Minna-sannnn!!! Wut it is. B3

So its ANOTHER oneshot!! Yay!! This fic is the product of lots of caffiene and soft cookies. And 3 hour nights, lots of sleeping in class. :D But that happens anyway.

Recently, I realized that MelloxMatt is quite possibly one of the sexiest pairings ever. Really. Matt is teh sex, Mello is teh sex, together they're...::drumroll:: TEH GRANDMASTERULTRASEX!!!1!!11!!! 8D

Enough with the blathering. I don't own Death Note. Enjoys!! X3


"What the hell, Matt?!?"

"Chocolate, yeah." came the distant voice from the kitchen. Dumbass...Mello thought. Playing a game, no fucking doubt in my mind.

"Don't bother me. I'm trying to concentrate." Bingo. Not on the chocolate, though. Fucker.

He decided to "pester" him more, with only the most legit of questions.

"Why couldn't you just get off your lazy ass and go and buy me some chocolate?? Y'know, the normal kind?!?"

"Obviously, I didn't want to. Now shut up." Mello growled. Bitch.

Trying to play those damn games of his while making my chocolate...he's going to fucking poison me. Or it's gonna at least taste like complete shit. Even so, he thought about what it might taste like. But I miss looking badass when I bite off big plates of a bar...

"Shit!!!!!" A series of loud crashes and bangs jolted Mello from his daydreaming stupor. That ass...Mello's hand clutched his forehead, in face fault, elbow on the scratched-up coffee table.

My chocolate is doomed...He's really tring to cook and play that thing at the same time...

A period of quiet ensued, interrupted only by various kitchen noises and the rustling of newsprint as Mello picked up the newspaper in defeat and scanned the times for Kira.

/\/\/\/

Mello was right. Matt was haphazardly trying to finish his level, and not spill any more vegetable oil on the counter than there already was at the same time. Smartly enough.

But hell, this boss was a killer!

A good half of his HP was hacked away in one blow, and Matt winced. "Tch!!" Mashing the buttons on his PSP frantically with one hand, the other jumped and a mass of vegetable oil spilt into the bowl from the big plastic bottle.

Not that there was any in it to begin with.

Decisively, Matt set the bottle on the counter with a squelch, due to the various ingredients pooling on the surface, and dripping to the floor.

He sauntered over to the fridge, still absorbed in his game. Pulling open the door, he felt around in the appliance for the milk, still tapping buttons rapidly with his other hand.

He pulled out the half-empty carton, and bumped the door shut with his hip. Tapping some ashes into the tray next to the fridge, he set the carton next to the oil with a matching sqmoosh.

This progressed for over a half an hour, multitasking with random decisions on ingredients. Matt wasn't a chef by any stretch of the imagination, but he had an idea of how chocolate was made. Sort of.

Eh...I hope Mello doesn't shoot me for making sucky chocolate, he half thought, most of his mind set on getting 100 on this stage.

"Fuck yeah!!" Stage Total: There were a bunck of spinning numbers. As the stage cleared, Matt took a quick glance to the bowl of half-stirred, kind-of-brownish mass in the large bowl. He grabbed the dripping wooden spoon and began to stir rhythmically to the epic background music of the next stage.

"Dundundun...dun...dundundun...dundundundundunDUNNNN!!!" Matt sang dorkiliy, shuffling around to the catchy tune, expertly tapping buttons with little tikkitytaktaktik clicks. Between stages again, he looked at his product so far. It was fairly chocolatey looking.

He pulled off one glove with his mouth, biting the middle finger. It landed on the floor, in a gooey puddle of vegetable oil. Matt didn't notice, sticking one finger in the brown goop. He jerked it up, breaking the gooey strand, and stuck it in his mouth. He sucked on it for a long time, then smacked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, looking thoughtfully up at the ceiling, like he would see people do on TV.

Picking out a random ingredient that seemed yummy, he muttered "Vanilla extract...OH NO!!! DIE BITCH!!!!!"

Hacking mercilessly at the poor tiny buttons, he crouched by a cabinet. He pulled out the tiny bottle, a concentrated grimace on his face. His cigarette was long out. At least there were no ashes in the chocolate in progress.

