Disclaimer: JE owns the characters.

A/N: I am not abandoning War Zone. The first half of this chapter popped into my head about three weeks ago. I wrote it and then put it away for a rainy day. That rainy day came while I was at work last weekend along with three other chapters. Now, it's crowding my FF account and taunting me. So, sit back, relax, and hopefully you'll enjoy this. As always... Thanks Linda.

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My name is Stephanie Plum. I'm a Bond Enforcement Agent for my cousin Vinnie. Vinnie owns Vincent Plum Bail Bonds and I'm his only Agent. Well, I take that back. I'm not his only one. There's also Lula, my side-kick and partner in crime. She use to be a ho, but now she's a file clerk for Vinnie. Not a lot of filing actually happens when Lula is in the office. Plus, there's also Ranger. His my mentor, friend, and my Cuban dream-sex companion. He owns a security company called RangeMan that I sometimes work at. I usually only go there when the bounty huntering is going kind of slow.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be slowing down at the moment.

I have four FTA, failure to appear, files sitting on the front seat of my brand new 2004 Chevy Tracker. Brand new to me, that is. I have my cuffs tucked into the back pocket of my faded jeans, mace in my front pocket, stun gun sticking out of my other back pocket, gun in my purse under the front seat of my car. Better there then the cookie jar at home, right? I'm standing outside of a trailer that I know all too well. I'm now on a first name basis with the man that owns this trailer that sits out in the middle of nowhere.

I was contemplating going up to the door and knocking when my cell started vibrating in my pocket. I got a momentary hot flash and then dug it out of my pocket. What can I say? I haven't had sex in two months. I glanced down at the caller I.D. and smiled.

"Yo," I said when I answered my phone.

"Yo."

"What's up, Ranger?"

"What are you doing out at Diggery's?"

"He's FTA."

"Lula?"

"Shaking in her boots back at the office."

"Babe."

I sighed and shook my head when the line went dead. I was always so amusing to him. I felt my normal reaction to the thought of the extremely large snake that Simon owned as I pushed myself off of the side of my Tracker. I made my way over to the steps and pounded on the door as I shouted my regular greeting.

"Bond Enforcement!"

The door flew open and a very drunk Simon smiled down at me. He reached out and grabbed the front of my shirt. Before my brain could register a reaction, I was pulled through the front door and pushed down into a chair. The nervous feeling that I had just a moment ago about the snake had quadrupled. I briefly wished for a time machine to transport me back five minutes so that I could climb back into my Tracker and fly back to the bonds office.

"Steph," Simon slurred. "What brings you here?"

"Simon," I said as I looked nervously from Simon to his father to his brother, all extremely drunk. "You missed court yesterday. I need to get you re-bonded."

"Sure, Steph," Simon said after he downed the rest of his beer. "Let me piss and then we can go."

I started to feel a little better about three drunk Diggery's when I watched Simon disappear down the hall. Maybe this won't really be all that bad. Simon's father and brother chatted me up while I waited for him to come back out. They seemed to be very interested in the bounty hunter business.

I wish that hind sight was more like before sight. I should have known that something was going to back fire on me. I saw everything happen in slow motion as I made two very stupid mistakes. It was like an out of body experience. I watched myself pull out the stun gun and show Diggery's father how to use it. Mistake number one. I watched myself hand it over to him. Mistake number two. I watched as he turned it on me and then I watched myself slump over. Hey! The blackness falls over you even when you are having an out of body experience. Who knew?

"Steeephanie."

I could hear someone calling me, but I couldn't get my eyes to open.

"Steeephanie."

Who is calling me? I finally got one eye pried open and looked into the face of a still very drunk Simon Diggery. It took a moment for my brain to click back into place. Once it did, I realized the bizarre situation that I was now in. I found myself tied down to a chair with clothes line rope and, what I'm absolutely positive could only be, my own hand cuffs securing my hands behind my back.

"Would you like to see your new hair cut?" Simon asked with a very large grin.

I felt all of the blood drain from my face. Hair cut? I looked into the mirror that Simon held in front of my face and started to see black dots appear in my vision. Simon tapped the side of my face and started massaging the back of my neck. I looked up at him and sucked in a breath of air once I realized that I wasn't breathing.

"I guess that wasn't such a great idea," Simon's dad said as he leaned in to get a good look at my face.

My vision got a little blurry, so I blinked and let the tears fall.

"Oh, Man! She's crying," Simon's brother said. "I can't stand it when a woman cries."

"Let's get her free," Simon's dad said as he unlocked the hand cuffs.

