Chapter Twenty: Your Eyes and Finale

Disclaimer: I do not own RENT.

Note: Finally finished my first lengthy story! Yay!

When we got back down to the apartment after our manly reuniting scene, the phone rang. Since we still don't actually believe in answering the phone, we just let the answering machine get it. And good thing, too, as it was Benny. He sounded…almost sad, like he did when he told us we only had a few hours to stop Maureen's protest. Strange.

"SPEAK!" Ah, good thing Mark didn't change that. It's classic.

"Hey guys, it's Benny. Look, I was wondering if you've seen Mimi." Wait…guys? How the hell did he know I was back? Stupid stalker…and isn't she HIS kind-of girlfriend? "I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks." How is this our business? "She dropped out of rehab and I'm afraid that she may have started using again." Wait…she was in rehab? Since when? Why did nobody tell me? Just because I didn't call and they had no real way of reaching me is no excuse to keep me in the dark about these things! Still, the information is coming from Benny and God knows I can't trust him, so I'd better go check and see if she's really gone. "If you find anything, let me know. I just want to know if she's alright."

I went down to her apartment and peered through the window. No sign of Mimi, so I went inside to further investigate. Nope, she's still not here. I guess Benny's been stalking her, too. Of course, he's clearly not doing a very good job if he managed to lose her, but…

"…it's Maureen," Maureen was apparently also helping us look. "Still no sign of Mimi. Joanne and I printed up some fliers. I'll call back if we hear anything." Oh, so they DID get back together after all? Nobody tells me anything! God!

"Hey, it's Collins. Just checking in. You heard from Mimi?" No, Collins, we haven't. And don't think I've forgiven you for neglecting to come visit when you moved to the same town I did! Honestly, Santa Fe is NOT that big!

"Roger, I spoke to the manager of the Cat Scratch Club," Joanne announced. That place has a manager? "She hasn't show up for work in a couple of weeks." And she still has a job? Wow, she must be REALLY talented. "She hasn't picked up her AZT in awhile." Possibly because since she also stopped picking up her paycheck, she can't afford it. "Couple of weeks. I'm really starting to get worried. It's getting cold out there."

"Roger, are you there?" Okay, now why in the world is Mark calling me? He lives here! "Look, I just went to the police station and filed a missing-persons report." Oh, good idea! Why didn't we think of that? Oh, right, because we don't trust cops after they started that riot at Maureen's protest."I spoke to a friend of Mimi's who said she saw her three weeks ago." That's really not helpful at all, but thanks for playing, Mark. "She said she's been living on the street." Why the hell would she do that when she has a nice, comfortable apartment she doesn't actually have to pay for? See, this is why I stopped being a junkie: drugs make you crazy.

"It's Collins again," I should be heading home, like, right around Christmas," Collins announced. Is it December already? Man, time sure flies when your friends all leave in-depth answering machine. messages at the SAME TIME. Seriously, isn't the answering machine supposed to cut you off at three or four minutes? "It's too cold out there. How can she survive?" Well thank you for your daring bit of optimism, Collins. That's JUST what I needed to hear right now.

You know what else I really don't need right now? A meeting with Benny. Either way, I kind of promised him I'm meet him at the Life Café to discuss the search for Mimi. I hope he doesn't expect me to actually pay for anything I may order there.

"Man," Benny greeted me.

"Thanks for meeting me," I managed to say, almost-sincere. Apparently Mark and Benny were friends again and he was helping the search for Mimi after paying for her rehab, so I will try and be polite if it kills him.

"Yeah," Benny said quietly, staring at his drink.

I got a waiter's attention and indicated I wanted whatever Benny had ordered. Please be alcohol, please be alcohol… "Have you seen her?" I demanded.

