Hello dear readers. this is a companion one shot piece to Mana. it won't make sense unless you've read that first. there was so much i still wanted to say about those characters, but couldn't include. i hope this gives a little bit of closure. its set at some random time in the manga. this is the first time i've written from allen's POV. i think i have about one more oneshot from his perspective left in me... just a reminder/disclaimer: all characters, concepts and situations are the intellectual property of thier respective creators.
i hope you all enjoy.
Allen could only stare; she was so beautiful, elegant, graceful and kind. She was so kind to him, so very sweet. She had her traveling coat on. It covered her Exorcist uniform; her skirt was too scandalously short to be walking around in.
"… so, then he actually hunted the poor man down; from one end of town clear to the other!" Lenalee paused and giggled at the memory. "And with a frying pan and a soup ladle!"
"And, all he did was ask for your name?" Allen grinned at her. Her smile, light pink lips set in a lovely pale face, made his heart skip a beat.
"Well… he may have raised an eyebrow. My brother's just a little overprotective. He's only looking out for me; no matter how old I get, he still treats me like a little girl." She pouted unconvincingly. It was lightly snowing and the cold had painted a faint blush on her face; Allen was utterly captivated by it. He was sure he could look at her for an eternity and never get bored.
"Still…" Allen said. "It must be nice to have someone like that. I didn't… it was just me and Mana for so many years." His smile wavered. "I always wondered what it would be like to have a little brother or sister; I didn't really want one at the time, but now I wish I had one." All I ever needed then was Mana… I miss him so much. He added silently.
Allen's mood soured and Lenalee left him to his thoughts. They walked in silence; snow crunching under their feet. I had Mana… I had the others too. I'd still be with them if… He sighed softly. He tried to imagine what his life would be like if he had been born normal, or what he would look like without his curse. My hair was brown. I think my eyes were too. "Lenalee, you're so lucky."
She looked at him thoughtfully. "Yes, I think I am. It's rare for family members who aren't compatible to become involved in the Order."
"I mean about having family… actual blood family. The kind you grow up with." Allen stopped suddenly and looked around. "Where are we?"
"What? Is it an Akuma?" she was instantly alert. He was so impressed with her; she could be ready to fight at a moment's notice.
"No… just looks familiar…" he searched him memories, looking for anything that could be causing the déjà vu. "Oh my God." He whispered. "Oh my God." He turned on his heel and started walking down one of the side streets. Lenalee jogged to keep up with him. "OH MY GOD!"
Allen broke into a full run, his coat flaring out behind him like wings. He skidded to a stop near the end of the street. "Oh… my God. Please…"
Lenalee came to rest beside him, breathing hard. She stared at the building that held his attention. "Allen, are you alright? What is it?"
"I lived here." He hadn't really known this was the town where he lived until they had passed the familiar street. He had never asked the town's name; he didn't care then. The important thing had been who he had lived with, not where. Direction had never been one of his strong suits to begin with.
She gasped slightly. "Really?" she slid a delicate hand through the crook of his arm, holding him in place. "You can't be thinking of going in… you know the rules; when you join the Order, you cut your ties to your old life…"
"Sure that's easy for you to say… you grew up there! You didn't have a life before!" He walked to the door and touched the knob. "I just have to see… they might not even be here anymore." With a gentle creak and chime of the shop bell, he opened the door and stepped in.
The warm smell of soup filled the room. An elderly stooped woman was behind the counter washing dishes. "I'll be right with you… have a seat anywhere." She called without looking back.
"Rivka?"
"Yes?" she turned to the guests and eyed them suspiciously. With a nervous smile she asked, "Do I know you?"
"Rivka… its me, Allen. I lived here with Mana."
She dropped the dish she was drying; it shattered on the floor. She stepped around it and hurried from behind the counter to him. Pulling her spectacles from their resting place on her head, she took his face in both hands to better see him.
"I don't know any 'Mana'." She said quickly. "Besides…You don't look like my Allen… like a grandson to me he was."
Allen set his hands atop hers to keep her from pulling away. "Please… remember me, Rivka. We lived upstairs." He tried to hold back tears; Lenalee was looking. He didn't want her to see him cry like that. I know this is the right place! How could I forget it?!
"My husband's clinic is upstairs… has been for years." She said firmly and stepped away. "Don't make me call him down."
Allen dropped to his knees and clutched her apron. He suddenly didn't care who saw him; he had to make her remember. "Allen…" Lenalee said gently. "Maybe we should go…"
"No!" he yelled and the old woman turned her back to them. Allen let go, stunned. How could she forget me? How?! "Please… look at me, Rivka. The Doctor! He saw me when I was…" he swallowed hard. "When I was sick… he helped me, he helped Isabella and her baby. He helped Mana!"
"Allen…" Lenalee tried again. "Come on… I don't think she knows you. Maybe this is the wrong place… these streets all look alike. It would be easy to mistake one for another." Her voice was soothing and for a moment, he considered it.
