Title - I'd Say Love, But That'll Mean Death

Rating - T

Pairings - SasuSaku

Disclaimer - Don't Own Naruto, Never Had, and Never Will

Summery - [AU - SasuSaku I'm you're average girl...if every girl was a genius and attended an all-girls' school that taught The Art of Espionage! And even though they taught us 20 different languages and how to kill in many different ways (one which involves spaghetti), the only thing I wish they'd teach - The Art of Boys.

Notes - Yes, this is based on Aly Carter's books I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You, and Cross My Heart And Hope to Spy. Those really are amazing books, and I'd recommend them to anybody who enjoys this fanfic.

Reviews are greatly appreciated. Now, on with the show.

Chapter One - Enter Misters "Ladies Fantasy"

"Is she dead? Is she dead? OMG! What if something happened!?" Tenten clutched my arm as if her life depended on it. Sighing, I wipe my brow free of the sweat that I was getting from my daily workout (AkA - P.E). Adding the fact that I had five hours worth of homework last night, which meant no sleep, and that I skipped breakfast, and was completely exhausted, it really wasn't a good time for my good friend Tenten to fuss about wherever Hinata was.

Things aren't always as they seem...one of the basics of The Art of Espionage! Or Spy School, to put it simply.

Yes...I attend a school for spies.

Gotta problem with that?

Good, because if you did, I'd just let you know now that I've mastered more than a dozen ways to kill a man (one that involves a string of spaghetti) and I get A's in my Physiological Warfare class. So I can easily fix that problem, if you want.

Tenten still kept fretting, so when I heard the doors creek open, I prayed that Hinata was there. She often skipped P.E, since her specialty happened to be her genius mind. I thought I was smart, but when compared to her, I might as well be the dumbest person alive (and that's saying something, since I'm in my junior year and taking PhD classes!).

Unfortunately, it was Ino who opened the large French doors that led to the vast field that seemed too green to be real. She strode over to us, twirling her blonde locks in the way lousy louts would call "attractive." Not that I wouldn't blame her to be. I'm the invisible girl (despite my pink hair which is NOT a birth defect, by the way!) and Ino's the popular type, perfect in every way, and always got the attention. Now, that would be a good thing, except that we go to a SPY school, so it isn't. Therefore, spying is not the thing for Ino.

She got her because she flirted her way in...at least, that was the rumor. And every time she talked to me, with her snobbish attitude and everything, I couldn't help but believe it. That little slut...ARGH!

And we have to share a suite! You know how much that sucks? Especially when you desperately need the bathroom, but she's in there for FOUR FUCKING HOURS just getting ready in the morning! And dude, in case you haven't noticed, THIS IS AN ALL GIRL'S SCHOOL! They're no guys here for the taking!

And yet she still waltzes in the room with that pretty little stride of hers, laughing and giggling like there was no tomorrow.

"Ugh...it's the pig," I mutter.

"Billboard brow," she snaps back.

I already had enough to deal with, especially with Tenten's whining. Oh how I wished that Hinata would walk right in and shut the brunette up, and how I wished I had Level Four Clearance, so I can murder the blonde bitch already!

"Um...what's going on?" a shy and skittish voice whispered behind me.

"HINA-CHAN!" I squeal, shaking her shoulders until it occurred to my teenage (genius) girl brain to stop. "Where have you been?! Tenten thought you died."

She blinked at me. I guess it takes a girl a couple of seconds to recover from that. "Uh...just handing in extra credit for Kurenai-sensei, that's all. Having a fight with Ino-san again?"

Oh yeah. I totally forgot about that. After all, Ino was completely unimportant to me. Who cares if she fell down a well and was stuck there? The only reason I would care is if I had to go down and get her (yeah, I'm a bitch. Get over it).

I turned around to give Ino a sharp retort, but we were interrupted by the P.A system. Tsunade-sama's booming voice came through the high tech, microscopic fibers that circled the school building. Everyone could hear it, and that was the point. Headmistress Tsunade was pretty pissed if you didn't pay attention to her...which is contradictory since it's a SPY school, and when you go to a SPY school, being invisible is the best thing you can be.

"Please report to the Grand Hall at 7:00PM Sharp (and when she said that, she seriously meant at 7:00PM SHARP) for the first dinner of the new semester," her voice bellowed. I rolled my eyes. She has a loud enough voice, and then she had to go and enhance it with the highest fiber optic technology. Sometimes, I never get spy school...

"You ladies are going to get a surprise..." and the line went dead.

Silence surrounded the junior girls of the Konoha Gakure Private Academy for Exceptional (and I mean EXCEPTIONAL!) Young Women. There were only about twenty of the juniors (being as most parents don't want to send their little girl to a school for SPIES). Although we were all different, we were bound by a string of sisterhood, as SPIES! And when spies hear the word "surprise" things usually take a turn for the worse.

