What? I'm starting a new story? Well technically this has been in the works for awhile, but I finally decided to put it up. I suppose I'm still not all that comfortable with anything comedic yet... but it's worth a shot. Writing comedy is hard.

And like anything funny, personalities are a bit exaggerated and will be told from all three character's POV sooner or later. For the most part, or at least most of the beginning, Kankuro will be my comedic medium.

And if anyone has any questions about my other fics all I can say is that I'M WORKING ON IT!

On a side note, I have revised this chapter because totally killed the formatting. The breaks were missing and they were supposed to signify a sudden scene change.

Anyway R&R and be kind kay?

A/N: oh yeah the beginning is probably slightly misleading on the whole comedic concept of the story so don't let it stop you from reading!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Naruto or Naruto the story or anything that is in Naruto.

Chapter 1 Gaara + Hinata = $#!

"You're already tired?" the critical, deep voice of her father echoed in the empty room, hitting her emotional mentality.

"I-I," Hinata panted, "I-I'm not tired!" she said with force and lunged at her father again, desperately flailing about to no prevail to once again prove to her father that she could not succeed.

That s enough, her father said sternly, clearly disappointed. We ll leave off here, he said, dismissing her.

It was a rather cold fall morning, the leaves in Konoha were a crisp brown and already detaching itself from the tree from whence it birthed. Hinata found herself walking down the familiar dusty path to the training grounds that became her regular routine in the morning. The mental beating her father gave her only moments ago had a harsher aftertaste today than any other she remembered, and all the sighs she could summon through her incapable lungs couldn't relieve the stress that slumbered within. Her footsteps made a short pat-pat-pat sound as she walked. Soon she spotted the familiar straw dummy that bore countless holes from the constant penetrations of ninja kunai.

"They're late," she said to herself, seeing the white fog escape from her lips. She shivered and decided that it was much too frosty that morning to sit around and wait.

Kunai after kunai, she flung them with desperate power at the marked targets. Her Byakugan activated, and her body broken in sweat and strain, she trained for at least an hour before her teammates finally arrived. She usually arrived on time when meeting her teammates, never an hour earlier. Maybe the hope her father had stored for the future of his eldest daughter was slowing draining away. The thought really dampened Hinata's spirits when she realized that maybe like fall's leaves, she would slowly disappear from existence and wither away.

"Hinata-sama!"

Hinata turned to see one of the men from the Hyuuga compound come dashing towards her with great stealth. "Hiashi-dono wishes to speak to you."

Meanwhile...

"I think I need a girlfriend."

Kankuro stopped in the middle of his steps as his eyes twitched painfully, his gaze slowly rising to look at his younger brother. His hearing must've been distorted for he swore that THE Gaara just admitted to the desires of teenage adolescence. Gaara sat at his desk, his head resting lazily on the palm of his hand looking extremely irritated and bored at the same time.

"Excuse me?" Kankuro asked, stammering a bit. Kankuro had just finished stacking a bundle of the villager's complaint files on Gaara's desk and wished to leave peacefully to breakfast but one line from Gaara's mouth had completely destroyed any hopes of relaxing and a satisfied stomach.

Gaara stared at him for a moment, possibly debating inside his little sick and twisted head as to whether to bother repeating his previous statement. After an excruciatingly long silence, he finally decided to speak, "You didn't hear me wrong."

" " Kankuro stood there, frozen under the terrible gaze of his younger sibling. "Uh " he had to say SOMETHING, it was expected, "Why?" he asked rather stupidly. Of course any normal teenager would want a girlfriend, that was as obvious as Gaara s hair was the same red as the devil himself, but Gaara was not a rather normal teenager therefore Kankuro was stunned.

"A couple of reasons," Gaara replied, sighing a bit, "The elders have been complaining," Gaara began massaging his temples with his right hand. "They think I look too cold, can you believe that?"

Kankuro just shrugged, he wasn't sure whether Gaara was joking or not. Though, it was rather unlikely that Gaara would actually crack a joke, but it could still be some sort of trap so Kankuro decided it would be safest to remain silent on the matter.

"They think a girl is going to make me look more trusting," Gaara added, giving another sigh, this one weighing a bit more than the last.

Kankuro knew too well that Gaara did not reserve sexist remarks towards women, for the two knew quite well of Temari's wrath, but Gaara was not one to mingle with females. Kankuro understood very well the elder's complaints and although Gaara's popularity was growing, it was still not enough to outdo the expectations their father had set.

"The elders are senile, no need to pay attention to what they say," Kankuro assured him, not really because that was what he thought, but because if Gaara was put into this mind state, it was bound to lead to some unfortunate trouble.

