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I do not own SM

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All Because of You
(Rated MA)
所有由於您 (あなたのためにすべて)
by: eM.pHi

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VIII. Better than Me

I know you got a man…
But he could never be…
A better man…
Better than me…

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It felt like fire, like a burning sensation engulfing his soul, licking at his already bruised ego and heart. Looking at her, he felt that every single moment that they had spent apart through the years caused the flames to grow larger, and the hate for Motoki to grow in such an amazing pace that it was difficult to not stand up and wring the waiter's neck.

It seemed like the moment those words had left the mouth of that Motoki character and floated around before smacking Mamoru right in the face, he was in a world of denial, total and utter, black and white, 'as if' denial. Yet the moment his brain had, much to his displeasure, comprehended that particular sentence, the food that looked so compromising before, almost made him sick to the stomach. The wind felt like it was being knocked out of him and once again it was getting extremely hard to breathe.

The words 'we were engaged' echoed over and over in his mind, just a simple sentence as that, seemed to do nothing but break the already shattering heart inside him. Just the mere thought of his Usagi, the love of his life, had accepted the eternal bond, the bound that brought two people together… from someone other than him… it made him sick, it made him angry, and god damn it, it made him almost murderous with rage.

He wanted to tell her that he needed her around; he needed her to be with him in order for his world to start, she hadn't left his mind in years. There was just something about her, something about Usagi, and as he stared disbelievingly into her eyes, he could see everything he'd always wanted. All the times that they had been away, the times that he spent without her touch… it killed him inside…

Mamoru wanted nothing more than to spend time with Usagi, he wanted nothing more than for her to fall in love with him all over again… he wanted to be with her, to be happy… like they were when they first started. The news that had shattered the dinner date and soured his mood, made it difficult for him to smile, be professional in such a situation and accept the fact that she had someone else. That she had someone to share meaningless time with just because it felt good to be together, that she had someone to hold her when she needed to be held. It made him so damn angry, and although he wanted with all his might to blame this stupid factor on Motoki and his interference, he had no one else to blame but himself. It was his fault after all, for wanting to know something that clearly had nothing to do with him. Even if Usagi had been his to begin with, she was after all a free woman, and they had separated so long ago… it was a natural thing for Usagi to go and find another man…

However, Mamoru wished that man was himself. He wanted to be the man who bought her that engagement ring (that he just now realised that she was still wearing), and the one who she could open up to so easily, someone who she gave her beautiful smiles to so freely… god damn it, he wanted to be everything of hers, and yet… yet this stupid Motoki came waltzing in and had taken everything he'd wanted right under his nose.

Damn the bastard. Damn him to hell.

It was crazy, and simply not fair, and Mamoru would be damned if he was to be beaten so easily by someone as simple minded as Motoki. Mamoru could tell, hell he basically knew, that if Mamoru was with Usagi right now, he'd understand all of her needs, he would lay down the world right at her feet… he would make her his everything. He would right all the wrongs he had caused back then. Hell if Mamoru had proposed to her, it would be something that would never be forgotten, something that would be unexpected, that would sweep her off her feet, and something that meant everything to her.

"I'm sor-"

"Well that was a shocker" Mamoru said, cutting Usagi off. He didn't need her sympathy, not now. The only thing he wanted right now was to punch Motoki in the face and kiss Usagi senseless, but that would have to wait. "Congratulations" he said, his voice although calm, collected and showed a hint of amusement, was the complete opposite of his actual feelings.
Deep down he felt the insides of his being burn in fury, he was angry, and if he wasn't careful, he'd lash out at Motoki like a crazed lunatic.

Looking at him, Usagi couldn't help but feel guilty. If she hadn't known him long enough, she wouldn't have caught the darkening of his eyes, and the way his posture although looked normal, was stiff around the shoulders. She could tell it was awkward just sitting there, watching as the two people, one of whom he hated with a passion, commute silently to one another, bouts of unspoken words were being flashed between the two, but Usagi needed time with Mamoru to explain herself, even when she wasn't so sure why she had to.

There was history between them, and although try as she might, the fact that she had known him for half of her life did mean something to her, and she couldn't throw that away, even if he were the one to hurt her to begin with. The feelings she had for him, although now were more flaccid than a burning hunger of love, still were considered feelings of love, just… in a different 'I hate you right now, but we're still friends' sort of way.

Left alone to enjoy what dinner they had left, Usagi could tell Mamoru wanted to finish it was painlessly as possible. It was the twitch in his right hand, and the way it couldn't stop tapping at the table as if wielding it to quicken the time. She could also read it in his eyes, even if it was came as quick as it went; she saw the pain in them. And knowing him, he'd do anything to cover it up with grace and humour. He was always like that. That was Mamoru… and once upon a time that was her Mamoru…

Sighing, she bought a hand up to massage her left temple, the engagement ring glistening under the light, mocking Mamoru with the fact that the woman sitting before him, in his reach, but she could never be his. All because of that stupid ring. He watched, watched as she picked up her necklace and began to twiddle with it. It was something Mamoru always did when she was in deep thought and she was aware of it. He never used to hate it, because she always used to pull the cutest face. But at this moment, it was nothing but a serious nature, just a simple playing of the necklace, and Mamoru hated it.

