"Choose Your Own Adventure" by Mereo Flere

Disclaimer: I do not own the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.

---

Okay.

This was bad.

Everything that I've been through before in my whole life...

All the trouble that Haruhi and her overactive imagination had gotten me into...

It was nothing compared to what I had to deal with now.

The worst part?

I had nobody to blame but myself.

---

It began as an ordinary day. The only thing remarkable about it was that it was Sunday, which meant there was no school that day.

However, the normalcy of the morning was soon broken by my sister barging into my room, holding a phone in her hands. Rather than just telling me that it was for me, though, she decided that the best course of action was to shove it in my face.

Literally.

At that time, I had been doing my best to ignore her and pretend to be asleep. Needless to say, my sisters efforts turned out to be better than my own.

Rubbing my face, I glared at my sister, who simply smiled energetically and shoved the phone towards me again - this time, a little farther from my face. Though I wondered, for a moment, what could make her so excited, I was too angry to care and told her to get out.

Obediently, she complied, though she returned a moment later - this time to leave the phone behind.

I was a little grumpy, but I felt it was justified, given what I had been through. Before I could get a chance to yell at whoever called me though, the voice blasted through the line - abusing my ear.

Apparently, my sister had left the Speaker Phone on.

It all made sense though, after the moment it took to recognize the voice.

Only Haruhi could ruin my day so early in the morning.

"What is it?"

"Kyon! Is it true? Is it true? It is, isn't it?"

I had no idea what she was talking about. Not that that was any different from usual.

"Is what true?"

"That you're a god!"

Now she was even making less sense than before.

Besides, wasn't she the one who was supposed to be a god - or whatever the aliens, time travelers, and espers called her nowadays?

"Just who in the world told you that?"

I swore, if Koizumi was playing another one of his tricks...

"That doesn't matter!"

Of course it did.

"Just tell me if it's true!"

I sighed.

Knowing her, she probably wasn't going to drop this until I gave her an answer.

"No."

And, just like that, I hung up the phone.

---

To tell you the truth, that should have been the right answer.

However, with Haruhi, few things were ever as they should be.

A moment later, another phone call came through, and I knew that there was trouble.

Confirming my fears, it was Koizumi on the other side.

"We have a problem."

There was always a problem.

"Did Haruhi do something again?"

"No..."

Koizumi hesitated.

That wasn't a good sign.

"That's not exactly it."

"Then what is it?"

I heard a laugh. Or a giggle. I couldn't tell which it was.

What I heard next, though, wasn't the least bit funny.

"The truth is...you are Haruhi."

Once again, I hung up the phone.

---

I let the phone ring for a few minutes, cast aside on my bed.

I was too busy panicking, and I wasn't sure exactly what I would say to Koizumi.

Fortunately, I calmed down - before looking down my own shirt.

Nope. No breasts.

Unless Haruhi really was a trap.

Taking a deep breath, I finally answered Koizumi's call.

"Are you sure about that? I mean, about what you said earlier."

"I'm quite sure."

"But I don't look any different, and I'm still in my own room."

"Ah. No. That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"You have Haruhi's powers. Though I can't explain it, we espers have detected that you are now the god of this world."

"Oh."

I really didn't know what to say.

That wasn't exactly something you'd expect anybody to ever tell you.

First Haruhi, and now Koizumi...

"You guys aren't playing a joke on me, are you? That's the second time this morning you guys said something so outrageous."

"Us guys?"

I could practically hear Koizumi blinking on the other side of the conversation.

"Who else called you?"

"Haruhi, of course. She asked me if I was God right before you called. You're not telling me she didn't put you up to this, are you?"

"No...I'm not."

That could be a problem.

"What did you tell her?" Koizumi asked nervously.

"No, of course. I'm not the type of person to think so grandly of myself anyway."

"Well, apparently she didn't believe you."

Apparently.

But wait.

"You guys can't seriously be that sure that I really have her powers, can you?"

