kerspazz!! i'm alive!! and i have a new chapter written!! yes... i know you all prolly want to kill me and i truly am sorry.. there is no excuse... it just hasnt been my top priority lately wat with school and all and i've been having serious writers block... so yeah... anyway... i really hope those of you who are still willing to put up with my madness enjoy this chapter... can't say when the next one will be up because i have no idea what to write about... so if anyone has ideas, please lemme know!! thanks a bunch you guys!! enjoy!
disclaimer: I own nothing...
Chapter 2
"Oh shite…"
"Come on now guys… you don't want to get detention on the first day do you?" Remus, always the voice of reason, said carefully.
"Aww… quit being such a perfect prefect, Moony!" James whined.
"Ooh nice alliteration there Prongsie, you would do your mother proud."
Peter chortled before piping up. "Perfect prefect Moony, PP for short, eh Padfoot?"
Sirius patted him on the head "Aye, but 'tis a sad state of acronymity with which it is donned upon our dear ickle Remmikins. For it means that he is no longer, truly, Moony…" Wailing, he flung himself onto James' shoulder. "What say you Prongsie? Is there any hope left?"
"Padfoot," Remus said, shaking his head bemusedly. "Acronymity is not a word."
"SHH SHH!" Sirius waved a silencing hand at him. "No speaking until the verdict is passed!"
Lily, who had been watching these acquisitions amusedly until now, spoke up.
"Verdict? What are we passing judgment on him or something?"
"In a sense…" Remus said dejectedly.
"I said no talking!" Sirius said, poking Lily with his wand.
"Don't make me break that wand in half, Black."
Sirius quickly withdrew his wand and clutched it to his chest protectively.
"You wouldn't."
"Oh, trust me, I would." Lily smiled slyly. "First though, I would strip it; peel that 60 galleon varnish off with my fingernails. Then, I would set it fire and let it char. I think a black wand would be suiting, don't you?"
Sirius looked aghast, and just held his wand tighter.
"Prongs, Prongsie boy, did you hear what your sadistic love god wants to do to Bartleby? You've got to stop her!"
Lily had turned rather red. "Sadistic love god?! How dare you! When you go around all year picking up birds and-" She stopped mid-rant as something struck her.
"Did you just call your wand 'Bartleby'?"
"I assured him it was a very sophisticated name for a wand," Remus said, trying miserably to restrain his laughter.
Lily looked about ready to burst.
"You named your wand…"
"Yeah, so, what of it?" Sirius said defensively.
James, Remus and Peter were all obviously laughing now and it was clear Lily was trying her best to keep it together.
"Well, you see, it's not actually alive. It's just a piece of wood."
"SHH!" Sirius said, appalled. "Are you trying to hurt his feelings?" He lowered his voice to a soft croon and cradled his wand in his arms. "Don't listen to a thing that mean, old lady says. She's just a heartless cyborg with no true feelings. Shh… it's okay."
The entire compartment aside from Lily erupted in laughter.
"Heartless cyborg?!" Lily was fuming. "It's a twig for Merlin's sake!"
"Lily," James said, still laughing. "He didn't mean any harm by it, he just gets a bit protective."
She whirled about to face James.
"Oh so now your taking his side!"
James grinned. "Of course not, I love sadistic cyborgs much more than wand-loving purebloods."
At this, Remus and Peter both began laughing even harder, while Sirius and Lily began loudly admonishing James.
"Why does everyone keep insulting me?!"
"Who cares?!"
"Shut it, Black!"
"NEVER!"
"James, I'm your girlfriend!"
"James, I'm your best friend!"
James was looking wildly between the two as if watching a tennis match, a grin still plastered on his face.
"You know, I think I know how to solve this." Remus was attempting to get a word in edgewise.
"Quiet Moony, this doesn't involve you!" Sirius retorted angrily, still glaring at Lily.
"No! Let's hear what Remus has to say!" Lily said. They all turned to look at him, Lily and Sirius both quite red in the face, James and Peter still smiling merrily.
"Well," Remus started, uncomfortably aware of all the eyes on him. "Weren't we in the middle of a demonstration? I was rather looking forward to it."
"Demonstration?" Lily asked, but realization dawned on the faces of James and Sirius.
