Okay, so I finally got around to uploading the chapter. The next isn't written, I'm fooling with it, but I hope you'll enjoy this one. Also, it was brought to my attetion that there is a severe lack of smut lately - yes, yes there is. I'll work on that too. But, until then, please enjoy and drop me a line if you have a second. Thank you. And if you sign in, I can respond! So don't forget that I like to talk to you more than anything and sign in if you can.

Kira

Kira

I didn't just see that. No, I couldn't have! Backtrack, back, back, things were fine an hour ago. I listened to Tetsummi go on about pushing myself, hauled my stiff body through warm ups and managed, barely, to finish a few sparring sessions. Had lunch, worked on some stray paperwork and headed over here. After Kotetsu nagged me some more and put me through some kind of horrific torture she called 'healing,' I escaped and made my way to the door now under my hand. I can hear the shuffle of cloth from behind thin wood and feel the bubble of panic in my throat.

No, not yet, just wait, "Wait." Silence and the pad of feet away from the door. My head moves slowly forward to rest against the back of my hand. Okay, relax Izuru. You're fine. I close my eyes and they snap open immediately. The image of the two curled up in bed is burned into my mind and even opened eyes won't make it go away.

Yumichika draped over Ikkaku's body, thin hands pressed to the broad chest, slender body twisting against my lover's. Ikkaku's hand pressed to the dark head to pull it closer while the other moves over the slim back. Their mouths touching, and moving slowly, the barest flick of tongue to wet their lips.

I feel sick.

It's not what it looked like. No, it can't be. It's not. I kneel beside the door and tuck my legs up against my chest, arms wrapped around them. A simple sight shield keeps anyone from stumbling over me. Izuru? Small hands flutter over my hair and a slight weight moves my knees away from my chest as Wabisuke settles into the gap of my lap.

I drop my knees to let her sit in the cradle of my legs and hug her tightly. Just a minute. I… I don't know what I need; to sit quietly for a moment perhaps. Cry a little and sort it out. For once, she doesn't pick at me. Her voice vibrates through me as she hums against my chest, arms around my neck and head on my shoulder.

We sit through three songs before quiet steps stop beside us. "Should I send for someone?" Captain Unohana stands as calm as ever, looking down the hall as if she always stops to speak to thin air. Isane looks around briefly but says nothing.

I remain silent and still for a moment then shake my head. No, I have to see them. Calling Tetsummi to get me would be useless and would upset him more. Long hair bobs once in a nod of acknowledgment and her robes move off with quiet rustles. Soft lips touch my cheek and Wabisuke leans her nose against mine. Izuru?

Poor girl, she doesn't know what to do either. I'm fine. Go ahead. If I take her in with me it will look like I want a fight. And I don't. No one has done anything worth fighting over. A deep breath and I push the door open slowly.

The flowers are gone from the floor, stuffed in a water pitcher by the bed. At least they aren't in the way. Yumichika is sitting in the chair staring at the floor, hands folded in his lap. He stands immediately and opens his mouth but nothing comes out. I suppose he doesn't know what to say either. How odd. I would think his mouth would be going as quickly as always; surely this isn't the first time he's been caught in a compromising position. Ikkaku is sitting up, leaning on a little pile of pillows with his eyes fixed on the door. "Izuru!"

"Ikkaku. I see you're feeling better." I smile and walk forward slowly to brush my thumb over his jaw.

He grabs my hand and tries to drag me forward. "Look, 'Zuru, it wasn't what you think, we" I resist his efforts to force me into his lap and brush my fingers over his mouth, cutting off the babble.

"Of course." If I had any doubts, which I didn't, they would be erased by the near panic in his eyes. Ikkaku would never cheat on me. I know he and Yumichika have been together for a long time and I know they will always be close. "I love you." I lean in to kiss his nose and feel the sigh of relief. "But it will not happen again."

Whatever they had is past, I believe that, and they may be together in the future but the present is mine. Only a fool would stand between Madarame Ikkaku and Ayasegawa Yumichika but I've always been an idiot anyways. My eyes meet Yumichika's and we stare at each other; my chin rises when he refuses to look away. "Izuru, c'mon."

I narrow my eyes at the brunet to show I'm not backing down and turn my eyes to Ikkaku. He's staring up at me with a horrified look on his face. "Hm?"

"Babe, love, c'mon. It's Yume, you can't kick him out." More like I can't make you leave him, you inconsiderate ass. "It's nothing, we weren't doing anything. It didn't mean anything."

