Aha, I'm back, quite soon, actually, which is good because school is about to get crazy.
I still don't own any of the characters, except Gwen. Also I use a line from one of the songs by "flight of the conchords." kudos to whoever finds it!
Also, this fic is rated T, but there is a bit of sexual language. The rating may change depending on your reaction.
With that said, read, review, and enjoy!
Chapter One: Meet The Colonel.
Gwen Prewett smiled as she thought back to that pumpkin filled day. After several showers, she had finally managed to get all of the pumpkin out of her hair. She remembered feeling very waterlogged, normally wavy red hair still plastered down, and she felt as though she'd been out in the rain.
This didn't seem to bother her Sirius Black, who found her as he was passing through the Common Room, he took her hand, and followed him eagerly. "The Astronomy Tower, Sirius?"
"It's a clear night, we'll see the stars." Sirius grinned. "When we take a breather."
Gwen bit her lip, looking up mischievously at Sirius. He gave her a smug half-grin that, months earlier, she would've easily ignored, and yet now, now she could feel herself flushing, her heart racing. Everything she called a ridiculous romanticized idea was happening to her. "Do we count snogging while covered in pumpkin? Because I think I got more pumpkin than snog."
"If not, then I've been waiting months to do this. It'll probably be better than pumpkin snogs." Sirius smirked before pressing his lips on hers. He had to remember to restrain himself, at least at first. He brought her closer, resting his hands on her hips, and she finally relaxed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.
Gwen didn't have the foggiest idea as to when Sirius would decide it was time to go back, and she didn't seem to care, especially since his hands were roaming, and it was causing her to neglect her snogging technique.
It may have been an hour into their snogfest, Gwen didn't know, but Sirius was becoming a bit more daring as to where his hands were going. She pushed him away after his hands wandered, his fingers running across the waistband of her jeans. "Sirius, stop."
"Er..sorry." Sirius mumbled, not looking at her. "Got carried away. You, you didn't say anything the first time. So I just assumed that it was-"
She looked up at him. "Assumed that because we've been kissing for, well, a long time, that you'll be getting more than that?"
"Well, erm...yeah. The challenge is over after all." Sirius smirked. "And it's like an unwritten rule of snogging."
"It's not a contract, Sirius." Gwen replied, her face completely serious. "I mean, honestly, just because you've spent an hour exploring my mouth, doesn't automatically mean you can, er, take it south."
Sirius grinned. "Clever." And he tried to resume by kissing her neck, but she gently pushed him away, her cheeks very pink.
"And I'm being serious." She replied. "And don't make a joke out of that."
"Right." He laughed before kissing her forehead. "I'll remember that from now on."
"Thank you." She smiled. "And, Sirius? You're going to need to shave, you scratched my face all evening with that stubble."
"I like the stubble, makes me look look rugged for the ladies." Sirius grinned, though he saw Gwen's expression. "But seeing as I only have the one, the best one, I should say, I'll shave."
Gwen did not feel the least bit different when she woke up the next morning. After a shower, she donned her school robes and went down to the Common Room, where Dorcas and Cassandra were waiting for her.
"So, how was snogging Sirius? I'm guessing that since you didn't come in until half ten last night, that you both did a bit more than that, didn't you?" Cassandra asked, grinning wickedly at her ginger friend.
"Actually, we didn't do any more snogging when we were both covered in pumpkin. You'd be surprised how smelly pumpkin gets after about an hour. Sticky, too." Gwen made a noise of disgust. "I took about three showers yesterday, I had it all in my hair, and then I'd keep finding it in my ears."
"You still haven't told us what kind of a snog Sirius is." Dorcas prodded as they walked out of the portrait hole.
"A really good one, I hope." Sirius answered, as he exited behind them. He grinned at Dorcas and Cassandra, before slipping by them to take Gwen's hand. "You girls don't mind that I take her from you, do you?"
Gwen gave her friends a genuinely elated smile, lacing her fingers in Sirius'. "They won't mind."
"Feels great doesn't it?" Sirius seemed to have a new spring in his step as they made their way down to the Great Hall. "Not having to worry about Moony lurking about in dark corners, being able to snog you whenever I want."
"Whenever you want? What if I don't want a snog." Gwen replied, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Oh, Gwen, you really can't say no to a snog from me. Come on, after yesterday?" Sirius grinned, as they stood outside of the doors to the Great Hall.
She turned to face him, and had only the vaguest notion that she was about to back into the wall before she hit it as he pressed forward. "Sirius, you've got to learn a bit of humility." Gwen replied, though her playful tone of voice practically gave her away.
He used one hand to prop himself up against the wall, his other brushing away a few damp strands of Gwen's flame coloured hair from her face. Then he lifted her chin, bringing her mouth to his. After several moments, a few whooping, hollering, boos and hisses from passersby, Sirius pulled away, grinning smugly. "If you could see yourself, Gwen, oh if you could see yourself."
"Shut up, you never did any of that lip nibbling yesterday." She replied, still a bit dazed.
