A/N: Lolz gais, hi. This is a new idea of mine that has been done before, but I want to do anyway. So don't flame me going: 'TIZ BEEN DUN BFOAR, B URIGINAIL, DOOSH!!!!1', cause I honestly don't give a crap.
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage, has overcome countless hardships, faced many Akatsuki members, and even dealt with the Kyuubi almost killing him. But will he be able to handle a baby?
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto…lmao, the list goes on. Tobi would be a good boy, not that evil Madara guy (or he'd be Obito. I'm pushing for Tobito), Deidei-kun would be alive, Temari would move to Konoha, Naruto and Sakura would be together, Ino would accept her status as resident whore (before you flame me, look at her Shippuuden outfit, and look at the way she obsesses over Sasugay and other guys, then come and talk to me about it), and Pein woudn't have used his Rin'Negan to transform into some Deidei lookalike. As you can see, none of that happened. So it's safe to say that I don't own Naruto.
A/N 2: Chapters might be short. Deal.
Month
1: Nachos n' Cheese and a supermarket disaster
Prologue
Uzumaki Naruto, the Rokudaime Hokage, the hero of Konohagakure, has overcome countless hardships, faced off against almost every Akatsuki member, and even dealt with the Kyuubi nearly killing him. There was nothing that he couldn't handle.
So when the young Hokage was informed that his wife, Uzumaki Sakura, was having a baby, Naruto assumed that it would be a piece of cake. I mean, if he could deal with everything he'd already been through, then hormones, weird food cravings, morning sickness, and the other joys of pregnancy would be nothing. Oh boy, how wrong he was…
Month 1
"NARUTO! GET YOUR FAT ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW! I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR!" Came the unforgettable voice of my beautiful, yet clearly hormonal wife, Sakura.
'Already? Jeez, she's not even a month pregnant, and the hormones are already kicking in. Why?' I, Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage of Konohagakure asked myself.
Groaning, I arose from my desk in my private study, and slowly trudged downstairs.
"Hai, Sakura-chan, what do you…?" I began to ask my wife, but was cut off by her demand.
"Cheese, Naruto. I need cheese. I can't have these nachos over here without cheese." She said happily, pointing to the enormous bag of Nacho Chips, as her mood drastically switched.
All was silent for a few moments…
"What the hell, Sakura-chan? You don't even fucking like nachos and cheese!" I shouted angrily at my wife.
"Since when did I not like nachos and cheese, Naruto?" Sakura lashed back, with equal anger, if not more.
"Sincealways! I've always heard you complain about how much you hate the stuff, and now you…you want me to go and get you some?" I asked incredulously.
"Hai. I do." Sakura said sweetly.
Sighing, I looked at my wife. "Alright, Sakura-chan. What else do you want me to do?" I asked her gently.
"I want you to go to the goddamn supermarket, and get me some goddamn cheese for my goddamn nachos! AND MAKE SURE IT'S SKIPPY CHEESE!" She shrieked, scaring me out of the mansion.
At the local supermarket…
' Christ, I can't fucking believe I'm here, looking for cheese for my hormonal wife…' I thought bitterly as I sifted through the aisles of the local supermarket, looking for the Skippy Cheese that my wife requested, well rather, forced me to get.
'Ah…damnit, I can't find it…Sakura-chan will…' I thought, terrified but those thoughts were interrupted by an all too familiar voice.
"Naruto-kun! What brings you here to this local supermarket?" Jiraiya, resident pervert, husband of the Retired Godaime, Tsunade, and writer of the ever popular 'Icha Icha' series asked me.
"Feh, hey Ero-Sennin. I'm just looking for Skippy Cheese for Sakura-chan…' I muttered.
"Skippy Cheese, Naruto-kun? Since when did Sakura-san eat Skippy Cheese?" Came the voice of another familiar voice. It was Tsunade, former Godaime, and Jiraiya's wife.
"Hey, baa-chan. Nice to see you too. Oh yes, I'm absolutely fabulous." I grumbled, looking at the older woman resentfully.
"Anyway…why are you buying Skippy Cheese for Sakura? I didn't know she ate it." Tsunade asked me
"Well, Sakura asked for it." I replied.
"Why?" Both Jiraiya and Tsunade asked at the same time.
