Summary: Stacey dates Eric, but the gang has a problem with her- especially Donna.
A/N: You all know the season 4 episode where Red tries to fix Eric up with the cashier Stacey from Price Mart but it turns out she has a crush on Red? Well, alternate take. (Eric gets Stacey on his own!)
Disclaimer: I don't own That 70s Show.
Eric Forman entered his basement triumphantly. "Hey, everyone, I did it! I got a date with Stacey from Price Mart!"
Donna looked up from the TV in her spot on the couch. "Um, Eric, there's no one else here."
Eric snorted. "I know that. I was... just... practicing." He collapsed sheepishly into a chair. "What are you watching?"
Donna ignored the question. "So... who's this Stacey?"
"This girl from work. She's a cashier, and she is hot. And I mean that." Eric said, nodding smugly. "And she and I are going out to dinner tomorrow night."
"So, what? Did she lose a bet?" Donna sniped.
"Very funny, Donna." Eric returned. "And don't start with the ice bitch routine- you could have had a piece of this." he gestured to himself.
"Whatever." Donna said disgustedly, brushing past him and leaving the basement, slamming the door behind her.
Eric stared after her for a minute before cracking a smile. "Oh yeah."
"So... how'd it go?" Hyde prodded first thing as Eric walked through the door the next night. The rest of the gang, who'd been lounging in the basement, waited for his response.
He grinned slowly. "We're going out again. I think we're dating."
There were various hoots and cheers from Jackie, Fez, Hyde, and Kelso. "Alright, Eric!" Kelso shouted, pumping his fist.
"It is about time." Fez proclaimed.
"Wait- youthink?" Hyde repeated.
Eric shrugged. "Well, I've never dated anyone, besides Donna, you know? And, um, I don't think we did things in the right order."
A slow smile spread over Hyde's face as he elbowed his friend. "So? Didja kiss her?"
"Hyde, it was our first date..." Eric exclaimed. "...But, yeah, I did." he finished conspiratorially.
"Alright, Forman!"
Donna had heard enough. "Okay, not all of us want to hear about how you sucked some girl's face. Come on, Jackie." she grabbed her friend's sleeve and started pulling her towards the door.
"I want to hear it!" Jackie protested. But she allowed Donna to drag her into the driveway. "Geez, Donna. I would have come of my own free will, you brute."
Donna rolled her eyes. "Sorry."
"What is up with you, anyway?" Jackie asked. Then her eyes widened. "Ohmigosh! You're jealous of Stacey!"
"What?" Donna exploded. "I am not! You're crazy."
Jackie shoved her playfully. "No, you're crazy! Crazy in love with Eric!" she teased, making kissy lips.
Donna shoved her back, but hard. "Jackie, he still loves me too! He's just doing this to piss me off."
"Ok-ay." Jackie looked unconvinced. "Or maybe he's just over it."
"Jackie!" Donna protested briefly, before turning on her heel and storming toward her house.
Jackie rubbed her arm. "That really hurt, you goon!" she called after her.
"Eric, you're so funny." Stacey laughed. They were at a restaurant- the same fancy restaurant he had taken Donna to on their first date.
He leaned back in his chair. "That's what they tell me."
"Look at this idiot." Stacey said, gesturing to a timid looking waiter juggling a tray of glassware. "He has no clue what he's doing. Hey, buddy, we're still waiting for our check!"
"Heh... yeah." Eric agreed uncomfortably, secretly feeling sorry for the man. "But, oh well, you know? It's not like we have anywhere to be."
Stacey grinned at him. "I know somewhere I'd rather be..."
Half an hour later they were making out on the couch in his basement, limbs and tongues tangled together.
"You know what I like about you?" Eric began.
She cut him off with a long, deep kiss. He broke away. "Yeah, that." he chuckled, looping an arm around her neck and pulling her back to his lips.
The door opened and Fez, Jackie, Kelso, and Hyde entered. Eric and Stacey separated reluctantly. "Why are these guys always hanging around?" Stacey asked in exasperation.
"Eric's our friend." Kelso answered slowly. "We always come here."
"Well, scram." Stacy commanded the four. She grinned seductively at her boyfriend. "Eric and I are busy."
Hyde, Fez, Kelso, and Jackie burst out laughing. Fez was the first one to stop. "Um... guys? I think she is being serious."
"Um, Stacey?" Eric said curiously.
Ignoring him, Stacey fixed a cold stare on Fez and his eyes widened. "Ai..." Whirling, he ran from the basement like a scared rabbit.
Jackie stepped forward. "Oh, great. Now you scared Fez! Nice going!"
Stacey turned her stony gaze onto Jackie. "I said get lost, cheerleader. Beat it!"
Jackie gaped for a minute before turning on her designer heel. "Ugh. Come on, Michael. Eric's new girlfriend is a bitch and I don't want to hang out here."
Kelso followed her out, protesting the whole way. "But Jackie! All hot girls are mean!"
Stacey rolled her eyes. "Dumbasses."
Hyde nodded agreeably, crossing to his chair and propping his feet on the table. "Heh heh. I like you." he said. "Been trying to get rid of Jackie for ages."