Benny just shook his head. Well, that was a waste of time. I should probably get going. On the other hand, it wouldn't do to leave without drinking whatever I ordered that Benny's totally going to pay for. Him paying for our things is good for him, I think. "No, I haven't seen her for a couple weeks." And he's only concerned NOW? "She was doing good for awhile, though," he said, sounding almost defensive as if he could tell that I thought he had been ridiculously negligent. "She was in rehab for a bit. Then she started using again and lost her job." Oh, so she did lose it after all? Perhaps that's why she didn't show up to work. Stupid manager, could've mentioned that. And she didn't lose her job while she was in rehab? What, did the strippers have a union and she took sick leave or something? And since her being on drugs wasn't a problem before, why would it be now? Because her angsting was depressing the patrons?

Benny looked incredibly unsure all of a sudden and I was nearly positive I wouldn't want to hear what he had to say next. "Listen, I just wanted to be there for her," he claimed, turning to me. Oh look, I was right. "As a friend, that's it. She still loves you. " Stupid Benny and his stupid making me feel guilty for actually proving to be a good person in the end…

"December 24, 1990, 10 pm, Easter Standard Time," I announced, still kind of in shock I managed to keep this whole film thing going for a full year now. "I can't believe a year went by so fast." Just like last year, Roger's messing with his guitar, though it is better tuned this year, but unlike last year, Roger's absence means I actually have footage to fiddle with.

The phone rings once then goes to the answering machine. "SPEAK!" You know, I think part of the reason we never manage to answer it personally is because there's only one ring. Seriously, unless we were standing RIGHT THERE, how could we possibly get to it in time.

"Hey, it's me, throw down the key," Collins said. How is it that he only feels we can identify him through voice alone about half the time and how does saying 'it's me' help at all if we can't identify him already? He is the only one who ever just orders us to do that, though.

"Hey, look who's home," I remark to Roger, sounding surprised in spite of the fact he's called us once every four hours or so since leaving Santa Fe. "Hey Collins," I holler down to him. "Don't get your ass kicked this time."

Collins just gives me a Look and heads to the door. Seriously, how the hell did he managed to get mugged here last year? Sure it's not the safest neighborhood, but I don't even get mugged here. Perhaps it's the camera that scares them away? Nothing says 'jail time' more than getting your crime documented like that. "Hey!" Collins said cheerfully as he entered the apartment. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas," I respond, trying to figure out how he managed to get all the way up to our apartment in roughly five seconds. "Welcome back."

"Come here," Collins orders, giving me a hug. "Take your key." Why is it in his mouth? He can't possibly have unlocked the door with it like that. Why couldn't he just put it in his pocket or with his stuff? "Hey, man," he greeted Roger, who was a lot more sociable this year that he was last.

"Hello, Thomas," Roger greeted formally before allowing himself to be pulled into a hug as well. "Merry Christmas."

"Hey, any word on Mimi?" Collins asked as if I wouldn't have told him one of the five thousand times he called if there was.

Roger winced. "No."

Fortunately, Collins a two-second attention span, so we could just leave it at that. "You got the projector – " Collins stopped, unable to believe it. "You finished your movie?!?!"

"I did," I announced proudly. And it's only fifteen years in the making.

"Well, I wanna see it," Collins informed me giddily.

"Okay," I shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant.

"And I thought you guys could use this to get some heat up in here," Collins said, pulling out a large wad of cash. He thinks we pay for heating, isn't that cute? He really has been gone for too long…

"You shouldn't have done that," I insisted, fully intending on taking the money anyone.

"Thank you," Roger said, planning the same thing. Now, for a rousing game of 'How Did Collins Get This Much Money, Was It Legal, And If We Accept It Are We Accomplices?' "Tutoring again?" Roger ventured.

"Nope," Collins denied.

"Back at NYU?" I guessed. He was in such a hurry to leave town after Angel's death that he didn't even bother to get fired; he just quit.

"Negative," Collins also felt the need to have a different response for every guess, even if they were all variations on the theme of 'no.'

Knowing that this could very well go on all night as Roger and I simply lack the imagination to figure out what he could possibly have done and Roger would never willingly lose to me, I quit the game with a , "Then how'd you get all this?"

"I rewired the ATM at the Food Emporium. Now all you need is the code," Collins answered smugly. Wow. Just…wow. How in the world did he manage to have enough time alone with the ATM in order to manage that? And this would most definitely make us accomplices. Still, free money…

"The code? What code?" I asked eagerly.