"No...I suppose not. At least not until you test your ability."

"And how am I supposed to do that?!"

"I don't know."

That was really helpful.

I sighed.

There had to be something I could do. Something to prove that Koizumi was mad.

If only something or someone could give me an idea.

"Nyoro!"

...that wasn't quite what I expected.

"Koizumi, we have a problem."

One really big problem.

"Did something happen?"

"Yes," I said.

Absentmindedly, I waved my hand and smiled sheepishly at the new occupant in my room, who apparently had been in the middle of her morning routine when she had appeared.

Pajamas, tooth brush, and all.

"Hello, Tsuruya-san."

Well, it could have been worse.

It could have been Asakura Ryoko.

"Long time no see, Kyon-kun."

...I could already tell that this was going to be a long day.

---

I had to do something.

Fainting wouldn't help. I did consider it for a moment, but it would only cause more problems in the long run.

Screaming would only make things worse. The last thing I needed was my parents rushing in the room, finding two girls around my age, with one in nightwear and the other...well, not.

Though I was curious what had happened to Ryoko's clothes, their various states of dress or undress were the least of my worries.

I had to remain calm. Think of something.

Anything!

Nothing.

The fact was that I had never dealt with this kind of situation before, nor knew how to deal with it in the first place.

Though, it didn't help that Tsuruya-san and Koizumi were making a lot of noise in the background.

"What's going on here? How did I get here? How did she suddenly appear? Why is she naked?"

"Kyon-kun? What's happening? Did I just hear Tsuruya-san's voice just now? Who's naked?"

I ignored them.

While I would have liked to give them answers, I wasn't exactly sure what to say.

I wish I did though.

Getting out of this mess was more important.

Or, at the very least, I had to get them out of my room.

Wait.

That was it.

If stray thoughts could bring both of them here, then...

Well, it was worth a shot.

"Go home," I said, holding out my free hand to Tsuruya-san.

And, just like that, she disappeared. I could only hope that she was back in her own residence.

Still, that was surprisingly easy.

I tried the same trick on Ryoko.

...this wasn't quite as successful.

Though she tried to say something at the last moment, she disappeared from my sight just like my senpai had.

Only to reappear a moment later, in precisely the same spot.

"-isn't going to work, Kyon-kun."

Already, it seemed my new powers were giving me as much as a headache as their previous owner had.

"And would you care to explain to me exactly why you're so sure it's not going to work, Asakura-san?"

"Have you forgotten, Kyon-kun? I was disconnected from the Data Integration Thought Entity by my superior. In order to recreate me, my consciousness had to establish a new connection in order to exist in this world.

"You're my connection."

I groaned.

I wasn't exactly sure what she meant, but I knew it couldn't be good.

"In other words, Kyon-kun, you're my new master. Your home is my home too, now."

Great.

Just great.

---

I explained the situation to Koizumi.

He was just surprised as I was. However, after the initial shock (which lasted for a few minutes - I really hope that the Organization had a good plan), he came up with an answer to why everything had turned crazy.

"Suzumiya-san's powers have always given us trouble in the past. However, they have never been quite so..."

Insane?

"Volatile. If conscious thought was all that it had taken to activate her powers, then this world would have been in a much more chaotic state than it currently is."

He had a point.

I didn't dare think about it, though, lest such a world accidentally come to pass by my own doing.

"So, what do you think happened?"

"You've become self-aware."

"Repeat that again?"

"Even if you had Haruhi's power, it probably would have functioned in the same manner as when she had possessed them herself if you didn't know the truth. However, by realizing the possibility that you may have them, your influence over them surfaced into your conscious thought."

"So, in other words, you screwed me over by telling me I was a god."

Koizumi coughed.

"Apparently so, yes."

I sighed.

"That's...great."

"Look on the bright side. Now Suzumiya-san isn't the one ruining your life."

No, now I would get to do it by my own hands.

Yippee.

