A/N: Damn guys, I forgot how ANNOYING it was to write in first person. XD This is my last damn chapter story I'm writting in first person. xD Hopefully it won't blow chunks too bad. :D Anyways, here's the next chapter.
Lovesick
"It gets better," Kenny said. I swallowed hard as Kenny stared a hole right through me and smiled mischeviously. Kenny must like embarrasing me in front of everyone, or something...
"Kay... what else, then?" I asked him. I was trying to focus on Kenny, but I was attempting to read Kyle's expression from the corner of my eye at the same time.
Kenny paused for very annoying, dramatic effect. "He said, and I'll quote him here, 'Well, that Goth wannabe is one sexy little fuck, and I'd like to give him a good taste of the darkness and his future addiction'," he said, smiling like a turd afterwards.
At that... I couldn't help but smile, too. I felt myself swell up with some weird feeling. Oh God, a dude actually had the hots for me? I'd gotten so used to it being the other way around. Unfortunately for me, it was the wrong dude.
"Dude!" Kyle cried. I thankfully took the oppourtunity to turn to my crush and raise my eyebrows at him. Please, please tell me he's jealous...
Kyle just blinked at me, in the cutest way possible. I guess it was my turn to talk?
"Oh, come on, dude. It's just funny to hear that a guy has the hots for you," I told him, with a smile still lingering on my face. "I mean, what would YOUR reaction be?" I asked, honestly wanting to know the answer.
"I'd probably flush the guys head in the school toilets..." Cartman mumbled. I turned to my right while my red-headed best friend and love interest chewed on my question.
"Harsh," I said to Cartman, not really putting much thought into my response.
"You guys already know what I'd do," Kenny said, swiping his plate with a finger and licking off the food residue. Cartman frowned and poked him in the side of the head, making the promiscuous blonde laugh and attempt to noogie my larger friend.
I smiled and looked at Kyle again, hoping he'd come up with an answer by now. The way he was staring at me made the hairs stand up on my neck and my toes curl. I loved it.
He blinked and sighed, looking at the wall clock again. "I guess it would depend on who it was..." he said. I squeezed my fists together and felt myself stare at Kyle yearningly. I guess I could expect that kind of answer from Kye...
...but it drove me NUTS!
"Enough of this gay stuff," Craig said. I looked over to the other dark-haired teen just as he gave a sideways glance to Tweek. Or, what I thought was a sideways glance. A queer can interpret things differently than a straight guy...
I sighed inwardly. It just wouldn't be accepted the same way it is with Kenny... Kenny's just a slut. It doesn't matter who he kisses or who he fucks. It's just Kenny. It would be... bad if these guys found out I was gay. Very bad if they found out I've had a crush on almost all of them over the last four years at one point or another- I just didn't seem like the gay type. Did I?... Nonetheless, it would be the end of my LIFE if Kyle found out I was... in love with him. I mean, he's supposed to be my best friend. I shouldn't want to kiss and hug and hold hands with my best friend, should I?
"Aw, don't be such a homophobe, Craig," Kenny said, picking up his plate and tossing it across the lunchroom. I watched it fly into the side of Pip's head. Good thing it was styrofoam. I looked down and let myself smile slightly. At least Kenny wouldn't care if he knew I was gay. That was somewhat conforting...
"Hey, Eric," I heard Clyde say. I turned to my left and watched my nerdy friend walk into the lunchroom holding hands with Bebe. "Henrietta's actually comming into the light of the lunchroom for once, just to let you know."
Cartman raised his head alarmingly and his posture suddenly became rigid. "Thanks, Clyde," he said, turning away from the brunette and staring out the windows on the other side of the room. I stifled a laugh, and then felt guilty. I knew it was torture for Cartman to be in love with someone who was always dating different people. It made me wonder how painful it would be for me to see Kyle dating a girl. I've never allowed myself to think about that... not that I really have to worry much. Kye's never dated anyone. And I liked it that way.
"Stan..." Kyle said. I looked at him immidiately, focusing all my attention on him.
"Yeah dude?" I asked. I tilted my head slightly at him. He looked really nervous and flighty for some reason.
"Do you wanna leave?" He asked me, tapping my foot under the table with his own. I felt butterflies in my stomach even at such a small gesture. "Lunch is gonna be over soon, and I need to go all the way to our locker before we have-"
"Hey, Adolf," I heard a very dark, feminine voice say behind me. I turned my head around to the girls voice, but only to meet eyes with-
with Red...
"Hey, Stan..." the tall Goth kid greeted me in a low voice. I swallowed hard at his tone and felt my insides stir with all kinds of weird feelings. And for some reason, I felt myself turn to goo. I got goosebumps as he met my eyes unwaveringly and gave the slightest smile I'd ever seen on his pale face. He had his hands in his purple hoodies' pockets, which seemed WAY too small for him, and he kicked some snow off his hi-rise Goth boots onto the tile floor.