"A-N-G-E-L," Collins replied with a smile. Of course, what else? And given Angel's puppy-killing tendencies, no doubt she would approve. "Cheers." With that, we all downed some nice, Christmas-time alcohol. "Merry Christmas."

Suddenly, Maureen's panic-stricken voice rang out. "Mark? Roger? Anyone? Help!" Highly concerned, we all ran towards the window to see what was the matter. Maureen appeared to be fine, but Joanne was holding a dead-looking Mimi. Oh, that's not good… "We can't get her up the stairs!" Maureen explained. I doubt they even tried. "Hurry up, please!" Hey, it's not like we're even dawdling, we're just still getting the situation explained, is all.

"Mimi," Roger said softly, before bolting for the stairs. Collins and I followed him and, what do you know, we managed the trip in about five seconds. What, do the stairs freeze time or something?

"She's been living on the street," Joanne explained. Uh, yeah. We kind of already knew that, but thanks for playing. "We found her in the park. She wanted to come here?" Then why didn't she? You know, before she started freezing to death and whatnot. And did she really want to come to our apartment or her own? Because I just don't see how she could have possibly known that Roger was even back in town.

After another five-second stair trip, Collins and Roger – who had been supporting Mimi's weight between them, the lightweights – started looking around for somewhere to place her.

"No room on the couch," Joanne said, sounding like it was the end of the world.

"Just clear off the table; we'll put her there," I said vaguely. Although, we could probably just clear off the couch and get the same results, but…no time to second-guess yourself in a crisis situation. Still, Maureen and Joanne wouldn't need to run all over the place getting pillows and a blanket if they'd just use the already cushioned couch.

"Roger," Mimi said weakly, apparently conscious again. "You're back." So she didn't know. Then why in the world did she want to be here?

"I'm back," Roger agreed fervently. "I'm back, baby."

"Rog," Collins said, handing Roger his coat to give to Mimi. Shouldn't ROGER be giving up his coat to Mimi? I mean, I'm just saying.

Oh God, Oh God…what do you do in a situation like this? Mimi's so cold…That's it! "We need some heat," I announced.

"Okay, I'll buy some wood and food," Mark announced. Why don't we actually ever have any food on hand? And it's a good thing Collins just handed us all hat money or we couldn't even manage that.

"It's too late for that, man," Collins protested. "I'm calling 911." On Christmas? Good luck getting through. He just doesn't want us to spend any of his money. Cheapskate.

"Roger?" Mimi sounded confused.

"I'm right here, I'm right here, it's okay," I promised her. "I'm here. We got you. We got you."

Mimi, delirious as she was, apparently decided that singing was the best thing for her to do as she was kind of dying. "I should tell you, I should tell you." It's great she's advocating honesty for once (I'm still kind of peeved she wanted to sleep with me before she knew I had AIDS and wasn't planning on telling me about her HIV-Positive status), but is now really the time?

Nevertheless, it's best to humor dying people. Oh God, Mimi's dying. I think I'm going to cry. "I should tell you, I should tell you."

"I should tell you Benny wasn't any-" Mimi was so weak she couldn't even finish the sentence but she was that desperate to make me understand that they weren't really a couple. Way to make me feel like crap there, Mimi.

"Sh. I know," I admitted reluctantly. Fine, you know what, fine. We're friends again. Is everyone happy now? "I should tell you why I left. It wasn't cause I didn't-"

"I know," Mimi interrupted. That was kind of rude. I mean, yeah, I interrupted her and all, but that was because she needs to save her strength. On the other hand, I'm probably one of the healthiest dying people around thanks to Mark's obsessive mother-henning. "I should tell you."

"I should tell you," I echoed.

"I should tell you…I….love…you…" with that Mimi started a huge coughing fit. Wow, those were some great last words, but she does not get to give up me that easily! Especially not after I finally wrote my song for her! Don't faint on me yet!