Rage wells from my stomach to my chest and swirls in my head; I could have let it go if he had ignored it. "Then why do you feel that you have to defend yourself?" Answer that why don't you? I didn't want to fight but I am so angry right now, with them both but mostly Ikkaku. He sits there, arms around my waist and tries to justify kissing someone else by saying it doesn't mean anything. "If it didn't mean anything, why were you doing it?" And that too, I'd love to hear it.

"You're being unreasonable." He's glaring at me but when I start to pull away, he clings, dragging me partially onto the bed.

Yumichika takes the chance to butt in as he examines his nails. "He does have a point." I arch a brow at the unexpected support and he grins that mocking smirk of his at me; I snarl back and he laughs. Ikkaku is pulling me closer and burying his nose in my stomach. I almost think he's trying to protect me.

"Yume, cut it out." His voice is a bit muffled but my partner manages to make it clear that I'm incapable of defending myself; maybe Yumichika and I should have had this out a long time ago. "You guys both cut it out." I slap my lover over the top of the head for getting that annoyed tone in his voice.

Who does he think he is? I am not a pet to be called off by a word. From the look on my brunet opponent's face, he feels about the same. "Shut up, Ikka." Yumichika's hair tosses and he plants his fists on his hips. "If he wants to play with me, you should let him." We glare at each other. "After all, I love educating children."

That's…a scary look. His eyes look like a layer of ice has dropped over them and his movements are slow and deliberate, no longer playful and light. Maybe I should have kept my big mouth shut. No, don't back down! If you give even a millimetre, he'll run for it. I set my feet more firmly and Ikkaku groans, arms tightening around me.

"Damn it. You two and your fucking tempers." We both look at him. "Fine, move it." His teeth grit and he eases to the side to roll his feet to the floor.

"Ikkaku, stop that! Lie down." Anger, jealousy, everything is forgotten in a flurry of worry. My hands flutter over his shoulders, too afraid of hurting him to actually push. "Please! You're supposed to rest."

There's a blur of dark hair by my face and a small hand shoves broad shoulders to the bed. "Yeah, get back down there." I frown and slap the offending hand away before rubbing at the hit spot on my lover's shoulder. "Hey!"

"Shoo. Ikkaku, you should have something to drink and go back to sleep anyways." My back turns to the slight form and I don't see the hand that smacks me in the back of the head. "What the hell is your problem?" I can't believe that jerk just hit me!

A long nail pokes me in the shoulder. "You little upstart, how dare you try to dismiss me? You're nothing but a childish brat." I slap his hand away and growl. "As if you could command me." Long hair tosses and the delicate looking hand gestures towards Ikkaku. "As if you could possibly claim him from me."

That fucking asshole! I grin at him suddenly, enjoying the unnerved look on his face for a second. "He's already mine."

Ikkaku

Why is this happening to me? All I wanted was to sleep a bit then go home and give Kira that spanking he so clearly needs. Instead, I'm stuck in the middle of some kind of warped triangle. I want Izuru, Izuru wants me, and Yumichika wants neither of us; but he's still there. The other half of my soul, my life partner.

Watching them bristle at each other makes my head hurt. All because of a little kiss. Maybe it wasn't okay for me to kiss Yume but it was never a problem before. They're pushing at me and arguing over who has the right to fuss. "As if you could possibly claim him from me."

"He's already mine." I can hear the smirk, the absolute confidence in Izuru's quiet voice. He doesn't even bother to yell.

Oh god, any god. Not again. Don't let this happen again.

Izuru pushes Yume's shoulder and even I can pick up on the energy rising from the fighting pair. Yume goes to push back and I sit up to grab his hand. "No more. Enough, both of you." I'll make it stick this time. I feel like I've fallen backwards almost two hundred years and am watching Yume fight with Kolai.

She was blond too and couldn't stand that Yume was allowed to crawl into my bed and lean over my shoulder whenever he pleased. She also started a possession war with him over me. I chose Yume and walked away that time but not this time. I won't choose either one of them and I'll force them into a truce no matter what.

Kira's watching me, pale eyes considering for a moment before he steps back, hands loose at his sides. I can't tell what he's thinking but he doesn't leave or yell. Yume's hand clenches in mine, digging his nails sharply into my skin; his rage teeters on the edge and I hold him back with only my touch.