"Right you are, Moony," James said, eyes alight with mischief. He had drawn his wand.
"Right indeed," agreed Sirius, whose angry scowl had been replaced with a grin to match James'.
"Demonstration."
"Oh buggering hell!" Lily said, slapping a palm to her forehead. "Remus you're a prefect!"
"And so are you," he replied, smiling.
"Argh! James stop this! I don't want to give you detention!"
But it was too late. James and Sirius had their wands risen and had a look of pure excitement on their faces.
"On three Padfoot. One, two… THREE!"
With speed Lily didn't know they had, they moved about the compartment. James was waving his wand intricately through the air, muttering something under his breath that Lily recognized as a volume charm, and Sirius was perched by the door, wand stuck out into the corridor. After checking to see that no one was walking past, he whispered a spell that Lily didn't quite catch, and an ominous orange light went jetting off down the train.
Carefully sliding the door shut, Sirius returned to his seat, looking very accomplished indeed, and a few seconds later James plopped down next to him. They both tucked their wands away before sitting quietly in anticipation.
Lily was baffled.
"Well, I'm not sure what was supposed to happen, but I must say that was entirely melodramatic."
"It's not over yet," Remus whispered.
"Oh no…" Sirius said, bouncing slightly on the seat. "It's barely started."
Lily turned to James.
"What in Merlin's name are they talking about?" she asked, though sounding slightly more apprehensive.
"Just wait…" James too was bouncing. "Any second now… wait for it… wait for it…"
Lily found herself dead silent; though what she was listening for she wasn't sure. Then, as if carried by an invisible breeze, she heard it.
"AAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"
The Marauders all lost it. Sirius had fallen on the floor in utter hysterics. Remus and Peter were both leaning against the wall of the compartment in order to stay upright, and James was pumping his fists in the air like he had just won the House Cup.
"What did you do?!" Lily asked, rather startled. The scream had been high-pitched and girly, and sounded rather terrified.
But James just shook his head and placed a shushing finger over his lips.
She waited again, as the laughter died to stray chuckles, to hear what came next. Just as she was about to ask what the hell was going on, the voice came again.
"POTTER AND BLACK YOU WILL DIE TODAY!"
This time even Lily joined in the laughter. She could place the voice now, and it all seemed to make sense.
Bugger they are so dead… she thought, as James and Sirius high-fived each other.
"What happens now?" she asked Remus.
"Oh he'll probably come stomping down to our compartment and demand a duel," Remus said delightedly.
Lily shook her head. Such nonsense.
It wasn't two minutes later that they heard the mad footsteps of one rather irate Slytherin. He was obviously furious, and was making his way loudly to their compartment, screaming curses all the way.
James, Remus, and Sirius had all drawn their wands and were standing, ready to fight. Lily too, had her wand drawn, but to protect herself from any stray curses that might find her.
Suddenly, the compartment door burst open to reveal one Severus Snape, stark naked aside from the blue striped boxers that had been hastily pulled on. He had robes in one hand and his wand in another, and was looking almost purple with rage.
Sirius spoke first.
"Ahh, Snivellus. Always a pleasure. I expect your summer went well then?"
"Shut it Black!" He glanced around madly and his eyes found Lily.
There was a flash of what she thought was regret in his eyes, but it was soon replaced with hatred.
"I see you're associating with mudbloods as well as filthy beasts now, Potter." He sneered.
"Don't you dare use that word to my face, you greasy git!" James roared.
"And shut your mouth about Remus! He's more of a man than you'll ever be!" Sirius was just as furious as Snape now.
"Sirius, really now." Remus said calmly. "There's no need for flattery."
He turned to Snape.
"Although I do think that dirty mouth of yours could use a good cleaning. Scourgify!"
A stream of soapy water shot out of Remus' wand and into Snape's mouth.
"Good one, Moony!" Sirius yelled, clapping him on the back. "But now it's my turn. Levicorpus!" he shouted, holding Snape in the air by one ankle before he had any chance to react. His wand was still clutched tightly in his hand however, and he cast a nonverbal trip jinx at Sirius, causing him to fall flat on his face.
James, now angry again, hit Snape with Rictusempra, causing him to double over in mid-air with laughter.