And me being the obvious freak I was, I just turned right back around in my seat, to see Kyle as rigid as Cartman had been, staring at me wide eyed. I rubbed my arm and started to feel a bit like Tweek with all the attention on me. More importantly, I had to make it seem like I didn't enjoy having a guy hit on me. Was life this hard for everyone else?! Thankfully I heard Red start to talk to Kenny, so I knew he wasn't looking at me anymore. I exhaled and gave a sharp shrug to Kyle. He just blinked and furrowed his eyebrows.
Cartman turned his head from the windows to look at Henrietta. He gave her the same kind of smile Red had given me. "What brings you in from the cold?" Cartman asked, letting his bangs fall in his eyes. I stared at him quizzically, wondering if he'd straightened his hair this morning or something. It seemed like it was harder and harder to make fun of Cartman these days. He wasn't too fat anymore, and he'd gotten a lot more reserved.
Henrietta walked over to Cartman and wrapped her arms around his neck, slowly and dramatically. She closed her eyes surrounded by heavy makeup and relaxed her snow-white face. "I wanted to ask you something, my love."
I half smiled and rested my elbow on the table, watching Cartmans face start to glow with happiness. I honestly hoped he was able to hold onto her this time...
Suddenly I felt cold fingers run through my hair and down my neck. I shivered and quickly snapped my head around, to see Red biting his lip and leaning his head towards me. "Guess what we're doing tomorrow night, Raven?"
I clutched my knees and stared back at him nervously. I wasn't used to getting this kind of attention from a guy... it was, nice.
"Uh, what?" I asked. I tried taking a deep breath and calming myself, because my voice was wavering awkwardly.
"We're driving down to Denver to check out this new coffee house and all the shops around it," Red told me, trailing his hand down my shoulder and then back down to his side. "It sounds rad. You should come."
I swallowed again and looked away, not looking at Kyle or Red. This was... exciting? I didn't know how to feel, so I looked at Kyle. I was surprised when I saw his face... he looked scared. But, why? It was tiring to try and decipher everyones actions and expressions all the time. It was pretty easy to understand Red's motives.
"I might," I blurted out, still staring at Kyle. I looked away from him and up to Red. "Um..."
Red smiled and looked towards Robert, who was getting scolded by a lunch lady for smoking indoors. "Cool. Just go to Adolfs house after school tomorrow and we'll pick you up with him," he said. He bit his lip ring and flicked his hair out of his eyes before glancing towards Henrietta and Cartman.
"Oh, brother..." Kyle said.
I looked down and grinned. I forgot they all called Cartman that. I looked at my brunette friend curiously.
"Don't apologize," Cartman said to Henrietta, who was still hugging him from behind and nuzzling his face. "I don't care. It's fine. I'll go with you tomorrow," he told her apathetically. He lifted one of her hands and kissed it.
"Nnn, Eric... I'm not letting you go this time," Henrietta cooed into his ear before letting go. "Let's go to the North Park coffee shop, right now."
Cartman tapped the lunch table with his finger before standing up. "Yeah, sure... my afternoon classes are gay, anyways. Classes suck..." he went on as he followed her out of the room. I raised an eyebrow at Cartmans back. He was so pussy whipped.
"Dude, Red, let's get the fuck out of here," Robert said to the skinny Goth behind me. I examined Robert as he tossed his cigarette to the floor and stepped on it with a boot resembling Red's. He had obvious dark circles under his eyes and was wearing a jet-black dress shirt. He was the classiest of the Goth kids. "I'm drowing in the stench and sights of these fucking conformists."
"Right," Red said, flicking his black hair out of his eyes again. You could see his dark red roots show through. He's always dyed his roots red for some reason. "Hope I'll see you tomorrow night, Raven," he said lowly to me. I shivered and kinda grinned at him. He grinned back and left the room with Robert, leaving me to face my friends reactions. I sighed and turned back to everyone, trying not to look at Kyle for once. I felt too weird...
"Sooo, Stan..." Kenny began. I turned to him with a tired expression to meet his amused one. "You thinking about going out with Red tomorrow, huh?"
I became more alert at Kenny's blunt question and I felt my face get all screwed up as the eyes of my friends became magnetized to me.
"What!? No- no! Not a date! Did anyone else hear date?" I asked to no one in particular, looking around the table.
Craig just raised an eyebrow at me boredly.
"Oh, come off of it Stan!" Kyle blurted. I raised my eyebrows and looked at him. I had to say it- this was exciting. After keeping all my gay thoughts and scenarios in my head for years, I was actually talking about it with my friends. Well, somewhat. It felt good.
"You know that's what Red meant," Kyle went on, his voice dripping with disdain. "He was caressing your fucking neck, for Christ's sake."
Craig snorted. "Caressing?" Tweek giggled.
"No offence, Kye," Kenny said, as I banged my head on the table. THE STRESS.
"But you sound jealous as fuck."
The table went quiet. I looked up at my best friend curiously.
Kyle blinked at Kenny, and opened his mouth to respond, but just then the bell rang for next class. I cursed at it under my breath.
-
"And so can anyone tell me why Hitler was a douche because of this display? Leopold?"
