Weird Message in Fang's Blog
By BlueFox
Sum: Fang gets a weird message in his blog. (ONESHOT)
Okay, I got this forwarded to me by my friend, Rachel, and suddenly, I was struck with inspiration to make it a oneshot in Maximum Ride. It was originally titled Weird but Funny, and I really like it. So, um, here goes!
Fang scanned the new messages in his blog, trying to find something worthwhile to read. Most were from stupid fangirls who wanted him to marry him. He sighed. Life was so boring after Max saved the world.
And then, there it was. It caught his eye immediately. It was the last new message on the last page, titled "Weird But Funny." He blinked and saw that FourFlameMaster had sent it to him. He grimaced, but decided to read it anyway. It might give him a good laugh. clicked on it and it opened.
Fang,
This is HILARIOUS -FFM
Hello, my name is none of your business. I am suffering fromeven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year-old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" e-mail to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here, if I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the guy (or girl) of my dreams tomorrow. What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is directed to all the people out there who have better to do than send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a knight of the Round Table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2007, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. It's getting old.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter type #1:
Make a wish
No, really, go on and make one
Oh please, they'll never go out with you
Wish something else
No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being
Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?
STOP
Wasn't that fun:) Hope you made a great wish. :) Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown from a high building into a pile of manure. It's true, because THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE.
Here's how it goes:
Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter forward.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter forward.
Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter forward, and may form a plot on your life.
Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter forward and will mapalm your house. Thanks. Good luck.
Chain Letter Type #2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, now legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because everytime you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the e-mails sent and this is all a complete load of junk.
So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again.
Chain Letter type #3:
Hi there! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no e-mail then and probably not as many e-mail addicts with nothing better to do.
So this is how it works:
1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something will happen to you like:
Bizarre Horror Story #1:
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died, too. This Could Happen To You!
Bizarre Horror Story #2:
Dexter Bip, a 13 year-old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane that just happened to be flying right above him. This Could Happen To You Too!
2. Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type #4:
As if you care, here is a poem I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
Friends
Blah, blah, blah, friends,
Blah, blah, blah.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on. If you don't, no one will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live.
The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you friendless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on. Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, who's only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise, you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to 4,968,837,873 people in the next sixty seconds otherwise a couple of obese sock hungry unicorns are going to eat all your underwear tonight.
FourFlameMaster
Fang blinked, then reread it. Halfway through, he put the laptop down. "That is pretty weird, but funny..." he began, thinking. Do I even know 4,968,837,873 people? No...but then who could I...? He began to smile very, very, VERY impishly. He opened up an e-mail thing from yahoo and copy and pasted the entire message, excluding the FourFlameMaster from the bottom, his name, and the "This is HILARIOUS -FFM" bit and then typed in Max's separate e-mail address and hit "Forward."
Then, he typed up a message to FourFlameMaster:
FourFlameMaster,
Thanks. You've just given me gold. I'm gonna have fun listening to Max try to figure out who sent that to her. You know, you may not be so bad after all.
Fang
He closed out of his blog and the e-mail and began to innocently look at Mario pictures on Google. He closed the laptop about an hour later and slunk out of the window, taking to the air as he heard Max's voice scream out: "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG! WHY DID YOU SEND ME A STUPID CHAIN LETTER!!??"
He smirked and flew far, far, FAR away as fast as he could, laughing all the while.
So, please tell me how it was. I added the opening and ending parts, but I LOVE that chain letter. It didn't take me long to type it. Well, if you like this oneshot, could you kindly review, and maybe take a look at my other MR story?
Thanks all the while,
BlueFox