It isn't only Izuru, or even him, but Shuhei. Yume feels lost without a lover, without someone he can adore and be worshipped by. He's been alone so long, he craves it desperately, regardless of the cold front he puts forward. I understand but I can't let him rip into my blond. Izuru is… so much more than a partner or a soul mate. He is the glue that binds me to this life, the tie that keeps both halves of my soul together.

The goal I've walked towards since I crawled to my feet centuries ago.

My best friend releases me with a defeated sigh and turns his back. "I'm going to get more water." I can't believe he just backed off. I don't have to talk him down more, fight him over this? Behind Izuru's back, a purple eye drops in a quick wink and the door closes quietly. My eyes fall closed and I let myself flop backwards to the bed. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

"'Zuru, sweetheart, you can't fight Yume." I'm sure we've had this conversation before. "Please, love." Reduced to begging and I don't even care. If I can keep my darling safe, it'll be worth anything. Because I can't fight Yume, not even over Kira.

He stares at me then turns his back, arms wrapping around the still thin chest. "If you'll choose him, do so now." My stomach turns.

I reach out to run a finger over his spine and tug at his belt. "I won't choose either of you." It feels like I'm trapped between two storms, each shredding at me and yanking me in different directions. Not opposites, I could resist that, but different, enough to tear me apart and destroy us all. "How could I?"

His shoulders shiver but he leans into my touch. "You love him." A plain statement of fact, a fact we both know to be true. "But you love me." Another fact but not as strongly, as confidently stated.

"Yes." To both, to everything, to anything my Izuru has ever or will ever ask of me.

I wish I could tell him what he wants to hear but I promised not to lie mere days ago. "But I only love you." My heart aches at the pain in his voice.

Loving him, needing him, craving him like this, is the hardest thing I've ever endured but the most wonderful at the same time. "I know." And it's no easier for him. It's impossible for me to tell him, to put such things into words; I can only hope he realizes that he is everything.

Izuru

Arguing with Yumichika is a circular exercise in wasting time, a logical nightmare, but I can't seem to stop. Even if I bend to Ikkaku's desires and back off, the brunet picks at my senses, his presence snipping at my temper. My opponent has slipped away, leaving me to face my lover alone, listening to him tell me what I may and may not do. It itches, that he thinks me so weak as to need his protection; it aches that he believes me weaker than someone who hasn't even reached Bankai.

We trade meaningless words, old arguments that we can never finish. I wish he would lie, if only about this.

I want to cry so much. My fingers tremble against my arms as I lean against the strong hand on my back. He says he knows but he doesn't. He doesn't understand what it is to be second in someone's heart, to have your loved one hesitate before reaching out to you, torn between two desires. I want to lean back more, to allow him to comfort me. Maybe I should.

Bit by bit, I ease backwards and let Ikkaku settle me to his side. "I love you. So very much, it hurts if I think about it." His words are gentle, as soft as his hands. I shudder into his side and feel the thin blanket being drawn up over us both. More time, I need time to think and sort things out. But time seems so short these days, fleeting when I need it to crawl the most.

Saying nothing, I lay and breathe quietly into my lover's chest. Ikkaku loves me and he loves Yumichika but not the same. Time has passed and it will never be the same for them again. He says he won't choose. Perhaps he meant he can't choose. A soft murmur into tanned skin and he looks down, worry and an almost fear in his eyes. I examine the dark brown, so deep as to almost be black, and sigh to myself.

Of course he won't, can't choose. And it is unfair of me to ask that he do so. It still hurts that he adores and needs someone else as much as me but it isn't more. No, Ikkaku loves no one and nothing more than me. "I love you." The words make me feel helpless but his smile, his smile is the world.

We'll make it. We'll work hard, stand strong and fight and we'll make it.

But there will be no more kissing of anyone who is not me.

Yumichika

I always knew Ikka was a fool.

He is too greedy in our new life. Before we came here, following Kenpachi in a never-ending chase, he would never have tried to have both lover and partner. I never asked him to choose me over anyone nor demanded he leave them behind. Though, I have chased a few bitches off and certainly will not allow a property war without retaliating. And I will even admit to discouraging Kira a little, when he seemed more a liability than we could afford to have; this is no longer the case of course and I am glad they found each other, despite my interference.

However, Kira was right; I was wrong to kiss Ikka.

But I will not admit it to that bleached brat. My eyes narrow when I think of his sneakiness in attacking both Ikka and myself. He will be punished but going after his lover was too low, intended or not. Perhaps I will apologize, once he has been punished properly. I stride out of the Fourth and head for my own apartment. It has been too long since I was there; only a few days but it feels much longer.