Butters stopped chatting with his girly friends and looked at Mr. Bacon worriedly. "Oh, um, gosh, uh..."
"Damnit, Stotch! Can't you stop flirting with girls in class for once?" Our angry History teacher yelled.
I rolled my head on my desk to look at Butters again. He looked flustered as three girls continued to pet his hair and cling to his arm. He smoothed down a wrinkle in his baby blue Hello Kitty t-shirt, which was seriously too tight and girly for him, and wrung his hands together nervously.
"I'm not flirtin' with the girls, muh-Mister Bacon, sir!" Butters said defensively, as one of the girls hugged him from behind. "Honest!"
The girls 'awwed' at Butters just being Butters, and the teacher mumbled something and turned towards me and Kye.
"Marsh? Are you listening to music in class again?" he asked.
I blinked and pulled the earbuds out of my ears and sat up straight. My music wasn't even on, stupid me. "No, sir."
Mr. Bacon leered at me for a second. "Why don't you take more after Broflovski, Marsh? God knows your marks would go up if you simply looked like he does in class."
I saw Kyle look up from his textbook from the corner of my eye. I turned to him and raised an eyebrow, giving him a 'haha, you're teachers pet' kind of smile.
He gave me a sheepish grin in return and stuck his tongue out at me, before looking back down at his page. I had the overwhelming desire to be like one of Butters' fangirls and cling to his arm right at that moment, and never let go as a punishment for being so cute. I'd lean against his head and have his red curly hair tickle my face. Then he'd laugh and say 'Dude, what the fuck are you doing, you homo?' and... that's where it always ends in my mind.
I sighed and fiddled with my earbuds. Or would he think that? He never did say anything back to Kenny when he told him he was acting jealous of Red... asking me out. Did he really ask me out? I bit the inside of my lip and allowed an array of unanswerable questions to enter my mind.
"Stan," I heard Kyle whisper to me. I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to him happily.
"Yeah?"
He twirled a mechanical pencil in his fingers and shifted in his seat. "Wanna ditch next class and go look for Cartman and that fat Goth chick in the town?" Kyle asked with a smile.
I looked down and laughed quietly. "Henrietta's not that fat anymore. Just like Cartman."
Kyle rolled his eyes. "Whatever. You wanna?" he asked, in a tone like he already knew the answer was yes. Which it was. I didn't get why he would want to ditch his Math class, though. He was really dedicated to his main classes. I didn't give a damn about Art, though.
"Definately," I said back to him, trying to smile in a cute way. He smiled back even wider and turned back to his book. I sighed happily and turned to face the front of the room, to watch Mr. Bacon write on the chalkboard why Hitler was a douche. Then all of the sudden, I felt Kyle's fingertips slink through mine and I stopped breathing.
He took my right earbud away from me and put it in his own ear. I started breathing again. False alarm... duh.
"No tunes?" he asked me. I hurried to turn on my iPod and pick a song we both loved; Lovesong by The Cure. I smiled and put my left earbud in my ear. Hopefully it wasn't obvious to him why I picked it, though.
After the song started I looked at him, in the most aloof way possible. He dreamily propped his elbow up on his desk and rested his chin on his fist; closing his eyes and tapping his pencil to the music. I turned to stare at my empty desk, trying to block certain thoughts from my head. Thoughts on how much I loved him when he did stuff like that. It was too painful.
'I will always love you...'
I continued to stare at my desk, trying to think up what I was gonna say to Kye when the class ended. I needed to get some kind of... message from him! Like, one that said 'Dude, I'm happy we're best friends. I know I'll be able to tell you all about my first kiss with a chick and stuff' or one that said 'I feel weird about this, because you're my best friend and shit, but... I like you, that way.'
-Dang! Dang!-
Everyone slowly stood up at the sound of the bell and began packing their books and papers away. Kyle took the earbud out of his ear just as the song was ending and placed it on my hand before standing up.
I took my earbud out too and wrapped the cord around my iPod. "You sure you want to ditch Math just to wander North Park in the cold with me?" I asked him.
He shoved his binder into his brown backpack and zipped it up before slinging it onto his back. "Why wouldn't I?" he said back, winking at me.
Winked? He winked, right? Or did he just blink? I stood up and crossed my arms. "Sweet, then."
"Cool," he said, leading the way out of the classroom. "I need to stop by our locker to drop my shit off first. You obviously don't though, because you never bring anything to class anymore," he said jokingly.
"Fuck you," I said back, nudging him in the ribs. "I still need my coat, you douche."
Kyle smiled and rolled his eyes. "What am I gonna do with you, Stan?"
I put my hands in my pockets and watched all the teenagers make their way through the hallway. Hopefully something that involves making out, Kyle...
A/N: Lulz, hope you all liked the surprise POV change. :B I seriously need to get more dialog going in this story. D: I didn't really plan on leaving this chapter off there, but I felt like it was long enough and it seemed about right. :o Good thing is that the next chapter will come very soon, but it'll also be short. XD okay. Please review guise! ;3