"I wasn't finished," Gaara said, shooting his older brother a menacing glare. Suddenly his face softened to the point where he actually looked like the desired image of the younger brother that Kankuro had always wanted. "Actually I think it might be nice."

If sirens sat at the top of Kankuro's head, the room would've been filled with flashing red lights and annoying, screechy wailing sounds for something did not add up in his head. Kankuro quickly glanced at the thermometer just to make sure that hell hadn t frozen over just yet. Gaara wanted a girlfriend, the sheer lunacy of that statement sent chills and shivers down his spine.

Finally after a minute or so Kankuro finally managed to reply with, "I-I see-and how d-did you want to go-about this?" Kankuro was silently praying with all his might to the Puppeteer above that Gaara was not going to ask him to find him the yin to his yang because that was going to be very, very difficult.

"Here are the requirements, Gaara concluded, throwing him an actual list.

The great Puppeteer above did not answer his prayers. Kankuro stared disbelievingly at the list as Gaara assigned him a measly week to find this miracle girl. This soft-hearted yet firm, respectful yet respected, timid yet bold, submissive yet intelligent, cute yet plain girl that is not allowed to come from the Wind Country is the one Kankuro was assigned to find.

Kankuro mused that he could probably just make Gaara a girlfriend yet that would be somewhat insulting so he decided the idea shouldn't ever be mentioned.

Hinata stared nervously at who she recognized immediately as the puppet-user from the Hidden Sand Village; Kankuro, the one who had that demonic younger brother and the merciless older sister. She held her breath as she waited for her father to deliver the news, but from the looks of it, he seemed somewhat pleased but she could never be sure.

"Please," Hiashi said to the guest. The guy with the painted face nodded.

"You've been officially chosen to be the Kazekage's partner," the man with paint on his face told her.

The first thought that came to her mind was "partner"

Partner.

Other half.

Girlfriend?

She just gaped back in utter speechlessness. "Excuse me?" she said uncomfortably.

"It means that the Kazekage has chosen you, Hinata," her father said.

"Me?" she squeaked.

"Er- well-yes," Kankurou said.

"I-I don't quite understand " she replied.

"You'll be escorted to meet with the Kazekage personally to discuss this matter further. You have a few hours to cancel any appointments you have and pack anything essential."

Kankurou glanced uneasily at the petite Hyuuga girl. She did fit the description but something still didn't quite balance out. She leaned a bit too much to the submissive side, was way too soft to handle the jagged boulder he had as a little brother. She would break faster than a demolition ball hitting jello. However, there was a bright side to all of this, well at least Kankuro tried very hard to find that light at the end of the tunnel. All he could say was that... at least it was going to be sort of amusing... maybe... perhaps... most likely catastrophic and an event that could lead to years of shame and violence that will befall him if he fails to find the right girl. He tried to shake these morbid thoughts away as he waited for the small bunny of a girl to prepare for her eccentrically dark new boyfriend. Well... at least they were both a bit eccentric.

Well maybe she wasn't that small, she did have some curves on her. Well more than the usual 15 year old. At least Gaara won't complain that Kankuro brought him a flat-chested tomboy. However, she was rather pale and she was going to be out in the desert. On the journey back he would have to teach her how to apply on sunscreen correctly.

"Okay I'm ready!" she squeaked, appearing from her room.

Kankuro almost fell to his knees in despair to plead to the great God to spare him of his cruel and unusual punishment! The girl was absolutely ridiculous looking. She wore a coat that was two sizes too big, she had a bag full of CLOTHES, and she was wearing a childish bucket-hat (probably to protect her from the sun) and the most uneasy look on her face. He swore that if he poked her she would break down bawling.

"You have... clothes?" he said.

"Yeah, I packed extra," she replied, quite satisfied with her answer.

Silence ensued. He really had no idea where to start with this girl.

"Why?" he asked, finally.

"Um..."

"Leave the clothes and go repack. You are going to live in a desert, you don't need clothes. Besides, I doubt those clothes are hardly suitable for the humid climate. And... for your repacking I suggest you pack something that you can keep quite close to you that could possibly give you hope and comfort at the end of the day because you are going to need lots of it," he said pinching his sinuses as the girl went scrambling off to repack. This girl was so hopeless and made him so stressed that ruining his make-up was the least of his worries, and that was saying something because he was usually very anal about his make-up. It was one of the few things in his life that he was actually proud of.

Hinata couldn't believe what was happening. She wasn't supposed to go off and become Gaara's girlfriend! Not that she had much hope in training enough to become a Jounin... well at least that achievement was not something that would come with haste. However, the absolute hilarity of the situation she was in made her wonder if this was some strange trick that someone was playing on her. But after almost meeting heat stroke and getting quite acquainted with dehydration from crossing the desert, she decided that perhaps she was just incredibly unlucky. She wasn't expecting her tiny existence to be so important that actual people were willing to take time out of their busy lives to play a trick on little old her.