"See, why be humble when you know I'm amazing?" Sirius smirked, his face still very close to hers.
"Glad to know that you shaved." Gwen said before kissing his cheek. Sirius gave her an Eskimo kiss, to which she responded with a quick kiss on the lips.
"Causing a scene so early in the morning, Sirius? Somehow I'm not surprised." James called from the staircase. Lily was walking next to him, craning her neck to see Sirius and Gwen.
"What, you going to put me in detention for snogging? The horror...a detention." Sirius laughed. "And besides, it would be awfully hypocritical coming from Mr. 'Look-At-Me-I'm-Head-Boy-Dating-Lily-Evans.'"
"Sirius, you go on with James so that Lily and I can talk about you tossers." Gwen stated, looking mischievous. Sirius grinned at her, and he eagerly put an arm around James, both boys looking positively proud of themselves.
"He's been absolutely horrid, Sirius." Gwen said, though smiling. "Bragging about how amazing he is at snogging. And James?"
"He's a great snog." Lily replied quickly. She looked at Gwen, who wore a surprised, yet amused, grin. "Oh, you meant...right. Well, erm, he's actually sort of paid attention to things he's done. I usually hate having doors opened for me and everything, but when he does it, it's so...endearing. And funny when he forgets."
"Sirius'll be expecting...he'll be expecting something he hasn't had in a while, I'm guessing." Gwen replied, though she lowered her voice to tell Lily this. "Honestly, I don't think I'm quite ready."
"Then tell him." Lily suggested bluntly. "If he doesn't take it well, then… maybe he wasn't worth the effort if he doesn't listen to you."
While Lily and Gwen discussed the finer points of having to deal with the two most rambunctious Marauders for an indeterminate period of time, the Marauders were having a conversation of their own.
"Look at them. They're talking about us you know." James muttered under his breath, as he piled several pieces of toast on his plate. "Sirius?"
"He's got the 'glazed over fantasy' look in his eyes, he's been lost for quite a while." Peter commented.
"Oh god, Sirius, snap out of it." James muttered.
"Hmm." Was his reply. "I wonder."
"Wonder what...or should I just let you continue to think out loud and hope for the best?" James asked.
"Yes. That would be, wow, two gingers…might be too intense." Sirius mused, his incoherent sentences seemed to make sense to James, who dropped his knife and turned to see what Sirius was looking at.
"What's wrong with this lot?" Remus asked, taking the empty seat next to Sirius.
"Fantasy time." Peter replied, shaking his head.
Sirius felt a very painful kick which snapped him out of his rather dirty daydream. "That was interesting."
"Don't share. Not interested. Especially if it's coming from you. And don't turn that into some kind of foul dirty joke, because...because I said so." Remus said very quickly.
"Padfoot, I have the feeling we were thinking the same thing." James grinned. "If it involves two gingers, yourself, well, myself in my case, and being locked up in a rather large broom shed-"
"-Same song, different verse. We were in the bath." Sirius grinned. "Dunno, though, it'll be too much even for me, two gingers, I mean, imagine if something went horribly wrong."
"It's the myth of the gingers, fiery in all aspects of the word." James grinned.
"I have completely lost my appetite." Remus groaned.
That evening, Sirius and Gwen had moved from their usual table at the library to a secluded 'group study' room, mainly because Sirius didn't want to hear snickering from immature first years when he felt like giving Gwen a quick snog.
After their third break from studying in the last half hour, Sirius sat back in his chair to study Gwen. "Gwen, would you be open to a proposition?"
"What kind of proposition? Coming from you, I have an idea, but I'd have to answer after you tell me. You are a complete nutter and I don't know what I'd be getting myself into." Gwen smirked.
"Well, you know, every man has his fantasies-"
"Oh god." Gwen interrupted.
Sirius continued, "-mine just happens to involve you and a certain Lily Evans."
"Oh, Sirius, no!" She exclaimed. "A thousand times no!"
"Not even for me?" Sirius pouted. "It would make me ridiculously happy."
"What if we completely neglected you?" She asked, no hint of amusement in her tone of voice.
"That, I'd have to get James for." Sirius smirked. He saw Gwen roll her eyes and returned to her parchment, shaking her head. "Oh come on, Gwen, like you don't have any sort of fantasies? Everyone's got a fantasy."
He didn't expect Gwen to respond, or to be smiling when she did so. "I do." He looked at her dumbstruck, and she took it as a sign to continue. "It maybe involves you, me, and Remus, though sometimes it's been James, and that one's in the showers. But it's mostly Remus, in the library, on books, and strategically placed doilies."
"You're not serious, are you?" He asked, completely stunned.
"It's never been all three of you, though." She mused, staring off at something in the distance. "That would be weird, I think."
"You are serious." He answered his own question eyes wider than galleons.
"You're Sirius." She replied. "Good god, I hate when I do that."
"You're actually telling me-"
"-oh Sirius, shut up." Gwen laughed. "It's time for another study break."