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"I...don't know. To be honest, this situation is entirely new for us as well."

"Isn't it obvious? You can do anything you want," Ryoko piped in. "There's nothing stopping you after all, is there?"

No, I suppose there wasn't.

However...

"Why are you encouraging that?"

She smiled sweetly at me.

"Isn't it obvious? I would like to see what you can do first hand."

That's nice.

Though, it might have been better if you were wearing clothes while you were saying something like that.

---

I was tempted.

I really was.

Anybody would have been.

Given the freedom to do anything - to be anything - to manipulate the very universe to my very will, there is not a single person in the world who wouldn't have wanted to abuse that kind of power.

However, things weren't that simple.

I had no idea how to control these powers. Knowing quite well what would happen if I left them unchecked, I couldn't afford to indulge myself in such passions.

Which was why I was having trouble getting clothes that would fit the new resident alien.

Theoretically, I suppose I could have just have had clothes for her. Yet, for the reasons I've already stated, it would be too risky to do so.

It wasn't because I enjoyed having a naked, young, pretty, naked girl in my room. Not at all.

I'm being serious.

While I'm sure there are some people who are into knife wielding maniacs who had been out to kill them at one point or another, I'm not one of them.

---

Admittedly, finding the clothes themselves wasn't the problem.

Shutting my sister up, however, was.

You see, shortly after I had finished talking with Koizumi, she knocked on my bedroom door. Naturally Ryoko thought that it would be a good idea to open it for her.

I have no idea why. Maybe she was just enjoying making things difficult for me?

Because of that, I had to pull her inside before she could alert my parents. Keeping her quiet afterwards was a task easier said than done as well.

Somehow, though, I managed to finally get clothes on Ryoko, after a few instances of my sister deciding to "help out" halfway through, of course.

It was then, and only then, that I listened to what she had to say.

"Haru-nyan's coming!"

Come to think of it, she gave up more easily than she usually did. Or, at least I thought she did.

"So - is it true? Are you a god? Is this girl one of your angels?"

I would hardly call Ryoko an angel.

But never mind that.

"Let me guess. Haruhi told you that too, didn't she?"

My sister nodded.

"Yep - this morning! I didn't know you were so important."

I'm not.

Or at least I shouldn't be.

Who in their right mind would have me as their god?

Oh. Right.

"So, when is she going to be here?"

"About one minute ago."

Someone behind me coughed.

Both Ryoko and my sister were in front of me.

I groaned.

"You know, Kyon, you really should learn to close your window."

I did. I locked it and everything!

"You should also learn to make sure that your sister doesn't open it for me while you're turned around, dressing our former classmate."

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Suzumiya-san."

"Same here. By the way, how was Canada?"

"Cold."

---

The last thing I needed was Haruhi getting personally involved in this mess.

And yet, here she was, chatting away with my once would-be killer and servant, on my bed, while I tried to glare at my sister who was oblivious to my gaze.

Eventually, I simply gave up on being angry, and turned to Haruhi.

"So, why are you here?"

"To find out the truth first hand, of course. I can't believe you kept such a secret from me all this time!"

"I'm telling you that's not true."

Well, at least it wasn't before you decided it was.

"Then tell me, what's this girl doing in your room!"

"She's my sister. She barges into my room all the time. Like, right now for instance."

"Not her!"

Haruhi narrowed her eyes, pointing at Ryoko, her finger just barely touching the other girl's breasts.

"Her!"

"Oh, her."

I glanced at Ryoko, and she simply shrugged at me.

For someone who was called me her master, she wasn't being very helpful.

"There's got to be a reason why she suddenly appeared in your room, naked!"

There was one.

I had made a very big mistake.

No doubt, I was going to make an even bigger one.

"We're lovers."

"That's right!" Ryoko said happily, wrapping her arms around mine. "We were having sex with each other earlier."

Just like that, Haruhi became quiet. Though her mouth was hanging open, she said nothing.

