Disclaimer: I don't own A:TLA.

What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me. - Helen Keller

Chapter 16 – Apprehension

Confused, Kaiya followed Iroh in silence. He led her to a small room just past the kitchens.

"Red encourages a healthy appetite." Iroh said as he led her into a small room just past the kitchens. Spare in furnishings as the rest of the ship, this room clearly served as a dining area. A low square table dominated the room. Large red tapestries emblazoned with a single black flame adorned the walls. Even the torches on the wall glowed with the same hue. He motioned for Kaiya to sit.

As soon as they had settled, a servant entered with a steaming pot and three ceramic cups.

"So, what seems to be the problem?"

Kaiya hesitated before lifting her hand, but Iroh stopped her.

"There is no need to show me. Just tell me what you think the problem is."

"Oh, well, I don't really know. In my room, I tried to hold a flame, but instead of rising into the air, the fire formed against my skin."

"You've never had any firebending instruction." It was not a question. "Tell me of any other times you have used your bending."

His gaze fell to the bandages that encircled her wrists. Kaiya saw this and withdrew her hands to hide in her lap under the table.

"I know you caused the burns on your wrists; I want to know of any other instances you have bent fire."

"I've only used my firebending two other times. Once was by accident when I was a child and the other was fighting the men who attacked me, but I wasn't burned either of those times. I don't understand what changed."

Zuko walked in at that moment. If he was surprised to see Kaiya there, he didn't show it. If fact, he seemed to ignore her presence completely.

"Did you say something to the crew, Uncle?" he asked sharply.

"Of course not, Prince Zuko. Why would you think that?"

"They are acting strange," was his short reply.

Iroh did not respond, though Kaiya thought she saw guilt in the smile he hid behind his teacup before he turned back to Kaiya.

"I do not know for certain, but I suspect there will be limits to your bending, certain forms you are unable to perform without injuring yourself."

"Does this happen to other firebenders?" she asked, glancing between the two men.

"No, it does not."

She bowed her head.

"You are different, Kaiya. Under normal circumstances, it is impossible for a firebender to be burnt by his own flame but it would seem that this does not apply to you."

Iroh recognized the look that darkened her face, the self-demeaning judgment that most children inflict upon themselves, the temptation to compare themselves to others.

"Your parentage, I believe, is the cause of this," he paused, seeming to search for the right word, "obstacle."

She nodded without looking up.

"You know that you are not fully Fire Nation. Your mother would have been Water Tribe. Your father..."

The implication hung in the air as a heavy odor. Zuko shifted. Kaiya's hands trembled in her lap.

These were the same conclusions she had reached years before, that her birth had not been a joyous event, but one shameful and hidden, and hearing this spoken of so openly... She felt embarrassed and was not sure why.

"These limits to your bending," Iroh continued despite the prevailing tension, "may not be permanent. Perhaps with training, you can learn how to overcome them. However, if they remain, do not be discouraged. Many things we view in ourselves to be weaknesses or failures often become our greatest strengths. Only time will tell what good may come from this difficulty."

Kaiya felt she was missing something in what Iroh said, but did not fail to notice the slight scowl that passed over Zuko's face.

The next morning, Shin could be found conversing pleasantly with the same girl who threatened his very existence only two days previously.

"How are you feeling today? How is your burn?" he asked as he changed her bandages.

"Actually, it feels a lot better—I can turn my head and lift my arm now—except that these wraps are too tight and it's started itching like a prickly clover rash," Kaiya said, scratching at the edges of the burn that Shin just uncovered.

"You must not do that," he said, swatting her hand away. "The scar is too new; the skin too delicate. These bandages help protect your burn until the scar matures."

"But what will stop this itching?" she moaned as her fingers crept back toward her shoulder while Shin had his back turned.

"Hmm, massaging the area can help lessen itching and sensitivity, but it will likely be uncomfortable at first," he said with a knowing glance over his shoulder that sent Kaiya's hands back to her lap. "Let's just focus on getting through therapy today. Then we'll work on making you more comfortable."

"More therapy?"

"Yes, of course. You're moving well now, but that is only because the scar is young and there's no longer the scab to restrict your movement, but your recovery is far from complete."

Shin proceeded to spend the rest of the day helping Kaiya through exercises to strengthen the muscles her injury had weakened and to increase her range of motion. By the time he left, Shin felt rather satisfied at the progress they had made. Kaiya, on the other hand, was fairly certain she'd passed into the third dimension of hell. She shared this opinion with Shin, loudly.

"Prince Zuko, would you mind helping our young patient with this? I need to do a final inspection on the infirmary before I move everything back in." Shin held out a small container. Zuko hesitated. "You did so well with her treatment before. That and I am under the distinct impression that she would rather not see anymore of me today."

"You began her physical therapy?'

Shin nodded and placed the jar in Zuko's hands.

Zuko knocked before entering. Kaiya lay collapsed on the mattress. She mumbled something into the pillow that covered her face. It sounded suspiciously like, "Go. Away." He ignored this and shut the door behind him, remembering his own scorching reaction to this portion of after-burn care.

"I said, go—" She shut her mouth when she saw who it was and quickly stood to her feet.

