Sasuke's REAL Reason for wanting to kill Itachi
Written By: Self-Proclaimed KingofDDR
Summary: What's Sasuke's REAL reason for wanting to kill Itachi? Be warned, the truth may SHOCK you. Oneshot.
Yo, everybody! I just got this quick idea for a oneshot after reading a harem story from an author named, Twilight Hearts Kenshin XIII, because of the law of Polygamy he came up with. So most of the credit goes to him. I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, then Sasuke would be a WHOLE lot likeable.
It was another normal day within Konohakagure. Ever since Naruto had dragged Sasuke back to the village, things had gotten quite dull.
Naruto and Sasuke were just sitting at their normal training ground, waiting for the rest of their squad.
"…I'm bored," Naruto said.
"So?" Sasuke replied, sounding bored himself.
"SO, why don't you tell me the REAL reason you want to kill your older brother?" Naruto said.
"What, 'Real Reason'? I already told you, it's to avenge my clan," Sasuke said.
"Yeah RIGHT. I knew your family, Sasuke. And aside from your mother, I noticed you didn't get along with ANY of them. So I doubt that you would have risked getting executed just to 'avenge your clan.' So what's the real reason?" Naruto pressed.
"…You really want to know?" Sasuke said, looking around first.
"If I didn't, then would I be asking?" Naruto replied.
Sasuke looked around again, before saying, "Okay. But you BETTER keep this to yourself."
"My lips are sealed," Naruto promised.
"Okay. Come closer," Sasuke said. Naruto came closer to Sasuke's side. "Now then, the real reason…" he began to whisper in Naruto's ear.
"Yes…" Naruto said.
"That I want to kill Itachi…" Sasuke continued.
"Yess…" Naruto urged.
"Is because I want…"
"Yesss…"
"A…"
"Yesssssssssss…"
"Harem."
Silence.
"I'm…sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say…?" Naruto said, unable to believe his ears.
Sasuke sighed. "You heard me, dobe. I. Want. A. HAREM. …You ARE familiar with Konoha law #96, aren't you?"
"…" Naruto replied, looking at Sasuke in a funny way.
"…I take it by your silence that you haven't. Well, let me explain it to you. Konoha Law #96 states, that if a Ninja has a special bloodline and is the LAST of his clan, that he MUST have a polygamy of wives when he comes of age. And even though I'm SUPPOSED to be the Last of the Uchiha Clan since my brother all but renounced it when he left, that doesn't make it so that I'm the ONLY living Uchiha left. In other words, as long as my brother lives, I CAN'T HAVE A HAREM!" Sasuke explained.
"…That's the reason you want to kill your brother," Naruto said in monotone.
"Yes." Sasuke replied.
"…You'd kill your brother…just for a chance to get lots of pussy," Naruto said, still in monotone.
"Yes." Sasuke repeated.
"…And I thought that your brother was the fucked up one," Naruto sighed.
"Hey, it's not like HE can be trusted with the revival of the Uchiha Clan, when it was HIM who all but DESTROYED it. Besides, I'll be doing the Village, and the soon to be reborn clan, a favor," Sasuke said, closing his eyes and nodding his head.
"But wait, if all it takes is to be the last Ninja in a family with a bloodline, does that mean that Itachi could get a harem as well if you died?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke shivered as he thought about that.
Flashback
Sasuke had just been punched in the gut while he was charging Itachi in the Hotel. Itachi was now holding him by the throat.
"When will you learn that you cannot win, foolish little brother?" Itachi whispered in Sasuke's ear.
"I...WILL win, Itachi! The fate of the Uchiha Clan (and my Harem) depend on it!" Sasuke said, as he coughed up a bit of blood.
"Does your little Harem really matter all that much to you?" Itachi murmured.
"…More than anything," Sasuke replied in a dark, silent voice.
"…Then I have the PERFECT way of tormenting you, Sasuke," Itachi said, before making Sasuke gaze into the Magenkyo Sharingan.
Sasuke found himself floating around in darkness, before Itachi appeared before him.
"Foolish little brother, for the next 72 hours, you will be forced to watch me have…fun with a harem of my own," Itachi said with a dark smirk.
Sasuke gasped. "Y…You FIEND!"
"Oh, but it won't be just ANY harem…" Itachi said, as figures began appearing beside him.
As soon as Sasuke saw what they were, he felt sick. "…You wouldn't."
Itachi ignored him. "This will be a harem of BIG…"
"Stop it!" Sasuke shouted.
"MUSCULAR…"
"Please stop!"
Itachi traced a pattern on one of the figures. "ROUGH…"
"I'm BEGGING you!"
"…MEN."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-!-!"
End Flashback
Sasuke shivered again, more than last time.
"Trust me, I can NOT let that happen," he replied.
"But if you really wanted a harem, then why do you keep pushing all of your fangirls, and Sakura, away?" Naruto questioned.
"So I wouldn't be TEMPTED!" Sasuke shouted. "If any of those girls got wind of that rule, then I would have to sleep with one eye open!"
"…And that's bad BECAUSE…" Naruto questioned.
"Normally, it wouldn't be. But since I'm not the LAST Uchiha, if I were to go through with it, I'd face a fate worse then death!"
"Exile?" Naruto guessed.
"Worse. …Castration," Sasuke said in a dark tone.
Naruto winced, and unknowingly covered his crotch with one hand. "…That would suck."
"Tell me about it. Anyway, you're not the ONLY one who deserves a Harem, you know! What about the rest of us guys?! The reason people give you a harem is because they think you deserve it because you 'had a hard life.' If that were ALL it took, then Gaara, Haku, Neji, hell, even HINATA would get harems!" Sasuke ranted. "Anyway, I've got to go. But just remember, DON'T. TELL. ANYONE."
"I won't." Naruto replied, waving Sasuke off as he left.
After he did, Naruto got an evil smirk on his face and said, "Wait until I tell my Harem about this!"
The End
I couldn't really think of a good note to end it on. But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this funny (I hope) little oneshot! Till next time, Catch you next continue!