After that last session, Gwen completely shifted her focus back to her essay, though Sirius, still on a high from being able to snog her, with the occasional frisk thrown in, was still intent on bothering her. "So, Gwen-"
"Not now Sirius, Arithmancy first." She said, not looking up from her parchment, furiously writing a line through what appeared to be a rubbish sentence.
Sirius waited patiently, neglecting his own homework. She sighed, putting her quill down, and looked at him. "Oh, right. Well, the question here is, my fair Gwen, when are we going-"
"-I'm not ready." She blurted out.
Sirius blinked, trying to come up with a response. "Right. No, that's fine-"
"I've never- erm...you know." Gwen muttered.
"Ah." He nodded, finally understanding. "Right."
"So, er, you understand that I want to take things a bit slow, right?" She struggled to find the right words, pausing every so often, and feeling positively warm in the face. Though, this could have been because Sirius was running his lips along her jawline, yes, that was probably it.
"Yeah." Sirius sighed. "The Colonel is a bit disappointed."
"Excuse me, who?" Gwen asked, looking around the room. She looked at Sirius, whose eyes darted down to the crotch of his pants. "Merlin... honestly, Sirius?"
"Not Merlin, The Colonel." Sirius smirked. "Looks as though it'll be a while till the right hand man is retired from being his master and commander." He muttered.
"You. You are...insane." Gwen said slowly, eyes wide.
"The right and left lieutenants will regretfully have to wait for orders." Sirius continued, apparently not listening as he continued to ramble with colourful euphemisms for his already nicknamed nether regions..
"Honestly, are all of you like this?" She asked, incredulously.
----
Sirius walked into the dormitory later that night, however, looking far more smug than he had when he woke up that morning. "Hello boys."
"You and Gwen didn't- in the library?" Remus looked offended. "The library is my only sanctuary from your torrid escapades, Padfoot. Knowing that you've soiled its pristine halls-"
"Better hope that they didn't do it on your precious books." Peter laughed. "Or that there were doilies involved!" He was absolutely rolling with laughter.
"I hate you. I hate you both." Remus fumed.
"We didn't shag in the library." Sirius interrupted.
"If they didn't shag in the library, they probably snogged, Remus." Peter grinned, as he saw Remus shudder. "In the library...on your books." He added for effect. "Speaking of books, I left one downstairs in the Common Room."
Sirius grinned. "And The Colonel made a new friend today."
James came into the dormitory just as Peter left, and, without pause said "Padfoot, I really think you're mental for giving your willy a name like 'The Colonel'. Honestly, mad. Why are you referring to The Colonel anyway? Or am I better off not knowing?"
"Better off not knowing" Was said at the same time as;
"Gwen said she wasn't quite ready for a shag, but she was quite eager to meet The Colonel. Suppose she wanted to get acquainted." Sirius grinned. "Ah, bless her."
"I should never have ended this challenge. You were actually tolerable, Padfoot." Remus replied, a grin breaking through his serious tone. "God, can't imagine how annoying you'll be once you two finally get around to it."
"Moony! This should interest you. I happened to proposition Gwen with a certain fantasy of mine which struck me during breakfast this morning." Sirius caught James grinning knowingly at him. "And you know what? My ginger minx said that her fantasy includes the both of us, Moony. On books. In the library, and she'd be wearing strategically placed doilies."
"You are pulling my leg, Black." Remus muttered, his head buried in his hands.
"No, but it sounds like Gwen would like to pull something else." James laughed at that.
"Oh, you're involved too, Prongs, something about showers. Apparently she's imagined all of us. That Gwen. I knew she'd have a wild side." Sirius commented. "But seriously, guys-"
"You haven't been in her 'lady garden' and she doesn't seem to want to give into your wiles as quickly as you expected?" Remus finished. Sirius nodded.
"Lady garden? Moony, where do you come up with these euphemisms?" James chortled.
"Clearly Victorian England." Sirius smirked.
While James and Sirius were mocking Remus' inability to leave the Victorian era, Gwen was sitting on her bed, staring blankly at a spot on the floor. Dorcas and Cassandra came in chatting excitedly about Gwen and stopped when they saw her in a sort of trance, "Gwen?"
"I touched Sirius' willy." She mumbled. "Oh my god, oh my god. Ergh, my hands…"
"Hang on, you did what with Sirius?" Dorcas asked incredulously.
"-We were just talking, and it came up, oh eww, no not….it became a topic of conversation and then I got curious and, ergh, I can't ever look at my hands again." Gwen rambled, looking horrified with herself.
"Gwen! You went from unsnogged to besotted in a day! Merlin! That's got to be some record-" Cassandra exclaimed before Gwen interrupted her.
"I really don't think touching someone's willy makes them besotted."
"Yeah but you wouldn't otherwise. Like, earlier this year if Sirius propositioned you-"
"-Would've hexed him so he didn't have a willy." Gwen sighed. "Which would be really unfortu-what am I saying?"
"She is besotted." Dorcas nodded in agreement. "Gwen...did you get to see his face when you were, you know…"
Gwen thought back and, with a grin, replied, "I did, and I'm quite sure it looked like mine when he decided to pay me back for the kindly favor."