Then there was also the question as to why she was chosen to become Gaara's girlfriend. She wanted to ask his older brother but the sighs and glares and utter annoyance that was emitted from his aura kept her from questioning him further about the situation at hand.

She was forced to repack and now she didn't bring an extra change in clothes; well she supposed it didn't matter since she would probably buy new clothes once she reached the village that were more suitable for the weather, but she still felt uncomfortable without them. If she was going to live in a hot place, did that meant she had to show skin? Just thinking about it made her want to crawl under a rock and waste away.

Hinata had always been a rather odd girl. She was a ninja, but she was as graceful as a bird blind in one eye and she would just as soon end her own life before she ended that of something as inconsequential as a fly. She believed she was a normal girl, but she didn't have a crush on the village heart throb Uchiha Sasuke, but instead was attracted to the village's outcast weirdo Uzumaki Naruto. And she wasn't particularly physically attracted to him or anything, in fact she was attracted to him because of his loud and stubborn ways that borderline on bravery to utter stupidity and ignorance. The mere fact that he probably had no idea as to what he was doing but accomplished it anyway made her fall head over heels for the boy. She also greatly admired his unexplainable passion for the things he believed in. They both lived in oppressed environments but Naruto came out on top and she came out rather short-handed.

But none of that mattered now because she was being sold by her family to the Sand village. Perhaps it was for some peace treaty or some alliance but she could only hope that, since this was the last thing she would do for her family that she could be of at least some use before they cast her away. At least they won't look back and say that Hinata was a good-for-nothing who just wasted away being the worthless human being she was. Well, not that she thought she was entirely useless, it's just that her outlook on life was a bit dim when she was in situations like the one she was in now.

As they arrived to the village there were some onlookers who overhead what was going on who were quite interested in the future prospect. It was mainly the guys from accounting and the elders who have nothing better to do than gossip.

"Don't look retarded," Kankuro muttered to Hinata. She gave a rather dejected look, that wasn't very respectful to the mentally and physical disabled. And how would one NOT look retarded, that remark was so insulting that a grimace held her face till they reached the building much to Kankuro's displeasure. He had specifically told her not to look retarded but there she went, right on ahead with a bulldozer.

Kankuro quickly escorted Hinata up the stairs to Gaara's office. As he entered the coolness never failed to send chills down his spine. Well, it wasn't the cold as much as it was the fact that there was nothing scientifically plausible that could keep the room that cold in the desert.

"Uh... Gaara," Kankuro said, quietly clearing his throat.

Gaara looked up, very peeved indeed as if Kankuro was interrupting him. Sometimes Kankuro thought that Gaara pretended to forget about things he had previously asked Kankuro to do just so he would have another excuse to seem pissed off at the world.

"What?" he asked, his voice laced with poison.

"I have found a girl," he said. He presented Hinata, first introducing her name, age, ninja rank, family background and some general information and a few scattered things about her hobbies and interests. After he finished reading off the paper he looked up only to see a very sour look on Gaara's face.

"It was the best I could do," he added quickly. Gaara sighed very heavily and looked at the both of them with a very lazy expression.

"I suppose she'll have to do," he said rolling his eyes a bit. Half of Kankuro, the one that feared for his life and safety, cried mental tears of joy for bringing a satisfactory girl and the other half, as Gaara s older brother, wanted to pound him in for making him run such stupid errands only to be badmouthed about it.

Well on the bright side, Hinata was the only girl in the world who could probably take Gaara's verbal abuse and withstand the disgusted and weary look he had painted with permanent marker on his face. It was a good thing that the Hyuuga clan was very traditional in the woman and men gender roles or else this would not work out.

Kankuro left the room with a prayer in his heart that this would all work out, for his sake of course. The last thing Kankuro wanted to be was in a ditch like the ex-Kazekage for pissing off the wrong psychotic emo. And maybe he was hoping that his younger brother would find happiness... but that was mainly for his sake also. Gaara + Happy = Kankuro's Safety. He left the room practically holding himself from fear. Was he really going to leave such a helpless and pitiful girl with GAARA? Well not that it was any of Kankuro's business what happened between the two behind closed doors, he could care less in all honesty. Well his job was done so there was no point in worrying about it or at least he HOPED that his job was done.

Kankuro, half way down the hallway heard a painfully loud breaking sound coming from Gaara's office. Kankuro halted, "Just great " he muttered to himself as he did a 180 degree turn and headed right back around to see what was going wrong now. Oh, except everything of course.

Short and Sweet. How was it? Well review if you want. (I do love reviews)