A/N: so, it all started as a complete joke on msn. Someone did a rewriting of Hamlet based on the concept of Peter & Jane back at the 50's, and a few years ago someone on here did the same thing on Phantom of the Opera, and it has become one of my favorite pieces ever since. This is my attempt on the same concept, using Wicked. It was a good laugh to write, I hope you'll enjoy it too. Feedback will be great!

Disclaimer: I own neither the Peter & Jane concept nor the plot/characters of Wicked, but I bow down to their brilliancy.

This is Galinda. Galinda is popular. She has many friends. Galinda is silly. She thinks she is so pretty. See Galinda toss her hair. Toss, Galinda, toss. See her new roommate, Elphaba. Elphaba is green. She is not pretty. She is not popular. Elphaba has strange powers. See Elphaba magick her sister's wheelchair. Magick, Elphaba, magick.

This is Fiyero. Fiyero is a pretty boy. He has nice pants. Where are you going, Fiyero?

"I am going to new school. I am going to get kicked out of new school."

See Fiyero's carriage hit Elphaba. Hit, carriage, hit. Elphaba is now angry at Fiyero. He is very rude. See Fiyero stare at Elphaba. Stare, Fiyero, stare.

Boq is a silly boy. He loves Galinda. Galinda does not love Boq. He is not pretty. He is not popular. He is very short. He is a Munchkin. See Boq corner Galinda. See Galinda notice Fiyero. Fiyero is pretty and popular. He is a prince. Galinda is excited. She touches Boq's arm. He is very happy.

Now Galinda speaks with Fiyero. Boq is not happy. He is jealous. See Galinda giggle at Fiyero. Giggle, Galinda, giggle.

Fiyero does not want to go to class. He wants to dance. See Fiyero dance. Dance, Fiyero, dance. See Fiyero sway and sweep. Fiyero has nice thighs.

Galinda is happy. She is going out with Fiyero tonight. Galinda is not nice. She gives Elphaba a hat. It is an ugly hat. Elphaba likes the hat. She smiles. She is very happy.

See everyone dance at the Ozdust Ballroom. Dance, everyone, dance. Look what fun they are having. Fiyero and Galinda dance at the ballroom too. See them kiss. Kiss, Fiyero and Galinda, kiss. See them kiss some more. See them make out. See Fiyero stick his tongue in Galinda's mouth.

This is Madame Morrible. She is a headmistress. See Madame Morrible give Galinda a wand. She asks Galinda to join her sorcery tutorial.

"Oh, oh," says Galinda. "A training wand!" Galinda claps her hands. She is very happy.

Galinda finds out Elphaba has helped her to get the wand. She is not happy. She is confused.

See Elphaba get into the ballroom. Elphaba wears the ugly hat. Doesn't she look funny? See everyone laugh. Laugh, everyone, laugh. They are so silly. But Elphaba is not silly. She walks in. There is no music. See Elphaba do a funny dance. Dance, Elphaba, dance.

Galinda wants to do a funny dance too. See Galinda join Elphaba. Join, Galinda, join. See everyone join Galinda and Elphaba. Everyone is doing the funny dance now. Dance, everyone, dance. Galinda is holding Elphaba's hand. They are smiling. Everyone is happy.

The girls are in their room. Galinda wants them to share secrets. See her find a green bottle under Elphaba's pillow. See her snatch green bottle. Snatch, Galinda, snatch. Elphaba tells Galinda a sad story. Her mother is dead. Her sister is deformed. Elphaba says it is her fault. She is very sad.

"Boo hoo," says Galinda. "I don't want to hear this sad story. Let's be happy. Let's make you popular."

See Galinda Galindafy Elphaba. Galindafy, Galinda, Galindafy.

See Elphaba get to class. Doesn't she look funny? She is Galindafied. Elphaba knows to toss her hair. Toss, Elphaba, toss. Fiyero thinks she looks funny too. He laughs. See Fiyero imitate Elphaba. He knows to toss his hair too. Toss, Fiyero, toss.