For the first time today, I was glad I was the one who had the world altering powers.

---

"What's sex?"

That's right. My sister was still in the room.

"That's-"

I clamped my hand over Ryoko's mouth.

There was no need for unnecessary explanations.

Unfortunately, Haruhi decided to supply one in her place.

"It's something that mommies and daddies do together."

"Oh. So they're a mommy and daddy?"

"No, but they might be soon."

Don't put ideas in her head!

"So, you used protection then?"

I didn't say anything. Neither did Ryoko.

Unfortunately, even with me keeping her from speaking, she simply nodded her head.

"Why would they need protection?"

My eye twitched.

"Enough questions," I finally said. "Why don't you and Haruhi go play outside?"

"Okay!"

"Hey, you don't think that I can leave you two to alone to do dirty things, do you?"

"Would you rather stay with us, Suzumiya-san?"

"Yes! I mean, no! That's not what I mean! I forbid such a relationship between you two."

I repressed a groan.

"Please, Haruhi, just go. I need to talk to Ryoko here. I promise that we're not going to do anything naughty."

Haruhi stared suspiciously at me.

"Promise?"

"Didn't I just do that?"

She hesitated, but in the end she simply huffed, and took hold of my sister's hand.

"Fine, I'll trust you this time. Let's go find Shami, Imouto-chan."

---

I watched the door close behind them before turning to Ryoko, who seemed to beam at me.

"So, sex?"

"No."

Of course not.

That was something called a lie.

Besides, Haruhi was probably pressing her ear against the door as we speak with my sister.

Well, it wasn't like we were talking loud enough for them to overhear.

"You're no fun."

"This is serious business."

"I don't see what the problem is. The worst thing that could happen is that you might destroy the world."

Was that supposed to be comforting?

"I am only being honest. I don't enjoy lying, you know."

Aside from deceiving the whole school, tricking me into coming to the classroom to kill me, and the lie about being lovers that we just told Haruhi of course.

"If you really want to seek help, then may I suggest Nagato-san?"

That's right.

If I ever needed an explanation, Nagato had been the person who could give me one.

While I usually needed Koizumi to translate for me, at least the former DITE Agent beside me didn't speak quite as complicated as her fellow alien.

Though...

"Why couldn't you tell me yourself?"

"I don't want to. Also, it is the very fact that you are inexperienced that I am incapable of most of my intended functions. Since I am connected to you, I am affected by your own ability to act.

"Simply put, I am currently unable to analyze the situation myself."

So, I had to go ask Nagato after all.

"Shall you teleport us there?"

Once again I considered my options.

We couldn't go through the front door - and even if we went through the window they would probably catch us sneaking out.

Though it would be suspicious, it wasn't like we weren't attracting attention anyway.

Besides, I had teleported someone earlier, so we should be fine.

Though I still had reservations, I held out my hand to Ryoko.

"Let's go."

A moment later, we were gone.

---

At first, I couldn't tell where I was.

We were supposed to be in Nagato's room, but it was too dark to see anything.

That was probably because the lights were off.

The only thing I could be sure of was that Ryoko was by my side, still holding my hand. Still, standing around and doing nothing would get us nowhere.

Letting go of Ryoko, I took a step in a random direction...and tripped.

Thankfully, I didn't fall far. I even landed on something soft.

A moment later, Ryoko turned on the nearby lamp.

That was also the time that I learned that Nagato usually slept in the nude.

(Later on, I would find out that this was a trait that most of the aliens I knew shared, but that would be a story for another time.)

"You've come," Nagato said beneath me, opening her eyes.

For some reason, I could hear Ryoko giggling in the background.

---

After Nagato got dressed (who fortunately did not require the same amount of attention that Ryoko had), we discussed what had happened.

Not that it was necessary.

Apparently, the Data Integration Thought Entity had already noticed the shift in power as well. If the pattern held up, all the groups that had been watching over Haruhi knew what had happened.

The fact that they had yet to do something about it though was a mystery to me.

