I want to protect you but can't (part 1)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed or Destiny!

This is GSD if Kira died in the battle with Athrun. Cagalli is captured and tortured for fun and Coordinators are wining against the naturals.

NormalNormal

Past Past (italicized)

Thinking'thinking'

Talking"Talking"

Athrun walked through the dingy halls of the destroyed mansion. The sun shone through the battle torn roof and illuminated the dust as a thick cloud slowly moving through the air. Orb had fallen earlier that day, defeated by Zaft, it didn't matter that Orb was a neutral nation; all that mattered was that a large number of Naturals resided in the nation.

The truth of the matter was that the coordinators were winning and the naturals were getting cornered, meaning all they could do was take out as many Coordinators as they could even if it had meant taking out them in the process. This had meant many casualties on the Earth Alliances side. The alliance had been setting up Cyclops systems and luring Zaft into battle only to sacrifice the unsuspecting Naturals in order to cowardly kill Zaft soldiers. Athrun quickly remembered the situation that had occurred in Alaska and Joshua, how his Father had quickly organized and formed his unwavering following and supporters and quickly mobilized multiple strikes against the naturals of earth. Athrun had been promoted shortly after he had successfully defeated the strike and had killed one of the people most important to him. He could remember her eyes and how she pleaded with him and asked him why. They haunted him, as if Kira had the same expression on his face as he was about to die, asking him why, he asked himself that question every day.

He continued to walk through the house in which the head representative of Orb was supposed to be living but only found a few corpses of the 'help', who had been crushed under falling debris, limbs smashed and bones protruding, one young maid even had her body twisted as if she had fallen from a building. Athrun ignored the putrid stench coming from the bodies as the heat of the day slowly began to bake their already sagging flesh; after all he was searching for someone. His gear was heavy as he slowly made his way up the stairs (he's wearing the suit he was wearing in the first episode when he attacked the Heliopolis base).

When I heard that we were going to attack Orb I was shocked. Why such a peaceful nation, they hadn't done anything and have been trying to negotiate for months as Zaft came closer and closer to their territory. Golden eyes had flashed in my memory; I couldn't stand her being so sad.

Lacus was unset aswell but I still couldn't forget the girl from the island

My Father had talked with Mr. Clyne and Lacus one night when we had went out for dinner a few weeks after the death of two of my friends. I was supposed to be there for Lacus but since the incident all Lacus did was cry and not say a word to me. I have always liked Lacus'spersonality and I thought her to be a strong person but I could never Love her like I was supposed to , as much as I tried, I just couldn't so when while Lacus cried I had done what I had always done and just sat quietly like any soldier with responsibilitiesSo there I sat, quietly by my Father waiting for the Clyne's to arrive at the overly pricedrestaurant in Plants.

"Seagle, Lacus" My Father said as they arrived silently and took their seats at the table, Lacus beside her Father.

"Sir, Lacus" I said.

Lacus never looked at us as she took her seat.

"I'm sorry to request this meeting when you are so busy and all" Mr. Clyne said with a small smile.

"You did say that it was important and that the future generation was in danger."

"Yes I did say that so I'll just get to the point then, Lacus has been upset lately and I have noticed that Athrun has only visited once." Clyne said without looking at me.

"Athrun do you have anything to say as to explain why you haven'tconsoled your fiancé?" My Father asked.

"Sorry Sir" I looked at Lacus but her just stared blankly ahead.

Siegle continued, "In light of Lacus's emotions I have come to the realization that Athrun might not feel as if he loves Lacus the way he should love his finance"

He was right; I mean all I could ever muster up was a chaste kiss on her cheek, maybe a Haro every once in a while to keep her happy.

"OF ALL THE NERVE, YOU COME HEAR AND ACCUSE MY SON OF SOMETHING AS REDICULUSE AS NOT LOVEING THAT GIRL. "He yelled as he pointed at Lacus who moved her eyes just enough to look at the accuser.

My Father continued as he pointed at Lacus, "LOVE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING" he then got up and walked up the lacus. Before Mr. Clyne had enough time to react it was already too late. My Father had pulledLucus up by her hair, which by then Lacus was aware enough to yell and then Father smacked her hard before letting her drop onto the floor. By then the waiter had re-entered our private room and asked,

"Is the young lady ok?"

"Yes she just fell off her chair; we are done here, please put the wine we ordered on our tab." Fathered said as he started to walk towards the door.

I watched Lacus on the floor, sitting there with her legs under her knees.

"Cagalli" I breathed quietly under my breath as watched Lacus slowly look at me.