Perhaps I should move back to the Eleventh. There is plenty of space and more than a few warm bodies that wouldn't mind visiting my room. Especially with the new recruits being due in a week, there will be plenty to do. Kenpachi won't mind, he will just yell for the third seat's room to be vacated by whoever has moved in temporarily. And Yachiru will be pleased to see me, I'm sure.

The tightness in my chest can most easily be ignored there, surrounded by my own people. People who understand strength of both body and soul and the demands it can make. Ikka lives so freely it has always been all I could do to follow closely enough to touch him; he doesn't understand what it is to truly be alone. He was always attached to nothing but fighting. And me, of course.

Perhaps it was that way for too long. For both of us.

I pack a little bag and make a note to stop by Ikka's later and get my other things. I'll have someone from the Fourth bring the rest later. The entrance is quiet for once and I slip in silently, stalking the sound of dishes from the back. Why is it so calm? Yachiru at least should be making some noise. A few men wander the halls and bow out of my way; they are oddly submissive.

This is a little creepy and I speed up to find Kenpachi – he'll have the answers. Speaking of, there he is. Sprawled out in his favourite position, sake cup at hand while he stares into space. "Captain, I'm home!" It always irritates him when I'm happy so I fluff my hair a little and flop down beside him.

"Huh. Bring the idiot?" So the gossip has made it this far already; even he thinks Ikkaku will be kicked out. I laugh and shake my head. "Huh."

"I'm moving back in, isn't that lovely?" He grunts and I look around. At this time in the afternoon, Yachiru is always playing in the yard but I don't hear anything. Yet I hesitate to ask; Kenpachi isn't known for his patience with useless questions and Yachiru's whereabouts usually counted.

Small talk has never been Kenpachi's strong point and we sit in silence. "Go get the brat."

Finally. "Where is she?" I'm terribly curious.

He shrugs. "Somethin' about the Tenth. That Lieutenant, the one the guys like so much, she came by." What would Matsumoto want with Yachiru?

They are friends, of a sort, but they hardly have anything in common. Unless…Yachiru isn't taking an interest in guys? No, can't be. But it would explain the Captain's bad mood. And the bowing in the hall; no one wants to be around if Yachiru should decide to date. And I will definitely be in the most direct line of fire. Crap. "Sure, I'll go find her and bring her back for supper." Be casual, be casual. Oh, Ikka is going to die when he hears this!

It only takes a moment to flit by the Tenth and to follow the sound of delirious squeals. Well, they certainly sound like they're having fun. I pass Captain Hitsugaya in the hall and he looks like he means to stop me for a second then shakes his head and moves on. What in the world are they doing in there?

Ah. A Fourth division member is sitting on the floor, surrounded by makeup and frilly bonnets. Matsumoto is giving lessons while Yachiru just draws aimlessly on the hapless boy's face. And chest and anywhere else she can reach. I clear my throat and am met with identically manic grins. "Yumi! Sit down, have a drink!" The sake bottle is waved at me cheerfully and I realize Rangiku's mania comes directly from the alcohol she's pouring down her throat.

Must be trying to shore up her courage to baby-sit. I decline politely and ignore the pout. "Lieutenant, I believe the Captain is getting ready for supper. Would you care to join us?" Her hands don't even pause in applying blue streaks to the trembling lips. "We're having stew tonight." Her favourite with plenty of little pieces to throw. If she gets rice as well, she'll be content for the entire meal, or half an hour, whichever is shorter.

"There!" She sits back with a pleased look to check her handy work. The young man looks about ready to faint but sits still pretty bravely for a Fourth division man. "Look, look, he's so pretty!"

"Charming. Lieutenant, it is time for the evening meal. Would you care to accompany me home?" I try to use formal language with her, hoping that she will pick up on it. Or at least some basic manners.

"Yeah! Let's go, Feather Brow!" I sigh and start to follow the dust trail; as always, another failure.

"Yumi, wait up, k?" Rangiku struggles to get to her feet then flops back down. I can't believe she's actually still speaking, never mind clearly. "What the hell is going on? I heard Izuru was in some kind of fight with Ikkaku then got in a scrap with the officers from the Fifth. Beat the shit out of them." What? Surprise must show on my face because she leans over, almost spilling out of her top for real, as opposed to the usual pretending she does. "Ha! You didn't know either!"

I glare and turn my back. I will not defend my information gathering skills to a drunk, no matter how well endowed. Her giggles take on an almost hysterical note. "I hear you got kicked out." I grit my teeth and take a step towards the door. "Whatsa matter? Finally lose?" My hands clench in fists and I force them to release before she notices; I will not let her see that she has bothered me.

