his legs up on the couch. Soon, he had his head in Seto's lap. Seto stroked Jou's blond hair—which was a comfort to them both. Softly, Seto rested a hand against his chest. He could feel Jou's heartbeat. He pressed a hand against Jou's face again. The blond closed his eyes at the touch.
Too warm, but not as bad as before…
"You seem tired," Seto said. 'Let's go to bed."
Jounouchi was suddenly awake—very awake. Bed??? Eyes open wide. "Umm…yeah…"
Jou's mind had wandered at the thought of "bed" and he could sense Seto standing up. He offered Jou a hand and pulled him up from the couch. As they walked, Seto mumbled to himself, "Jou can have another dose of aspirin in three hours..."
They walked on, hand in hand, down one of the hallways. "It's the blue bedroom with the white furniture that you like, right?" It was true that Jou usually picked that one when he stayed the night—which wasn't often. It was the smallest but most comfortable bedroom in the mansion. Jou liked it because it was on the sunny side of the house. But, guilt was eating at him. And he couldn't quite let go of it.
"Well, actually…." Jou said and found Seto staring at him levelly.
"Look, I'm not sending you back to that place alone."
"No, what I mean is…" Jou decided to just blurt it out. "I want to sleep in your bedroom…with you."
Seto looked down at the floor for a second and smiled. "Is that what you really want?" he asked. "Really?" Jounouchi nodded, proud of himself for saying what he was thinking, and Seto took him down a different hallway.
Seto pushed the door open. Inside, Jounouchi saw a black leather sleigh bed with matching armoire, dresser, and end tables. A large, elaborate painting of a Blue Eyes White Dragon hung over the bed. There was a small sitting area with two brown and black chairs pulled up next to a table with a crystal chess set. A chair next to the closet had two spa bathrobes neatly folded on it. On the far side of the room, another door led to the master bath.
Jou walked over to the bed. The bed was turned down—showing a black comforter with a blue hand stitched edge in silk thread. The satin sheets were electric blue with a single row of little seahorses. There were two sets of silk pajamas on the bed, a pair in blue and a pair in black.
"I had hoped," Seto said with a shrug. And before Jou could open his mouth, Seto picked up the black pair and tossed them lightly to Jounouchi. "If you say 'I'm sorry,' you'll have to sleep alone tonight."
Jounouchi nodded and tugged at his shirt, pulling it off and over his head. Sick as he was, Jou was still a blond with hazel eyes and well formed shoulders. It all appealed to Seto a little too much. "In the bathroom," he said with an edge in his voice, finger pointing in the appropriate direction. "Change in there, will you?"
"Now, who's shy?" Jou joked, closing the door behind him.
Frustrated, Seto began unbuttoning his dress shirt and pulling it off roughly. I don't know how much self-control he expects me to have! It's going to be hard enough just sharing the same bed.
In a few minutes, Jounouchi was out of the bathroom in the black pajamas, his casual clothes in a loose pile in his hands. Seto took them from him and placed them on the dresser—but managed to fold, at least, the shirt quickly.
"Black silk suits you," Seto said, his head cocked admiringly to one side. The dark color made the blond hair look like gold. And he was proud of himself for guessing Jounouchi's size right. Jou smirked back at him and turned his attention to the bed.
"Which side of the bed do you want?" Jounouchi asked.
"I don't care. I'm by myself most of the time anyway."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." His voice had a hollow ring to it.
Jounouchi climbed on and sat in the middle of the bed. Then, he rolled to the left side. "I'll sleep on this side…if that's okay?"
Seto nodded and took the right. They both crawled under the covers and pulled the sheets and comforter up.
"Hey, these feel good," Jou said, "I've never slept on satin sheets before."
"I have some silk ones, too, but I like this set better." Seto rested his head on a pillow.
Jou looked at Seto out of the corner of his eye. I have him alone…and all to myself in his bedroom. I've thought about this a lot. I just wish I felt better. Being sick was not a part of my fantasies. Ugh! This is so unfair.
