hehe, thanks for all the reviews! Please note that I do my best to reply to ALL your reviews via review reply. And now, without further delay, I bring you back into the world of crackness…

oh, one more thing. Diclaimer: IF I own Mai-HiME/Otome, then why am I writing FANfiction about it? go figure, lawsuits!

---Chapter 3---

Something somewhat alarming was happening to her, and the problem was that princess Natsuki of the lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai had not even the faintest idea what any of it was. I mean, sure, she knew that she in the kingdom of Fuuka, a land where all girls like other girls for some reason and it rains pineapples, but other than that, she was stumped. Natsuki vaguely remembered something about a mayo bottle, and then a group of people breaking down the wall, and then…

"I'm glad to know that Natsuki remembers me," came a melodic Kyoto-ben from behind her. Natsuki involuntarily jumped up from where she realised she was sitting on the end of a large bed, no, a very large bed. She swivelled around to see a giant mayonnaise bottle holding a smaller jar of itself, beckoning to her. Upon moving, Natuki had got all the god-knows what that Shizuru had put in her circulating again, she stumbled and faceplanted onto the bed, and, because this is anime, did a physically impossible in reality forward roll because of the momentum and found herself nose to cap with the giant mayo bottle. She blushed and remained absolutely still, save for the rising and falling of her chest, as Shizuru unscrewed the cap of the mayo jar. (Don't ask me how she did it- I mean, how're you supposed to unscrew something without hands??)

"Ara… does Natsuki-Hime want some?" Shizuru teased, waving a blob around and watching Natsuki's beady eyes greedily follow it.

"mmhhm… mayyybeeeeee…" Natsuki drooled, rotating her head in time to the slow rotations of the mayo bottle. She had no ulterior motive, unlike some perverted readers would like to think, than the thick white gooey stuff. She didn't even notice that the mayo bottle had unzipped itself, or the beautiful girl whose face was revealed, until the blob of mayo switched places from the hand to her tongue. Slightly put off my the new background colour for her mayo, Natsuki stopped following it with her ever-vigilant eyes and broke from her little dream world to take a look back on the situation, and possibly spoil the wonderful moment.

Shizuru, however, was having none of this, and unzipped her mayo-suit further, revealing that she had secretly had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on underneath. I bet you hentai out there just got a little flashy piccie in your head of Shizuru unzipping a mayo bottle costume with her top half exposed. Betcha four-hundred thousand yen that'cha did! No need to be shy (I did too). Natsuki, who was still looking at the mayo bottle, suffered severe nasal haemorrhaging as her jade eyes popped right out of her skull, went for lunch at hooters and came back again all in about four point six six six recurring seconds.

(WARNING! Next comes my pitiful attempt at writing smut! If you aren't comfortable with intimate scenes between two females (in which case, why the hell are you reading this fic?), then go and do something with the opposite sex. If you're a-ok with it, welcome to my world! Girl on girl rocks!)

"wh… wha…" Natsuki began to say, but was hushed by a lithe and father sweaty finger as it pressed her lips together. The finger tasted of mayo.

Mayo…

Only then did Natsuki realise that the mayo that she craved was still on the human Mayo bottle's outstretched tongue. As all the stuff that Shizuru had injected into her earlier finally reached her brain proper, Natsuki felt a rush like she had never lived before, not even that time when she had first seen a kiss between two other girls. She reached out and grasped the girl's arms, pulling the to her sides and in the process looming on top of her. Relaxing her hold, she ran her alabaster fingers through the silky flaxen tresses of the girl, gently caressing her head and the process.

"And what… my seductress, may I call you?" she rasped in a husky voice, leaning in closer to Shizuru's moist face, so that their breaths intermingled (Shizuru enjoyed it even though Natsuki had not eaten a peppermint for a LONG time).

"Sh…" Shizuru breathed, unable to believe that her dream was now coming true.

"Sh? Seems somewhat… plain for someone as drop-dead gorgeous as you…"

"Shi… Shizuru…"

Natsuki dived at Shizuru, launching her tongue deep into the other girl's mouth, sucking and probing all the mayonnaise off her tongue, thrusting into her murky depths. Shizuru, not wanting to miss out on the fun, began to play tonsil tennis with the younger girl, and they began a long and passionate make-out.

Natsuki's hands wandered around Shizuru's body relentlessly, never stopping, save to stroke or goad a particularly sensitive area. Not even stopping to consider how such a chaste princess who should have rightly had no experience or exposure to the kind of things that should teach her how to make love so well, Shizuru went with the flow, breathing in time with Natsuki, moaning in time with Natsuki, her heart beating alongside Natsuki's…

"Na…tsuki…" She moaned as Natsuki blew cold air into her ear whilst she nibbled and licked its lobe, "how?"

Natsuki detached from Shizuru's ear and rose so their faces were equal, "I went to this site… it was called and it had all these smutty stories about this girl called Natsuki and this other girl called Shizuru, and something to do with wolves and carnivals and-" She was again silenced, but not by Shizuru's finger. Rather, by her cherry-red lips, soft and plush as… well, a plushie, but dangerous and carnivorous like a tyrannosaurus rex. They went from dangerously chaste and ghostly to violent and lustful, keeping the younger girl right on the edge, just never letting her slip over.