"Perhaps you should worry about your own love life, hm? Hisagi is free again, you know. Perhaps you have a chance now." For the first time, the mention of Shuhei doesn't hurt, overlapped by rage. The door shuts firmly behind me and I stomp back home. That drunken bitch, how dare she pick at me? And Kira did not steal Ikka from me.

We're sharing.

Matsumoto

The door slams behind him and I stare at it for a moment before setting my glass down. This is so fucked up. I flop backwards and stare at the ceiling. Why did I say that? Am I really so petty as to kick him when he's down, over some guy?

Maybe.

And it's not as if it was a particularly important man either; I don't need Hisagi, I just kind of wanted him. I'll have to apologize later, maybe get a new ribbon for Yumi. He'll forgive almost anything for a nice ribbon or new scarf. I just can't believe I attacked him like that. The hurt flashing in his eyes before they iced over makes my stomach feel gross.

Everything is such a mess. Since Gin left, turned his back on everything for Aizen. I knew he loved his old Captain but I never realized he was so obsessed. Guilt teases at the edge of my mind but I stomp on it ruthlessly; he made his choice, for whatever reason, and it is his problem. Mine too, because he was, and is, my friend, but he did it and he has to live with the consequences.

I hope he's happy, if only for a while.

The alcohol is making me sappy. I should stop. But one more sip won't hurt – I'm already tanked. I lift my head enough to let bitterness slide down my throat and lick my lips before sprawling back out on the floor. Poor Yumichika, he really is a good man and doesn't deserve this. But neither does Izuru, possibly the most darling man in all existence, if only he'd stand up for himself a little more. It's Ikkaku, he fucks things up just by being.

He's loud and rude and obnoxious and he'd rather scrap than drink, which is just plain crazy. Speaking of, I should have another sip. Just a little bit. The bottle tips but nothing comes out. Empty. How could it be empty? It's a brand new bottle, I just bought it this morning. Well damn. What was I thinking about? Oh, Ikkaku. That bastard. How does he get to be so perfect no matter what kind of mess he is? Kira thinks he's the best thing to ever happen to him, Hisagi and Renji used to follow him like puppies, still do if they think no one will see, Yumichika would give up everything just to spend another day with him, already has from the stories I hear about before they came here.

I'm so drunk. It isn't Ikkaku's fault, it's nobody's fault our lives are so fucked. I wonder if they were before Aizen abandoned ship. Maybe it was always a mess but we wanted so desperately to be blind that we ignored the signs and covered our ears against warnings. Yoruichi and Urahara were right; it is a mess and was a hundred years ago.

"Matsumoto!" Uh oh. The Captain is back. "Get up and go to bed." He sounds so angry but not even a little disappointed in me. Maybe it's not a shock anymore.

"Hey, Shirou-chan, have a drink with me!" I giggle helplessly under his glare; I am so drunk! "But you'll have to go get more, we're out."

The soft pad of his feet approaches and I lean my head back to look up, grinning away. A knee hits the floor inches away and he leans over me, staring down into my eyes. "Matsumoto, you need to get up." So serious and cute. My arms weave back awkwardly to wrap around his neck but he shrugs them off. "Get up. Stop drinking and get going."

"Sure. If you gimme a kiss." Ha, like he will. Soft breath against my cheek in a sigh and he pulls away. I knew it. Another night on the floor.

I 'eep' as I'm lifted and tossed over a shoulder that isn't even wide enough to hold me. The bed is almost hard as I'm tossed down. "Get it together. Don't think you're the only one who wants to forget." Forget? I don't want to forget, I want to remember. Everything, the way we laughed and made our way through every day, the way life was simple and worked. He turns to leave and I grab his sleeve, clinging to the white fabric.

"Hitsugaya, do you think they're happy?" A brow lifts at me and I clarify. "Everyone. Kira and Shuhei and Momo and Rukia and Renji and Ikkaku and Yumichika and Nanao, and, and us. Are we happy?"

Those fascinating eyes stare down, so blue and pale they could be blind. He remains silent for a long time, just standing and looking at me. "Maybe not. Does it matter? Falling won't make it better, Rangiku." A short tug of his arm and he's free to leave, closing the door behind him. The wood blurs in front of my eyes before my head falls to the bed.

I'm not crying. I'm not, I won't, they don't deserve it.

But maybe I do.