The boy looked on helplessly as the old woman walked back to the counter; she gripped it tightly. No. "Rivka… you stitched up my cuts, you made my first clothes… please, you have to remember me." his voice wavered. "Like family… I missed you."
"I don't know you." she said. Her voice was strained. "You're not my Allen…"
Allen cried and slammed his fist on the floor in frustration. "I'll prove it to you!" he shouted. Swiftly getting to his feet, he pulled the glove from his left hand and stormed to the counter. He pushed up his sleeve, exposing a length of wine red skin. "You can't forget me!" he set his hand down on the weathered wood before her. There's no way you could forget this. "I love you. You have to remember me…"
He kept his eyes shut and waited. He couldn't bear to be rejected, not by her. It was almost too much to be back here so suddenly. A gentle hand settled over his. "Allen… I'm sorry. I didn't want to say those hurtful things…" he didn't let her finish before launching into her arms and burying himself there. "Oh, I missed you so much too… you've grown so much." She pulled back and traced his face. "What happened? Your hair… your eyes…" A soft thumb ran over the scar carved into his cheek. "And this… oh my dear boy, what happened to you?"
"A lot… a lot has happened." He answered softly, practically nuzzling her hand. "But, I'm ok… I'm alright." He added quickly and embraced her tightly.
"I'm sorry I had to act like that to you; people have come by and… I just had to make sure it was you." She hurried back behind the counter and retrieved some cups. When she made a pained sound, Allen darted back and helped her. "These bones don't like to bend so much anymore." She laughed.
Allen smiled; he pulled another apron from the cupboard and slipped it on. Lenalee has quietly taken a seat at the counter. She had stayed away politely as Allen and the old woman embraced. Now, she was looking at him and trying not to giggle at the duck patterned apron he donned over his Exorcist's coat. He glanced at her and felt his face heat up.
Allen helped Rivka prepare a meal; they fell into an easy routine in the little kitchen, almost as if no time had passed. "I missed having you around to help, Allen. You make this much easier." Allen carried bowls of steaming stew to one of the tables.
"What people were coming by?" Allen asked between mouthfuls.
Rivka sighed and smoothed back her grey and white hair. "All kinds of people. After you left, the police came around; they were looking for Mana. Every time I said I didn't know him… how could I possible know him, so many people come through here everyday. They were persistent…"
"Police?" Lenalee asked. She had been quiet so far to let Allen catch up with the kind old lady.
Allen looked embarrassed. "Mana was wanted…" Lenalee's lovely eyes widened. "He killed a man."
"It sounds so bad when you say it that way…" Rivka interrupted. "The man had to die. Now, let's talk about something pleasant."
"Oh my…" Lenalee whispered.
"So, who is this dear young lady?" Rivka asked with a raised eyebrow and knowing smile. Allen sputtered and coughed his soup, going bright red.
"This is Lenalee…" he said quickly.
"Pleased to meet you." She bowed her head slightly and politely, her long black hair swinging with the motion.
"You're such a lovely young thing…" Rivka patted her hand and smiled. "I hope my Allen's taking good care of you. Mana raised him to be a gentleman and he better be behaving like one." She shot a look at the boy. "Now don't leave this old woman in the dark… how long have you two…?"
"Ah! We're not…um, it's not like that. We work together for the Order…" Allen started to explain. "We travel all over and help those in need."
"Oh Allen, I just knew you would find a job helping others." Rivka turned to the lovely Asian girl. "I once saw him defend a little girl from her bully of a brother… he was easily three times Allen's size and he stood up to him like it was nothing. He took a bit of a beating from the boy…"
"Ah… Rivka, don't tell her that stuff…"
"Fine I won't." she said with mock disappointment. "Allen, dear I've heard from your step-mother recently… everyone's doing fine. Little Zee is running them all ragged. They miss you everyday. We write all the time; especially after Abe helped Madeline with her baby."
"What?" Allen's eyes went wide; he dropped his spoon with a loud clatter. "Baby?"
"You didn't know?" Rivka looked surprised. "I thought she told you before you left… I think I have a photograph…" she rose from the table and hustled to the back room.
"Lenalee…" Allen leaned across the table towards her. "I have a… I'm a big brother!" he near bubbled with excitement. Maddie had a baby! Mana's baby…
"Allen, that's wonderful!" she took his hands and squeezed them; Allen's heart skipped a beat.
"Here we are…" Rivka set a photograph on the table. It was a little blurry; they must have moved during the film's exposure. Allen reverently lifted it to inspect it.
Everyone was in their costumes as if preparing for a performance. Nick and Isabella stood proudly with a little girl. Zee was a perfect miniature replica of her mother, right down to her feathered costume. Ernie stood with his arms crossed over his broad chest, head tilted to the side to show the nail in his nose. He was smiling. Allen smiled back at him. Even the foul mouthed Lucy was there. She was standing slightly behind her brother, frowning. Allen suspected she took on the job of money taker after Mana died.