"What did you say" She questioned me quietly as my Father told me to follow him. I didn't know what to do so I just got up. I was going to help Lacus up but she started to move away from me as I got up from my chair.

"And by the way Siegle," my father added without turning his back, "the future generation shall flourish, especially with her daughter and my son."

"No" It just came out of my mouth a little louder than I would have liked but all the same I meant it. My Father didn't hear it but the Clynes' sure as hell did as I followed my Father, like I always do, my Father and never my own judgement.

I realize now as I make my way through the rooms of the Atha mansion that if I had done as I thought right, Kira would still be here, Lacus's heart wouldn't have been lost and I wouldn't have nightmare's of the natural girls who's golden hair isn't stained red as her eyes look pleadingly at me as she cries out in pain.

'What will I do when I find her? It's not like I could take her with me and protect her. She probably wouldn't come with me even if I could help her; I just lead the attack on her own country, killing everything and everyone she had left. I could always just kill her, all I would have to do is shoot her in the head and I would never have to think of those eyes again, never have this weird feeling in my chest whenever I think about her. If I did that then I could keep going and live my life with my Father proud of me and Lacus by my side.'

As I walked down the hall way I noticed that the 'help' had gunshot wounds and not so many had been killed due to explosions, fire, or a crumbling building.

'What happened here?'

I opened the last door, the only door that had been closed and found a green girls room.

'Her room' I remember the colour of her underclothes, 'they were green.' I suddenly got an image of the young pilot clutching by bag of supplies to her chest as she said that she would bandage by side and I had mentioned that she should put some clothes on first. Hadn't she realised that when she pressed the bag to her body that it covered her in a way that it looks as if she didn't have any clothes on at all? But then again, he wasn't "looking that way." She looked so ashamed and she fell to the floor. That's when I realized that no matter what, I would never hurt her.

The room is empty. Had she stayed with her Father and the other Representatives'?

Athrun left the mansion a little bit mad and headed through the streets, pass screaming children in the corner of buildings as Zaft soldiers ripped them away from their dead relatives lying in the street. They also pulled some children away from live relatives just before shooting the older and rebellious parent in the back several times.

This was how the world was turning out, the younger, able children and young adults ages 5-20 were lead down the street to the area's where they could be held until they shipped them to plants and made servants. Yes this was the future of those few natural who survived some of their attacks or as his Father called it "preservation of their blue and pure world"

Athrun watched as some coordinators who lived in Orb, quickly explained who they were and that they just wanted to live peacefully. The Mother held her small son and her older boy clung onto her leg looking around him and silently crying. The Father was then pushed aside and called a traitor, they were then asked to follow the others back to plants where they could get there papers and resume life. The soldier laughed as the young family walked away. Athrun knew why, when those boys are old enough, the computers will automatically enlist them into the army and they will be forced to serve.

The sky darkened and the ash from the city lingered through the air.

The large war ship had been located just off the coast and had 1,500 more fighter ships and other large vessels behind it. 'Orb had no chance' Athrun thought as he boarded the Justice and flew back to the ship his Father was on. Athrun couldn't believe that his Father was going with them as they 'concurred earth' as he put it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Athrun's POW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't feel anything as I headed in the direction of the changing rooms.

'It's like I'm dead' I thought as I took off my suit and changed into the red uniform. The necklace I had been wearing was cold against my skin as I pulled it out and put it between my t-shirt under my uniform and my new white Zaft jacket.

'I just don't want you to die' she had said as she gave it to him.

I can't even cry.

I walked out of the change room and down the hall only to reach my door and then finally my bed. I just closed my eyes and fell into a nightmare ridden dream.

!!!!!!!!!!!In the nightmare and in the jail cells below the war vessel that Athrun's on'!!!!!!!

A girl about the age of 17 lie on her side on the concrete floor of her cell. Her hands were in front of her face lying on floor covered in bruises, her left wrist was sprained and the other, a bone fracture. Her night time clothes where torn and behind the material you could see the blue and purple marks. Her right ankle had also been broken and was swelling. Her now dull golden brown eyes were slightly open, one more than the other due to the bruises and marks along the right side of her face. The short golden hair was sprawled around her head and covered in the blood that was pouring out of shoulder wound. She was silently crying and trebling from the cold air and the lack of blood.

"Cagalli" Athrun whispered in his nightmare.

I hope you liked the first part! I was originally going to make this fanfic in three parts but after all is said and done, it looks like it's going to be way longer than that. I usually type over 2,000 words per part which is equal to 5-7 pages and some parts are longer. If you see any spelling mistakes or any discrepancy then please inform me. Also, don't flame me, if you do, I'll just ignore it and you will have wasted your time. However, constructive criticism is always welcomed!