Author's note: It's a yaoi story, pairing Guts & Griffith. Rated M for later chapters containing some yaoi scenes.

I edited and fixed all the grammar errors I could find, please excuse me for my mistakes.

Based on the anime Berserk. Characters belong to their respective creators.

Not a dream, but a reality

Chapter 1

Looking at his own reflection on the mirror, Griffith did not find what everyone saw in him. Those great deeds, that huge dream of his about ruling the world, his own strength, everything seemed so unreal, so invisible, like a lie. What he saw in the mirror was not an angel of justice, it looked more like a child lost in the midst of the war, lost in a great abyss without anyone to rely on. Those rumors, they really destroyed all illusion he had, he would have endured living in a lie, just for the one he loved. Only for the sole purpose of being able to see his beloved giving him support, confidence and love was enough to endure all. But now this. They said his beloved was planning on leaving and never return.

How was he going to live with that?

How was he going to move on, when the one he admired most in this world, was about to leave his side?

He looked with desperation to the mirror, trying to find an answer to his questions. But instead of that, the mirror revealed to him the face that caused all his worries come to life. Guts.

It was like a blessing and a curse at the same time.

Didn't he remember all the hardships and suffering both of them endured?

Didn't he remember how much he loved him and still do?

Griffith felt betrayed, angry, but most of all frustrated, for not being able to erase those thoughts of separation from his lover's mind.

In his dreams, there is not even one time that he doesn't remember his lover. And even if he didn't want to think about this man, he was powerless to control his own dreams, his desires. This man controlled his very own existence and even his biggest dream seemed to swirl around him.

But, could this mean that his dream wasn't what he thought it was?

He would sacrifice himself, his own life and even his biggest dream just for the love of this man, Guts.

How?

When did it all start?

When did he set everything aside for the love of someone?

Those questions plagued him almost to the point of insanity, so he decided to move away from the mirror and look instead through the window. Snow began to fall again and the fields were already covered in white. While he was admiring the scenery, his eyes caught a familiar figure standing outside in the cold, looking back at him in the distance. This surprised Griffith greatly, it was his man and by the look in his eyes, he was somehow saying goodbye.

No! The day came without being expected, his eyes widened when in his mind he confirmed it. Without thinking it twice, he ran desperately towards his lover. Nothing mattered to him anymore, only the man outside. He ran without hesitation, with fear perhaps, holding back the tears in his eyes. He needed to stop him, he had to, or else his world would crumble. He reached the outside, the weather was freezing, but it didn't matter. He moved forward and saw the man waiting for him with uncertainty, and perhaps sadness in his eyes. He reached the man carrying his weapon by his side. The man closed his eyes briefly and sighed, with regret in his eyes, and only saying farewell before turning his back to Griffith. But before even taking the first step to walk away, a familiar sound reached his ears. Griffith drew his sword in a challenging pose towards his lover, then spoke.

"If you want to win your freedom, you must face me and reclaim it. Remember that I won you, and you still belong to me." He said in a cold tone.

The man turned around to face his beloved, he placed his belongings in the snowy ground and raised his sword, ready for battle. He looked deep into Griffith's eyes but saw no fear, only determination.

'I can't blame him if he hates me, or thinks of me as a traitor. I have made up my mind and I intend to leave everything behind. I plan on continuing on a path of sole truth, no social classes, nothing.' Guts thought to himself as his eyes made contact with the other's.

'I will win, I have to, he's mine and I refuse to give up on him. I believe in him, in us, together.' Griffith thought. He felt confidence and determination, for he had planned all too well Guts' movement and how he would counter it. One strike and everything was over. But what if he miscalculates and his man dies?

'If he dies, I… It's better that he dies than he leaves. If he will not be mine, then he better be off dead.' He thought with obsession, that man truly was driving him mad, but he couldn't help it, he did love him.

And so Guts made the first move exactly as Griffith had predicted, but as he moved his sword to block the hit and counter, his sword received a strong impact and broke in two pieces. For a moment Griffith thought he was about to die, but his lover halted before cutting his shoulder, leaving a light mark where it was supposed to hit. Griffith fell to the ground shocked, without breath and lost. The bigger man retreated a few feet away from Griffith and watched him with sadness. It was over, at last he was free, but the price he had to pay was too high. He knew Griffith's heart shattered along with his sword, his eyes seemed so lost, grieving by everything that was happening.

Griffith desired with his heart to win this man, to stay by his side forever. But now the future seemed so uncertain. Guts turned around and thanked Griffith for everything, then said farewell and decided to march.

Author's note: This is my first story written in english, I hope I did it ok. Well, basically this story is trying to show that Griffith is not as heartless as he seems in the anime. I don't know if I developed their personalities well, but I tried my best. I hope you all enjoyed it.