Title: Testing a Theory
Author: Akuni
Universe: Bleach
Genre: Humour, Romance
Rating: NC-17 (smut!)
Pairing: Renji/Ichigo; implied Orihime/Rukia (off-screen); unrequited pairs: Renji+Rukia, Ichigo+Orihime, and Orihime+Ichigo (all off-screen)
Spoilers: minor for SS arc
Word Count: 1808

Summary: Renji and Ichigo try to figure things out when Rukia and Orihime find… each other?

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.
Distribution: Crossposted eventually to bleachyaoi, kurosakiclinic, asteriskplus, and renxichi. Please ask if you want to share it. :)

Dedication: To anyone who's ever done anything even half as unexpected as this while drunk, hehe!

A/N: Another dusty WIP that decided it wanted to be finished last week – I didn't want to post two fics in a row though, so I had to wait. I still have no idea where this came from – I think maybe I was drinking when I thought it up, lol! Thx Shelagh for checking it over and talking me into posting it. :)

"What do they see in each other?" Renji grumbled. Beside him Ichigo shrugged and lifted his cup again.

"I dunno, maybe we should make a list," Ichigo gurgled, trying to talk and drink at the same time. He wound up choking and spluttering, and Renji had to whack him on the back several times before he could draw a clear breath.

"Good idea," Renji agreed.

Ichigo blinked at him blearily. "What?"

Renji waved his arm in the general direction of Ichigo's desk. "Make a list!"

Ichigo's face brightened as though this was the most brilliant idea in the world, and he crawled toward his desk on hands and knees. Pulling himself up to the chair, Ichigo swept an armful of paper and pencils off the desk and onto the floor, then dropped down again and crawled back toward his cup.

Renji would've laughed if he wasn't so miserable; Ichigo with his walls down was a hell of a lot more fun than the usual scowling, uptight Ichigo who always had the weight of saving the world on his shoulders. Of course, they both carried a different weight now.

Instead of laughing, Renji just poured them both another round and stretched out beside Ichigo, who was pulling the papers into an untidy stack.

"Ok, we're making a list!" Ichigo announced, scooting closer until their sides were pressed together so they could both see the page.

"Right! You're supposed to put 'pro' and 'con' at the top, like in that movie we saw." Renji tapped his finger on the paper, accidentally poking a hole in it. "Oops."

"Don't wreck our list, you jerk!"

"Sorry!"

"Ok…pro…and con," Ichigo wrote, remarkably legibly considering his state. "We know what the cons are," he said with a comedic grimace. "They're not with us!"

"Put that." Renji wiggled his finger at the con column. "They're not with us."

"Not…with…us." Ichigo looked at the page for a moment, and then looked up at Renji. "I suppose we gotta be fair and do both sides, right?"

"Not really." Renji wasn't in the mood to be fair. The woman he'd loved for years had run off with the woman who'd loved Ichigo for years. That was just too fucked up for fair.

"We're smart," Ichigo argued. "We can think of good reasons!"

"Well…" Renji thought about it. "They've got boobs," he pointed out.

"How's that a plus?" Ichigo asked, gnawing the end of his pencil.

Exasperated, Renji grabbed another pencil off the floor – it took three tries – and scribbled on their list. "They've both got boobs," he clarified. "Boobs are good. We like boobs, so two sets must be better than one, right?"

Understanding lit Ichigo's face. "Ahh, right! Boobs are very good," he agreed. He looked at the list again. "What else?"

Renji scratched his head. "Hmm. Well, I guess… I guess it'd be easier to figure out what to do, since they got all the same, uh, equipment."

"How would that help?" Ichigo's brow furrowed suddenly in confusion. "How do two women do it, anyway? I mean, there's no… er…"

Renji shrugged. "No idea, but at least they got all the same bits to practice on themselves."

Ichigo's face twisted. "Pervert!" The pink in his cheeks was entirely different from the rosy, alcohol-induced glow that had been there previously.

"No really, think about it," Renji said earnestly. "If you were with another guy, you'd know what to do, right?"

"I like girls!" Ichigo flushed brighter and he emptied his cup in a hurry.

"I know that, dumbass," Renji scoffed, refilling his friend's cup. "But just imagine. Guy's got all the same bits, an' ya know what feels good on yourself right, so ya got a pretty good idea what'll feel good for him."

"I can't believe you want me to think about havin' sex with a guy. You're supposed to be one of my best friends, and friends don't talk about this shit!" Ichigo's scowl was back.

Renji barely had time to process this startling revelation – Ichigo regarded him that highly? – when he was shoved roughly over, and he fell heavily onto his back.

"Hey!" he protested. "Of course they do, who else ya gonna talk about it with?" Renji demanded, rolling over again and shoving back in retaliation. "You're gettin' uptight again. I like ya way better when you're just yourself."

The next thing Renji knew he was being tackled by a hurt and angry Ichigo. They rolled across the floor, drunk and uncoordinated, stopping abruptly when they crashed into the side of Ichigo's bed. Ichigo collapsed on top of him, shaking, and it took Renji a few seconds to realize that his friend was actually laughing. Neither of them had laughed since Renji could remember.

