John watched numbly as Rodney faded from his mind. He wasn't dead. I didn't kill him. Opening his leaden eyes, he saw people staring, and smiling. Finally, turning his head stiffly, he found McKay's face grinning back at him. Nope. Not dead.

His body was sore and aching from head to toe; John felt deep bruises forming everywhere. But it wasn't real! Attempting to calm his heart, he lay back against the pillow gasping. His heart needed to escape as much as he did, apparently. I feel like I've gone ten rounds with Ronon.

"Colonel, I need you to calm down. You're safe now. Just rest." Jennifer Keller's large innocent eyes loomed above him, trying to console him. "Whatever happened in there, I'm sure it wasn't easy. Sleep." While she didn't know Colonel Sheppard very well, she knew he probably wasn't the man everyone saw in their dreams. But nothing she said would abate the haunted look in his eyes.

John could almost see what she was thinking; her face was so expressive. There's gonna be a run on sleeping pills for the rest of the month. Way to go, John! See if you touch anything again... He heard Rodney's complaints and Sam Carter's genuine concern for her new team. As exhausted as he was, John couldn't let himself fall asleep. What if this is a trick?

"It's not a trick, Colonel," Rodney announced wearily to his right. "I thought we cleared this up, already. I'm me, and you're you."

So now you're a mind reader? He wanted to leave this hard gurney, but his body wouldn't obey.

"No, Sheppard. I'm not a mind reader. You're just being obvious."

"Not that obvious, McKay. Just being careful."

Keller watched Sheppard's eyes droop as he fought sleep. Shedding the rest of the hazmat suit, she gently pulled off the monitor leads from his arms and chest. The doctor frowned at her patient's cool clammy skin; shock was always a possibility. "Colonel? Are you cold?" As much as she hated interrupting their easy banter, it was time to assess the health of John Sheppard. The colonel's brow twitched, as if he forgot she had been standing there. He had been listening to McKay drone on and on about the things he saw, anchoring himself in reality.

"Answer the question, Colonel." Rodney twisted around until he could see his friend clearly. He could see Sheppard was fighting to stay awake.

"I... Yes, a little," John said breathily. Something was sitting on his chest; he wondered briefly if this was what a panic attack felt like.

"A little? He's probably freezing then," Rodney huffed as he sat up.

"I'm not freezing! Just..." Empty! Say it! John shrugged slightly and winced. The beating he took in his head seemed to be catching up to him. It wasn't real! Nevertheless, his shoulder throbbed in time with the beat of his heart.

"We need to get him back to the infirmary right now." Keller rattled off medications and doses over the top of his head. "Colonel? Tell me what's wrong."

What was wrong with him? John felt like he was missing part of a conversation. Her voice was muffled while Rodney's accusatory tone rang clear and true in his head.

"John? Stay with me, John." The doctor tried to get his attention as his eyes slipped close. She studied his face and realized it wasn't a shadow under his jaw. "Oh my God," she whispered. Another bruise presented itself where John's shirt had risen up on his right side.

"What– Where is he going? Why won't he say anything?" McKay's blue eyes became intensely blue as he stared fiercely at her. "What did you do?"

Keller wasn't sure she'd ever hear that tone of voice again. McKay had a way of making her feel like a first-year resident; and she had no idea how anyone could tolerate him. Swallowing the lump in her throat, the doctor turned her best stern look on the scientist. "You're both going to need some scans, and I'm hooking you up to an EEG. The colonel," Keller pointed with her chin in the direction of the retreating gurney. "Colonel Sheppard is very dehydrated, and seems to be exhibiting bruises."

"He looked exhausted," Sam Carter chimed in from upstairs. "How long do you think he'll be out of it?"

"No way to tell right now, Colonel." Turning back to McKay, the doctor lay a hand on his shoulder. "You both need plenty of rest–"

"Rest? Yes, yes of course we do," Rodney said, impatiently waving his hands. "What did you say about bruises?"

Keller wasn't at all sure she should feed the scientist's hypochondria. As the gurney was wheeled out of the observation room, she glanced at McKay thoughtfully, trying to gage his reaction. "Can you tell me what you saw? "

McKay leaned back against the pillow; his eyes lost focus as he remembered being in Sheppard's head. "I saw the real Sheppard on the floor, with evil Sheppard standing over him. He – um, bad Sheppard– told, um, John, that it was his fault that everything happened. The bad dreams, my death, Kate's death–" McKay stopped cold, his face lost all color. "He knows, right? It's not his fault. If someone's to blame, it's me."

"I don't think–"

"No, no, no. They were fighting, and obviously Colonel Heroic was losing." McKay's hands resumed their animated movements. "Can you imagine getting beat up by yourself?" His blue eyes lost focus again.

"Not literally, but I see your point."

"It's not his fault. It's mine. If I had figured out that energy source faster... He must be feeling so guilty–" The scientist snapped his fingers at the medical staff. "Hurry up! We need to be there when he wakes up!"

"It can't be that bad–"

"Look, you're new here. You don't know how Sheppard operates. The only one who could get to him in the worse way was probably the entity."

Keller frowned as they entered the infirmary. Her new staff had efficiently changed the colonel into scrubs; a scanner slowly making its way down his prone body. Sheppard seemed to be only slightly aware of what was going on, and his pale skin was mottled with more bruises. When the scan was done, he curled on his side with his back to them.

"Why is he– He's covered in bruises! Did you drop him?"

The nurses merely smirked and ignored him, but Keller took offense. "Now wait–"

"Doctor Keller. Here's the results of the scans," one of the nurses interrupted. "Don't mind him."

"I'm sitting right here!"

The nurse covered Sheppard with a warming blanket. "That better, John?" Sheppard mumbled an apology. "No reason to apologize, Colonel. It was no trouble."

But the apologies didn't stop, and the man was increasingly agitated. Keller place a tentative hand on his shoulder feeling him shiver. As she was about to say something, when she felt a presence next to her.

"It's really okay, um... John," McKay said quietly. He rounded the bed to face his friend. The blue eyes widened as he studied the swollen face. "So stop saying you're sorry."

The colonel mumbled something apparently only for Rodney to hear. "I did, didn't I?" McKay pulled up a seat, trying not to stare. "You should see yourself. I mean, you look bad! Eye swollen shut, a fat lip and puffy cheeks. Should be a winner with the nurses."

"Should see the other guy," Sheppard slurred.

A brief, sad smile curved McKay's lips. "I did see the other guy. Not a mark on him."

As much as Keller wanted to interrupt their conversation, she knew John's vitals were better than earlier. She left them arguing about clowns, whales, and the lack of women. The new Chief of Medicine couldn't help thinking she dropped in on an ongoing conversation that may have started days ago.

A day later, both men were released from her care. They both had explicit instructions to rest. John's bruises weren't serious and miraculously cleared in the course of a day, but he still had quite a shiner. McKay had teased him about it, of course.

"Think the mess has a steak?"

John furrowed his brow. "A steak?"

"Yeah. My mom used to put one on my black eyes."

"More than one?"

McKay rolled his eyes. "Have you met my sister?"

-------------------

The End.