Once they got me up out of the chair, I took a couple of steps back from them and ran my hands through my hair. Maybe I need to rephrase that. I ran my hands over my scalp. They had shaved my head while I was out after I had been stunned. I looked up at Simon and felt more tears fall down my face.

"Find a hat. I can't let her take me in like this. Morelli might freak and get her to press charges on us," Simon said to his dad.

Fifteen minutes later, I was driving down the road with Simon sitting next to me. I had taken a moment to wash off my face and throw on some more mascara before I threw on the wool nit hat that Simon's dad had found. It still had the tag on and it smelled brand new, so I threw it on and tried to tell myself that it really wasn't all that bad.

I had held it together pretty well, even when we got to the back door of the police station. I was climbing out of my Tracker when I heard a low whistle come from behind me. I turned around to see Big Dog and Carl standing in the doorway.

"Are you missing hair?" Carl asked as he squinted at me.

"Do. Not. Say. A. Word." I hissed at the two men that were already shaking with silent laughter.

I pushed the guys out of the way as I escorted Diggery into the station. I was thankful that he felt bad that his dad and brother had shaved my head. He was a little angel through the re-booking process. I was standing at the booking desk talking to Robin when I felt a familiar hand being placed on my lower back. I looked up over my shoulder and smiled at the light brown eyes that were staring down at me.

"Hey, Joe," I said as I turned around.

"Cupcake. Carl said that I just had to come and see you. Why?" Joe said quietly as he leaned down slightly.

I ever so proudly ripped the hat off of my head and ran my hand over the peach fuse that might be considered hair. I watched as Joe's face went white. I grabbed the body receipt that Robin was handing me and cruised out of the station. I smiled and waved at everyone that I passed as I made my way out. I was still smiling as I climbed into my Tracker and pulled out of the lot. I was actually starting to feel okay about the new hair cut. It was weird, but there were a few upsides to this. It cut an hour out of my morning routine. I wouldn't have to check the weather channel every morning to see if it was worth going all out. Skips wouldn't be able to pull my hair anymore. Yep! I'm feeling a lot better about this. Denial is still my best friend.

I cruised into the bonds office and threw myself down on the couch. I looked from Connie to Lula and back again. They were both gaping at me. The office was completely silent. It was so silent that I could hear Vinnie in his lair. I shivered when I heard a continuous squishing sound. It was definitely time for some noise before I got any mental pictures about what Vinnie was doing.

"What?" I asked Connie.

"Where is your hair?" she asked cautiously.

"Laying on the floor in Simon's kitchen," I said calmly.

"What?" Lula shouted. Evidently she came out of her stupor.

"It's a very long, very embarrassing story that I will never tell," I said as I started fishing around in my purse for my body receipt.

I felt the atmosphere change and I got a familiar tingle on the back of my neck. I decided to ignore it and continued on my hunt. I finally found the paper and walked it over to Connie's desk. She was nervously tapping her fingers on her desk. I followed her line of vision out the window. Ranger was standing at the door frozen with his hand on the handle. I smiled as I walked over to the door and opened it.

"Babe," he whispered as he took in the sight of my bald head. "What happened?"

"Simon's drunk father and brother happened," I said as I continued to smile at him.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the office. I allowed him to pull me down the side walk and into the alley. He released me and started pacing the alley. This isn't a good sign. Batman doesn't pace. He stands and stares. That's just the way that he is. I stood there and watched him pace for a few minutes. The silence was starting to get to me, so I put my hands behind my back and started fidgeting. I, for some reason, always felt a little uncomfortable fidgeting in front of Ranger.

"What?" I shouted when I couldn't stand the silence. I was pretty proud that I held out for about five minutes. But, come on. He pulled me out here, right?

"Did they hurt you?" he finally asked once he stopped pacing. I was expecting the pavement to catch fire from the death glare that Ranger was giving it.

"Just my pride."

"Babe."

"Ranger," I said as I walked over to stand in front of him. I used his own moves against him and gently tilted his head up to look into my eyes. "I know that I should be a little crazy right now. But honestly, I'm okay with it at the moment. It was my own fault anyway."

"How?"

"You don't really want to know," I said as I released his chin. "That's one thing that the Diggery's and I are taking to the grave."

"Babe," he said with a hint of a smile before he disappeared out of the alley.

I was about to vacate the alley when my cell phone started vibrating in my pocket again. I pulled in out and grimaced at the caller I.D. My Mother. I weighed my options carefully. If I don't answer my phone now, then she'll just keep on calling. If I answer my phone, I'll never hear the end of how she has a hopeless daughter who now has no hair. Before I realized what I had done, I found my phone open and my mouth saying, "Hello, Mother."