"The possible consequences that might have occurred had you been provoked were unknown. Rather than create a situation unfavorable to our objectives, the Data Integration Thought Entity put a priority on your stability than your potential."

Or so Nagato had explained it.

However, there were those out there who had taken radical steps before. To think they'd do nothing now...

Well, no reason to look a gift horse in the mouth.

The question was now, what was I going to do about these powers?

"We could have sex."

Ryok-no, Nagato?!

"It was only a suggestion."

I'm sure this could be completely explained as a subconscious desire of mine influencing the mannerisms of the people that I encountered meeting a certain criteria to act out in a certain way...

But that was still out of character for her.

It was proof that my powers really needed to be dealt with.

If this continued, my status as a moral human being would become tainted.

Who was I, Haruhi?

Besides, I liked it better when everybody acted nor...like themselves.

"What else can I do about these powers?"

Nagato remained silent for a moment, slowly putting her shirt back on. To tell you the truth, I hadn't noticed when she had taken it off again.

She moved quick. Even quicker than she did the time she fought Ryoko.

...I'll have to keep that in mind. In case she ever tries to attack me after this.

"You could simply go back to the moment where this began and prevent Suzumiya-san from ever believing that you were a god. That should correct the situation and return the world to the state it was before."

Is that so?

"But wait, wouldn't that mean that Haruhi would be back to her usual self again?"

"That would be one of the results of that coarse of action, yes."

---

Suddenly, I wasn't sure what to do.

On one hand, these were giving me problems...but on the other, hand, so did Haruhi.

I needed someone's advice on this.

Someone who's suggestion wasn't to have sex with them.

In a situation like this, there were only a few people I could go to. As one was unavailable, and another was currently trying to - Nagato, stop that! And Ryoko, stop helping her! - well, you know, I had only one person I could call.

Koizumi.

Yet again, I explained the situation to him, emphasizing the new developments.

In the end...

"We could have sex."

I didn't even want to know why he was acting that way too.

Shutting off the phone, I didn't even bother to give him a reply. However, in a way, he had helped me figure out what I wanted.

"Enough of this."

All this power wasn't worth all the headaches it was giving me.

I focused my mind, deciding to go back to the time that Haruhi had become convinced that I was a god.

---

It worked.

Too well, actually.

There was no disorientation, and I immediately recognized where I was.

Haruhi's house.

Specifically, inside her bathroom.

While she was taking a morning bath.

She looked at me.

I looked at her.

Mentally, I noted that she wasn't a trap after all.

And then...she gasped.

"It's not what it looks like!" I said frantically, waving my hands in front of myself.

"That's amazing!"

Her response was not quite what I had expected.

"Are you an esper? You are, aren't you?!"

She hounded me with questions, backing me up against the wall as she asked them.

I couldn't respond. At least, not coherently.

Finally, when I was trapped in a corner, with her still trying to figure out how I had suddenly appeared, I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

"I'm not a god! Really!"

And then I disappeared.

---

As I said before, I had nobody to blame but myself.

Me and my stupid mouth.

---

"So that's pretty much what happened," I explained to Mikuru, who had been pretty much been left out of this event.

"Ah...so, from the beginning, it all happened because it happened in the first place?"

"Yeah...confusing isn't it?"

Mikuru shook her head. "Actually, with what I'm involved in, it's pretty common."

Oh, that's right - she was the time traveller of the group.

"Ah, but it's still classified information."

...naturally.

I sighed.

It seemed that for now, my adventure had come to an end.

Or was it a beginning?

I'm not sure.

I still don't know what I'm going to do from now on, nor how I'm going to control these powers.

I didn't even know what I was going to do about Ryoko, who was convinced that she had to stay in my home, let alone deal with my parents and Haruhi.

For now, I'd just handle things one at a time.

"By the way, Tsuruya-san told me she had the strangest dream."

Like I said, one at a time.

---

Thank you for reading