The class sees a Lion cub. It is in a cage. It is afraid. It is shivering. Shiver, Lion cub, shiver. Elphaba is very angry. She wants to help the Lion cub. Elphaba magickes her classmates. Magick, Elphaba, magick. Fiyero is not magicked. He helps Elphaba to save the cub. See Fiyero and Elphaba run into the forest. Run, Fiyero and Elphaba, run.

Fiyero and Elphaba are now in the forest. "Boo hoo," says Fiyero. "The Lion cub has scratched me." See Fiyero bleed. Bleed, Fiyero, bleed. See Elphaba touch Fiyero's cheek. They are sitting close. They are sitting very, very close. But Fiyero is a silly boy. Fiyero does not kiss Elphaba. He runs away. He is a coward.

See everyone at the train station. They have come to say goodbye to Elphaba. She is going away. She is going to meet the Wizard. See Nessa run off. She is very sad. She loves Boq, but he does not love her. He loves Galinda. Galinda does not love Boq. She loves Fiyero. But Fiyero does not love Galinda now. He is in love with Elphaba. They are all so silly.

See Galinda change her name. She is now called Glinda. "Boo hoo," says Glinda. "I do not like my new name. I am so silly." Glinda is very sad. Elphaba is sad too. She wants Glinda to come with her to the Emerald City. See Elphaba and Glinda hug. Hug, Elphaba and Glinda, hug. See them go to the Emerald City. They are very happy.

This is The Wizard of Oz. He is not really a wizard. He is a fraud. Madame Morrible is now his press-secretary. She has a strange book. It is old. It is the Grimmerie. See Madame Morrible hand the strange book to Elphaba. The Wizard and Madame Morrible want Elphaba to read it. See Elphaba try to read the book. Read, Elphaba, read.

The Grimmerie is not a nice book. The Wizard and Madame Morrible are not nice people. They want Elphaba to work for them. They want Elphaba to magick the Wizard's monkeys. This is Chistery. It is the Wizard's pet monkey. It now has wings, and it flies. Fly, Chistery, fly. See other monkeys fly like Chistery. They all have wings now, too. Don't they look silly?

"Boo hoo," says Elphaba. "You are not a nice man. You tricked me, and I do not want to work with you." Elphaba is very sad. See Elphaba runs from the Wizard's throne. Run, Elphaba, run. See Glinda run after her.

See Elphaba and Glinda in the attic. They hear Madame Morrible call Elphaba a Wicked Witch. Glinda is very scared. Elphaba is not scared. See her find a broomstick. See her magick the broomstick and make it fly. Elphaba is now defying gravity. See her fly on the broomstick. Fly, Elphaba, fly.

See everyone at the city square. Glinda wears a fancy dress. See Fiyero stand beside her. He is now the Captain of the Guards. He has nice uniform. Everyone is having a wonderful time. They are having a party. It is Glinda and Fiyero's engagement party. Fiyero is surprised. He is not happy. Glinda is happy. She is now Glinda the Good. She is very popular. Everyone loves her.

Fiyero does not love her. He is very sad. He is still in love with Elphaba. See Fiyero run off. Run, Fiyero, run.

This is Nessarose. She is now the governor of Munchkinland. Her people do not like her. They call her the Wicked Witch of the East. Nessa is not nice. She is mean. She has made Boq her slave.

Elphaba comes to visit Nessa. She wears a nice dress. She is now the Wicked Witch of the West. She lives in hiding. She needs her father's help. "Boo hoo," says Nessa. "Father cannot help you. He is dead."

"Oh, oh," says Elphaba. "Then you can help me." Elphaba claps her hands. She is very happy.

But Nessarose is not happy. She is angry at Elphaba. She wants Elphaba to help her. She wants Elphaba to fix her legs. See Elphaba try to magick Nessa's legs. Magick, Elphaba, magick. See Nessarose get up from her wheelchair. She does not need it now. She can walk. Walk, Nessa, walk. She is very happy.

Boq is not happy. He still loves Glinda. See Boq try to leave Nessa. See Nessa magick Boq. Magick, Nessa, Magick. But Nessa is silly. She does not have powers. She does not know to read the Grimmerie.

