Pain

Brooke opened her eyes; she lied on a big bed on Rachel's house. It wasn't morning, she just came back from the hospital and she was too shocked to stay up. She was alone, Rachel was in the hospital. She never thought that she could miss Rachel so much and feel so lonely without her. She would know what to say to make her feel better and she needed it so badly. After that weekend, after yesterday. Yesterday changed everything. It was meant to be the happiest day for Nathan and Haley. And it almost was. She wanted it to be a good day for everyone, for herself. She could never provide something like that happening to her. Last few days had made her life a total mess.

They stood together at the backstage in TRIC. Peyton said she wanted to talk with Brooke about something. Seemed like something important.

"Brooke, I think I still have feelings for Lucas." Peyton spilled the words and Brooke's mouth lapsed open.
"You mean you care for him as a friend?" She tried to understand what Peyton said and make sure that she got it wrong.
"No, I mean more than that."

She slowly closed her eyes again with tears falling down. With everything else going on, how was she supposed to take it easily? She had flashbacks running in front of her eyes once again.

"Is it impossible, for you to forgive me? I forgave you."
"For what?"

"For sleeping with Chris Keller."
"And you know what Lucas, I loved you for that. You had such grace in that moment that I fell in love with you all over again. I can't believe that you would use it now as a bargaining chip."
"No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I just, I need you to trust me, and believe me when I tell you that my heart is with you. A part of me feels like ever since we got back together, you've just been waiting, waiting to push me away."
"Oh great, you kiss Peyton, again, and I'm pushing you away! God! Why did I make everybody identical purses as wedding gifts?" Brooke hysterically tried to find her purse to show Lucas her pregnancy test but she couldn't find it.
"I love you Brooke, I don't know how else to say it." Lucas had tears in his eyes.
"How about how you show it? I am not pushing you away Lucas, I am holding on for dear life! But I need you to need me back! Why wouldn't you tell me about the kiss and why wouldn't you call me while you were away and why won't you ever just let me all the way in?" She yelled at Lucas with her raspy voice that was raspier than ever before. She was so hurt that she was ready to hit him.

She knew she loves Lucas more than anything and that she's ready to give away everything for him. She didn't know if Lucas feels the same. She wasn't sure about anything anymore.

"Now it's just you and I. We'll make it through." She said and put her hand to her stomach. She was happy and sad at the same time. She finally came out of the bed and walked towards the mirror. She stopped there and looked at herself. Only thing she could see was a sad, lonely girl crying her eyes out. How is she going to tell Lucas? She promised that she's not pregnant. How can she tell him now? Will he be there for her? Rushing solitude had taken over her and she was scared. Scared of being left alone.

…

She walked down the river walk. Everyone around stared at her, at a wreck of a human. She walked slowly, looking around, trying to forget about the pain that smashed her from inside. She noticed familiar, loving pair of eyes looking at her. It was Lucas, he walked towards her. She wiped her tears and walked bravely against him.

"Hey." Lucas said gently. "I haven't seen you around. Are you okay?" He put his arm to Brooke's shoulder, trying to catch her eye at the same time. She trembled and turned her look away.

"Yeah. I'm just tired and I don't feel like communicating right now." Brooke answered quietly. She could hardly hold back sob. She still didn't know how to tell him. She couldn't ruin his life.

"Are you sure? I mean, if you need to talk to someone …"

"We haven't had meaningful conversation for a very long time, why have it now?" Brooke turned her back to Lucas to hide her pain.

"Brooke." Lucas tried to talk to Brooke but unnecessarily. She didn't turn around.

"Not now, Lucas." She couldn't hold back tears for any longer. "Not now." She whispered through the tears. Lucas grabbed her shoulders from behind.

"Tell me what's wrong." Lucas' gentle voice broke into Brooke's head and heart. She couldn't resist and turned herself around, right into his embrace. Being there, she felt amazingly safe. Like everything is okay again. But then she had Peyton's words in her ears again, saying she still has feelings for Lucas.

She raised her head to look into Lucas' eyes. "Do you still love me?" Raspy voice came out with a very simple question which was maybe not so easy to answer.

"Of course I do." Lucas responded and pulled Brooke closer to him. He was hoping to lose that hesitation from her eyes but it stayed there. He softly stroked her hair when she rested her head on his chest. Suddenly his cell phone rang. He let Brooke out of his embrace, walked further and answered the phone. When he ended the call, he walked back to Brooke.

"It was Peyton." Lucas conjured hardly. He knew it hurt her. "I think I have to go."

Brooke turned her look away once again and nodded. "Right." She whispered and tears fell down from her eyes, heavily than before. She turned around and walked to bridge's railing. Lucas didn't know what to say to make her feel better. He walked away. He looked back and saw Brooke resting on the railing with her head shed down. He could tell she was sobbing, very hardly.

So it's like a small introduction to my story. Tell me what you think. Should I continue with it or not?