"Did Simon Diggery really shave off all of your hair?" my mother shouted through the phone.

"It wasn't Simon," I reasoned. "It was his father and brother."

"Why do you have to do this to me?" my mother shouted. I had a feeling that it was a rhetorical question, so I just let her continue her rant as I left the ally and walked into the bonds office. "Why can't you be like..."

I had heard it all before. Why couldn't I be like someone else's daughter? Why was I such a disaster? Why didn't I quit my job, marry Joe, and start popping out kids? It was the last one that did it.

"Mom!" I shouted into my phone as I stood in the middle of the office. "I told you two months ago that Joe and I are finished. Joe is no longer an option."

"Don't be silly, Stephanie," my mother chided. "Just make him dinner and put out and things will be just fine."

"Ohmygod! I know that you didn't just suggest that I should sleep my way back into Joe's life!" I shouted. "Have you lost your mind?"

"No, Stephanie. I'm just trying to be realistic. You're thirty-four years old. You're divorced. Thank God you don't have any children. Then you'd never find a man," my mother said. "Just suck it up and go back to Joe."

For the first time in my life, I actually hung up on my mother. I felt the sudden urge to break something and decided that the small phone in my hand would have to do. Connie and Lula had been silently watching me for my reaction to my mother and I suspect that neither one of them had been expecting what I was about to do. It was confirmed when they both winced as I pulled my arm back and then let the phone sail through the air and hit Vinnie's office door.

That didn't feel like it was enough, though. I needed something bigger. Something with an explosion and flames. I was blessed by God when I heard the door squeak open. I turned around and saw Joyce standing in the door way. She looked stunned for a brief moment before a supremely large grin flashed over her lips.

"I love the new hair cut, Stephanie," she said as she moved into the office. "Who is your new hair dresser?"

"Mr. Diggery," I said cheekily. "If you'd like, I could get you an appointment."

"No thanks," Joyce said as she sashayed passed me towards Vinnie's office. "The 'Mister Clean' look isn't in at the moment."

I cut a look at Lula that warned her not to say anything. She huffed from her seat on the couch and we all watched Joyce disappear into Vinnie's lair. I quickly ran to the back storage room and started riffling through the boxes. I found my hidden treasures and ran back out into the office. I crept up to Vinnie's door and stuck my ear against it. I could hear Joyce giggling like a school girl. Perfect!

"What are you doing?" Lula asked as she eyed my hands.

"Destroying the phone wasn't enough," I whispered as I moved passed Connie and Lula and headed for the door. I took a moment to load both of the guns that I held in my hands before I attatched the silencers. Lula and I had confiscated them from a couple of gang members a few of weeks ago. I don't know why I had hid them, but right now, I was glad that I did. I looked over my shoulder at Lula and gave her an evil grin. "I really like Joyce's pretty red, Jeep."

I hear Lula bolt from her seat when I opened the door and stepped out onto the sidewalk. It was ten-thirty in the morning on a Wednesday and the streets were deserted. God really was on my side today. I manuevered myself between Lula's Firebird and my Tracker and squatted. I looked over my shoulder when I felt Lula brush up against my back.

"I am so not missing this, Whitey," Lula whispered.

"Be look out then," I whispered. "Tell me when the coast is clear."

I looked back over at Joyce's Jeep. It sparkled under the bright sun. I hated that damn Jeep. It was always so clean and it never had a water spot on it. Anywhere. Even after it rained. I was working myself up into rhino mode whan Lula whispered from behind me.

"All clear."

I took a deep breath and started firing at the Jeep. The only thing that we could hear was the breaking of the glass as I shot out all of the windows. Lula started giggling when I moved on to the tires. I started to giggle when I started shooting at the passanger side door. The rapid pinging was light and barely noticeable, but you could tell what I was doing. Pretty soon the smiley face was recognizable and Lula was silently shaking behind me. I gave her one last evil grin as I took aim at the rear end of the Jeep and popped off two rounds.

The explosion that occured on the other side of the street was one like I had never seen before. Joyce must have just topped off her gas tank. My mouth fell open as the Jeep hopped up in the air. While the vehicle was airborn, it flipped over and exploded once again. The pretty red Jeep landed with a resounded crash. I swear that I felt the ground shake.

I felt two hands grab my shirt and haul me off of the ground. Lula threw me into the alley and we both took off running. We ended up a block down the street behind the bakery. I stopped by the dumpster and bent over as I tried to catch my breath. Lula was on the ground in front of me, coughing and laughing at the same time.

"That was... the greatest... thing... I've ever... seen," Lula said between caughs.

"I feel... so much... better," I said between wheezes.