Remus had helped Sirius up, and they were both staring at Snape with a sort of grotesque fascination.
"Bloody hell, Prongs…" Sirius said, shaking his head. "That face is just not meant for smiling."
Remus shuddered.
"Point taken…" James said, and released the spell.
Snape was panting and his face had turned rather red from being held upside down for so long. James, Sirius and Remus were all wearing a look of grim accomplishment and Peter was shuffling around behind them, safe from the danger of curses. Lily was still sitting with her wand out in the corner seat, not sure what she was feeling.
James had picked up Snape's wand and was twirling it in his free hand, and Sirius was staring up at Snape with pure loathing.
"So, what'll it be Snivellus? Shall the tormenting continue?"
Snape just sneered and spat so it landed on Sirius' face.
"AUGH!!" Sirius yelled, frantically wiping at his face to remove the Snape germs.
After sufficient cleanliness was achieved he raised his wand again.
"Oh now you've done it…" James said, shaking his head. "There'll be no stopping him now."
A large crowd had gathered by this time and they were all watching as Sirius planned his next attack.
"Sirius," Remus warned. "McGonagall could be here any minute. Maybe we should just leave it be."
"Oh hush, ickle Prefect." Sirius said, waving him off. "It's all in good fun. Besides, dear old bespectacled would never sully her hands with such trivial matters."
"Uhh… Padfoot.." James said, tapping Sirius on the shoulder.
"Yes, Prongs?"
"Just thought I would alert you to the newest member of our esteemed audience."
"Ooh!" Sirius turned around. "Is it that cute Ravenclaw girl from the-"
He stopped dead.
"Hello, Mr. Black."
Sirius blinked a few times before regaining his composure.
"Minnie my darling! So good to see you!" He said, playing up his charm.
"I must say I cannot return the sentiment." McGonagall said coolly.
"Ouch…" James whispered.
"Ah! My heart!" Sirius clapped a hand to his chest. "You wound me Minnie, my love."
"Well you can lick your wounds in detention, Mr. Black." She replied swiftly and released Snape from the levicorpus spell. "Mr. Snape and Mr. Potter, you as well." She turned to Remus. "And Mr. Lupin, you are a prefect, do try to remember that."
"Yes ma'am…" Remus muttered, looking ashamed.
"What?!" Snape yelled. "The beast and the mudblood don't get detention?"
"Mr. Snape!" McGonagall said shrilly, looking angrier by the minute. "You should know better than to use such words in my presence! Double detention!"
Sirius and James both wore a triumphant look, but Remus remained staring at his feet.
"Mr. Lupin, am I to believe that you too were part of this attack?" McGonagall asked him.
Remus nodded.
McGonagall sighed. "Very well then. You shall join your friends and Mr. Snape in detention. She turned to Lily. "Miss Evans, you as well?"
"No!" James shouted. "Lily didn't do anything!"
"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "She's totally innocent."
"Mr. Snape?" McGonagall inquired.
James and Sirius glared at him, daring him to lie.
He shook his head.
"Well, it's good to know one of my prefects has some sense." McGonagall said. "It is good to see you again Miss Evans."
"And you professor…" Lily replied weakly.
"Now then, I think you boys have done enough damage for one day. Mr. Snape, if you will please return to your compartment and remain there until we arrive at school." She glanced down at the striped boxers. "You might want to put on some robes as well." She turned. "That goes for all of you as well!" She said, gesturing to the crowd gathered.
"The staying in your compartment," James said, grinning. "Not the robes."
"Thank you, Mr. Potter, for clarifying that." She said with a glare, which she then directed to the crowd.
They all scampered away as quickly as possible.
McGonagall turned back to Marauders. "You will all serve detention tomorrow night. Be in my office no later than 8 o'clock sharp or face another detention. Good day." And with that she turned and walked briskly back to the teacher's compartment, agonizing over the year to come.
"Haven't even reached the school and they're already causing mischief. And Remus as well… such a shame." She mumbled to herself. "And Lily Evans! With Potter and Black! What is this world coming to I ask you…"
Suddenly, she stopped mid-step.
"Lily Evans… with James Potter…" Realization hit her like a wave.
"Merlin this is going to be a long year…"
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