"Sit back down. This won't take long."

She remained standing. "What won't take long?"

"I have to put this on your burns," he said simply.

She looked at him, her expression weary. "Will it hurt?" she asked, her voice flat, empty.

"Some."

Her shoulders slumped. She sat heavily upon the edge of the mattress and struggled to pull her tunic over her head. Zuko knelt before her. She kept her eyes averted as he unwrapped her wrists and even when he rubbed the thick, pungent salve onto her skin, she did not look at him.

Zuko rebound her wrists and moved to her side to remove the bandage from the wound on her shoulder. He noticed her blush, but didn't say anything; he was trying to keep his hands from shaking.

The last section of the bandage fell away revealing the bright, angry red that was her scar. Zuko knew that the color would soon darken to a deep russet, darker but no less noticeable.

She shuddered when his hand met the worst of her burn and her temper quickly shifted from resigned to hostile. She drew her breath in a hiss and turned her head away. He heard a string of curses escape her lips and though he was right next to her, could only make out a few of the words; still, he was having a hard time fighting the smirk that tugged at his mouth. There was something decidedly amusing about such colorful language being expelled from such an unassuming form. When he heard something about a cabbage-loving bucket of hogmonkey feathers mixed in with the expletives, his face cracked and he laughed out loud.

Kaiya jumped away from him at the sound.

"What are you laughing at?" she said, a challenge in her voice and her eyes set in a fiery glare.

He composed himself but did not respond. She huffed and got up, moving away from him.

"I'm sorry. I must have forgotten," she fumed facing the wall. "Tormenting the wounded, what better entertainment could there be? War by day, torture by night. There's a Fire Nation creed for you."

Barely a second passed before Zuko grabbed her by her good shoulder and spun her to face him. "Fine!" he screamed in her face. "You want to lose the use of your arm? Because that's what will happen if I don't do this." He roughly wrapped her shoulder and was halfway out the door when a small hand gripped his arm from behind.

"Wait. I'm sorry. It's just that..." Cautiously, she stepped closer. "I just don't want to hurt anymore. I want the pain to stop." She laid her head against his back, her forehead resting between his shoulders. For a moment, he stood there breathing hard, angry and unresponsive. Finally, she took an awkward step away, releasing his arm.

Zuko stood there a moment more before he turned around, his expression changed. "The pain never goes away," he said softly.

"...but it does get better."

Kaiya got the impression that they were not talking about just burns and scars anymore.

Kaiya awoke to find that they had reached port sometime during the night, a full day earlier than expected. From her window, she could see the crowded dusty streets of the busy port. The morning sun glared harsh, forbidding as it counted down the moments until Kaiya's departure.

Iroh had already been to town and back when he came to Kaiya's room with a small parcel in his hands.

"You can't expect me to allow you to leave wearing one of my favorite shirts, now can you?" he said with a chuckle as Kaiya untied the package and gasped in surprise.

They were clothes, the most beautiful clothes, rich in color and texture.

"Well, try them on," Iroh prompted indulgently. "I'll wait outside."

Speechless, Kaiya obeyed. The first item was fine knee-length cloak made of deep maroon-dyed muslin. The clasp, a small wooden toggle, was offset to the left so that when the cloak was worn open, pushed back over the shoulders, the weight of the garment would rest on that side, away from her injury. Kaiya smiled at the thought put into its selection. Setting it aside, she pulled out a pair of brown linen pants. They were roomy and the drawstring waist allowed them to hang comfortably from her hips. The next item confused her until she laid it out across the bed and its design was revealed. It was a one-shoulder undershirt made of red silk, not the slick, shiny variety, this was soft as velvet and whisper light. Once on, the lower edge of her bandages merely grazed the bias neckline. She would no longer need to disrobe every time her wound needed tending. The last article in the package was a thin, thigh-length tunic, red and long-sleeved with slits on both sides for movement. She slipped this on and pulled on her old boots.

Fully dressed, she took a step back, a slight frown on her face. She had not expected such lovely gifts, nor had she anticipated the rush of emotions that now overtook her. Her hands shook as she opened the door.

Iroh spread his arms in a gesture of compliment, but Kaiya took it as an open invitation. She was sniffing into his shirt before he had a chance to speak.

"Thank you," she whispered again and again, as tears choked her voice.

Iroh hushed her gently, a large, warm hand at her back. When she had calmed, she seemed stricken about her outburst.

"Kaiya?"

She shook her head and turned away.

"Kaiya."

"Why, why would you do this for me?"

Iroh considered responding with some ancient wisdom of an individual's worth, some proverb that she would most likely not understand for many years.

"It was a pleasure to shop for such a lovely young lady. Zuko would hardly appreciate the detail."

Her eyes still shining, she turned to him and smiled.

"Come, Shin is waiting for us on deck."

Author's Note

I dedicate this chapter to MacFie. Your desperate plea for more regular updates really made me feel lousy for neglecting this story for so long. Guilt seems to be a rather effective motivator for me.

Thanks so much, everyone for your supportive reviews, but really, if you see any fault in my writing, don't hesitate to share. While I love praise, it is the critically honest reviews that really help me hone my craft.

:)Taffy