Goggled face inches away from the screen, the redhead walked back over the counter and skillfully unscrewed the chibi bottle with one hand. He dumped the remaining half of the liquid in the bowl and blindly threw the bottle in the direction of the trash can. Needless to say, it landed with a prwithink in its target.

TikkitytikkitytiktaktakTAK!!! Matt finished off the easter egg level with a flourish, and a little, awkward dance ensued. The clunky black boots he didn't bother removing slid everywhere on the messy floor.

A happy face blinked on the screen, then those tiny thin black bars of doom invaded the screen, the power LED fading out.

Matt growled at the black screen for a second, then grinned. He had saved. Smart.

Looking at his desired task caused a fairly proud reaction. A tiny pool of clearish golden liquid that was the extract had pooled at the surface, that Matt soon stirred in. The chocolate was a pretty, rich brown. He smiled.

Rummaging through another cabinet, he produced some snowman molds. The only ones he had. Hastily, he poured the chocolate into the molds and threw them in the fridge. He stuck the dirty bowl in the sink, still with a little bit of chocolate clinging to it in places. He didn't dare lick it off like his instints told him. He didn't trust his own cooking. Which is saying something, when you can't even trust yourself.

He fumbled for some batteries in the paper pack conveniently placed above the sink, and shoved them in his PSP. He dropped the dead ones in the bowl. Gross.

Matt marched out of the nightmare kitchen, sweeping up his gooey glove with a disgusted face, and turning the PSP back on.

"...Is it done?" Mello looked up from the newspaper, unable to disguise the desperate anxiety in his voice, begging inwardly for his candy drug.

"Nah, needs to fridgerate for a little." Matt mumbled without ungluing his eyes from the screen, passing Mello on the couch.

"Damnit Matt, why does it have to take so LONG??!?" Mello crashed the paper on the coffeetable, his eyes losing their apathetic glaze. "I wanted the chocolate this MORNING!!! But no, you and your lazy ass had to make some!!!!"

Matt pressed the pause button, and looked to Mello amusedly. "That made no sense. And did you know, you sound like a horomonal chick when it comes to that stuff." He grinned, stupidly, if you asked Mello.

Said blond's eyes grew wider at that, if even possible with his insane-ass eyes, and in a second he was on the redhead. His hands had grabbed the front of that shirt that drove him CRAZY inside, made him whink that Matt had some weird stripe fetish. Mello managed to make his companion roll up to the balls of his feet. He growled viciously.

Matt growled back. "Grrrararrr." he said blandly.

Mello's anger subsided, and he relaxed his grip on the black-and-white shirt slightly. "...How long will it take??"

Matt sniffed, producing another cigarette out of his pocket. "About an hour or so. I'll get it. Don't...worry." He was about to say "Don't get your panties in a bunch," but he didn't want any holes him, thank you very much.

Mello shoved the lazy ass's shirt back down to earth, and sulked away. "Alright. Whatever."

Matt expertly lit his cigarette, and flicked some of the oil off of his glove. He walked off to his room, mumbling about unlocking some more songs on DDR.

\/\/\/\

Mello had long since gone crazy. It had been two hours since Matt had marched out of the kitchen with his fucking PSP. He had tried to take a nap on the couch, switching into all sorts of crazy positions like you see in movies, ending up now bent over the back of the couch. The blood was rushing to his head, staring up at the ceiling light, his hands shaking from withdrawl.

"Damnit!!" he yelled softly, not wanting to disturb Matt.

He listened for the blaring of hyper trance music from the teen's room, and the pounding of feet. Face serious in concentration, he slipped off of the couch and sneaked into the kitchen.

He almost died. This place looked disgusting, like a rabid Near had bust in looking for babies to eat. Or that limited edition Optimus Prime action figure.

He picked his way through the swamp on the floor to the refridgerator. Opening it slowly, he rummaged through to find the molds.

Once they were plopped on the counter, his lip curled in disgust. Snowmen?!?! Whatever, all that matters is its CHOCOLATE!!!

He popped the snowmen out of their molds and slid the trays carefully under the bowl in the sink.

