Chapter I: Of Girls and Great Plans

Hello, Potterheads! I finally figured out another Potter fiction as I am emotionally drained from writing chapter 16 of my Yu-Gi-Oh! fiction, The Jedi League of Duelists. *Shameless plugging… I'd really like some reviews on that one!* That story is nowhere near done, and I had initially thought I had completed the world I'd written in my lone Potter fic, Reconciliation. But then I thought why not write how Dudley finally met Luna Lovegood? Yes, Luna! For some reason, I thought that Luna might actually be the ideal partner for Dudley. He needs a little nonsense in his life and Luna could use the balance of a Muggle young man who didn't believe in magic until his cousin, "The Boy Who Lived," showed him the way… This story begins about a month after the first chapter of "Reconciliation." I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. They all belong to JK Rowling.

Author's note, nearly four years later: I chose to edit this story at the kindly given suggestion of the reviewer presently known as Imperfections. The heart of this story is unchanged, though there have been cosmetic improvements. And thanks to Aspiring Mythmaker who helped me with a troublesome paragraph. Most of the original author's notes will remain unchanged; however, there will be addendums like this one. Thank you for your attention.

Dudley Dursley had never had much luck in romance. At Smeltings School, though he had been well-known for his boxing prowess in his final years at the school, he'd also been known as a bully. That had not exactly endeared him to the young women at the school. In fact, many of the young women just plain detested him. Much to his mother's grief, Dudley had figured that he would inevitably give her no grandchildren.

One year and one month after Dudley had left Smeltings School and reunited with his wizard cousin, Harry James Potter, the boys were talking about the mysteries of the fairer sex over a pot of tea. "Harry, I hope you can set me up with someone…"

"Dudley, didn't you have girlfriends at Smeltings?" Harry asked, green eyes widening. Surely, with his champion status, Dudley had gotten some interest.

"No… they… well, they hated me," the large young man admitted. This admission would have been unthinkable, save for an event nearly four years ago when Harry had saved his cousin from dementors, the former guards of Azkaban. But now, Dudley felt he could tell his cousin the truth about anything.

"Why?" Harry asked as politely as he could manage. There was some part of him that wanted to glory in his cousin's humiliation. However, that part was silenced when Dudley answered, his cheeks pink,

"Well, I was a bit of a prat and a dunce until fifth year. They got scared of me and just plain detested me."

"Yeah? Well, did you ever try talking to them?"

"Yeah, but…I don't know where I went wrong…"

"What did you talk to them about?"

"I never could get the words out, exactly. And I turned Dad's color when he gets angry."

Harry thought a moment. "Big D… I think you need to do some talking and some reading. Kreacher?"

CRACK! "Yes, Master Harry?" queried a house elf with snow-white hair coming out of his ears.

"Could you go back to Grimmauld Place and get Twelve Fail-safe Ways to Charm Witches, please?"

"Yes, Master Harry, at once!" The old elf bowed deeply and Disapparated.

"Twelve Fail-safe Ways to Charm Witches?" Dudley asked.

"Yeah, Ron got it for my seventeenth birthday, and I didn't need to use it. I've read it and I think it gives you insight into Muggle relationships."

"All right, then. So, what kind of talking should I do?"

"First," Harry answered, "tell me how you think men should talk to women."

"I…" Dudley thought carefully for a minute. "You know, Harry, I never really thought of it before. And Dad never has talked to me about it. But I think men need to talk to women like they're friends. But not exactly like you'd talk with another guy."

Harry smiled at this. "Excellent, Dudley! I think you've got the first basic thing."

"Cheers, Harry. So what else do I need to know?"

"Well, all girls are different. I had my troubles partly because the first girl I ever went out with had emotional difficulties after her boyfriend was murdered by Lord Voldemort."

"Who was that?"

"Her name was Cho Chang and his name was Cedric Diggory."

"Cedric… Oh, that guy that you had nightmares about! Why didn't you ever say anything?" Harry looked at his cousin. He didn't have to say a word. "I guess we never made you feel you could talk to us. If I'd really thought of it, I'd have stopped listening to Mum and Dad a long time ago…"

CRACK! "Master Harry, here is your book," squeaked Kreacher.

"Kreacher, if you'd like, take a break with Winky. She's having a cup of tea," Harry said, and Kreacher bowed deeply again, heading off to find the female house elf. "So," Harry said, "since you've disregarded Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon's opinion of magic, let's get to it…" And so Dudley opened up the book and began to read…

So, what do you think so far? Good, bad, indifferent? Shall I continue? I think I can get a few chapters out of this… Read and review, folks!