Was it a test? At the beginning of the semester? Not even our school was that exceptional. Then what could it possibly be?

Hinata tapped me on my shoulder, awakening me from my stupor. "Let's get ready, then."

Slowly, I nod, and then lead the way back to the corrindors, preparing for whatever lies ahead in the Grand Hall.

"So what's the secret?" Ino said, brushing her hair with one hand and holding a curling iron in another. Rolling my eyes, I glance at myself in the mirror, pursing lips together and staring at my stick-like body in a Konoha Girls Private Academy school uniform. "Oh, honey..." the blonde stated. "You need some make-up tips."

"Shut it. And why are you getting ready like it's a ball! You should be practicing your languages! You never know what vernacular they're going to force us to speak!" I snap back. I'm getting tired of Ino and her little snipes.

She clicks her tongue. "Attitude. That's your problem." Ino turned back to the mirror and winked at her reflection.

After five minutes, I was out the door, and I still had to wait another half hour before Ino came out, her hair bunched up in curls and her skirt WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY shorter than it was supposed to be. I think she's a lesbian, because no girl would go so far to get ready for something that could be life-threatening...in an all girls school.

"Well c'mon, let's go! We're gonna be late!" the blonde whined, making her way down the marble staircase, like she wasn't the one that was late! Ino is sooo irritating!

Luckily, we got there just before the clock struck seven, and Tenten, and Hinata, being the good friends they are, saved me a seat. Plus, the teleprompter stated that we speak English in our American accents, and since that's my second native language (my first being Japanese) it was easy to converse. Especially for the seventh graders; they take a while to catch up.

"I just realized, Temari isn't here!" Hinata squeaked.

Ah...another person to introduce. Temari, a senior. She was practically our mentor when we first came here as very confused seventh graders (Tenten nearly got her head blown off thanks to the hair dryer!). It sucks to know that she'll be graduating soon, but I know that out of the whole senior class, Temari's definitely got a spot in the big leagues.

"Where do you think she could be?" I said, my accent a bit off. Tenten corrected me and just shrugged her shoulders.

"Do you think she's---"

Oh, please, Tenten, not the 'dead' thing again.

"I'm what?" a voice said. Looming above us is our savior, Temari. "Miss me?"

"Where were you yesterday?" I ask, sliding over to give room for our friend. She smiles at me, the evil smile. The smile that says she knows something that you don't, and when a spy sees that smile, they know it's over. And it's quite intimidating, even between friends.

"What is it?"

"You'll find out."

"I SAID what is it!?"

She turned to me, her grin widening. "It's not an 'it.' It's a who. I just had to pick up someone on my jet on the way here, that's all."

Something told me that wasn't all of it, but I was too exhausted to press for answers. It was 7:00, but apparently, nothing was happening yet, but I knew better than to get toasty, because that's what they want you to think. I kept my guard up, but not so much because I was DAMNED HUNGRY! NOW WHERE THE HELL DID THE FOOD GO!?

Maybe their poisoning it...maybe they putting sedatives in it? Or maybe they were trying to make me loose my mind, and they are apparently do just that.

"Sakura?" Hinata said, peering at me with her 'worried look.' How I hate that look - it's a mixture of the puppy dog look and a look a mother would give her child of he scraped his knee. It reminded me too much of home...not that I have much of a home to return to.

Now, you want to know about me is that correct. My name is Haruno Sakura (or is it?), and I attend a spy school for girls. I'm a super genius, and my identity is secret, even to the government. And since you know about our fine school, I see that you have about Level Four Clearance, so I can tell you about it, but I'm not going to so HA! (I'm such a bitch, I know!)

"Hm?"

Hinata couldn't continue whatever she was going to say because Headmistress Tsunade just took the stage...with her giant cleavage. I wonder if that was genetics, or she had plastic surgery, but there was absolutely no woman on earth with that huge of breast! How does she not get noticed? And how is she one of the top agents in our days? Seriously!

While, I was trying to picture Tsunade in an undercover mission and assuming a cover identity, she began her speech. "Welcome back, ladies, to another fine semester at the Konoha Gakure Academy for Exceptional Young Women. Last semester, I'm sure you learned many things," about spying, "camaraderie," with other spies, "perseverance," in spy work "and many other important subjects to pursue the career of your choosing." You mean spying!

Of course, when a school says that, and then teaches you how to crack a six-hundred character code, and how to change your identity with a simple nail cutter, then seriously, you have to be stupid not to get the point.

"But..."

"Uh-oh, not the but!" Tenten said, tensing up. Just about everybody in the room did; an air of apprehensiveness surrounded the room. Everybody was effected...except for Temari, who sat there with her million dollar smile. Now, I was more curious than ever!

"...We wanted to know how you girls reacted to the outside. We're not just training you for spying, ladies. It's for life."