There are fucking BATTERIES in that bowl, but its full of leftover chocolate...I'll remember that for later, if this stuff is any good.

He tenderly carried the snowmen back to his territory, placing them gently on the worn coffeetable. Tenatively, he sucked on one, but the hardened outside had no taste. Praying that it wasn't poisoned, he bit into it.

"..."

It wasn't bad, surprisingly enough. In fact, it was just as good...if not better than those bars he always had Matt get him. He swallowed his drug, and looked at the remainder of the snowman. He ate the whole rest in one bite, running it along his tongue, savoring the taste. Matt had to make chocolate more often, he decided. It was rich and creamy, and the taste stuck to his tongue.

He grabbed snowman after snowman, devouring them like Pac-Man after the little cookie bits. Ugh...I've been hanging around him too much. But these are so...fucking...delicious!!! It was all he could do to keep from bouncing around just because the lucious taste was so amazing!!

In no time, there was only one snowman left. Mello stared at it for a little, then opened his mouth ridiculously wide and murdered it with his teeth. The sight would've scared small children.

Content with his specially delicious treat, he laid back on the sofa. Mello licked the smudges from his fingers, sucking his mouth (think about it, you've done it before) to savor the rich taste fully and completely.

At that point, Mello thought it simply perfect to fall asleep right then and there, content with the world. To hell with Matt and Kira and Near. He had just had the biggest chocolategasm of his life, and it was mind-blowing. His eyelids started to drift closed. Mmmm...heaven...

His eyes winced, so close to losing themselves in slumber. It tickled. His stomach. No, it was warm, radiating heat. Mello sat up slowly. The bitch really did poison me!!! NO FUCK NO!!!!!!! I sure as hell am NOT going to die of poisoning!!! Especially from fucking chocolate!! SHIT!!!! His hands curled into tight fists.

Then they slowly opened, moving to touch the small strip of exposed skin below his leather shirt. No...he wasn't poisoned. His cold fingers made contact with flesh, and his eyes widened, body trembling with something other than withdrawl.

I'm...hot?? What the hell?? Aaaahhh...got to stop...why the fuck is this happening...? Nnn...Nn!! No, stop!

His cold fingers had started to creep under his pants, reaching for the waiting erection that was growing by the minute. He didn't want to touch himself, thats why he had all of those whores he could call up when he needed them. And to him, it was a blow to his pride. But his hard on was straining aginst the leather now, and he was still clueless as to why.

Another wave of heat and need washed over his body, and any curiosities were stomped on by lust.

He managed to yank his hands out of his pants, and sat on them for good measure. Not a good idea. He started to wiggle his fingers against his ass, trying to get some kind of sexual friction out of whatever he could. His eyes screwed shut, an uncharacteristic blush staining his face from the frustration, he rubbed his fingers slow and hard against himself, resulting in a shudder.

"Tch!!!" Mello forced himself to roll onto the ground, jarring him a bit. He fastened his hands with a death grip on the leg of the coffeetable. He wasn't going to touch himself. Not when there was no reason he was hard in the first place.

But as much as his mind resisted the need, his body felt it full force. The leather of his pants slid against the floor, spreading his legs slowly.

What...the fuck...Nnnaaahh...

/\/\/\/

Matt sighed as he purposely shook the structure of his room on his last jump. Or, sighed as much as you can when you've been kicking ass on DDR for about two hours. He had heard a dull thud from the main room, in Mello's territory. As much as he wanted to try and beat that A-, Mello was pissy when he didn't have his chocolate. Besides, he was sweating bad and panting all over the place.

Taking a swig of an energy drink, he walked out of his room. I hope Mello hasn't died of, like, withdrawal by now...or something...

"Hey, Mello, I'm gonna go get the chocolate now. I think its rea...dy..." His brow furrowed, and he pulled his goggles down so they were around his neck.

At first he thought the ex-mafia leader was on some level of unconciousness. His knuckles were white, clutching the coffeetable leg for dear life.

But then the sweat and the panting and the blush and the...thrusts...fit.

And frankly, it was sexy.

