DISCLAIMER: What? You mean someone actually READS this part?

Dan Phantom Care Guide-

So, you're now the proud (or maybe not-so-proud) owner of your very own Dan Phantom. As a first-time owner of a psychotic evil ghost from an alternate future, this guide will help you learn how to take care of your own personal Dan.

The Basics-

Name: Dan Phantom

Alias: Dark Danny, Evil Danny, Insane Danny, Dan Plasmius, Alternate-Future Danny, Jerk, "Him", Phantom, Big McLargeHuge, Blast Hardcheese, Bold Bigflank, Flint Ironchest, Thick McRunfast, Chunk Slamchest, Slam Lamhop, Buff Flankchest, Rip Steakface, Bob Johnson...oh, wait...(Little MST3K reference there.)

Age: 24.

Height: Um, tall.

Weight: YOU try asking him how much he weighs!

Where To Keep Your Dan-

Dan seems to enjoy wide open areas with plenty of room to cause havoc and mayhem. We recommend either keeping him in a large backyard or a farm setting. Keeping your Dan indoors is not suggested and will result in damage to the furniture, walls, ceiling, and everything else...

Grooming-

As an independent being, Dan is perfectly capable of grooming himself. However, and we can't stress this enough, Dan is DRY CLEAN ONLY! We are not responsible for any tantrums caused by a Dan whose fire-hair was put out by a careless owner giving him a bath using water. However, you can let Dan soak in hot lava during those pesky times of the year when he has to shed his skin. Trust us, a shedding Dan is not a pretty picture...

Interaction With Other Pets-

To put it simply, Dan does not get along well with others. He is highly territorial and will attack anything that gets too close. However, should you have the urge to give your Dan a playmate/snack, we suggest giving him a Fright Knight. A Fright Knight's instinctive drive to obey orders is the perfect companion for a Dan to boss around. And, for the record, your Dan likes being single. He doesn't want a mate or children of his own.

Feeding-

Fortunately, Dan's diet won't put too much of a dent in your wallet. Dan's metabolism makes it so that he can go for months without food. Just give him a large meal whenever he gets hungry, and he should be satisfied afterwards. Note: Your Dan may look fat and sleepy after eating. This is perfectly normal. Just let him rest and digest his lunch. Also, this is one of the few times when your Dan will actually let you pet him since he's too bloated and tired to attack.

Misbehavior And Discipline-

Due to his arrogant and rebellious nature, your Dan will tend to get himself into trouble. And, unfortunately, no obedience school can ever change that. Dan likes being an evil jerk. It's in his nature. However, you can punish him for his misdeeds. If your Dan misbehaves, simply either use a Fenton Peeler to temporarily strip him of his power, or get a Danny to use the Ghostly Wail against him a few times. Should neither of these work, then simply trap your Dan in a Fenton Thermos for a period of time until he calms down.

Author's Notes: Liked the first chapter? The next part will come soon. Next up...Vlad Plasmius!