Title: The Future Freaks Me Out
Genre: A serious FLCL crossover (which means it's not crack!fic). Or, you know, as serious as you can get with these two universes competing for attention.
Disclaimer: Neither Kingdom Hearts nor the mind-fuckery that is FLCL belong to me. Those rights go to Square Enix and Gainax respectively.
Warnings: Echi, Rokusasu echi!! Heh...nah, nothing big in this one.
Do you have the time to read everything I write?
All I can say is…my apologies. This chapter was held up by a number of things, all of which are, by a strange coincidence, both boring and none of your business. Anyway, I can't promise it won't happen again, because, well, I just can't, but I'll have you know that this is too much fun for me to just give up on. So…on with the story!!
"That looks...bizarre."
Roxas scowled.
Wednesday, August fifteenth. Sixth period lunch. He was chewing on a ham and cheese sandwich, absently listening to Sora, Hayner, and Pence chatter aimlessly while Olette sat on the desk next to him, making the occasional snide remark about the large bandage on his forehead. Of course the vespa incident had to happen just around twelve hours before the first day of school. Would the world really have it any other way?
"You're hiding something, right?"
I hate her.
"Quit being stupid, Olette. I told you guys already, I fell down the stairs."
She smiled like a predator, a sprawling grin that looked entirely wrong when surrounded by her small face. It was altogether creepy, and Roxas found himself grateful that Sora chose this moment to scream bloody murder.
"No!! My super-spicy curry's missing!!" The boy was pawing through his green backpack, searching desperately for any sign of his food.
"Hm…super-spicy..." Pence brought his hand to his chin in his classic thinking pose. He had always wanted to be a famous detective, and prided himself on acting the part. "Hey, you know that girl in lunch five who always brings the three alarm chili?"
"Naminé?" Hayner offered.
"Yeah, that's her name. I heard that someone stole it yesterday, and some other kids say they saw a weird guy with spiky red hair running around just before the bell rang."
"Think that same guy stole my curry?"
"Seems likely. In the meantime, here…" Pence tossed Sora a few munny. "Go buy something at the counter."
I don't think I ever spent time with Tifa outside of formalities; she was my
brother's girlfriend, I was her boyfriend's brother, and we occasionally said
hi if we saw each other around town. When she came over, though, she would cook
for us (if only because Dad sure as hell didn't know how) and always made
something spicy.
For a week after Leon left, nothing changed...even if everything else did. I liked that.
"You know," smirked Hayner, "people've been saying he's not a guy at all, but an evil monster from beyond the stars!"
Roxas choked on his sandwich. "Beyond…the stars? You mean like an alien?"
"An evil alien! The Vespa Alien!"
"Vespa…doesn't that mean wasp? That's bizarre," commented Olette.
"Nah, Hayner, you're getting it all wrong," Sora said, dropping his new lunch tray on his desk. It was filled to overflow with limp-looking lasagna and dry breadsticks. "He's called The Vespa Demon, not alien. He rides around on one of those yellow and black mod bikes, and- - and when he stings it leaves a mark that shows you've been doing bad things and it never goes away!"
"Stings…?"
"What kind of bad things?"
Sora looked thoughtful for a moment. "I dunno, something perverted I guess."
"Perverted?!"
Olette grinned again, and Roxas had to suppress a shudder. "So...what's behind the band-aid?"
His hand instinctively went to his forehead, briefly grazing the large white bandage before he tried to pass the gesture off by sweeping some hair behind his ear. "Noth—nothing..." he mumbled near-incoherantly.
Pence leaned forward. "It's the Vespa Demon's mark, isn't it?"
"Really?"
"Pervert! He's a pervert!"
"Cut it out, Sora!"
"PERVERT!!"
-
-
-
He really didn't feel like going home today. "Sora…" he groaned, leaning back against a locker as they waited for Hayner to finish stuffing his pack with books he wouldn't read. Pence was staying after school today, so it was just the three of them. Olette always rode home in her father's assistant's limo.
Sora blinked. "What is it, Mr Pervert?"
Roxas grimaced. "Nothing." He felt his forehead twitch.
"C'mon, losers! Let's get out of here!" Hayner shouted, one arm in the air as he slung his pack over the other shoulder. They complied.
-
-
-
"…Roxas! Dinner!!"
His headphones pressed tighter against his ears.
"It's gonna get cold!"
He squinted his eyes shut and, in a further effort to block out his father's rough voice, attempted to sing along with a particularly stupid song by a garage band exactly three people had heard of.
"ROXAS STRIFE, YOU GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE AND EAT"
Roxas sniffed indignantly, slid the headphones off and slammed the pause button on his CD player. Thus his kitchen adventure began.
He hesitated at the door, but after a moment he shoved it open.
Creeeeeeaak.
"YOU?!!"
"Hey, it's Head-No-Good Boy!" Axel greeted with a casual grin, as if the kid staring and pointing at him was not one he had previously smacked in the face with a guitar. He would have waved, but his hands were completely occupied trying to eat spaghetti with a homemade pair of chopsticks.
"You two are…acquainted?" His father asked, chin caught in his hand. He almost looked like Pence, except for the spiky blonde hair.
"Oh, yeah," the freak said, "me and Head-No-Good Boy go way back. Like, way back."
"LIES!!"
"We first met in the fifth grade…"
"LIAR!!"
"Cloud!" his granddad yelled, "Control your child!"
Roxas' father muttered into his soda. "Stupid old bastard…can't tell me what to do…not even my real dad…"
"What was that?"
"Nothing, Cid…" Cloud hissed.
"…and ever since then, we've been best buddies! Man," Axel said tearfully, "me and Head-No-Good-Boy…we've been through so much…"
"Shut the hell up!"
"It's just that my hearing's not as good as it was, and I coulda sworn I heard you call me 'stupid old bastard'—"
"Dad, what is this bastard doing here?!"
"This bastard is the new hired help, young man!"
"Call me bastard one more time, Cloud, and I am gonna kill you!!"
"I needed a place to stay, and they said I could earn my keep cooking, cleaning, doing odd jobs…you know, personal services…"
"I'm gonna KILL YOU!!!" With that, Roxas leapt across the table, heading straight for Axel's jugular.
Needless to say, a brief scuffle ensued, the outcome being Cloud hefting Roxas over his left shoulder and forcing the fuming kid back to his own seat.
"Now," he said, "can we please have some civilized conversation?"
"How about you tell me what this psycho's doing here?" Roxas said moodily.
"I told you—"
"I'll tell him." Axel stood on his chair, both the spaghetti and chopsticks having mysteriously vanished. He had drawn his jacket around himself dramatically, and his red hair seemed to swish forward in an ominous and completely inexplicable wind.
"I…am a rounin. A wandering, masterless samurai."
Roxas nearly fell out of his chair.
...And that's where this chapter ends. Sorry it's so short, but you can go ahead and relax about the next one because it's almost done.
NB: In case anyone's confused, Cloud is Roxas' dad and Cid is his grandfather. And Axel is a psycho.
Reviews are appreciated!!