See Boq scream. Scream, Boq scream. He is in pain. His heart is shrinking. "Boo, hoo," says Boq. "I do not like you. You hurt me. I am going to die."

"Boo hoo," says Elphaba. "I cannot reverse this spell. I will do another spell. I will turn you into tin."

Boq is not happy. Elphaba is not happy, too. She goes back to the Emerald City. She wants to set the monkeys free. The Wizard still wants Elphaba to work with him. See the Wizard dance. Dance, Wizard, dance. Elphaba is silly. She thinks the Wizard has changed. See the Wizard set the monkeys free. See the monkeys fly in the throne room. Fly, monkeys, fly.

"You tricked me again," says Elphaba. She is not happy. "I do not want to work with you."

But the Wizard is a sneaky man. See the Gale Force barge into the room to save him. Barge, Gale Force, barge. See Fiyero aim a riffle to the Wizard's head. He does not want to save the Wizard. He wants to save Elphaba. See Fiyero and Elphaba escape the throne together. Glinda is very sad. She is crying. Cry, Glinda, cry.

Fiyero and Elphaba are now in the forest. It is dark. They are sitting very close. They are making out. See Fiyero grope Elphaba's thigh. Grope, Fiyero, grope. See them kiss. See them rubbing their noses. See Elphaba giggle. Giggle, Elphaba, giggle. They are very happy. They are in love.

This is a house. It twirls in the sky. Twirl, house, twirl. See the house fall and land on Nessarose. She is now dead. The Munchkinlanders are very happy.

Elphaba is not happy. See her mourn her sister. Mourn, Elphaba, mourn. See Glinda come to comfort her. But Glinda does not comfort Elphaba. She is mad. She is jealous. "You are not nice," says Glinda. "You took Fiyero from me."

"You are blonde and silly," says Elphaba. "He does not love you. He loves me."

Glinda is not happy. See her slap Elphaba. Slap, Glinda, slap. Elphaba laughs. See her slap Glinda and pull her hair. See Glinda snatch Elphaba's hat. See them fight. Fight, Elphaba and Glinda, fight. Don't they look silly?

See the Gale Force break the fight. See them grab Elphaba. Grab, Gale Force, grab. They want to take her to the Wizard. But look there! It is Fiyero. He is swinging on a rope. Swing, Fiyero, swing. See Fiyero aim a riffle to Glinda's head. He has come to save Elphaba. He wants the Gale Force to let her go.

See Elphaba run down the yellow brick road. Run, Elphaba, run. See Fiyero being seized by the Gale Force. They take him away. They hang him on a pole in a field. Glinda screams. Elphaba screams. See them scream together. Scream, Elphaba and Glinda, scream. Elphaba is scared. She wants to save Fiyero. See her find a spell in the Grimmerie. See her do the spell. Does it work? She does not know. She is angry.

The Ozians are angry too. See them gather at the city square. Look how much fun they are having. They go on a witch hunt.

See Glinda sneak into Elphaba's castle. Sneak, Glinda, sneak. She has come to warn Elphaba. She is very scared. See them sing a pretty song. See them hug. They are friends again. See Glinda take the Grimmerie, and hide. The Ozians have come for Elphaba now. They want to kill her.

This is a bucket of water. See Ozians throw the bucket on Elphaba. See her melt. Melt, Elphaba, melt. She is now dead. Everyone is happy.

Glinda is not happy. See her go back to the Wizard's throne. "Boo hoo," says Glinda. "You are not a nice man. You have killed my friend. She was your daughter. I do not want to play with you."

See the Wizard fly in his red balloon. He is going home. Fly, Wizard, fly.

See Madame Morrible. She is now in prison. Look how much fun she is having.

See the Scarecrow. It is a pretty scarecrow. It is Fiyero. Where are you going, Fiyero?

"I am going to find Elphaba. We are running away."

See Glinda on her bubble. She is crying. Elphaba is crying too. Cry, Elphaba and Glinda, cry. See Fiyero and Elphaba leave Oz. Everyone is very happy. Look how much fun they are having.

Wouldn't you like to play like that?