He had no idea what made him do it. Maybe it was the booze, or maybe it was the overwhelming sense of relief that if Ichigo could move past it, then so could he. Whatever the reason, Renji didn't bother picking one before he wrapped his arms around the giggling man sprawled on top of him and hugged him tightly.

Ichigo just kept laughing against his neck, and to his surprise Renji found himself laughing right along with him. In response, Ichigo returned the embrace; it was awkward from his position on top of Renji, but he wasn't pushing away.

It was cathartic. Their laughter was a bit hysterical, and Renji felt tears prickling his eyes as they clung to each other, but it was cleansing. When they finally wound down after a couple of minutes, Renji felt oddly light. Free.

Renji relaxed his grip when Ichigo pushed himself up onto his elbow. "You ok?" he asked as Ichigo swiped a hand across his eyes.

"I think so." Still half lying on top of him, Ichigo met his gaze with slightly reddened eyes, and gave him a lopsided grin. "Sorry 'bout that."

Renji grinned back and shook his head. "Nah. S'what friends do, right? Think we needed that as much's we needed the booze." His arms were still halfway around Ichigo, so Renji gave his friend a comforting pat on the shoulder.

"Yeah." Ichigo made a face. "Still sucks, though. Just 'cause they've got all the same bits – how's that a good reason?"

"I dunno. I wonder what it's like," Renji mused.

"Maybe we should find out," Ichigo suggested airily.

"Wha—mmph!" At first Renji couldn't figure out why he'd stopped speaking, but when he did he utterly forgot what he was saying anyway.

Ichigo was kissing him.

Renji's mind reeled, unable to make sense of the idea that Ichigo's lips were on his – warm lips, moving, pressing curiously. Something stirred inside him, and he stopped trying to make sense of it when he realized… he was kissing Ichigo back.

Renji tightened his arms around Ichigo when he felt a hand grip the side of his head. They rolled as the kiss deepened, lying side by side, legs tangling together just as their tongues began a similar dance.

Head swimming, Renji was utterly incapable of logic – so he went with his instincts, which told him to sit back and enjoy the ride. And he was enjoying it very much. As they wriggled together, arms and legs moving and clinging to anywhere and everywhere they could reach, their groins were in constant contact. The heady mix of booze and kissing and friction had given Renji an immediate erection, and the need to relieve the unbearable tightness was overwhelming.

The way Ichigo was thrusting his own arousal against him just made Renji want it more. Renji shoved his hand between their tightly pressed bodies, and fumbled at the buttons of their jeans.

"What're we doin'?" Ichigo gasped into his mouth even as his hand slid up into Renji's hair, dislodging the tie and sending it springing away to the other side of the room.

"Testin' a theory," Renji replied breathlessly, yanking open Ichigo's pants and hauling them down his thighs. When he pulled out of the kiss and reached for his own pants, Ichigo's hand knocked his away and then—

Bare skin connected, smooth and hot, and Ichigo's low moan in his ear shot pure lust straight to Renji's aching groin. Renji lifted his hips as Ichigo continued tugging at his pants, until they were down to his knees and then it was only skin against skin and the press of hard flesh between them.

Renji groaned and fisted one hand in the orange hair, pulling Ichigo's head back up and bringing Ichigo's mouth back in range of his own. The other hand he clamped on Ichigo's bare buttocks, fondling and squeezing as it flexed with every push. He licked at Ichigo's teeth, intent on tasting every corner, and groaned again as Ichigo sucked his tongue right into his mouth.

Renji thrust with him as the pleasure built inside, not bothering to hold back the sounds escaping his throat. He could feel the noises Ichigo made as well as hear them, and he burned hotter knowing Ichigo was undone because of him. Ichigo's hand crept up his shirt, fingers digging into the muscles of Renji's back and pulling harder, his hips moving faster even as his tongue slowed its exploration of Renji's.

The feel of bare skin and the body writhing next to his had the tension coiling impossibly tight inside him, and it was almost too much for Renji to take any longer. Ichigo began to shake, and he fell out of the kiss with a strangled cry. Renji felt Ichigo shudder and stiffen against him, felt Ichigo's warm release coating their bellies, and it snapped the tension; he buried his face in Ichigo's neck as he bucked hard and came at last. It shook him all the way to his toes, and it was an effort to press only his lips and not his teeth into the soft skin when Ichigo held him tighter.

When they finally stilled, Renji sucked in a deep breath, trying to bring his twitching limbs under control, but for several seconds all he could do was cling to Ichigo and try to make the world stop spinning. The realization of what they'd just done crashed down over him, and Renji wondered why he wasn't more disturbed.

After a moment they rolled apart, sprawling bonelessly over the crumpled papers. No amount of alcohol could keep them drunk enough after that. Harsh pants faded to gentle breaths, and the silence grew heavier the longer it lasted. At last they turned nervous, bloodshot eyes on each other.

"I don't like you or anything," Ichigo stated. Renji heard the lie in his voice, and he bit back a grin as he played along.

"Right back atcha."

Ichigo looked thoughtful for a moment. "But I think I'd like if we could do it again now."

Renji paused. "Yeah, ok."

END