'Shit…nobody's supposed to know about this...if anyone finds out, then Sakura-chan's gonna kill me!' I thought. 'I need to think of an excuse, quick!'
"Be…because…Sak…Sakura now loves nachos and cheese…she's craving it now." I stammered nervously.
"Naruto-kun…come with me. We need to talk. Tsunade-chan, go look for what we need." Jiraiya said, pulling me towards the other side of the supermarket.
"So, Naruto…what did you do to her?" Jiraiya asked without preamble, grinning evilly.
"N…nothing! I didn't do anything, Ero-sennin! Shut up!" I stumbled nervously.
"Right…sure…Naruto…from the way you're acting, I think you did something to Sakura…" Jiraiya deduced.
"Well…if you're so sure, then what did I do?" I said, nervously, with a hint of confidence.
"You…you cheated on Sakura-chan with Hyuuga Hinata-san, of course!" Jiraiya concluded happily.
"Wh…wha…what? No, of course not! I didn't cheat on her, Ero-Sennin no baka; we're having a baby! She's pregnant, for God's sake! I'm here getting her cheese because she's craving the damn stuff! I didn't cheat on her!" I nearly shouted at my sensei.
"A baby, eh...why, congratulations, Naruto-kun!" Jiraiya grinned, congratulating me
"Th…thanks…" I muttered.
"Hey, Tsunade-chan!" Jiraiya shouted across the store.
"Ahh, Ero-Sennin, what are you doing?" I wailed, attempting to stop the pervert from revealing my secret.
"What, Jiraiya?" She called back across the store.
"Sakura's pregnant! That means that Naruto's gonna be a daddy!" Jiraiya shouted back to his wife.
"Really? Congratulations, Naruto-kun!" Tsunade shouted back.
"Thanks…baa-chan, thanks Jiraiya. Thanks a lot…" I muttered angrily, as I grabbed the cheese and stormed towards the cash register, trying to ignore the 'Congratulations, Hokage-samas', and the 'Way to go, Narutos' that the shoppers said to me. I quickly paid for the item, and left the store.
Back at the Hokage's mansion...
Panting heavily, I opened the door, and re-entered the house. I entered the living room to find my wife happily dipping nacho chips into a vat of ketchup.
"Wh…what the hell are you doing, Sakura-chan?" I asked my wife, shocked.
"What the hell were you doing, Naruto? What took you so long? How long does it take to go to the damn supermarket, and buy me my damned cheese?" She asked angrily.
"Uhm…hehe…I kind of saw Ero-Sennin and baa-chan there…and one thing led to another…" I began, as her expression changed to a look of curiosity.
"Well…what happened?" She asked me.
"Ero-sennin found out about the baby…and now the whole village knows…" I mumbled, bracing myself.
Sakura merely shrugged, took the cheese from my hand, and poured them all over her nachos.
"So?" She asked, popping one into her mouth.
"You…you don't care?" I asked, relieved.
"Not really." She replied, eating another nacho.
Sighing, I sat down next to my wife and pulled her into a hug, who returned it immediately. "I love you…" I murmured into her hair.
Swallowing her food, she replied with a quiet 'I love you' back, and kissed me passionately. I returned the kiss, with an equal amount of passion. After a few minutes, I pulled away.
"Jeez, Sakura-chan, how can you eat these nachos with ketchup? It's so nasty…" I muttered, trying to get the taste out of my mouth.
"Oh…you think it's disgusting, eh?" She asked me playfully, and promptly shoved a nacho in my mouth.
"Ew, Sakura-chan! I don't want to eat this! I'm not you, I'm not pregnant!" I shouted, spitting the nacho out.
"Oh, really. Well, thanks to you and your stupid boy penis, I am. So you'll have to eat the foods with me, just because of that." She replied, handing me another nacho.
I groaned, and reluctantly put the nacho in my mouth, and began chewing.
It sure was going to be a long nine months…
A/N:Lolz, did you guys see that Grey's Anatomy reference there? So, basically, Sakura's pregnant, and Naruto's not exactly excited. Every chapter will be about a month after the previous one, just to be clear. I also don't have a hardcore beta, and I'm frantically searching for one. So if you want to be my beta, just drop a review
Next Chapter: You want what? A penis?
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