Those words hung heavy as girls immediately silenced and looked up at the Headmistress with determined eyes. Tsunade seemed to sense the fire that was burning. We girls were definitely ready for anything.

Or so I thought.

"That's the spirit, girls. And so, we shall be playing host for a guests this semester. I want you to treat them with the manners and integrity I know that you have been taught well."

Would the hag get to the point already!? Who were these guest! ARGH! The suspense is killing me here!

"And so, without further ado...please welcome Masters Uzumaki Naruto, Nara Shikamaru, Hyuuga Neji, and Uchiha Itachi and Sasuke."

Ooh...their names sounded...sexy. What? Even if I'm a genius girl, we can't control hormones and puberty. In fact, I don't think anyone can...

Five brilliantly dressed young men walked into the Grand Hall from the French doors. Two brilliantly dressed HOT men. Immediately, I felt my stomach squelch, not from hunger, but from them. Because if there's one thing the Konoha Gakure Academy for Exceptional Young Women hasn't taught in it's 100 years...it's about boys.

And for some odd reason, here are the boys.

"Itachi-san will be you're new Covert Operation's Teacher, and these four young men would be joining you all for your classes," Tsunade continued her explanation. "And in case you're wondering...they're spies, too. Ladies, I want you to give your hundred percent talent and show them that woman can do whatever men can!"

Hard to do that when you're busy drooling over how deliciously sexy they all are. Apparently, they all happen to be juniors like us...(yay). Shikamaru and Naruto were busy acting stupid (how are they spies again?) and Neji had a superiority complex (I can tell). Hinata was suddenly fidgety whenever he was around (and so was Tenten!). Itachi was hot, sexy, in the mature kind of way. There's no way a guy like that would every take notice of me.

But that Sasuke...for some reason, I can't feel but hopeful around him. My heart just goes out of control, beating so loudly that I swear he could hear it. Dammit...this is not good for my legend!

"So this is the famous Konoha Gakure Private Girl's Academy...seems kinda classy," the pineapple head, Shikamaru said, yawing. Lazy type. HOW WAS HE A SPY!?

"I think it's soooo cool!" the blond (Naruto) exclaimed, jumping on the table and posing the classic Superman. "I'm gonna be the best!"

Not if you're that conspicuous. Hinata was suddenly blushing at the sight of him. I though she was shy, but seriously! Then again, this Naruto could light a fire in her! If he wasn't so stupid. (HOW WAS HE A SPY?)

"Calm down..." Neji muttered. He looked over at Hinata, and a surprised look crossed his face. It seemed like he was shocked that Hinata could be here, like she didn't belong here. "Well...looks like the weakest link is trying to pick itself up."

I could see how much inner strength Hinata had to muster to prevent herself from crying. Now NOBODY MESSES WITH MY FRIENDS! I don't care how hott he is (or how mad Tenten might get at me later for messing up that pretty boy face of his) but he's going DOWN! I could've killed him right there, if Temari hadn't stopped me and sent me a glare.

Oh yeah. I wasn't allowed to do that. Whoops. YOU'RE SO DAMN LUCKY THIS TIME, HYUUGA!

"What do you know about her?" I said, as snobbish as possible. Who know hanging around Ino could help out so much?

"Excuse me? Are you talking to me?"

I cross my arms and turn around to face him. He stared at me, hardening his glare. GLARE GLARE GLARE GLARE GLARE!!!!!! "Must've lost your brain, maybe that's why you can't process what I'm saying."

Naruto made an "OOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

"What did you say?"

"That just totally proved my point."

Hinata looked up at me, tugging at my blouse sleeve and telling me to stop. I ignored her. This guy hurt you, Hinata! I'm not going to let I'm get away with that. "She's your cousin, and you dare speak to her that way? Have you no respect? She came here because of her hard work and effort, and that alone is enough to prove that she's better. Don't go around here proclaiming anything else, because we all know that Hinata could wipe you clean on a chessboard."

Several of my sisters gave cheers of approval. Hinata was crying, but out of gratitude, and Neji's jaw was on the floor. Tenten gaped at me and then at him before saying, "Way to go, Sakura."

I heard a clapping noise. Looking up, I see Sasuke, a look of mock approval on his face. "Very impressive, Miss Haruno. Neji needed some sense knocked into him."

"How'd you know my---"

He pointed to himself and stated the obvious. "Spy."

Duh. And an awfully good one; I could sense it in my intuition. Something about Sasuke was either ticking me off, or giving off the challenge vibe. And when you sense that, and you're a spy, we take the challenge head on!

"So then...I'll see you tomorrow at class."

"See you then."

The Challenge has been issued.

So...what did you think? Good? Bad? Needs something else. Please tell me anything you want, I'm open for criticism. Anyway, I'll be working on my other fan fics as well, so please enjoy this one, too! Have a great day you guys!

+Kunoichi Warrior+