Then there was Maddie. The wife of his Mana. Allen had happily let her join in; she was the only one who he could allow to share Mana's love. Maddie understood; everything Allen had told her, she understood. She loved him. Maddie told him, just minutes after meeting him, that his arm was beautiful.
She stood in a modest skirt and a blouse that hung loose and exposed an uninterrupted line of tattoos from her face to her shoulder. On her hip she held a small toddler clutching a very worn and familiar stuffed bear. His little face had been painted to match his mother's. Allen touched the tiny face. There was a star painted over one eye. They were Mana's eyes. Hello little brother…
"That's Emmy." Rivka said, breaking the silence. "Edward Mana Walker."
"I have a brother…" Allen let out a joyous laugh. He smiled so hard his face hurt. It was so wonderful. It was Mana's son by blood; part of Mana was still alive. Allen was so happy he could cry. "Rivka! Do you know where they're staying now? I want to go see him!"
"Allen…" she said softly.
"I have to go see him! And Maddie too! I have a brother!" he cried excitedly.
"Allen… sit down." Rivka put a hand on his arm. Allen recognized her tone and froze.
"No… Rivka. Please don't say that… don't finish that sentence." Please, please don't say what I think you're going to say. It was the same calm tone that Maddie used that morning before she let him into Mana's room to say his goodbyes. Let me just pretend for awhile.
"Allen, listen to her…" Lenalee gently reached out to him and he slid into his seat.
"When?" he asked, heartbroken.
"It wasn't too long after this picture was taken. Emmy was a very sickly child; his heart was weak. We were surprised he lasted this long. Abe tried so hard to save him; we were all devastated." Rivka stood and moved to wrap her soft arms around Allen's shoulders; they stayed like that for a long time. "I'm sorry I had to tell you this. If it helps, he went peacefully in his mother's arms… smiling."
Rivka let him keep the photograph and put them up for the night. As he lay in a spare bed and stared at the ceiling he had looked upon for so many years, Allen felt overwhelmed. In one evening he had gained and then lost a brother. It was all too much and it kept him awake.
I didn't even know he existed and now he's gone. I had a brother… he was Mana's son too. A part of my papa was still alive… and I never knew. How can I miss someone I've never met so much? It's not fair. Emmy died smiling? I wonder if it was because Mana came to get him…Why didn't he come get me; I miss him so much. Some part of him was jealous; the child was with his father, and he was still here, alone.
He couldn't see the rest of his adopted family ever again, even seeing Rivka like this was dangerous; he knew he shouldn't have come, but the temptation had been too strong to resist. Officially they were out of reach, as good as dead to him; and, with his father truly dead… I don't have any family… I'm completely alone.
"They're all dead." He cried softly. "I can't have a family… they're all dead." Allen rolled over and buried his head into his pillow. Alone… He broke down and cried hard. It hurt so much, like an actual physical wound. "Mana… why? Why'd you leave me?! I want my family… I'm alone. I want my papa back; I want my baby brother back. I want my family!"
"Allen…" a soft feminine voice called out. He jumped and quickly pulled the blankets over his head, praying that Lenalee didn't hear and see him acting like this. His bed dipped with her light weight as she sat beside him. "You're right… I don't understand. The Order's the only family I've ever had…" she set a gentle hand on his back and rubbed soothing little circles. "But… don't say you're alone. You're not. You have me…"
Allen shifted and pulled the blankets down to see her. She was just a dim outline in the dark of the room. In a surprising gesture of tenderness, Lenalee ran her fingers through his hair. "What?" he asked, his voice shaking with insecurity.
"You have me… and my brother, and Lavi, and Bookman, and Krory and Miranda…" she laughed and even in the dark, Allen could tell she was smiling. "And even Kanda. They're all my family… and they're your family now too. You don't have to ever worry about being alone."
Allen sat and launched himself into Lenalee's arms. She held him tightly against her chest and stroked his hair soothingly. She was right. He wasn't alone. He didn't know how badly hen just needed to hear it. Everyone at the Order had welcomed him with open arms. They had accepted him without hesitation. They had become his friends, his family. Except Kanda… he thought with a smile. Just like a family, Allen would do anything to keep them happy, to keep them safe.
The next morning when they left Lenalee asked him why he didn't tell Rivka about being an Exorcist. "I thought about it…" he said. "She doesn't need to know. Its not part of the world she lives in. I don't want to worry her and I'm not sure she'd understand. I feel like she's safer without knowing about it."
I don't regret coming here. He told himself as the walked down the snow covered street. I needed this… I needed to know what happened to everyone. I know where I came from; what I've lost and what I've gained. They all still love me and I still love them. I know they're safe; I'm going to keep them and everyone, every family like them safe… because I love them all. I know they've kept walking forward; it's all you can do… remember where you've come from, treasure what you've learned and your memories, but keep walking forward… just like I have.