The One With Ross Without Rachel

Author's Note: Finally, I commit myself to this one, which I have been meditating for some while (thanks to Cress for helpful discussion, but she is not to be held responsible for anything here). It is definitely angst-ridden, and I give fair warning: it is not going to please Ross-and-Rachel true believers, or indeed any who think extremely highly of Ross (maybe I should point out that the thoughts I make him have do not necessarily represent accurately what happened or what was said, as shown in the show; sometimes they are distorted by his confusion of what was said with what he thinks was meant, for instance).

I hope that, nevertheless, this will appear reasonably fair to Ross, also to Rachel (who cannot be considered entirely blameless in the Big Fat Break-Up as it is presented in the show, though to my mind she is far less to blame than Ross), and even to Chloe. Here I might comment that we know little about Chloe except that she evidently has a crush on Ross, to the extent that she doesn't care if he's married, she has a touch of kleptomania (since she stole his watch and says "I do that"), and she's generous-hearted enough to think it a good thing if Ross and Rachel can get back together.

We all know the scene from The One With The Morning After (3,16), don't we? Ross wakes up to find himself spread across the bed. He straightens himself out and looks in a melancholy way at the empty space where Rachel should be. Then he lies down again with the quilt over his head. Enter Chloe with a cheerful "Morning!" He sits bolt upright, with a shocked expression, that suggests he's only just remembered that she's there and why, and maybe also that he is immediately feeling remorse. His behaviour later when he hears Rachel's message seems to imply that.

All very fine, but something important is being overlooked. At a late stage in his argument with Rachel (not long after Phoebe has said that it's 9.15, presumably pm, so they've been arguing since, what, lunchtime at latest? This episode is riddled with chronological and other problems, but let's not get into that now), Ross says, "Don't you realise, none of this would've ever happened if I didn't think at that same moment you were having sex with Mark?" If he really believed that Rachel was cheating on him, then I suggest that remorse would be the last thing on his mind when he woke and realised what he'd done, and the very different sequence of events that I suggest could have unfolded. I may be original in this, but I doubt if I have read a tenth of the R&R fics, so can't be sure. My version of events is bound to coincide to some extent with Imagine What If's current story, Where Have You Gone?, but I have no intention of stealing anyone's thunder. But as a congenital "what if" person, I constantly return to the Ross-and-Rachel relationship in the early seasons.

Disclaimer: The Friends characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

Some of the dialogue and actions in Chapter 1 come from Episode 3,16.

The title of Ch. 1 is that of a song used at the beginning of Kill Bill vol. I, in Nancy Sinatra's version, but originally made popular by Cher (and written by Sonny).

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Chapter 1: Bang Bang My Baby Shot Me Down

Ross woke, and immediately wished he hadn't. His head did not feel good. He must have drunk way more than was good for him last night. Now, why had he done that? He was finding it hard to remember the previous evening in detail. Discovering that he was spread across the bed, he shifted around to lie straight, realising at once that of course Rachel was not there. He looked at the empty place mournfully, because he remembered now. That was why he had got drunk; he had broken up with Rachel.

For a moment his sadness over that almost overwhelmed him. Unwilling to get up and face the first day of a life without Rachel, he lay down again, pulling the quilt over his head and trying not to think about anything. But his mind would not cooperate. It kept working away, trying to tell him that there was something else, something really important, that he was forgetting …

"Morning!" said Chloe cheerfully as she walked into the room, feeling refreshed and ready to face the day.

Rearing up, Ross seemed to feel his headache double in intensity when he saw Chloe's smiling face. That was what he hadn't remembered! He slept with Chloe, the girl from the copy shop. Now it all began to come back: his fight with Rachel, her wanting a break, his despairing call later, hearing the voice of that bastard Mark, who was obviously in the apartment, though Rachel at first would not admit it, his realisation that she was cheating on him … After that he began to get drunk, and Chloe kept trying to cheer him up, and finally they started dancing and she looked up at him so sympathetically and kissed him, and he kissed her back and things had gone on from there. He didn't remember making love with Chloe very well, but he knew he had, because one thing was clear in his mind. He remembered thinking, when he was fully committed to what he was doing with Chloe, indeed reaching a point of no return, that this would pay out the little bitch for breaking his heart and cheating on him with that bastard Mark.

Chloe looked a little startled at his violent reaction to her greeting. "Did you forget I was here?" she said, sounding piqued.

He tried to smile. "I guess I did, momentarily. I, um, have a bit of a hangover. But I shouldn't have." He tried to think fast of something nice to say, and could only come up with, "Thanks, Chloe. You were … you were just what I needed, right then."

She didn't look too impressed. "Kind of relieved your frustration, did I?" she said a little acidly.

"No, no," he said hastily. "You were sweet and, and wonderful, and I am truly thankful that you came home with me and stayed, because … well, I had drunk a lot."