"M-Matt...uuuhhh...w-what did you...aa, aAAHH!!" His hands twisted on the mahogany leg, and the speed of his air thrusts increased at the sight of a possible ride.

Matt felt himself getting hard fairly fast, staring at the other, straining clothed erection causing his hips to jerk spasmodically.

Mello opened his eyes painfully, panting like...Matt, actually. The friction was mind-numbing, and he just wanted to cum, just get fucked, just...something!!! And Matt, looking almost just as flushed and worn-out from his recent DDR session, just made it worse. His legs spread even more, unconciously inviting anyone to the wanton passage that was waiting heatedly.

And in this case, that anyone was Matt.

The sight was too much. No one had probably seen Mello like this before. Desperate, tortured, needy, begging for sex, to be thrust into the ground. Matt watched mesmerized as the hips bucked to him, jerked wildly.

"Matt...fuck, Matt...I...nnN!" Eyes wild with need, he sprung off the ground and tacked Matt to the ground, grinding aginst him desperately.

"Mello!?! The hell are you doing, you--"

"Shut the fuck up!! Nnn!! Y-You're hard too..." His mouth gave up, and saliva was trickling down his chin, his tongue relaxing out of his mouth.

"Alright, you asked for it." Matt tumbled with Mello, pinning his wrists to the ground. "You're right, I'm hard..." He nipped harshly at the exposed neck. Mello could only moan loudly, thrashing his lower body with need for friction.

"F-Fuck!! Matt!!" Gloved hands rubbed the flesh of his stomach, swiftly undoing his fancy belt. The coldness gave him goosebumps, and fueled his need even more.

"But I think you've got it worse." The glove felt freezing as it exposed Mello's purple cock. "Hmm...wow." He pulled off his gloves with his teeth, almost teasingly.

Mello wanted to scream obsceneties at the redhead, but all he could do was beg for the touch unintelligbly with animalistic moans and wails.

A finger slipped slowly over the very tip of Mello's head, wiping some precum off. The blond clamped his teeth over his lips furiously at the intense sensation, choked sounds still escaping through the now bleeding lips. Matt smiled somewhat misceviously as he darted his tongue out to lick the clear stuff off his index finger.

He bent down, Mello whimpering in anticipation, and licked the rest of the precum off the shaft. He spread Mello's thighs with his knees and kneeled on them, preventing any tricks his companion could try.

With one hand, he zipped down the leather shirt and pushed the sides apart to reveal perfectly hard nipples. He rubbed them over with his thumb, kissing and licking at the underside of Mello's jaw.

Mello writhed with the unanticipated sensation. He didn't wonder why, but that rubbing felt so amazing, the fingertip so warm. He tossed his head backwards, whimpering slightly. Then that amazingness was multiplied as a wet hotness attached to the teased bit of flesh. He cried out , all pride forgotten. The other nipple was being rolled beween Matt's thumb and forefinger.

"Maaaaatt!!! Stop!!! Aaaah!!"

"Nnn?" Matt looked up, smiling, a tiny strand of saliva attached to Mello's abused nipple. "Stop? Stop what?"

"Teasing...oooh, come on...!!" Mello pleaded, frustrated.

"Only cause you begged."

Mello wailed. He was being jerked off, almost violently. He fought to thrust into Matt's hand, saliva trailing down his neck, riding over the hill of his Adam's apple.

Matt noticed, and licked the trail to the corner of Mello's lips. He half wanted Matt to just kiss him. He wanted a tongue in his mouth, frantically exploring his hot cavern, molesting his own tongue, that probably still tasted of chocolate. But he concentrated more on the wild pumping of his cock, making it weep precum all over again. His legs spread wider, begging for something more than just a handjob.

Matt smirked a little bit, at the needy panting Mello beneath him. He knew exactly what he needed, and was going to give it to him, hard. But not just yet. His hands released Mello's arms, and swiftly yanked down the familiar leather pants. At the same time, his tongue traced the prominent vein on the bottom of the blond's purple hard on.

Mello strained to keep his legs spread, and moaned in hot wanton need as his dick was tortuously licked by that expert tongue.