Stacy fixed him with a look of disdain. "When I said 'get out', I meant you too." she informed him.
"Uh, Stace?" Eric spoke up. "You don't have to..." He was ignored.
"You can't make me leave- I live here." Hyde said, not backing down.
"You can't make me leave- I live here." Stacey mocked. "How about this: you leave or I kick your ass!"
Hyde shrugged. "I'm not afraid of-"
"GET OUT!" Stacey yelled forcefully. Swallowing hard, Hyde jumped up and left the basement.
Eric turned to his girlfriend in shock. "Stacey! Why'd you-"
She gave a little giggle. Before he could complete his sentence, she was kissing him again and within seconds, all thoughts of the incident had vanished from his mind.
Hyde stalked next door to join the rest of the gang in the Pinciotti living room. "Stupid Stacey. Stupid Forman."
Donna laughed at him. "She kicked you out too? Big, strong, macho Hyde afraid of Eric's little blonde girlfriend?"
Fez was still shaking. "She is scary, Donna. So angry..." he whimpered.
"Yeah." Kelso agreed. "We have got to do something about her. She kicked me out of the basement, and I really wanted a Popsicle!" his face twisted into a comical grimace. "This is war."
"But we need a plan." Jackie pointed out, sitting on Kelso's lap.
Kelso shook his head. "Nothing comes to mind."
Donna smirked. "Yeah, I'm sure."
Hyde dug into his back pocket. "Hey guys, I think I know what would help us think..."
A few minutes later, the circle was in full swing.
"We should call it Operation: Stacey-Is-An-Evil-Whore." Donna suggested gravely.
"Yeah..." Jackie agreed from Kelso's lap. "Wait, did we actually make the plan yet? 'Cause I forget."
"Ha! Operation! I love that game!" Kelso crowed.
"We did not make a plan." Fez said. He was sitting on the floor in the interest of making the circle circular. He smiled. "I love the circle. I am not even afraid of Stacey anymore..." Then he frowned. "Yes I am."
The door opened and the gang was relieved to see Eric walk in and not an adult.
"Doing a circle without me?" Eric said, as though he were very disappointed in them. He took a seat between Donna and Hyde.
"Well what else was there to do? We got kicked out of the basement." Hyde said.
Eric nodded. "Yeah, sorry about that, guys. I don't know what's up with her."
"Demonic possession?" Jackie suggested before breaking into a fit of giggles.
Fez stared into space. "In my village our chief was possessed by a demon." He looked around at his friends. "But now that I've come here I realize that it was probably just syphilis."
Hyde waved his arms. "C'mon, guys, we're losing focus here. We still need a plan to get rid of Stacey!"
"But I don't want to get rid of Stacey!" Eric protested.
"But she's mean to everyone, and that's not nice." Kelso spoke up.
"Whore..." Donna mumbled, before becoming preoccupied with trying to tie her shoelace.
"She's nice to me." Eric said, already becoming affected by the smoke. "And she's a damn good kisser." he confided with a grin.
Donna kicked him in the shin with her still-untied shoe.
"Ow, Donna! What was that for?"
"Oopsies." Donna stifled a laugh, literally half-baked.
"Donna still loves you." Jackie blurted helpfully.
Eric's eyes got huge as he looked at his ex-girlfriend. "Donna?"
"Noooo way." Donna denied. "Nope nope nope." When he didn't take his eyes off her, she hoisted her foot into his lap. "Tie that lace for me!" she commanded.
"So... she's really nice to you?" Hyde asked, bringing the topic back to Stacey.
"Yeah," Eric said, still fumbling with Donna's shoelace. "Reallynice. She's just mean to everyone else. Like you guys, and the waiters at the restaurants, and the customers at Price Mart, and this one guy in a leather jacket at the movies..." He looked at the shoelace in puzzlement. "I think I forget how." he told Donna.
"Stacey's a bully." Hyde said.
"Like Red!" Fez added.
"Oh my gosh, Fez is right!" Hyde exclaimed. "She is like Red! Didn't you hear her call us dumbasses? Red does that all the time!"
"She's not like Red." Eric protested.
Donna began laughing hysterically. "She's like Red, and you're like Kitty! That's why she's only nice to you!"
Kelso laughed stupidly. "So... it's like... when you kiss Stacey, it's really like you're kissing your dad!"
"Eww!" Jackie wrinkled her nose. "Eric!"
"Gross!" Eric exclaimed. "It's not! No! Guys!"
Gradually, the laughter in the circle died down, with only the occasional burst of snickers.
Eric looked miserable. "Oh man... I'm gonna have to break up with her now, aren't I?"
Fez grinned cheekily. "Whatever you want, Miss Kitty."
Donna was in the basement by herself when Stacey came in. "Where's Eric?"
Donna shrugged. "I dunno."
Stacey collapsed in a chair. "Useless..." she muttered.
"Well I don't like you either." Donna snapped.
Stacey leveled a glance at her. "Look, Donna, I've heard the story of yours and Eric's pathetic dead romance, okay? But I'm with Eric now, so get used to it."
"That's not what this is about." Donna said, rising from her chair. "I have a problem with you. We all do! Yeah, I said it!"