Natsuki's insatiable hands began to slide up to Shizuru's ample breasts, gently sliding her fingers up and over the mounds, feeling the nipple go hard as she fondled it. The girl beneath her began to grow hotter, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she began imagining the next step of the sequence. (Read any other M-rated fanfic in this category).

The sapphire-haired girl grudgingly detached her lips from Shizuru's and bought them down in a line of light kisses, tilting her head so that she could hear the erratic rhythm of Shizuru's racing heart. Her face flushed as she moved her mouth to Shizuru's breast and playfully licking it like a dog would it's owner. Shizuru groaned and breathed,

"More! I need… more, Natsuki!" she screamed, pulling down on Natsuki's back, forcing her to nearly swallow Shizuru's breast. Natsuki responded by suckling on the other girl's nipple, nipping and licking it whilst massaging the other breast, getting it fired up for what was to come. Shizuru's head was spinning. Despite being such a dominatrix herself, she had never actually had someone do this to her before. She had always been the one in control, the one on the top. And now, all of this was just… too good to be true. Natsuki's hand switched places, and Shizuru promptly moaned.
After deciding that Shizuru's top half was not enough, Natsuki detached herself and began to probe down lower.

And then abruptly stopped, jumped of the bed, ran all the way back to her room, watched Kannazuki no Miko, and came back within the swish of a donkey's donger.

"Shizuru… I've become an Orochi…"

Shizuru just stared at her with a dumbfounded look.

"Is Orochi something sexy?" she asked

"Very,"

"Then, be my Orochi, Na-tsu-ki…"

Shizuru, by now bored out of her skull that they hadn't started real sex yet (even though she would never tell Natsuki that) decided that it was time to take the initiative and make the… well, fifty-sixth or so move. Not even bothering with the usual foreplay and whatnot, she stuck her fingers into Natsuki in a rather gung-ho fashion reminiscent of Haruka, supreme dominatrix underlord of the evil ero yuri student council of far too much angst and plot-less smut. Natsuki gave a gasp and immediately responded to the rough action by… biting Shizuru's left breast off. This was understandable, as she had been, well, sucking it at the time. Natsuki, of course, a virgin, had never really considered how painful (yet pleasurable) it would be to have someone's fingers shoved up her arse.

"Ara, Natsuki… just bit my left breast off…" Shizuru would have said something teasing or similar, but the pain of actually having her chest cleaved off was getting to her, and the shower of blood was staining her favourite bed sheets. So, she quickly grabbed it out of Natsuki's mouth and stuck it back on with some PVA, hoping it would stick. When it just slid off and landed on the floor with a soft squish, Shizuru cursed Ero-Kami and had to get off the bed to pick it up. Scrutinising it carefully, she determined that she'd best stitch it back on.

"Natsuki's can you get the sewing kit out of the bedside table?" she asked absentmindedly.

With a muffled 'sure' Natsuki got off and wonkily stood up, reaching into the bedside table and pulling out a bag of first aid items. After pulling out an 'emergency repair kit for exploding breasts', a 'lotion to sooth smex induced bunions', several packets of cocaine and a copy of 'Hawt Yuri secks 4 dummies', she finally found a small packet labelled 'Breast-sewing kit' and went over to Shizuru, sitting down next to her.

And so, they sat in silence for a while whilst Shizuru sewed her left breast back on. The scenario is a bit odd, you have to admit.

And then, they got back into bed and fucked each other senseless for the next three weeks straight (haha…). It was announced that the lovely pretty castle of crappy sparkly platonic shoujo-ai was to be knocked down and that there was to be a school called Fuuka academy for insane superpowered lesbians built there.

It later became known as Garderobe academy for insanely superpowered lesbians who are acturally allergic to straight sex, and who wear tentacled robe-thingys.

And Princess Natsuki became the King Natsuki the First of Fuuka, with her queen, Shizuru. They reigned over the land forevermore, and lived forever because that idiot Midori had discovered that the secret to eternal life was the rubber chicken, which Shizuru had stolen from the director. Arika and Nina and Erstin became a threesome, and The Hentai-squad formed a youth group called the 'yuri scouts' which is now widely practiced all over the world. Sachiko and Yumi became pioneers in the breast-reparation industry, and Miss Maria was banned from wearing leather EVER AGAIN.

And so, a new saga begins; The Queen of the gays: Fellowship of the Dildo.

Jus kidding.

---o---

And there! It's done! Phew, smut! I'm sorry if it wasn't as funny, but I actually intended to make the whole chapter smut, and then I got this odd image on Natsuki biting one of Shizuru's breasts off, and well, yeh, it just kind of happened.

Please note that there will be no continuation of this series unless everyone really wants it. I'm currently working on a new one, which is very different; but I think you guys will like it.

Have fun, and I'd just like to say a big thanks to KookieX7 KAMI YAH YAH XD ( I think that's her, sorry if I misspelled) for continuing one of my favourite fics, Imperfectness: High School. If you haven't read, it you must.

You see there? Clicky on the review button. You know you want to!

(Squiggly thing) Emiri

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