'Pants successfully removed!' chirped an obnoxiously geeky part of Matt's mind as the pants lost their shiny form, crumpled on the floor. Pulling himself up, he looked to the entrance presented to him so needily. The swollen red ring of muscle was pulsating and clenching wildly, all sorts of fluids trailing down, coating the opening. It made Matt pulse with anticipation of having that sensation grip his penis when he drove his comerade into the floor. Giving Mello's head one last lucious lick, he wiggled his fingers against his lips, which were taken eagerly like a needy whore and molested, coated throroughly in saliva.

Gasping, Mello grabbed the hand as it left the presence of his mouth. With it, he pulled himself up, and proceeded to remove Matt's goggles and shirt, hands shaking. He reveled, through his lusty haze, in slingshotting the goggles sexily into some corner. His hands grabbing onto Matt's waist, he unfastened Matt's fat black belt with his mouth, then undoing the button and zipper slowly. Matt groaned appreciatively, and fingers slid down a lock of blond hair.

Hands slipped from his waist to pull down his jeans, the impressive erection springing from its prison. Mello attacked the rock-hard shaft with his tongue, sucking as hard as he could, wanting Matt to thrust deep into his throat, almost wanting to gag on that huge cock of his. He shoved as far down his throat as he could, covulsing his muscles instinctively on the thick erection.

"Damnit...Mello...f-fuck, thats good..." His fingers nested, curled themselves in the silky blond hair of the needy Mello.

Mello groaned around the delicious hardness, causing Matt to do the same, loudly. "Mello...ah, I'm gonna...cum...tch...!"

Mello painfully dug a nail into Matt's side, removing his hot orfice from around the organ. Pulling himself up shakily, his legs twiched apart in fierce desperation. "Fuck no...that's gonna...ng, shoot...inside me..."

"Have it your way." Matt slammed one bare shoulder into the wall and grinded hard, hard up against the chocoholic. His other hand found its way back to self-abused lips, and Mello could barely close his mouth around the digits, panting and moaning from the ecstacy just beyond his grasp.

"Haah, you do know that you just, nnh, made yourself uke, right...?" Matt grinned.

Mello's eyes narrowed angrily, but squinted shut as Matt forced a denim knee to rub against his painful hard on. It couldn't stop, so delicious, the chocolate was nothing compared to this.

The knee moved to push aside Mello's quivering thighs, exposing the contracting entrance. Fingers saturated with his own salive slid down Mello's body, grazing coldly over a nipple, his navel, beside his aching need, and came to rest at his puckered opening. Mello gasped and moaned as a nimble finger circled him, bucking down, trying to force the slender digit into his hotness, to fingerfuck him like the wanton whore he was at the minute.

Matt bit down just above Mello's collarbone as he pushed his index finger into the wet passage, feeling hot pants against his neck.

"F-Fuck!!! Christ; Matt!!!" Another slim intrusion met the first, and they stretched him fast, mercilessly. "A-Aaaa!!!"

Matt licked the mark he had left, and twisted in all three fingers. He had to keep Mello from falling on the ground, his legs were too shaky to hold him up by now. He daren't root for Mello's prostate, he might explode right then and there and that wouldn't be any fun. He smirked and removed all his fingers, lingering a little at the very end.

"Ch!!! Unh, Matt!!! Fuck...!"

"Fuck?" Matt questioned.

"Naah, me!! Fuck me, come...on!!!" His breath was spilling out, skipping like an old CD, hitching everywhere as he found the strength to wrap his legs around the thin waist, bucking wildly. Frustrated tears had long since been spilling out, mixed with god knows what else, precum, sweat, saliva, on his face.

Losing his restraint, Matt pulled the begging hips up, then brought them down hard, thrusting up at the same time.

"Yesssss!!! Un, fuck, yess!!!" Mello pressed against the impalement almost in time with Matt's strong thrusts, willing further penetration of this...this...there was no name.

Matt's thumbs dug inside Mello's prominent hipbones as he forced them down, even though there was no need. Mello was unbelievably hot and even moreso tight, he had never been entered by a man. Yet by some freak, he seemed to hardly feel the pain, drowned by endless need.