Before Seto knew it, Jounouchi was leaning over him, silk pajamas sliding smoothly against them both. He came in close and kissed him softly on the lips. Seto kissed back. But, then, the kiss grew deeper and more urgent. Fingers combing through chestnut hair. Jounouchi's face, hands, and skin felt burning hot. His heart beat hard against his chest. He tugged at Seto's pajama top, trying to put a hand underneath it. To his surprise, Seto turned his head away and the kiss broke.
"Could you just stop it?" Seto barked. "I know you feel bad. I know you feel guilty for feeling bad. But, I don't want my first time with you to be out of guilt. Understood?"
"Yeah," Jounouchi said, feeling more than a little hurt for being rebuffed. "You're right." This night just keeps getting worse and worse… He hung his head. Some part of Jou wanted to slam his fist against the feather pillow.
In the next second, Jou could feel himself being pulled into Seto's arms. His body slid against the sheets. "You'll just have to be satisfied with being in my arms tonight." Jou felt his face redden, and not just from the fever.
Seto leaned back in bed, feeling Jounouchi against him. "You are still like a furnace. When will that aspirin work?" Seto complained, touching Jou's face again. Not comfortable in that position, Jou shifted himself. His head was now against Seto's chest. The heartbeat was comforting and kind. It felt good. Seto's arms found him again.
"If I'm too warm to you, let me go," Jou said.
"No, I'm not going to let you go. In fact, I'd rather… keep you here." Seto stared down at Jounouchi briefly. "What do you say to moving into the mansion with me and Mokuba?" Jou could hear the heartbeat speed up at the question.
Jou thought about it. But, instead of being happy, he suddenly felt alone. It was the same way he felt when Seto had given him the house key last month wrapped up in a small silver box.
"Why not ask me again…after graduation…if we're still together?"
Seto sat up in bed. He blinked down at Jou. "What did you just say? If we're still together?" Seto's mouth was hanging open slightly and he was staring in disbelief. "Why? Is there someone else, or have you changed your mind about us?" This doesn't make sense. Just a minute ago...
Jounouchi looked worried. He's upset. I didn't mean to…
Jounouchi reached up and pulled Seto down on top of him. "I think I'll risk the wrath of Kaiba Seto for this moment," his tone was mildly amused, even though he didn't feel it. Jou hugged Seto against him and said quietly, "I'm sorry for scaring you. You're the only one I want." He stroked Seto's back to reassure him, but Seto wasn't convinced. He allowed Jou to hold him but didn't do much else.
I have to explain…
"Kaiba? Let's look at things realistically. I know that sounds strange because I'm the dreamer of the two of us, but there's one thing I can't deny. People just don't stay together forever." Jou's voice sounded different now, distant. "I mean, your parents are dead. My parents split. Both of us… don't have a good history of relationships with anyone."
None of it felt any better to Seto. He wanted this to be permanent, and to feel permanent, too. This was the kind of life he'd been building with Mokuba. The prideful part of Seto wanted to push Jounouchi away for saying those things. But another part was clinging to him—the part that could feel Jounouchi's arms around him.
"I want to stay with you," Jounouchi said, "and I'll be by your side until the day comes when you no longer need me. The day you want me to go, I'll disappear."
Seto rolled Jounouchi onto his back, resting his head on the blond's shoulder. Mentally, he was kicking himself for what was happening. I've forgotten that Jou's afraid of being left behind. Too many people have abandoned him. How he's gotten this far on his own, I'll never know.
"It'll hurt like hell when I have to leave. But, I'll do it for your sake," Jounouchi continued.
"And if that day never comes…?" Seto asked quietly, his face stern.
Jou shook his head doubtfully. "I just want you to know that it's okay. I won't hate you." He smiled sadly to himself. He would stay with Seto for as long as the fates allowed—and appreciate it.
Seto placed a hand against the side of Jou's face, blond hair spilling through his fingers. "Then, I'll ask you again at graduation. But the answer had better be "yes" because you just promised to be by my side." By my side forever…And I'll make it "forever," even if Jou doesn't believe in it…
Jou leaned back and looked at the ceiling. He was about to say something, but changed his mind. "I guess we should get some sleep. I'll go turn off the lights." Before Seto could offer to do it, Jou got out of bed, flicked off the light, and edged his way back.
"I hate the dark," Jou complained, finding the bed by bumping into it. "Maybe, I can get to sleep quickly."