Stacey also stood so the two girls were nose to nose. "Oh, yeah, Donna? And what's that?"
"You're a bitch!" Donna exploded. "And a bully, and a hardass! You're completely, unfairly critical of everyone you meet, you expect to be able to give orders to everyone and be obeyed, and I think it's a miracle you have any friends at all!"
Stacey reached out and gave Donna a shove, sending her stumbling backward where she smacked her calves on the coffee table. "Ouch!" Donna raised her fists. "You are so dead."
At that point, Eric came down the stairs. "Hey, guys. Wait- what's going on?" He quickly moved to be between the two girls. "Stacey? Donna?"
Donna looked away, too embarrassed to face him. If she was honest with herself, she knew the reason she'd blown up at Stacey- she just hoped Eric couldn't see it.
Stacey, suddenly sweet, wrapped her arms around Eric's waist. "It's... it's nothing. Don't worry about it, sweetie."
Eric looked back and forth between the two girls, bewildered. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"
"Nothing!" Both girls exclaimed at once.
Stacey pulled Eric onto the couch and kissed him. Donna just stood where she was, face burning, knowing that if she tried to move at all she'd be running for the door in tears. Eric pulled away from his girlfriend, looking to Donna. "Um, Stacey?"
She ran her hands up him arms gently. "Hmm?"
Eric made a face that said I can't believe I'm doing this, but proceeded to say, "We can't see each other anymore."
Stacey looked shocked. "What? Eric..."
Eric sighed. "Look, I like you, okay, but my friends, well, you're not nice to them. And if they have a problem with you, then so do I."
Stacey shook her head frantically. "No... Eric, please!"
Eric gently pushed her off his lap and got up. "I'm sorry, Stacey. But... you know, sorry."
Tears were appearing in Stacey's gorgeous eyes. "Eric... you'd pick them over me? Come on, they've had it in for me!" She eyed Donna. "Is this because of that little redheaded whore?" She spoke directly to Donna. "Because if it is, I'll kick her ass!"
Eric's face hardened. "Get out."
Stacey turned back to him. "Eric, sweetie, I'm sorry! Please!"
He crossed his arms over his chest. "I said leave."
Eyes wide, Stacey turned, and with one last look at the basement and everyone in it, she was gone. Eric and Donna stood in silence for a moment.
Eric fell back onto the couch. "Ohh, sweet freedom." But his voice was flat.
"You, uh, didn't have to do that." Donna said quietly. "Break up with her for us. You're free to date whoever you want."
Eric shook his head. "I didn't want to date her. Well, I mean, I did, but not at the expense of my friends being miserable. You guys are way more important than some girl. Some really, really hot girl..."
"Aw, what a nice sentiment." Donna said sarcastically.
"Anything for milady." Eric said nonchalantly, and Donna smiled inwardly at his little pet name for her. Even though they weren't together anymore, he still called her 'milady' by habit once in a while, and she thought it was sweet, although she'd die before admitting it. "Oh, and, you know, she was a lot like Red. Ireally didn't like that about her." he added.
Donna smirked and sat next to him on the couch. "So was it like Red kissing you?"
Eric grimaced. "No..." A beat. "Red would never kiss me."
She laughed. "That's true."
Eric smiled. "So, um, what really happened just then? Did I miss a girl fight?"
"No, you got there just in time to prevent one." Donna said ruefully.
"Damn!" Eric sighed.
"You're telling me. I could totally have taken her down!"
"I'm sure you could." Eric agreed. "So she started it?"
"Well, technically, I guess I did." Donna said. "I just... could not stand her anymore! So... are you upset?"
"Nah..." Eric said slowly. He picked up his arm and moved it to the back of the couch, around her shoulders.
She eyed his arm. "Why would you do that?" she asked warily.
He sighed. "Look, Donna. With Stacey, it was like, love the one you're with, you know? But, um, everyone keeps telling me you still love me and if you do I wish you would just tell me because I still love you."
Donna was shocked. "Eric...!"
He stared at her seriously.
"Eric, we broke up!"
"For stupid reasons." Eric countered.
"They weren't stupid." she argued. "You tried to tie me down!"
"I tried to tell you I wanted to be with you forever." Eric corrected. "Because I love you."
"Oh, fine." Donna grumbled, leaning in to kiss him on the lips, softly.
"Don't sound so happy." Eric muttered, meeting her halfway anyway.
Donna laughed at that. "This is what I wanted." she assured him between kisses.
"For real this time?" Eric checked, not sure he'd stop even if she said no.
Donna pushed him down and climbed on top of him. "Don't be stupid."
Eric pulled her to him and they were necking feverishly when Red came into the basement. "Eric!"
The lovers separated immediately, trying to straighten out their clothes. "Um... Hi." Eric said, afraid of whatever his father was going to do.
But all he said was, "You know, Stacey was a nice girl."
Eric gulped. "We broke up."
Red just shot the pair a glare and proceeded up the stairs. "Dumbasses."
Behind him, Eric and Donna burst into laughter.
A/N: Hey, thanks for reading, hope you liked it, etc., etc. Please drop me a line and let me know what you thought! (Go E/D!)