Grabbing further up at the ribs, he pushed Mello to the floor, lifting both knees over his shoulders. He drove into Mello relentlessly, brushing his prostate and earning a loud scream of pleasure. This new position offered him more power, and he could tease at Mello's weeping head.

Mello was gone. All sense had left him, only uttering the most gutteral of pleasured moans as his overpowering desire was filled, again, and again, and again...He was throwing his pelvis at Matt now, thrusting wildly without rhythym, just needing fucking more.

Matt was struck by an idea. He leaned back, dragging Mello to a sitting position, still fully impaled on his cock. Thrusting upwards weakly a couple of times, he got the feral Mello to comprehend and start to bounce on the shaft, slamming down as hard as he possibly could, starting to form bruises on Matt's hips.

He hit his prostate again and again and again, relishing in the heat washing over his senses, the burning friction of his devirginized passage being fucked hard and fast.

Matt sat up slightly, thrusting upwards in a last attempt to release the mind-blowing orgasm that had been building, a queasiness and dizziness washing over his senses.

Mello felt the same, still mindlessly impaling himself, except it was more along the lines of Shit!!! I can't pass out in the middle of a good fuck!!!! The impending ecstacy teetering his body, clenching his balls madly,

"Fff-aaaAAAAAAAAAt!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Mello--!! Kch!!!!"

Mello collapsed into white, Matt feathering his soft hair with kisses. One in a million opportunity, they called this.

\/\/\/\

Mello came to, naked, under a blanket on the couch. Matt sat beside his legs, the faint tip tippppp of gloved fingers on his laptop., and bluish smoke curling from a fairly new cigarette.

Lazily, Mello looked to the screen. Matt was piloting a little paper airplane around a house. Weird. I'll probably never understand his game obsession.

"Good morning sunshine. The world says hello." Matt sang monotonously, wiggling his free hand for effect.

Too tired to be pissed, Mello sighed. "Dork."

Matt just grinned. "You done, or you want another round??" This news didn't surprise Mello. He knew damn well what had happened the previous night.

"I can barely move. I feel like a whore, after...hot fuckage. It hurts."

"Never could've guessed."

"Oh, shut up, will you?" Mello asked wearily, a rare smile on his face.

He slipped into some clothes, and had a craving for chocolate. By the time he reached the kitchen doorway, he remembered. There was no chocolate. So much for his wonderful morning after.

"Oh." came Matt's voice a room over. "I bought you some chocolate earlier. Its in the corner. Make it last, or try?"

Mello's face brightened, a silent thank you. He ravenously unwrapped the whole bar, and went to throw the wrapper away, devouring the chocolate mercilessly. Noticing the only other thing in the trash can, a small ornate-looking bottle, he reached for it and pulled it out.

"Aphrosdi...ac...Extra...strength." And it was empty.

"Matt...?"

"Nn?" came the eventual reply.

"You know. We never had any vanilla extract."

Back in the main room, a smoldering cigarette tumbled to the floor.


Oh, that was fun. XD I've been Death Note fan-ing for a while now. I guess its cause it premeires on Saturday. Dude, my friends and I are havingthis massive party, we're going to sit there in our cosplays, VIDEOTAPING ourselves watching the premeire. We're gonna have our plushies and everything. We're such losers!! 8D

So anyway, about the stuff I've been fan-ing about. I downloaded two frigging awesome MelloxMatt doujinshis, one kinky and the other hilarious as hell. I watched Death Note Crack Lyrics on YouTube, it's officially a series of inside jokes between my friends now. Also, Episode 00: The Uselessly Random Series on YouTube is hilarious. I saw an awesome MattMello AMV to a Hellogoodbye song as well. And yeah, Matt was playing Glider Pro. Its fucking addictive. O.O

I'm still working on the SasuNaru non!oneshot, don't worry. :D

Why are all my oneshot lemons like MIND-BLOWINGLY HUGE ORGASMS with itty bitty endings?? Well, so far, anyway. Whatever.

Oh, christ I love Death Note.

Reviews, onegaishimasu!! Not that hard. ::clickyclick::