"Really? It's never bothered me. There's nothing in the dark that isn't there in the daytime." He could feel the bed dip slightly with Jou's weight as he got in. Seto quickly found Jou's body again and pulled him into another embrace. This time, Seto's body was pressed against his back with arms circled around his shoulders.
"Thanks," Jou said as more of a sigh. Their bodies felt good together.
"Jounouchi?"
"Yes, Kaiba?"
"I'd like you to do something for me."
"Really?" Jou, curious. He was enjoying the feeling of Seto cuddling him. He felt safe.
"I want you to call me 'Seto' from now on."
In the dark, he could hear Jounouchi say, "Really? Okay, I'll call you 'Seto' when it's just us." There was a smile in his voice. "You know, I really love that."
"No," Seto corrected, turning Jou onto his back and speaking where their lips were practically touching, "I want you to always call me Seto—from now on."
"Just 'Seto'? Always? In front of everyone?"
I just said it, didn't I? he thought, frowning in the dark.
He put his head on Jounouchi's chest. It felt cooler now. The fever was down. Seto laced his fingers with Jounouchi's and, at that moment, Seto could hear the heartbeat speed up. He smiled to himself.
"Your heart tells me 'yes," Seto whispered to him.
"Yes."
"Your heart says 'I love you'."
"Yes."
"Your heart says 'Please don't leave me, Seto'."
There was a pause in the dark. A sincere voice said, "Yes."
Seto rolled over in the bed a few times, taking Jou with him. Jou caught himself laughing even though he felt tears in his eyes.
"Wait! My feet are getting tangled up in the sheets," Jou laughed again.
"Deal with it," Seto challenged him.
"Hey, I'm sick! You have to be gentle with me," Jou snickered into Seto's neck, the sheets balled up around them.
A firm hand found Jounouchi's forehead. "Your fever broke. Does that mean you're fair game?" Seto joked.
There was a delicious, sexy laugh in the dark. Seto's heart almost stopped when he heard it. That…that was Jounouchi?
Jounouchi's arms were suddenly wrapped around his neck. Jou's face was hovering above his. He didn't need to see it; he could sense the presence. "I am yours," said the whisper, no hesitation, "and you are mine—you belong to me right now." Seto suddenly felt his body pushed back against the bed with the weight of a body on top—both of his hands laced with Jou's. Feather-light soft and sweet little kisses on his neck trailed down. His skin had the scent of sandalwood.
"I think I've been pretty clear on this point," Seto said with a harsh voice that sounded nothing like him. He twisted out of it and rolled his body away.
Damn, he's good… Too good… Giving in to this would be so easy. And, now, I've probably hurt his feelings again, Seto thought with a frown. Why doesn't he listen to me?
Seto sat up in the bed and pulled Jou into a sitting position, too. "Let me hold you again," he said quietly and Jounouchi felt arms holding him in the dark. Seto said while resting Jou's head against his shoulder and stroking blond hair, "Listen to me. I want you to get some sleep. Get better. The way I see it, you are mine now because your heart already belongs to me. And this bed is 'our' bed from now on."
"Ours?"
"You heard me…"
Lips kissed Jou's cheek with a velvet touch.
"And you can 'be mine' in our bed tomorrow night…and all the other nights as well. But you don't need to prove anything to show me that you love me. I know it already." With a frustrated sigh, he pulled Jou closer to him still and lowered both of their bodies back down onto the bed. Seto closed his eyes. He felt soft, blond hair against his face.
"Oh….and, you can stop pouting now," he whispered into Jou's ear.
"Right."
Pout.
Seto fell asleep first. Jou felt comforted by the quiet breathing in the dark. Seto's arms clung to Jou, strong and firm. His head rested against the blond—sharing the same pillow.
I guess, there's nothing in the dark that isn't there in the daytime. He smelled the Cool Water Deep cologne on Seto's skin. And he's no longer my friend, he's my lover—even if he won't let me make love to him just yet. But that's okay, too. Maybe, we have the rest of our lives for that...maybe… I want to believe it now. Thank you, Seto.
And Katsuya Jounouchi, for the very first time in his life, fell asleep in the arms of someone who truly loved him.
"Gomen na" is a more masculine way of saying "sorry."