"Who do you think you are?" I demanded. It took nearly the whole bus ride, too! "Leaving me alone with my guitar." And, of course, all my various friends who are just awkwardly watching us from the other side of the apartment. And did Collins ever actually get around to calling 911? "Hold on, there's something you should hear. It isn't much, but it took all year." Or roughly two hours, whichever. The rest of the year was spent procrastinating. And no, it is not in any way selfish of me to tell Mimi not to die until she heard my new song because I'd like her opinion on it. Not even slightly.

Maureen looked up at the sound of music playing but for once realized that now REALLY wasn't the time. Mark just looked awkward, as he always does when bad things happen, and Collins looked down, no doubt having flashbacks. Joanne…well, she just looked like a normal person watching one of her friends dying would look, I guess.

"Your eyes as we said our goodbyes, can't get them out of my mind and I find, I can't hide," I begin. "From your eyes. The ones that took me by surprise. The night you came into my life. Where there's moonlight, I see your eyes." That's not obsessive at all, nope. "How'd I let you slip away when I'm longing so to hold you?" Although I AM kind of holding her now. And I suspect the answer has something to do with me running off to Santa Fe and refusing to speak to her. In fact, we were speaking so little that we never really even bothered to break up, did we?

"Now I'd die for one more day," I declared dramatically. Of course, if I died and she were dead, I could just be with her then. "Cause there's something I should have told you. Yes there's something I should have told you when I looked into your eyes." Of course, I'm talking to her now and looking into her eyes, so I suppose I could just do it now, but where's the drama in that? "Why does distance make us wise?" Now's really probably not the time to be pondering philosophical questions like that.

"You were the song all along." Which explains why I could never write it until I met her. "And before the song dies…" I just love extended metaphors. "I should tell you, I should tell you, I have ALWAYS loved you. You can see it in my eyes." Which is good, because I'm not sure if I ever actually bothered to come out and say it. She stopped moving, that's not good. I pull her into my arms. "Mimi!" And now Mimi appears to be dead. That's just…that's not…she can't be. I don't…

After what seemed like forever, I saw movement in the corner of my eye. Mimi's finger was twitching. Why is it that whenever someone is supposedly dead and their hand falls out dramatically and limply to prove it, their finger is the first thing to move to let us know that's not the case? "Mimi!" I exclaim. Everyone else, who had on very sad faces, looked up at this, eyes wide.

Mimi, for her part, coughed a few times, then sat up, looking disoriented but a good deal stronger than she did a minute ago. So…dying is good for you, I guess? "I was heading towards this warm, white light," Mimi explained to everyone, who had gathered around her, looking solemn. "And I swear…Angel was there! And she looked good." Mimi placed her hand on Collins, who started laughing, happy that Angel had helped Mimi to return. "She said: 'turn around girlfriend, and listen to that boy's song.'" Yes! The power of love strikes again!

Of course, I really didn't know how to actually respond to the fact that Mimi had basically said she came back from the dead for me, so I settled with a nice, concerned, "You're drenched."

"Her fever's breaking," Maureen announced, putting her hand on Mimi's forehead.

"There is no future, there is no past," Mark randomly decided to remark. Yeah, he's REALLY not good with tense situations.

"Thank God this moment's not the last," I said, feeling slightly giddy.

"There's only us, there's only this," Mimi and I decide, ignoring everyone else's presence yet again. Fortunately, they don't seem to mind and Mark is probably used to it by now. "Forget regret or life is yours to miss."

"No other road, no other way," other people feel the urge to join in. "No day but today."

Mark, naturally, chose then as the perfect time to showcase his new film seeing as how none of us were paying the slightest bit of attention.

"I can't control," the girls started singing. "My destiny. I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. Without you the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats. Life goes on but I'm gone cause I'd die without you. I'd die without you. I'd die without you, I'd die without you, I'd die without you. No day but today!"

"Will I lose my dignity?" Collins, Mark, and I chimed in. "Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow. There's only now. There's only here. Give in to love or live in fear. No other path, no other way, no day but today. No day but today. No day but today. No day but today, no day but today, no day but today. No day but today!"

This leaves me with just one question: why the hell were we just recapping all the various inspirational songs we've gone through over the last year?!?!

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