He felt so… lost and somewhat cheated. The image of his happily ever after was shattering before his very eyes. They were gone before he was even able to grasp it and imprint it in his mind. This wasn't what he'd pictured, and it was killing him because at this moment it looked like there was nothing he could do. His thoughts were snapped as he heard the echoing of champagne glasses clinking with one another. It was as if suddenly his ears popped and everything was crashing around him. Laughter sang endlessly as everyone enjoyed each other's company.

Well, almost everyone.

They sat there together, across from one another; there could not have been any more tension. He was a man of strength who exuded nothing but masculinity and power, while she was dainty and delicate but exuded independence and courage. Though their personalities and aura was similar to one another, the image they conveyed couldn't be more contradictory. They looked like they belonged from different ends of a spectrum. They created the perfect replica of ying and yang, and it was because of this that they were able to balance each other out. Years of history together couldn't break the bond that they once shared. Not even Motoki could break such a bond.

And Mamoru knew that. He knew it so well, yet…

He was normally so strong, yet tonight he felt nothing but weakness, his broken heart seemed to have nothing left, and the empty crevasse that filled his soul was killing him. He could feel her stare burn into his being, yet he could not lift his eyes to meet her crystal blues, for he was shamed, shamed to show just how weak he really was.

So instead he stared, stared at the single red rose that stood so diligently upon the centre of the table. Some of its petals fell onto the white cloth, staining the serene image, like blood being spilt upon snow. Mamoru kept his eyes on the rose, wanting with all his might to place the petals that have fallen, back onto its body, wondering why something so beautiful, so harmless, could die so effortlessly… an ephemeral entity…

Just like love…

"I'm sorry…" she whispered, "for not telling you sooner" the softy spoken words sounding oddly loud to his ears. Shaking his head he gave her a tired smile. Not really looking her in the eyes, yet not looking away from her either.

She stared at him, willing him to look, but like every other time that they had an argument in the past, he would smile, look past her, and say "don't be sorry for something that wasn't your fault", but this time he wouldn't kiss the tears that fell from her eyes…

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The clock on the wall chimed its eerie melody, signalling the arrival of midnight. Mamoru sat at the edge of his bed, his clear azure eyes no longer shone with mirth and hid underneath the thick bangs of his hair. He slouched, his back hunched, defeated. His large hands were clasped together on his lap, and they tightened each time a thought of a particular rabbit with an annoying cocky hunter entered his mind, yet relaxed and shook with such emotion each time he saw those tears that glistened down her face…

When he had arrived home Rei had expected to see a cheery man with a grin upon his face like he had when introductions were passed between her and his date. However the man that came home looked so torn between hate and pain that it almost broke her heart. Never before had she seen her brother like this, even if she'd only been with him for a short period of time, and it was disorienting altogether.

It had been hours since he'd arrived home, and as soon as he had, he'd walked pasted Rei and straight to his bed, the door closing softy behind him, making Rei wished that he'd slam it instead, at least then she would have an excuse to see what was wrong. But she knew he just needed time to clear his mind…

And did he try, boy he tried, but the evening just replayed over and over in his mind, like a broken record that didn't know the meaning of stop, it wouldn't go no matter how hard he concentrated on something else. It was… less than pleasant to say the least, and the tension was so thick in the car that he wasn't so sure how'd he managed to breathe throughout the entire ride home. The information that was processed tonight just seemed too much. Hell the entire week just seemed like too much.

He hadn't expected to see her, yet he had. He hadn't expected to be remembered by her, yet she had… he hadn't expected for her to be any more beautiful, yet she was… he hadn't expected to fall so hard for her, yet he did… he did however had expected her to move on… yet it still was such a shock… such a massive shock into his system that it was hard to believe… he didn't want to believe, but the feeling… the feeling of when those words were heard by him… it was still so clear, so evident…

He loved her, god he loved her so much… yet tonight, tonight showed him just how one sided his affection was. She didn't love him, not in the way he wanted at least. Hell he wasn't even sure that she loved him in a friendly way… why couldn't she see that she literally held his world in her dainty hands? Why couldn't she see how much she meant to him? Why did she have to be so oblivious to his pain? Was he so sheltered with his emotions that even her eyes couldn't penetrate through them? She could read him so easily before… what changed?

Did he?

Or did she?

"What we had Mamoru… it was a long time ago… I've moved on… you should too…"

But he hadn't moved on… at least not as far as she had. Sure he had his share of fun, but now he wanted nothing more than to settle down and be with her for the rest of his life. It had taken him a long time, but he was finally ready to completely give himself to her… What could he do? She was gone, taken away before he had the chance to hold onto her for the last time. There wasn't any other way for him to have her now; she was already taken, blacklisted from all the single males in the world.

What would you do? If the one you loved was no longer yours? Would you let them be? Let them live their life hoping and wishing that it was yours as well? Or would you fight? Fight for another chance to have your happily ever after with them? What did Mamoru choose?

He chose to fight of course.

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Fin.

Yes… I know my bio did say I would update at the end of September… but… this is close to that date! I had to make sure the story was at its very best, this chapter had be going insane with its crappy-ness, however I have a beta, my friend PattyPat, who I love to bits, and am grateful that he had the chance to salvage the shit work that I have created.

Hope you can all forgive me for the lack of interesting aspects to this chapter, and I will try to update as much as possible (but knowing me that wont really happy – give me reviews though and that might change! xD) yes I'm bribing for reviews, so sue me.