She grinned. "Ross, you were fine." She stepped forward and tousled his hair. "I always liked you, you know."

He found it easier to smile at her the second time. All right, maybe there was the hint of a silver lining to this great big dark cloud that had moved in over him. Here was someone who seemed to truly care about him – unlike Rachel.

He still couldn't understand how she could do this to him, when they had been so close. Surely she hadn't been lying when she said she loved him before? It seemed like things had only started going wrong when she got her job, with Mark's help. Had she started cheating even then? No, that was really hard to believe, and he could remember her behaving very lovingly after that. But maybe she was already flirting with the slimy bastard, and he saw a chance later and moved in on her. But why had she given in to him?

He sighed deeply. Chloe looked out of the bedroom.

"Still got her on your mind?" she said, sounding sympathetic.

"We were together for a whole year," he said miserably. "Yesterday was our anniversary."

"Yeah, you told me," she said, nodding. "Say, Ross, could I make a cup of coffee? I have to be at work soon, and I don't have time to go back to my apartment."

"Sure, go ahead and help yourself," he said. "I have to shave and dress."

As he prepared for the day, Ross kept going over it all in his mind. Did Rachel perhaps only get together with Mark because she was mad after their fight? He had mentioned Mark then, and that had certainly set her off and led to her saying she wanted to break up. So maybe she called in Mark to get back at him, the same way he used Chloe to get back at her. He had to face the fact that he would probably never know. He wondered if Joey had ever been in this position, then shook his head: everything Joey had ever said suggested that in his relationships he was the one who did the cheating, not the one who was cheated on. He guessed Joey would advise him to stop obsessing about Rachel and concentrate on Chloe now. Easy for him to say; he had never been really in love.

Later, over some breakfast, he was chatting to Chloe fairly easily when the doorbell rang. Surprised, he went to answer it, to find a happy-looking Rachel gazing up at him. He frowned, and the smile left her face.

"D-didn't you get my message?" she faltered.

What with one thing and another, Ross had not checked his messages that morning. He had not thought it would be important but, from the way she was looking at him, evidently it was.

"What did it say?" he said, the words coming out rather weakly. It was so hard to be as mad at her as she deserved, when she was looking at him like that.

"W-well, I had been trying to reach you for a long time," she said. "I had to tell you, there is nothing between me and Mark, I was sorry about the whole break-up thing – "

"Hold on," he said. "Nothing between you and Mark? Then what the hell was he doing in the apartment?"

"He, he called after you walked out," Rachel said. "He was just gonna leave a message, but then, he could tell I wasn't happy, and he insisted on coming round, and, and, well," she was looking at him pleadingly now, "I know, it looks bad, but I let him in because I needed someone to talk to – "

Ross gave a derisive laugh. "Talk to? Yeah, right! I bet you weren't talking much!"

Rachel went white. "You, you think we …" She made a choking noise.

"Yeah!" Ross snarled, now getting really mad at her innocent act. "Maybe not before, but last night, yeah!"

Tears began to trickle down Rachel's cheeks. "You, you really think I'd cheat on you? Don't you remember me saying how glad I was you'd called? Would, would I say that if … Ross, you have to believe me! I swear, there is nothing between me and Mark!"

"What's going on here?" said Chloe, appearing behind Ross, coffee cup in hand. "Can I help?"

If anything, Rachel went whiter. "What's she doing here?" she said to Ross, suddenly sounding not sad but mad. "Ross, did you – "

"YEAH!" he cried. "You slept with Mark, and I slept with Chloe! What's good for the goose is good for the gander!"

Rachel looked between Chloe and Ross for a moment, her eyes frantic, her mouth working as if she was trying to say something but could not get it out. She started, "But I didn't – ", then broke off, whirled round, and ran away. Ross watched her go with a certain satisfaction. He felt he had shown her he could not be fooled or taken for granted.

"You know, Ross, you're not gonna want to hear this," said Chloe rather tentatively, "but I think I believe her. She sounded sort of … like she meant it."

Ross snorted incredulously. "She's always been able to sound sincere. I remember, in high school … well, anyway, let's not talk about it. You had enough breakfast?"

She nodded, looking at him slightly uncertainly and seeming a little tense.

"Maybe we could meet again," he said, trying to give her his most winning smile.

She relaxed and smiled. "Okay, Ross," she said. "Yes, I'd like that. Let's exchange numbers and stuff – and I must find my shoes."

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Monica and Phoebe were talking enthusiastically about Waxine when the door was flung open and Rachel burst in, face tear-stained, expression wild.

"Ross thinks I cheated with Mark!" she cried to Monica. "And, and, he had a woman with him … Oh my God, what am I gonna do?" She hurled herself onto the couch, crying her heart out.

Monica and Phoebe looked at each other in utter amazement, frozen by the suddenness of it.

Author's End Note: a short start, but this is a good break point. It may also be a good point to say, this is not going to be a long drawn out saga.